| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 7/25/2005 9:26:28 PM | We had a freak storm here several days ago...one minute it was 100 degrees outside, the next, a sudden lightning/thunderstorm. Two of my son's good friends were struck by lightning while playing in their backyard. (all the boys are 13)
Both were in full cardiac arrest by the time the ambulance came, one of them went straight into a coma and has been in a coma for days. The other boy has been unconscious consistently, but he has responded to some stimuli.
My son wants to visit his friends and I'm planning on taking him to the hospital tomorrow. I don't think he can conceive how serious their conditions are. I wanted to wait awhile, but they are my son's buddies, and if God forbid, they die, shouldn't I allow him to see them and talk to them one last time?
How can I prepare him?? | |
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 7/25/2005 9:39:53 PM | Oh my goodness, that's horrible... my heart goes out to all of you... When I was 14, one of my best friends was hit by a car and went into a coma. I begged my parents to let me go see him and they told me they didn't think I would want to see him like that. Well, he died a few days later without me getting to see him. I was really mad at them because I never got to say good be. He was riding his bike to baseball practice one night and I expected to see him there and then I never got to see him again. The next time I saw him was at the funeral.
I don't know your boys, but having been there, I sure felt that I was old enough to understand and to handle things.
There's no easy answer on this, I really do wish you the best in this tough situation. | |
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 7/25/2005 9:50:14 PM | Sparklepants, I'm sorry, I hope all turns out well....
I recently lost my stepson in January, he was riding his 4 wheeler at his mother's house when he was hit by a Mack truck.....he was in a coma for about 3 hrs and then was prounounced brain dead. During this time I had the chance to take my children up to see thier half brother my kids were 5 and 4 at the time. I didn't do it, I went and saw him and it was a horrifying sight. I found it really hard to explain to them that there brother wasn't coming over anymore and that he was dead.
I honestly would ask your son if he wants to go see them and tell him what he is in for (machines, wires, tubes and so forth) make it his decision. If he is still for going to visit them, explain to him as well as you can that there is a possiblity they won't make it......
If he still doesn't understand, maybe have the doctor explain it. JMO
blessed be! | |
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 7/26/2005 6:14:09 AM | Sparkle, is your son 13 as well? (You didn't indicate his age).
In my opinion, I would call a bereavement specialist (your local mental health authority can recommend one) and even talk to him/her over the phone. Ask the question you just asked here, and find out the best way to approach your son about it. They'll be able to give you some excellent advice, or refer you to someone who can........
I am so sorry to hear of your predicament, my heart and thoughts go out to all of you.....
CH | |
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 7/26/2005 6:40:01 AM | sparklepants... i have to agree with secondbestdad... i would allow your son to see his friends as soon as possible. your son is old enough to understand the basic concept of what's happend. i would only prepare him for what he is going to see when he gets to the hospital and ask him if he has any questions before and after the visit. all you can do is your best to answer your son. what you may want to do is have the boys parents sit down with your son before he goes in to see them and have them explain exactly what to expect.
i pray that both boys recover quickly and that you all have the strength to endure this pain. your son will appreciate being able to see his good friends... this will be a life changing experience for your son in the long run. wishing you all the best... please update us  | |
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 7/26/2005 6:40:24 AM | | You have been given excellent advice already...I just wanted to offer my support and send some love your way. This is not easy for all involved..I am so sorry. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. | |
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 7/26/2005 11:06:53 AM | No one can be truly prepared, but from the other side of the fence, my son at 15 had a cardiac arrest, CPR for 45 minutes, Electro shocked 7 times....and into a coma.
He survived, but with brain damage, due to lack of oxygen..unfortunately he was deserted by all his friends, so as well as having to learn everything over again, he now has self esteem issues due to the fly by night friendships.
Take your son's and encourage them to be upbeat, in the rooms and supportive when they come out of the coma's | |
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 7/26/2005 12:25:00 PM | Thank you to all of you for the great advice!
I talked to my son and explained what a "coma" is, and even though "Jimmy" won't be responding to him, he should hold his hand and talk to "Jimmy". (not their real names) The other boy, "Kevin", has improved overnight...he is conscious and is answering questions by blinking his eyes. He seems to know who's there and what's going on and things are looking optimistic for him. (I spoke to another parent who brought their child to visit the boys).
When I asked my son when he'd like to go visit today, he said he didn't want to go by himself (meaning just the two of us), but wanted to bring a friend along. Maybe he feels braver that way, I don't know.
We haven't discussed anything beyond what to expect at the hospital and what their conditions mean. I hinted that when Jimmy is out of his coma, he might be different than he was before. I didn't want to go into too much detail right now, I just want to get him through the hospital visit first.
He says he has no questions and doesn't have any fears, so we left it at that.
Thanks again, truly, for all of your support and advice!
-sparkle | |
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 7/26/2005 12:31:41 PM | seriouslyfunnylady,
What a terrible thing to endure! I hadn't even thought about the possibility of friends deserting one of these boys. I can't even seem to think past their immediate conditions.
I'm sorry your son experienced that.
Big hugs to you...
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 7/26/2005 3:27:55 PM | Sparklepants,
Sounds like you handled it very well. I know when my boys were that age, they wouldn't admit to being afraid or uncomfortable (that man/boy thing).
Found a lot of times I would try and figure out what might be bothering them. Then might make a statement saying how if affected me.
Of course this will work best after you visit the hospital.
Taking a friend is a good idea, also plan on taking something for the boys in the hospital, like a favorite Singing artist, or maybe a movie. A lot of the hospital rooms have vcr players in them. You can call and check that out.
One woman brought one of my son's favorite CD's and a portable CD player with head phones.
Thank you for the hugs,
Experiences shared is knowledge passed on.
My prayers to the boys. | |
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 7/26/2005 3:57:07 PM | SFL,
Good ideas! Thank you for your tips. I think I figured out my son's unspoken fear...he has a "thing" about crying in front of other kids. I think by bringing a friend along, he feels he won't be as likely to cry.
I phoned the hospital to see when would be a good time for us to visit. Unfortunately, neither boy can have any visitors as of today, except close family over the age of 12. I asked the nurse when visitors would be allowed again, and she said most likely not until the weekend. I know they are both in ICU, but she wouldn't elaborate on their conditions, and also stated no flowers would be delivered to them, but if their friends wanted to write notes, or cards, their parents or a nurse would read them to the boys.
That being said, my son and his friend and I are planning a Saturday visit. I am being optimistic around my son, and I asked him today to pray for them. He said "Mom, I've been praying hard every single day."
Kids are amazing.
-sparkle | |
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 7/26/2005 6:46:55 PM | you're doing a great job sparkle... just keep reassuring your son that it's ok to cry, heck, his buddy may cry... ya never know. consider it good news not to be let in to see either of the boys at this point. when someone is in icu, typically they will say no one can visit other than family members over a certain age if there is hope for recovery. and if i remember correctly, they don't allow the flowers into the icu because it's a "sterile" environment. my memory sucks though so don't trust that...
when my son's great grandfather died, my son was maybe 4 years old... we came to visit and i'm not related at all... they let the both of us in immediately because they knew he was going to pass soon. hospitals can be pretty sympathetic in situations that they know are going to result in the passing of a loved one... so i'd definitely consider it good news that you're not allowed to visit just yet. you'll be allowed to visit soon and it's probably better to wait... it gives your son time to think about what's going on and time for him to ask any questions he might come up with and it gives the boys time to recover a bit. one being concious is incredible news!!! they will probably move the boys from icu, into a "regular" room by the weekend so they can have visitors and flowers and that's awesome news. i know i'm gonna keep on praying for all of you.
do keep us all posted... | |
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 7/26/2005 8:19:19 PM | You are doing great.
One of the things you can get your son and his friend to do, is plan a menu, and help put it together.
This is a very difficult time for the families involved, and food is often the last thing they think of.
Even if it's something like cookies, or a basket with coffee and stuff. It gives them a positive thing to do for their friends familys.
They can also get some of the other kids from school together to make up card.
I was lucky, the hospital my son was in, was very progressive, they wanted people there, said it helped to stimulate the brain to bring it back.
Anyways keep us posted, and keep up the good work with your son. | |
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 8/8/2005 1:55:37 PM | I truly appreciate all of your responses to my plea for some help. Thank you to every single one of you!!
I have been remiss in not updating the situation, and I apologize for that. We did visit the hospital that Saturday and brought along some home-made cards from the boys. The two hospitalized boys had improved so much! One was fully conscious, talking, and seemed to be in fairly good spirits..."Duuude! You got struck by lightning!" brought a smile to his face.
The other boy was out of his coma, but still in and out of consciousness that day. The parents of both boys were very optimistic and were thrilled with the progress they had made.
It wasn't scary for my son...and I was very relieved.
As of now, one boy is home and doing well. The other is still hospitalized, but is steadily improving and last I heard, there didn't seem to be any obvious brain damage.
Sorry it took so long to update you...I'm just glad they're going to make it!
-sparkle | |
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 8/8/2005 4:29:20 PM | I had heard about that in the news (I live in Tulsa too) and was sorry that they didn't get inside in time. But like you said it was a freak thing. I am glad to hear they didn't die, that could have happened really easily.
My brother was 13 when his friend broke his arm at the skatepark last year. It was really bad, with the bone sticking out. My brother wouldn't leave his side and stayed at the hospital for hours. Now his friend is ok... but I was struck by how young people tend to want to bind together in times of trouble. | |
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| Very sad...how do I prepare my son? Need some help!
Posted: 8/9/2005 6:19:15 AM | | that's incredible news sparkle... i'm so glad to hear both boys are going to be ok and i'm really glad to hear it wasn't difficult for your son to visit his friends. that visit probably meant quite a bit to those boys... i'm glad to hear all the good news! | |
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