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 arianna1028
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 1
Is it time for me to move on?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I've know this guy for 7 years yeah we started out friends with benefits butnfor the pass 3 years I find myself falling in love with him we recently went to Vegas 7 days together and now I'm more head over heels we got back it's the same with him he claims he will not be a good boyfriend because he works two job and go to school he comes off as a real sweet genuine man or he could be pulling my leg so what is it once a booty call alway a booty call r should I continue to wait help
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 2
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Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/23/2012 12:16:17 AM
Did he actually imply that you should wait? Im guessing no, so no dont wait.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 3
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/23/2012 1:12:32 AM
you reap what you sow. Friends with benefits is shallow and it never works.

You built a foundation on sinking sand and now you want it to be stable and it wont.

You will always be just FWB just like all the people he is sleeping with now. He's not going to change. YOu need to move on or share. thats what fwb gets you
 lightbrownsuga2luv
Joined: 12/1/2011
Msg: 4
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/23/2012 5:33:44 AM
Yes it will always be a booty call, you got it.
 SerendipityHappens
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 5
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/23/2012 5:39:01 AM
He's telling you he will not be a good boyfriend.. believe him. Do not wait. If you want to use him for sex then feel free to do so but don't wait for him to become your boyfriend. I'm not saying it's impossible for FWB to develop into more for some people, because I know it can happen I've witnessed it happen... but you can't count on it. If he wanted more he wouldn't be telling you why he'd make a terrible boyfriend.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 6
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Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/23/2012 6:03:35 AM

he claims he will not be a good boyfriend


Believe people when they show you/tell you who they are.

He has openly TOLD you, that he wont be trying to make you happy. And you phrasing it with the word 'claims' tells me, you are not listening and putting your own personal 'spin' on his words, when the reality is, he has TOLD you he wont be a good boyfriend to YOU. Listen to him. If you want a good boyfriend, then do what it takes to get one. (move on and find a good one)
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 7
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Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/23/2012 6:36:22 AM
7 years is a long time to waste with a man that refuses to acknowledge you as his girlfriend.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 8
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Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/23/2012 6:42:47 AM
If he was serious about committing to you... he'd make the time for you no matter what and wouldn't give poor excuses.


^That.

I can understand if he's working 2 jobs and going to school, he's certainly probably got a "busy life"... but for the most part unless the parties involved are independently wealthy trust-fund babies (in which case he wouldn't need two jobs), everyone works and has other things taking their time too. We make time for relationships because we want a relationship, even if it means squeezing time in between our schedules. He doesn't want a relationship/commitment, he wants a FWB to fill in between his schedule when he feels like it.

Rule of thumb is, most people who want a relationship won't accept being FWB's from the start. *Most* FWB's either stay that way, or one person decides they want more, and it ends because the other person never did. I'm sure in some circumstances, if *both* people have a change of heart, it works, but I'd guess its probably a very small percentage.
 Sicambri
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 9
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/23/2012 7:49:20 AM
Wait a minute, OP, I must be missing something, 7 years working 2 jobs and going to school. First, what is he working on at school his Doctorate or just taking a few class at a time? Second, most people working 2 jobs are doing so to pay the bills not go to Vegas. Something doesn't add up here to me. Sounds more and more like you are just a booty call.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 10
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Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/23/2012 8:10:57 AM
my question is....
he has the time to spend 7 days in Vegas with you, having fun, but his excuse is he has 2 jobs and goes to school..? hmmm....that tell you something?

if someone likes someone enough, they will make the effort.

the guy wants nothing but casual with you.

yes, move on.

had an FOB for 3 years. we started off dating and a pretty hot heavy relationship for a short stint. it then quickly ended but turned into an FOB right away. i was not over him, and he knew it. yet, i continued to allow myself to be the "go to" girl and the "default girlfriend". i learned a valuable lesson in that. finally got rid of him last summer.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 11
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Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/23/2012 8:36:35 AM
What do you expect will change if you received the regal title of "His Majesty's Girlfriend"? It sounds like you two are doing things together in and beyond the bedroom gymnastics and have been doing it for years. So what are you trying to change and why is the "girlfriend" label important to you? Are after strictly a ring?
Like the saying goes: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 12
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/23/2012 10:00:40 AM
he claims he will not be a good boyfriend

Yeah that's what I always say too... I'm just a low-down, no-good kinda woman.
None of you people can hold me responsible now, bwa-ha-haaaaaaa!
Oh you fell head over heels in love with me??? Alrighty. This must be your first rodeo.
You were warned.

"She bummed a cigarette, and then a light."
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 13
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:00:42 AM

he claims he will not be a good boyfriend
Believe him. After 7 years if this is all he's got for you, accept that. He does not want to be your boyfriend. If a man is in love with a woman, he will make that very clear in no uncertain terms. This guy has made it very clear he is not in love with you.

Yes, it is time to move on. Find someone who values you and wants you as much as you want him. Save yourself a lot of heartache and don't let yourself really fall in love with this guy.
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 14
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/23/2012 8:04:51 PM
I'm sorry Arianna. I echo the same sentiments of the posters here. I know it will hurt like hell but it's just best for you to move on.

He is getting all he wants from you (i.e. some companionship & sex) without committing, so why would he commit?

I'm sorry, and good luck.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 15
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/23/2012 8:51:04 PM
Arianna1028

If you are friends with benefits I suggest you were in love with him already and hoped that he would feel the same so gave him the sex he wanted. It rarely works out that way. He sees you in one way and is making work as an excuse not see you more regularly. He wont change his mind. If he was serious he would have said something already after all this time. You are a convenience to him and he may be sweet and all that but you are wasting your time. It is hard I know but you need to move on so that someone else can come into your life and you wont fall for the FWB thing again, right???.'
 Looking4Chat0000
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 16
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/24/2012 10:50:53 AM
The way I see it is like this. He would probably love to be with you but he does sound too busy for a relationship. Think about it...if he did get into one with you, hes probably afraid that you will start nagging him that he doesn't have time for you so hes just being honest and hes focused on his goals right now.

Would be nice if you respected him for that. Whats wrong with waiting if hes the ONE, too many peeps are in such a hurry. Slow down

And BTW...many FWB's and Booty calls have fallen for each other so don't listen to negative comments.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 17
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/24/2012 12:08:47 PM
You were FWB for 4 yrs. Then at age 28 you started to fall in love with him. You need to ask yourself why you did that. My guess is you heard your biological clock ticking and grew anxious that if you did not marry soon you would be too old. It's common among women your age. I dated a few. If that's the case you should probably move on. As has been pointed out so far, given the little information we have about him, this fellow is not likely to marry. Good luck.
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 18
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/24/2012 12:20:43 PM
Hopefully they are really FRIENDS if they've been in each other's lives for 7 years.

If this person truly is your friend, then you guys will work through it to the point that, despite your feelings towards him, you can still remain FRIENDS. It would probably be best to stop sleeping with him. It will still hurt like shit but you shouldn't be so quick to cut ties with a friend...providing that, of course, you are truly friends. Good luck again
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 19
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/24/2012 12:21:42 PM

he claims he will not be a good boyfriend



translation : I do not want to be YOUR boyfriend...
 Nagem0205
Joined: 3/9/2012
Msg: 20
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/24/2012 1:25:14 PM
If you even have to ask that question then they arent worth your time. You asking yourself that should be reason enough to end it.
 jamesw1965
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 21
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/24/2012 2:59:25 PM
Why should he commit to anything? He's getting laid for free. Period. He's using you. The moment you say no...he'll be gone.Watch and see.
 Looking4Chat0000
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 22
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/24/2012 3:21:00 PM
He claims to not be a good boyfriend because he can't be with everything going on in his life. I also don't know enough about this situation to judge him, only what you told us.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 23
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Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/24/2012 3:58:01 PM

Why should he commit to anything? He's getting laid for free. Period. He's using you.


What idiotic nonsense. They both agreed to be FWB's. SHE is getting laid for free too. SHE is using him as much as he's using her. They BOTH agreed to this arrangement 3 years ago and all was going well. Suddenly, she wants to change the rules they agreed to, and he's not to keen on changing something that was working fine for years-taking the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" approach. What nerve he has to be using logic.

Now the man haters in the peanut gallery are crying foul, saying she's a victim of a horrible schemer and should immediately kick him to the curb, and immediately end the friendship they had for 7 years. If anybody should be kicked to the curb, it's the OP. Things were going fine, but her hormones took over her brain cells and that's the end of that. The problem is, if she gives him an ultimatum, will that kill the friendship they had for seven years? Guys don't take ultimatums well. Most guys would rather walk than buckle under to blackmail.
 WL131
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 24
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:42:55 AM
Booty calls never turn out good. If your wanting a good relationship,change your ways. Just sayn..........
 Looking4Chat0000
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 25
Is it time for me to move on?
Posted: 3/26/2012 7:18:49 AM
Thats rather negative, sometimes booty calls and FWB's do turn into relationships...
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