doro14
| | Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 1 | |
| | what do i doPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | Help!! i've been in a relationship with a man i met from off here since november. The trouble is he still wants to go out with other female "friends". I am aware that people can have friends of the opposite sex but these "friends" are people he has met since we have been dating. He says that as long as he believes there is nothing in it other than friendship then i have nothing to worry about. We have discussed the issue and i have made my feelings quite clear to him stating that it upsets me and yes there is jealously there but yet he still goes out with these "friends". My head tells me One thing but my heart tells me differently. Any advice please would help. | |
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Posted: 3/14/2012 2:47:03 PM | Simple leave him and move on to the next guy.
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Posted: 3/14/2012 2:48:42 PM | | Have a few nights out with some "friends" from here yourself! | |
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doro14
| | Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 4 | |
| what do i do
Posted: 3/14/2012 3:40:37 PM | | thanxs might just take your advice | |
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Posted: 3/14/2012 4:16:29 PM | | He's a player, whats good for him is also good for you. | |
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Posted: 3/14/2012 4:31:04 PM |
doro14
thanxs might just take your advice
Yeah, cos trying to make someone jealous because you are jealous are the kind of games that all good relationships are based on.
I don't know this guy or his "friends", and neither does anyone else here, but either you're being paranoid and there is nothing going on, or he *is* fooling around (or at least window shopping) and being incredibly brazen about it. I don't know which it is, but if you're the type of person who doesn't want her partner to have female friends (I bet you have male friends though), but he wants to have female friends...then there isn't much future in it, is there? Not unless either you change, or he agrees to give up his friends.
Why not ask to go along just one time to see the lay of the land? | |
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Posted: 3/14/2012 4:44:20 PM | @msg 7
Gotta agree with you on your opening salvo.
It just seems a bit stupid, to try to make someone jealous just because you feel jealous.
@OP
Considering that he has told you he's meeting other women (albeit as friends apparently) then you need to choose whether you're going to put up with it or not.
If you've told him how you feel and he doesn't want to change, then the ball is in your court and it's up to you to make a choice.
Ultimately it's a matter of trust. If you don't trust him - and you don't seem to - then why are you with him? However if you do trust him, then there's not a problem. | |
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Posted: 3/14/2012 6:21:12 PM | I don't know this guy or his "friends", and neither does anyone else here, but either you're being paranoid
This is pretty much I thought when I read the replies, why is it everyone on here is so eager to just dump anyone without any information at all?
OP, why don't you just go with him? if he won't let you meet them it is very dodgy, I have a feeling your just worrying about being hurt, one thing I did notice, says your still looking for dates on your profile but you have been seeing this guy for months. Just some food for thought. | |
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Posted: 3/14/2012 6:33:46 PM | The easiest way to answer your question is for you to play devils advocate and switch roles.
deep down you know the answer, but once jealousy and mis trust take hold its a nightmare that never ends.
He has no reason to keep you seperate from them so yup tag along, his reaction will tell you everything you need to know. | |
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Posted: 3/14/2012 6:54:17 PM | He tells you straight up he's going out with some girl hes just met? Not in a group but just him and different new girls? Something missing here.. And you're still here.
doro14 isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment/ Dating.
Sounds exactly like what you asked for. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2012 12:06:48 AM | | Have you actually sat down and talked to him about it? Maybe he could reassure you that they really are just friends. Ive been in this situation before and I let my imagination run riot to the point where it isnt healthy! In the end I just asked him outright and he had no idea I was so upset. He just got on better with women than men and to keep me happy he cut down the amount of times he saw them to be with me. When I look back it was my problem more than his but the women concerned really were just friends. I know it might not be the same in your case but you need to know. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2012 12:17:08 AM | | You are trying to make him over to suit yourself,not a good sign .He will be gone soon .You met him and like him as he was .It's not like he is doing drugs,he goes out with friends,what is so wrong with that? | |
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Posted: 3/15/2012 12:26:37 AM | Look personally if I were you with my brain between your ears I'd f**k him off immediately, do not pass go, do not collect £200...just f**k off. Now this lame ass thinks so much of you that he does things which upsets you KNOWINGLY and expects you to just cope with it.
Even if there were nothing going on (as for the no smoke without fire...here I think the buildings burnt down and the firemen have long since left) It's only a matter of time.
So you have to ask yourself, am I the imbecile who sits at home while he sods off to get a different sh4g and if he fails comes home to me and paws my boobs while thinking of the woman he went out with that night....
Or am I worth more than that.
The answer lies only with you.
Bob. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2012 2:27:28 AM | ^^^^^^^^^
couldnt have put that better meself tonto!!
Sweetheart if your not happy then move on theres plenty will treat you better.......... | |
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Posted: 3/15/2012 2:38:10 AM | It's pretty clear that your boyfriend is getting a little bored and needs the company of other women to brighten his day. You should ask him to bring his friends home with him so that you together can reignite the magic by having a threesome. Better still, if you want to keep it in the family and you have a sister, suggest she helps you refresh your boyfriends amore. Either way discuss this with him tonight after cooking him a nice dinner and giving him a bj!
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Posted: 3/15/2012 2:45:59 AM | Its not the crime of the century to have friends of the opposite sex. You've been seeing him 3 months and according to your profile you are still looking for dates.
The person you need to discuss this with is him and if it bothers you that much and he won't stop it you have 2 choices. Put up or shut up. Leave. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2012 4:51:16 AM | I think, if these were already established female friends, it wouldn't be a problem, but as you say these are women he's met since you've been dating, I'd smell a bit of a rat too.
Does sound a bit like he's keeping his options open, but he may well just get on better with women and need more friends.
Either way, if you're not happy and if you're feeling uncomfortable and paranoid after 3 months, I'd suggest you move on and find someone who doesn't make you feel like that. Oh, and maybe when you meet someone else, you can stop looking yourself too. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2012 5:07:37 AM | Its not the crime of the century to have friends of the opposite sex. You've been seeing him 3 months and according to your profile you are still looking for dates.
According to a forum of single people it is, makes you wonder  I think rather than running at the first sign of trouble should actually talk things through, you can usually tell if someone is lying. I thinks something a lot of people forget is not everyone is using this site for dating, some do use it to make new friends. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2012 5:18:01 AM | | if hes been honest enough to tell you about these other women he should be honest enough to tell you if you are wasting your time with him ,or if he sees you and him as long term or are you just a "friend " as well | |
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Posted: 3/15/2012 5:19:44 AM | | Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm a curious one. I suppose on the one hand, you could ask that, if this guy is a player etc etc, sticks it in if it stands still long enough, why would he tell the OP about meeting these other girls? Personally I would talk to him about it if you like him and you think the relationship seems to be going somewhere. For me, I have many male friends and my OH has absolutely no problem with me going out with any of them not do I have a problem with him seeing his female friends socially - but then we have talked about it, talked about our relationship etc and he trusts me completely as do I him. It is perfectly possible to be in a relationship with someone and still have friends of the opposite sex................it's just that because you haven't discussed this with him, you are assuming that it must be the oold horizontal hokey cokey going on........... | |
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Posted: 3/15/2012 5:27:36 AM | what a crock of shit, i cant beleive you actually buy that crap, ok nice guy aaron....
you know what, the best test is to say well if they are just freinds then he wont mind you coming along too will he, i think you will find your answer, be strong and kick that dirty****to the kurb. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2012 7:46:36 AM | | If your not happy with the situation then end it and find someone who will make you happy. This sounds like something hes not going to give up so why put yourself through the misery if its not acceptable to you. I'd cut him loose and find someone more compatible. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2012 7:57:16 AM | | I’m just glad you came here to get advice, as sense is not at all common, you can rely of people here to give you at least twenty to thirty different ideas as to what you should do, and given that you came here to be told that the situation appears to be as clear as the nose on your face I suggest you try the advice given to you by everyone here, except me..I for one am grateful women like you exist, in fact we need many more of your kind, especially on dating sites, you show exemplary judgement in offering this lothario the benefit of every doubt, I have no doubt whatsoever you will get the reward your trust is due. | |
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doro14
| | Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 24 | |
| what do i do
Posted: 3/15/2012 10:28:21 AM | | Thank you all who have given comments and advice much appreciated | |
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Posted: 3/15/2012 10:47:17 AM | | Does not sound much like a relationship, more of a , 'you sit at home whilst he he keeps his options open' deal.. | |
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