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 JHparkes
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 1
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Hello

A few months ago, both myself and my boyfriend enticed a stray cat in. The cat became closer to me because at the time I was off work. Since then my boyfriend has been really negative about the cat.
I must say, that before we had this cat, I was not a cat lover AT ALL. In fact, it was my boyfriend that was trying to convince me how great cats were as pets etc.

So anyway, this cat starts coming in regular and is a very affectionate cat. At first it would come to both me and my boyfriend, but as time went on my boyfriend used to shout at her or push her off the sofa if she was in the way and I now think the cat has become warey of him. She always comes to me for affection and follows me around quite a bit. If she tries to climb over him to get to me he will move his leg and knock her off the sofa or just make it difficult for her. He will also shut the window to shut her out etc. If I try and say don't be cruel, he gets really angry with me and says "it's a flaming cat not a human being."

I've got to admit I do baby her a little bit, like talk to her in a baby voice but just generally cause I love her as it's the first pet I've had in years. He gets angry when she is around. He says I should tell her to get lost and makes derogatory comments like "the cat thinks she is in a relationship with me" and sexual remarks about me having some kind of affair with the cat!! If i say "that is so sick" he then says "I'm only joking for godsake" but at the time he looks like he means it.

I am on edge every time the cat wants to sit on my knee I feel as though I am doing something wrong by letting her. If she jumps up and then comes over to me I can see him looking in distaste out of the corner of his eye. He says that I give the cat more attention than what I do him, but this is not true. Sometimes when I go to give my boyfriend a cuddle he's not really in the mood, but then if the cat comes over to get affection he says the cat gets more attention.
I am not too nice to the cat at the exclusion of my boyfriend. But I work full-time and I think the cat just wants to sit on my lap in the evenings for the company after being on its own all day.

Who's in the wrong here? I feel like as though I am some kind of freak or something for loving my pet.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 2
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 4:43:46 AM
Jesus christ, it's just a kitty cat.
But your boyfriend is jealous of the cat and that is UBER creepy. He is acting out.
Whether it's really another issue?? Doesn't even matter!
I'd have to get rid of him just based on principle.
Right after I told him to grow the fuk up.
Serious character flaw. Disturbing, actually. Seriously disturbing.



vvvvvvvvvv

my boyfriend is always making me feel so abnormal.

Another warning sign. How many were you needing?
Honestly, I'm beginning to become a lil' concerned about you, too......
How long has he been messing with your head?
You can't even see what complete ass he is. Yet it's SO obvious.
WHO IN THE HELL makes sexual comments about cats and women and is physically aggressive towards helpless pets?
Your blindness makes this a risk for you.... not to mention the poor cat.
 8855
Joined: 3/26/2012
Msg: 3
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 4:49:51 AM
I don't know, but I admit to not trusting people who don't get on with animals myself. My humble opinion: Kepp the cat, get rid of the boyfriend. Good cats are harder to find.
 tampasmiles
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 4
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 4:52:17 AM
This sounds like more of a relationship problem than a cat problem...

If it wasn't the cat issue..it will be something else..if you plan on staying in this relationship with the bf...definitely...talk to him...and get this issue out on the table...it is more than the cat...you may want to get some counseling to figure out what is really going on...from what you said...it doesn't sound like it is about the cat at all...he is just using the cat as the brunt of his frustration....
 JHparkes
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 5
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 4:52:18 AM
thanks for the replies.
The thing is, I was never really an animal lover before this little creature came in our window and she's so loving that it's hard not to feel affection for her. But I seriously feel as though I am a pervert for loving a cat as my boyfriend is always making me feel so abnormal.
 JHparkes
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 6
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 4:53:25 AM
Hey tampasmiles, thanks for your reply...

are you saying then that he may just feel fed up with me and so is using the cat as an excuse?
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 7
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 4:56:01 AM
You have had enough ISSUES with this man to make 5 made for TV dramas if its the same one terrified he will have to raise your grandkids and all that other mess.

I can't decide whos eating to many nutter butters in this relationship.

The cat is going to actually LOVE YOU.

DUMP him.

If this is a new one.
You need to fix your picker pronto or leave men alone imo.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 8
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 4:57:41 AM
Sorry but your BF is really showing some disturbing qualities due to a cat! His jealousy is completely out of perspective here and I only hope you dont ever have kids with this man. If he cant control his temper with a cat, just imagine him with a small child. The part that bothers me is the physical contact with this animal, I could not deal with anyone that had no issue with laying their hands on an animal in anger, IMO it shows a serious character flaw.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 9
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:01:27 AM
Believe it or not but some guys can become jealous of pets receiving attention.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 10
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:06:34 AM

I don't know, but I admit to not trusting people who don't get on with animals myself.




I don't quite agree with not trusting people who don't get on with animals. Sometimes people just don't. But I would never trust someone who was cruel or hateful to animals.

I have no tolerance for that. I'd be keeping the cat and kicking the man out.
 callwilliam
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 11
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:07:47 AM
There are a lot of things that can ruin relationships. Cats just happen to be one of them.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 12
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:09:00 AM
Jeez. How insecure is this man ? It's a very controlling and manipulative manner in which he tries to come between you and a cat who he feels is taking away some of the attention. Thank goodness there isn't a child in the house ! Personally I view thiss level of insecurity is a far bigger concern then the poor cat.

Think about that.
 callwilliam
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 13
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:18:53 AM

I must say, that before we had this cat, I was not a cat lover AT ALL.


Let me ask you a question. How was your relationship with your bf before the cat came into your lives?
 JHparkes
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 14
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:23:39 AM

Let me ask you a question. How was your relationship with your bf before the cat came into your lives?


He has always been controlling and plays a lot of mind games with me. Always insecure too and thinks that I am seeing someone else or being sneeky.
 IronBelle
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 15
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:28:32 AM
^ If he is treating you this way anyway why the hell be with someone like that? The Cat is not the problem, the guy from what I see was a problem before the cat. Staying with people who you know are tragic is not very smart. I know from your past you thrive on drama, so I will not really say one way or another what to do. And no, I am not being mean. I know your history of these * great guys * from on here.

And the guy will end up hurting that Cat. He is a loose cannon.

In this case, I feel bad for the Cat.
 callwilliam
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 16
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:30:05 AM

I am on edge every time the cat wants to sit on my knee I feel as though I am doing something wrong by letting her.


Well, it sounds like he has insecurity issues. Leaving the front door unlocked at night would only serve to feed those issues.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 17
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:30:24 AM

He has always been controlling and plays a lot of mind games with me. Always insecure too and thinks that I am seeing someone else or being sneeky.


Okay. So you are living with a man just a short while into your relationship (based on a previous poster's comment). He is controlling. He plays mind games. He is insecure. He doesn't trust you. He shows cruelty towards something which is no threat purely because you are fond of it.

And you remain with him for what reason ?

You need a serious upgrade because right now, you are accepting a bum deal.
 PutYouOnBlast
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 18
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:35:57 AM
Well, if he was saying how great it was to have a cat in the beginning and now he is pissed at you because there is one in the home, it is because he never figured you pick up a cat from the friggin' street. Animals like that need to be taken to the vet. You don't know what illness it has, if it has been 'fixed', or anything else for that matter.

While they may look okay, they may not be okay. You want to be a better owner? Take the cat to the vet and don't expect your boyfriend to pay for it.




He has always been controlling and plays a lot of mind games with me. Always insecure too and thinks that I am seeing someone else or being sneeky.

Why, for the love of St. Jude, are you with this man??? The problem is NOT the cat, it is you. Now that you have a companion (the cat), get rid of the bf. Anyone who stays with a problem bf cannot really complain much if they stay.



I know I sound pathetic, but I really am quite insecure and of low self-worth at the moment

I have been with this guy for two years. we have split up three times. Each time I have gone back because I have felt so empty and lonely and worthless. I sometimes convinced myself that some of the problems are mine and that is the reason he is this way with me..

***EDIT***
This is a major face palm moment.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 19
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:36:05 AM
OP,

You've got some red flags of jealousy and dominance here..see them?

BF needs to backoff. I visualize him hurting the cat in a fit of rage, should his temper explode, and the cats present.

You need to discuss this with him, but IMO..you need a new boyfriend.
 JHparkes
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 20
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:37:36 AM

Okay. So you are living with a man just a short while into your relationship (based on a previous poster's comment). He is controlling. He plays mind games. He is insecure. He doesn't trust you. He shows cruelty towards something which is no threat purely because you are fond of it.

And you remain with him for what reason ?

You need a serious upgrade because right now, you are accepting a bum deal.


I know I sound pathetic, but I really am quite insecure and of low self-worth at the moment.

I have been with this guy for two years. we have split up three times. Each time I have gone back because I have felt so empty and lonely and worthless. I sometimes convinced myself that some of the problems are mine and that is the reason he is this way with me.

He has come back to me after a 3-week break and he is saying he wants to take things slow, sleep at his mum and dad's house some nights (he doesn't have his own place but I do) and has also still got "single" on his facebook profile and hasn't added me as a friend. When I mention this to him, he turns it back on me and says that it's just facebook and nothing to get excited about but he was the one that let everyone know we were split up. I hid my relationship status.
We also used to do the shopping once a week together (even though he didn't live fully at mine) and he used to cook every night cause he said he enjoyed it, but now he has come back he won't do the shopping with me and says he's not getting back into cooking every night! I feel as though I am getting nothing from him at all and he doesn't understand this.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 21
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:52:23 AM
Holy Crap Lady

What is it going to take for you to get some dignity? This man is pretty much spitting in your face and you just stand there asking for him to do it again...

You know that this isnt about the cat, you know that he has major issues, yet you still come in here and play the martyr all the while knowing that you will lick this guys boots to keep him around. Stop wasting peoples time, YOU are the problem here not him, is this cat gets hurt because this ass wipe is playing mind games with you, YOU will be to blame, while he may be the one who does the abuse, YOU are the one that keeps setting up the potential for it to happen, all while you are trying to play the victim here.

Frankly you piss me off, with your whining and complaining when you know that the only reason he is still in your life is because you cant find the guts to be alone.

 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 22
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:52:25 AM
AGreed that not everyone is an animal lover but he sounds downright mean. Dump him!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 23
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:00:20 AM
This is just the tip of the iceberg!

An adult human who gets jealous when another living being needs help and attention, has serious issues. He WILL hurt you or the cat, and maybe seriously.

You have been shown who this man is-uncompassionate and unfeeling...controlling and manipulative. What else do you need to drop on your head to realise you are living with an evil person??

I dont accept you having low self esteem as an excuse. That little animal is counting on you to protect it, and you need to feel safe yourself in order to do that, so DO SOMETHING before it is too late. Tell your parents what he is doing, and if you dont feel strong enough to eject him, ask them to be there when you do. Lots of people will help you if they know he is acting this way towards an animal, as it is a common sign of being a sociopath.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 24
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:03:21 AM
Your boyfriend's a real JACK-HOLE, isn't he?

I'm not a cat lover either but I'm not a douche bag about it like your boyfriend.

Take a good look at the a*sshole you're with - if he acts like this toward a defenseless creature, then that's a huge RED FLAG as to his lack of compassion for other living things.

And lastly, reach down DEEP and pull your dignity back up to the surface. You've been with this loser for far too long - sounds as though you had to scrape the very bottom of the barrel in order to find this jerk.
 CulturedBlackMan
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 25
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:22:05 AM
Perhaps a reflection of how I feel about cats and cat lovers, but the cat changed the dynamic in your home. Perhaps the boyfriend is all the things other posters have mentioned, I certainly dont know.

Does boyfriend get a say in what enters his home? Is whats important to him even a point of discussion? He lives there too.
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