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 steph-jean
Joined: 3/9/2012
Msg: 1
pain of sexPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
i am with a guy who i completly love and am very comfortable being with. however, i can not relax enough during sex to fully enjoy it (i cannot orgasm, and the penetration still hurts). i have been with him for a year, so i would have thought that i would be used to him (his size, style, movements)...but still, i find myself tensing up. He comments to relax all the time, at times he forgoes sex bc he doesnt want to cause me pain...
any help of how to train myself to relax (physically and mentally)
 artismylife2
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 2
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pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 12:44:32 PM
His bestowing you with cunnilingus and massage first could help. Try lots of foreplay and lubrication too. Anticipation is a great help to make things easier. Try going to bed a few times without having sex, but arousing each other greatly. When it comes time to finally have sex it may work a lot easier. I wish you luck and much satisfaction.
 Kentish-Man
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 3
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pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 12:44:45 PM
Um....go to the doctor?
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 4
pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 12:45:03 PM
Better topic of discussion for a medical professional, not a bunch of on-line pervs like us.
 steph-jean
Joined: 3/9/2012
Msg: 5
pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 12:47:29 PM
was just hoping someone else had this or could tell me what i am doin wrong
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 6
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pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 1:35:14 PM
SO....just how big is he that after a year you are still skeered of it?!

Inquiring minds want to know!!
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 7
pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 1:39:23 PM

Inquiring minds want to know!!


No - we don't want to know ! We want to see it. Please upload a photo so we can better assist you. It's for information purposes only but I'm more of a visual person myself.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 8
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pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 1:59:21 PM
Sounds like a glass ot two of some wine would be worth a try.... if that does not work, you need will most likely need a shrink. Try to find a good one who works with sex issues.
 steph-jean
Joined: 3/9/2012
Msg: 9
pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 2:07:10 PM
umm wow. no, not scared, just thought that i would be better used to it. he is 9'' and very thick. it is a great sensation after the initial penetration-just want to not tense up in anticipation of it
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 10
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pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 2:09:29 PM
Go talk to your OBGYN and have a thorough exam done to rule out vaginismus.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 11
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pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 2:15:27 PM
Well if it's all good after the intial penetration......then it's all in your head to tense up.
Only YOU can change that.

You've been having sex with this man for a year.....you are well lubricated...you find the sensations to be good.....so as he says "relax".
Only "trick" I can say I use when I'm with a man so blessed......is to actually push out when he is entering me. When you are pushing out (like when having a baby) your vagina relaxs and enlargens slightly.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 12
pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 2:22:13 PM
Do you get real turned on before hand? If so, are you good and wet? Even if you are, try using lube regardless. You should always been in a comfortable position for sex, as I find it hard if I'm not comfy even while aroused. Maybe you should try something totally different (like a sex swing or something, lol). Try and breathe normally taking in deep breathes.
 steph-jean
Joined: 3/9/2012
Msg: 13
pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 2:24:56 PM
thanks....the vaginismus look up was def helpful, and answered a lot of questions. i will try some of the suggestions from others here-i think i am def 'lubed' wet enough, and comfortable, but varying positions def cant hurt
 SugahPunkin
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 14
pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 2:28:57 PM
NINE freakin inches!!! Well hells bells.. no wonder it hurts... dang. Omg... I dont think Id want someone that big. gill willikers man..
owie.

Buy a smaller dildo and work it for a lil bit before he penetrates.. maybe that would help..
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 15
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pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 2:32:49 PM
if you are having sex for over a year with a 9 inch penis.....you most definately do not have vaginismus.

I have met men that I could not accomadate.....no matter how well lubricated, what position we were in and copious amounts of alcohol was involved!
The fact you can enjoy sex with him proves it is purely mental because you are able to enjoy complete penetration once you get passed the initial penetration.

Sometimes you just meet a man that stretches you to the limits......you have to trust that he will never willingly hurt you and learn to relax.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 16
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pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 3:32:23 PM
9 thick inches?
omg... lol
well why didn't you say that in your opening post?

Your gonna need a lot of lube and forplay...
I call that a high maintanence penis....
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 17
pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 3:53:32 PM
I still think we need a photo.
 cautiousluv
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 18
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pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 3:53:55 PM

NINE freakin inches!!! Well hells bells.. no wonder it hurts... dang.


Ha! That's what I was thinking. Not exactly OT but I'm wondering just exactly how common it is for a man to be that big? I can't even imagine.
 optimismfirst
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 19
pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 3:54:29 PM
not putting out enough or just a lousy lay is my guess
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 20
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pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 4:27:25 PM
Micki was right, as usual; if it gets comfortable and fun, then it's NOT vaginismus.
My recommendation is to spend a little more time on foreplay and stretching you out a bit before penetration. Use lots of lube prior to either of these techniques. One method of stretching the vagina involves inserting 2-3 fingers, and stretching down in a U type motion, back and forth. It's a technique OB's use to help stretch the vaginal opening during childbirth. I would also recommend a play technique that involves him building up, and eventually using all of his fingers inside of you...but well short of fisting. Either of these techniques will also help you relax mentally in preperation of intercourse. Sex shouldn't hurt; you just need to relax and prepare. Enjoy.
 dougiedoug8
Joined: 2/16/2011
Msg: 21
pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 5:27:42 PM
You could try anal a few times, you would then be glad to have him enter your vagina.
 Dr__Matt
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 22
pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 5:35:24 PM
This is a question for a medical doctor
 Elgalawaat
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 23
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pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 5:38:17 PM
That is strange more than one woman told me they enjoy sex and they orgasm when they feel some pain. The alternative is to have a man with tooth pick penis and you will never orgasm either and you ask him is it in yet Ha ha . I think in your case do what I taught one of my girl friends who was tense like you to go on the top and be in control that way she got over her anxiety. Also there are million things to do and have orgasm short of full penetration.
 Elgalawaat
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 24
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pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 5:43:06 PM

I still think we need a photo.


Do you want a photo of her or him be specific so you get the right photo.
 cautiousluv
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 25
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pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 5:47:34 PM

I think in your case do what I taught one of my girl friends who was tense like you to go on the top and be incontrol that way she got over her anxiety.


Hmmm...I don't know about that. Seems to me you can feel him MUCH deeper inside when your on top.....in fact again.....just thinking about being on top with a 9 incher hurts.
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