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 MzBrowneyez04
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 1
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I was just stood up this last Saturday night...we talked on the phone for a week, several times a day before he asked me out. We were to meet at resturant and then go dancing if we hit it off. ..Time 5:00...he wanted to meet earlier and on Saturday we changed it to 4:30. He is an hour away from the meeting place and I am 30 minutes. He calls at 3:45 and was stuck in traffic.... (there was an ongoing traffic problem in this area for 5 days with a bridge being moved so knew it was true if that is where he was)....we left it open to the fact we might not meet on schedule but he was to keep me posted of his progress....
OK....3 (THREE) hours later....going on 7 PM....he tries to call but I am way beyond
my patience at that point and don't answer the phone..thinking he was just copping out.
My thought is ...it only takes a minute to phone and report an update.....but 3 hours???
And we have not talked since....was I being to hard? Or was I right in my thinking of him playing me?
I am very sensitive to this as the man before him....I had been dating for a few months and he cancelled more than we actually got together and told him to take a hike...so when
this happened.....I just couldn't even think straight....HELP!
 pipedreams1111
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 2
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:06:03 PM
I don't think that you did yourself any favors by not answering the phone and assuming things. You are probably right, he probably copped out but it's better just to take the call and hear his excuse. I think I used to be a lot like you. I would get agitated easy but all that does is leave this big question mark in your mind as to what actually took place.
 DreamieDreamer
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 3
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:12:40 PM
If you don't answer his call, you have no one to blame but yourself as you didn't give him a chance. You have no real idea why it took three hours. Maybe he was in a fender bender and tied up with reporting everything. Too many variables to makes such an assumption.

I love how people think because of cell phones and texting that everything should be so instant. Sometimes people just cant call right away and if you don't give the other party the consideration of allowing them to explain, when they can, then you have nothing but assumptions.
 MzBrowneyez04
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 4
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:14:07 PM
That is kind of what I was thinking and thank you for sharing...but I figured if he could not of called before the 3 hours....then why listen to his excuse?...It was him that was so darn tooting on getting together and after we made the date he always had wanted to make it earlier in the day to have more time together....but I just couldn't with my schedule that day...so if he was so darn tooting on getting together..why did he bag out in the end?
Inquiring minds want to know...if I get enough feedback that I was the poop...I will tuck my tail and give him a call and apologize....but not sure that is what is appropriate here.
But thanks...and comment more if you feel so inclined...
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 5
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Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:15:04 PM
I guess you're going to have to make up any scenario you please to suit your own needs and sensitivities.
Sounds like you're still no thinking straight if you can't be bothered to answer the phone and let the man talk to you.
Punish him for your last mistakes!
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 6
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Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:15:08 PM
so the 7pm phone call.. did you answer it or not?

I would have answered it to at least hear what he had to say since he was on his way. Could be he was in a fender bender or had a diabetic episode....
Gather you did not answer at 7pm. Your ego got in the way and you made it about you... which may not have been the case.
 MzBrowneyez04
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 7
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:15:11 PM
So why didn't he leave a message????
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 8
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Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:17:08 PM
why should he? you think he was wanting to play games with you? he knew where you were and that you were waiting...
as I see it, your loss. Don't be surprised if he will not talk to you anymore. I sure wouldn't in that situation.
 DreamieDreamer
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 9
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:20:14 PM

but I just couldn't with my schedule that day...so if he was so darn tooting on getting together..why did he bag out in the end?


You are ONLY ASSUMING he bagged out in the end as you didn't answer his call.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 10
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Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:23:20 PM
hmm your the poop! Sorry I couldn't resist. No, you're not a poop but you are projecting a wee too much here. It's not fair to project your frustration from a previous date towards this one. This guy was on his way and he got tied up in traffic....he tried to call you...but you wouldn't answer. You haven't even met and you think he should know how you might feel about this? The situation for both of you suck. I would have heard him out AND said, in FUTURE if we run into a situation like this please call and fill me in.

By the way....if you were stewing for 3 hours...why didn't you call him and ask him what was going on?

If you weren't that interested in him this could be your way out. If you like him...hear him out...and be prepared to own up to your part of this situation.
 nycblonde728
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 11
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:24:35 PM
Just based off the info you gave, my guess he told you he was on his way when he really wasn't. Like when some people say they're 10 mins away, when they haven't left the house yet.

He was probably caught up with something else or didn't think pushing it back was a big deal. You said it was left open after determining 4:30 wasn't going to be happening at that point. That gave him an excuse to not rush whatever he was doing.

Between 4:30 and 7pm gives ya 2.5 hours. Factor in the hour it will take him to get there plus a little extra because there was really a traffic issue- gives him an hour or a little more to finish up whatever he was doing. He probably miscalculated how much he could take his time too.

That would be my guess because he did call you at 7pm. My second guess would be he standing you up because he wanted to stay where he was or had something else better to do, and was calling you to reschedule. My distant third guess would be he gets his jollys setting up a date and to see how long he could play you for.

I think your error in this was not contacting him between 4:30 and 7pm. If I was waiting for someone I would be wanting to know their progress in that time frame. Granted he told ya he would be the one to update and he should of- but I think not checking in made him further think pushing it later wouldn't be a big deal to you.

I would call him and see what he has to say. If his excuse is anyway plausible, I would try one more time. And have him come to your area, in good faith for his tardiness/blow off. Don't leave your house until he says hes almost there and can give you exact logistics on where he is at.
 darthbanker
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 12
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:25:41 PM

My thought is ...it only takes a minute to phone and report an update

IMO the problem probably stems from the same thing that drives (pun may be intended) the stereotype about men not being able to stop and ask for directions.

It's kind of like Schrodinger's cat.
If he doesn't contact you he can maintain a neutral mental state, where he's not worried about being late, getting there, he can focus on driving, on getting there, single minded determination.
As soon as he opens the box of contacting you and updating you, then he has to deal with that emotional rollercoaster of having to listen to your frustrations, having to make excuses, apologize, feel bad, feel stupid, make different decisions, mind going in different directions.

If he keeps the box closed, there is still potential for the date to be okay. If he opens the box and contacts you a different reality will be presented.
He might even be pissed off or feel helpless and not want to present that personality to you.

To him it's better to get there, and deal with the consequences, rather than create a lot of drama on the way, and then deal with more drama when he gets there.

Plus he may really hate people that drive and talk on their cell phone. Abhor. Despise. One step shy of taking pot shots at the **stards that do, on the freeway.
So he doesn't want to call while driving, focusing only on getting there, just getting there.
There might not be a place to stop. I don't know the area.
Or if he stops he sees it as going to take even more time because he believes it's just around the corner.

Also related to the saying "easier to ask forgiveness than permission."
Contacting you and calling you and updating you is constantly asking permission "should I keep going? You okay? You going to be there? Is this still on? Should I keep going?" vs. "Sorry, I'm late" and moving forward.


so when
this happened.....I just couldn't even think straight.

That was your experience.
Maybe he was flustered and stuck in traffic...couldn't think straight so didn't call you, because that was easier.
 MzBrowneyez04
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 13
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:26:09 PM
WOW...
thanks you all out there...
I am really stewing now...not stewing as in mad...or at him but at myself...
I do appreciate the comments..that is why I started the thread...and truthfully thought
there would somebody on my side..but...wow...
am I getting a wake up call...and I am taking notice.....Big Time...
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 14
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:31:46 PM
Okay , Im confused now, you set up a date to meet a guy at a certain time, but he is stuck in traffic, but called you to update you on his progress, you waited three hours which normally takes him 1 hour to get there, so now its going on 3 hours and he tries to call you and you're not taking his call and you're asking if you're being too hard?

First thing why wait three hours? I dont get it you said he called but you wouldn't take his call? well he dropped the ball by not calling sooner but you might of jumped the gun, why didn't you compromise and drive a little closer to him? kind of half way, I mean he is driving a hour and you're driving 30 minutes.

I think both parties pooched screwed this one.
 DreamieDreamer
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 15
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:32:54 PM
It isn't about taking anyone's *side* so to speak.

It is what it is and without answering his call, all anyone can do is make assumptions.
 MzBrowneyez04
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 16
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:33:06 PM
Just to clairfy.

He knew the area where he was meeting me and the all in between.
Doesn't have a problem talking on the cell phone...is a truck driver and a lot
of our phone calls were when he was on the road....and during this week of calling before the date...he called alot from home, store...errands...etc...and even in the middle of the night....if I was awake he had me call him while he was out in the truck or stopped to sleep. He didnt care if I woke him up....so he obviously didn't have any problems picking up the phone at any hour or in any situation other then an emergency.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 17
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Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:42:29 PM
my experience is if someone gets furious with someone they've never met, for whatever reason, that well is poisoned.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 18
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Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:42:56 PM
so have you heard from him since? is he being active on the site you met him on? or was he in the hospital er ??? . or do you even care?

hey .. maybe he just had a flat tire...

I'd not waited that long and called him.
 MzBrowneyez04
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 19
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:46:34 PM
back at Godfather...
It wasnt a problem to meet up where we decided...no half way exactly that would have things to do..
AND
orignially he wanted to pick me up at MY house...
not going to happen on a first date....
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 20
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:48:50 PM
forget him, this is causing you way too much anguish and frustration for some person you have never met.
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 21
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:51:04 PM
Okay Msbrowneyez, but Im curious why did you wait 3 hours? and 2) when did he call, was it after a hour, two hours, 30 minutes?

And yes that is very wise for you refusing to let him pick you up at your place, good call there.
 MzBrowneyez04
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 22
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:51:53 PM
sipboo..that is why I started this thread...
need to learn from my mistakes....if I was the poop...want to own up and correct it for next time....
Maybe it is to late with him...but sure won't make this mistake again....
I am really appreciating all the response....
 MzBrowneyez04
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 23
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:58:05 PM
Godfather...
last contact was at 3:45 and he was going to update me as to his progress towards me...
My phone rang at about 6:50.. 3 hours later...(if he was sitting in a traffic jam that whole time or most of the time...I figured he would be calling me with the promised updates)
ok..during that 3 hours...I thought about picking up and calling him but just for some reason could not do it....thinking...he was the one that promised to call....
But I am really paying attention here to everything that is being posted in my thread...
my pea brain is on over load right now and churning away...thinking...dissecting...and analyzing....
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 24
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:08:54 PM
MzBrowneyez I can relate. I also overanalyze stuff too and sometimes I wish I could turn it off...my obsessive thoughts just makes me more aggravated and frustrated!



How long ago did this happen? You said "last Saturday night" - as in 8 days ago....hmmm, I think it may be too late to salvage anything at this point, especially since neither of you has initiated contact. Ok, I think you two are equal poops but yes....be wiser about pickin' them in the future!
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 25
Cancellation dates.....no shows.....
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:14:15 PM
Well MzBrowneyez,I think you both pooched screwed it, he was stupid and someone inconsiderate and you putting up with it, look..... the bottom line is he could of called, since as you said he is used to being on the phone on the road, making calls is nothing , he was being inconsiderate.

2) if that was me, and I know I'm a man and you're a woman so I see where you're thinking is he is the man and he should take initiative to make the call as he also promised, I would have called him after 30 minutes of waiting if the answer wasn't satisfactory I would cancel or rescheduled , I think waiting 3 hours was really a waste of time or he was testing you to see how much patience you have either way he doesn't deserve a second chance.

You could have taken his call and see what his excuse was, but there is no use crying over spilled milk, whats done is done .

I advise next time if you meet someone and he is late 30 minutes max, unless he is calling you and advising you every step of the way, there is respect and consideration and careless and inconsiderate.
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