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 mountaingirl1980
Joined: 2/15/2012
Msg: 1
How to get men to message back?Page 1 of 1    
I really hate messaging men first, but have been trying to do it lately.

So, is it not okay to simply say, "Hi, I liked your profile and was wondering if you'd like to talk" or "Great profile - would love to hear back from you if you like mine as well" ?

Maybe I need to say something deeper than that? lol

Never get replies from the men I message so I'm wondering: What do y'all like to read when a woman first messages you?
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 2
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:03:32 PM
I personally like it when she makes reference to something in my profile that she likes or one of my interests we could have the same interest.

I hate the one or two emails, or wanna chat or text talk emails,I just block and delete.

When I had my original profile with pics I received a ton of emails and I kid you not I ignored 70% of them, they all said the same thing, a least with this one I get to talk to who I want to talk to, mind you most of my emails are from the forum folks ,people thinking they know who I am or trying to confirm If I was this other poster on here lol.

Always compliment them on something and see what you have in common but dont say we have this in common ask them about it, most guys like talking about their interests


 Kentish-Man
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 3
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How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:13:46 PM
First off it's not your pics as you're stunning.

Surely you get messages from guys that you will/won't reply to? Think about what makes you reply to the ones you reply to and what doesn't. Given the kind of messages you've put as examples, it's not a lot to go on to reply. If a guy sent those messages to 100 girls he would get little success himself. Lastly, if I was you I'd re-write your profile. It's fairly "negative" and makes you seem a bit jaded, a bit bent on drama which does turn guys off.

With a better profile I'm sure you'd get loads of replies as you've very attractive.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 4
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How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:14:04 PM
Same thing I say to men - and for women this should be a bit easier.

1. If he finds the pictures favorable, and
2. He likes what information is in your profile, and
3. You send a message that makes him want to respond to you

Then you'll get something back.

The best thing you can do is get a profile review so that you are presenting your self as honestly and positively as possible - with pics, text, and messages, so that the right guy won't pass you by because he mistook something.

From there all you can do is look for a yes so you can learn more, or a no so you can move on, be positive and patient, and realize that for most of us, odds are that 20% or less of the ones we are interested in won't have mutual interest, just like 20% or less of the ones who approach us won't interest us.

Best of luck!
 mountaingirl1980
Joined: 2/15/2012
Msg: 5
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:21:59 PM
Thanks Kentish. I actually re-write my profile every few days just to change it up. So maybe the next one will be to your liking. I thought this one was funny, but not everyone has the same sense of humor.

Generally I don't reply to guys (or give them a polite no thanks) because I find them unattractive. So yeah, I imagine not all men find me as "stunning" as you do. But thank you for the compliment anyway! I'm not everyone's cup of tea, I'm sure.
 _sunny_blue_skies_
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 6
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:24:48 PM
The occasional time that I've messaged a guy I've made a witty reference to either something in his profile or headline and they do message back. Finding something to laugh about (in a good way) is definitely a good ice-breaker.
I met the last guy that I dated this way. It keeps the msg light, fun and just a bit flirty.
You could also ask him about a recent activity that he's mentioned in his profile, especially if you have it in common.
Don't write too much in the initial msg, just write enough to pique his interest.

I prefer to let the guys come to me unless their profile states that they're shy& to msg them if interested. Guys are very visual and good pics tend to lure them in, lol.

Not much work involved. Good luck!
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 7
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How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:38:39 PM

How to get men to message back?

Objectively speaking, you're kind of extraordinarily beautiful. That's not really a compliment, since they don't hand out looks based on virtue. But you are.

A generic message from a beautiful woman will make many guys think it's a scam. You'll actually have to work harder on the initial message to get past initial scepticism. The messages you quoted sound like they could be cut and paste numbers that get sent out as spam. Make a reference to their profile in some way that's specific.
 _sunny_blue_skies_
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 8
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:41:36 PM
Lol, that's true what HalftimeDad posted about guys thinking a profile could be fake as I've had guys msg me asking if "I was real"? Lol. I've often thought the same of certain guys profiles and would never msg them or would respond with caution.

Cheers!
 mountaingirl1980
Joined: 2/15/2012
Msg: 9
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:41:45 PM
Well, thanks, HalftimeDad! And it definitely hadn't occurred to me that I look like a scam. LMAO! That's a unique perspective. 9 out of 10 men I message do not respond, but I get plenty of messages from others.... so who knows. You might be right! That's kind of funny.
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 10
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:48:30 PM
The truth be told, it doesn't matter how attractive you are, the reality is most folks that sends out messages for the most part receives a low amount of returns, the exception to the rule if you send out something that is humorous and they share the same sense of humour and/or something that clicks to that person and they have to send you a reply.

And when someone attractive emails you, all sorts of things goes running through your mind , is this person for real? is this a scam blah blah blah, kind of sad isn't it? its a dating site and people are cautious .

That is part and parcel of online dating, you might want to try saving them under your favorites and see if they respond to you .
 CONSIDERABLYCONSIDERATE
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 11
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:50:06 PM
Quote: "I'm not everyone's cup of tea, I'm sure"... don't be so sure of yourself ;-)

With stunningly beautiful pictures like that I'd think they were of some professional model that someone copied off the internet to bait people with to spam them.

Just like everyone here told you, write something that directly references something in the guys profile that isn't so general that a spambot could have sent it.
 6633
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 12
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:51:09 PM
/rant on I will usually respond to messages I get even if it's just to say no.

But the messages that I really dislike are the one or two word messages: "Hello" or "wassup". I mean seriously do women really think that they're doing to get a response from a 50+ guy with messages like that. /rant off

OP Looking at your photo's and reading your profile I am amazed that men aren't just hanging on your every word. You have the looks and come across as intelligent...
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 13
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How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:54:05 PM
I would suggest that most guys who don't message you back don't want to date someone with children. It's the only explanation I can come up with, it's certainly not your looks and you sound pretty down to earth.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 14
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:58:11 PM
Halftime Dad has a point. I had an attempt from a scammer. The message was generic. The woman's picture (probably some dude in Russia really) was of a gorgeous woman. She said she went to the UK for a Nursing conference then magically needed $300 for airfare since the "atm card" her "company" gave her was not working.

Many of the guys might be thinking you sound too good to be true, you are stunning. You MESSAGE them (which most women on dating sites will never message a man) so read their profiles and mention something specific. Answer THEIR questions, that is a biggie. The scammers, if you ask them a question, never answer the question.

Last, luck of the draw, some guys will just say to themselves she seems nice but not my type and move on.

Good luck!
 Radiculus12
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 15
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 6:18:49 PM
Honestly, if you're an attractive woman, you just need to reference a thing or two from the guy's profile in your message and you'll be good to go. I certainly appreciate it if a woman demonstrates she has at least read my profile.
 _Kites_
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 16
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 6:42:18 PM
I'm not sure if I'd respond to a message from you or not. It would really depend on what else I had on the table at the moment. We match well and you've been in a real LTR - over 8 yrs. I really like that you're a writer! And into arts and theater... that's something I'd like to check out more often with somebody that truly enjoys it.

You put "younger than 99" in your preferences. That's something that would create a little suspicion for me as far as addressing Halftimedad's point on scams. However, the rest of your profile seems *very* legit to me. The biggest factor for me not to respond would be that you look just like one of my ex's from a long time ago. It's not a hit on you personally, but it's definitely something that would hit the speed bumps on my cognitive highway.

If your message interpreted something about my profile as an observation and then told me something about myself that most others wouldn't pick up on, I'd be surprised and intrigued. Especially if you used some creativity with your writing skills, I'd be sold; you'd get a response. Beyond that would depend on how well we clicked.

Good Luck and try messaging guys your own height.
 RT_2
Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 17
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 6:56:01 PM
Sincerity.

Show you like something about him other than just his face or body or possible wealth.

Specifics to show you read the profile text or noticed details in the photos. The subject line was good for that before the site removed subject lines.

One way to reduce our suspicions you might be a scammer: profile text with details specific to your area. Easy to mention a local place in the first date section.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 18
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:04:33 PM
I would send a positve reply if I liked her photos and there was nothing in the profile was a clear dealbreaker. The content of the email isn't that important to me. Some reasons why you aren't getting responses.

1. Photos. Nothing with the photos. But not every man will be attracted to you.
2. Having children.
3. Height. Perhaps some men that you emailed want a shorter woman.
4. Having a list of turn offs in your profile. That can be a dealbreaker to some people.

Edit


I think having your turn-offs on your profile is a good idea ( I have them listed too), as it's an effective way to weed out guys who may do/be those things.I've actually had guys ask me what else is a turn-off as to not do it and had guys appreciate& respect how honest I'm being. Maybe some of these guys you msg would do/be some of your turn-offs & that's why they never msg'd back?? Just saying.


The OP's turn offs include being rude, arrogant, unintelligent etc among other things. People who have these traits probably won't see themselves this way. Therefore they might still email you. However some people will see a list of turn offs as being too negative or picky. Those are the people who would be more likely not to be interested in the OP.



 The Waiting Knight
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 19
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:06:52 PM
If you are doing the same thing and getting the same results, you may need to change what you are doing. ( I like the green eggs & ham portion of your essay.)

Also, it may be a blessing in disguise. At least you can single out the losers.

 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 20
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:08:04 PM
I will reply to just about any message that doesn't sound like it came from a scammer.

I don't require eloquence.


Never get replies from the men I message so I'm wondering.


What kind of guys are you messaging?
Maybe you need to expand your parameters.

 _sunny_blue_skies_
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 21
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:21:02 PM
I think having your turn-offs on your profile is a good idea ( I have them listed too), as it's an effective way to weed out guys who may do/be those things.I've actually had guys ask me what else is a turn-off as to not do it and had guys appreciate& respect how honest I'm being. Maybe some of these guys you msg would do/be some of your turn-offs & that's why they never msg'd back?? Just saying.

Cheers!
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