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 NYC-Girl
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 1
Is he interested or just playing around?Page 1 of 1    
I wanted to get some feedback about a situation I've been dealing with at work"

A male co-worker of mine has been hitting me up for a while now. He initiated emailing me to ask questions about things I don't deal with. I had referred him to the appropriate contacts in the department. I paid him no heed and ignored him for the longest time. It took me a LONG time to even notice him and notice the fact that he's flirting with me via emails. When I FINALLY noticed him after months of effort, we started talking more often via email. Then, he gave me his number. We started talking via texting.

He initiated contact via email about a year ago. A few months later, we talked on text for a while that was months ago. He appears and disappears. I only allow him to initiate contact whether it's via email or text. He only texts weekdays between nine to five but has texted as late as 7 pm on a weeknight.

In addition, he comes around my area to hangs out all the time and talk to other people or will make silly excuses to pass by to get a glimpse. He sends compliments my way all the time. It's been this long, yet he hasn't asked me out on a date. He's definitely not single, or serious if he doesn't contact me on weekends or hasn't asked me out on a date after all this time.

I'm just confused by his behavior as the way he looks at me, passes compliments, and hangs around to get a glimpse hints his interest yet a lack of intest at the same time? What does he want?
 Twitch369
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 2
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Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:10:20 PM
....*sigh*

I see this thread time and time again and every time I do my head hurts just a little bit more. (It's the mind reading abilities, they hurt the head sometime). So let me consult my crystal ball here. Ohm.... ohm.... Yes! I feel something, the spirits are communicating with me. They are confused though. They are saying that they could easily answer this question, but are asking me why you are bothering to go this route rather than take the much easier and more efficient route of JUST ASKING HIM!

Ok, so the spirits have spoken and they are not pleased. They don't like their time being wasted apparently. I am a little confused though, you say he's not single? That's baffling to me a bit. Why are you interested in this guy if he's not single?

So a couple possibilities.
1) He's not single but is flirting with you because he's flirty
2) He's not single and is flirting with you because he wants to have sex with you
3) He's not single and he's not flirting with you (you are reading too much into this)
4) He's single and flirting with you because he's naturally flirty
5) He's single and is flirting with you because he wants to have sex with you
6) He's single and he's not flirting with you

Ask him and you will know the true answer. Sorry the spirits wouldn't just give you that answer.
Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:15:57 PM
you're interested in the guy, or you wouldn't be thinking about him and starting threads about him. so ask him out already. or sit on your passive patootie and continue to watch and wonder. your choice.

Why are you interested in this guy if he's not single?

sully, she's making an if-then statement, with the 'then' clause first.
 _sunny_blue_skies_
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 4
Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:21:47 PM
Sounds to me like you're interested in him and are reading WAY too much into everything in hopes that he likes you too. Some people just have flirtacious personalities and it does not mean that they want to have sex with you or date you, lol. He's your coworker, why can't he just be friendly without you making assumptions? Light flirting is harmless anyway and means nothing.

What kind of things does he say/email, anyway? Giving compliments means nothing, it's just a compliment. I would think that if he WAS interested he'd be more low-key about it considering that he may have a girlfriend. He's not asking you out, right?

My take is that you're reading this guy wrong.

Cheers!
 Twitch369
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 5
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Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:22:01 PM

sully, she's making an if-then statement, with the 'then' clause first.

I disagree, I think she was saying because he didn't ask her out he is either not single or not interested. (Which isn't necessarily true)
 NYC-Girl
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 6
Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:22:05 PM
Thanks for your response Amazingsully. I have too much ego to initiate contact, ask a guy out on a date, or even approach him to ask what he wants. Perhaps, because I get too much attention.

In this scenario, since he hasn't asked me out on a date or doesn't contact on weekends I'm going to assume he's not single. But then why, do I get text messages? He has even texted pictures of him at one point and asked me for the same. He has complimented me in, both, classy and non classy ways to imply he likes what he sees, he would totally do it, and that he would be interested in more yet he hasn't made a move. Men, I swear! *Sigghhh....
 NYC-Girl
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 7
Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:23:35 PM
I don't ask men out.
 NYC-Girl
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 8
Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:25:30 PM
I don't work with him ever. He's a co-worker that I NEVER interact with. He also has Seniority over me and is a lead. My work enviornment is uber conservative. This is a bit unusual given the vibe is a bit uptight and strictly professional.
 Twitch369
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 9
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Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:28:29 PM

He has complimented me in, both, classy and non classy ways to imply he likes what he sees, he would totally do it, and that he would be interested in more yet he hasn't made a move. Men, I swear!

I know, don't you hate it when someone is probably interested in you but won't make a move... OH! Wait a sec, isn't that the EXACT same thing you're doing? Women, I swear!

Too much of an ego you say? More like fear of rejection, or possibly thinking that you are better than asking someone out. It's really quite illogical. If you want something, go for it. Clearly you want this guy... so GO FOR IT! Honestly, what are you waiting for? Gonna bring out the Wayne Gretzky quote again.

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"

It's 2012. If you want to go back to a time where traditional gender roles actually matter give up your rights to vote, and equality. Give up your job (or get paid substantially less for it), and wait for your parents to trade you to some wealthy guy who will support you.

Progress, that's what has been accomplished. Part of that progress is being treated equal to men. Part of being treated equal to men is tearing down gender roles. Part of gender roles is that the man always approaches a woman. They are gone now. Welcome to the future.

NOW JUST GO ASK HIM!
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 10
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Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:30:00 PM

I don't ask men out.

why not?

I think she was saying because he didn't ask her out he is either not single or not interested.

then we DO agree, because that's the if-then statement: 'if he's not asking me out, then he's not single.' that she's speculating is implicit, regardless of her use of 'definitely.'
 NYC-Girl
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 11
Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:34:57 PM
Well, I had told him I was going out on a weekend with a bunch of friends when we first started talking. He left me his number saying, he'll be around the area too w/ his buddies so I should text him. Maybe we can link up.

Being me, I OBVIOUSLY, didn't text him that night. It would be an awkward situation to have a co-worker around my friends. So, I texted him the day after apologizing that I couldn't hit him up sooner.

He hinted another time that he was going to be in my area for something after work. My response, oh have fun!

Why doesn't he have the guts to just say, "I want to take you out!" Is he afraid, he asks me again, and I will turn him down again?
 NYC-Girl
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 12
Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:36:43 PM
Because, I have an ego issue like I mentioned before. I get way too much attention to have to approach a man, myself. I guess, they've spoiled me? I'm also more traditional in that sense where I feel the man needs to wear his pants.
 Twitch369
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 13
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Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:39:18 PM

Why doesn't he have the guts to just say, "I want to take you out!"

Couple things. HE HAS ASKED YOU OUT! He told you quite obviously that he wanted to spend time with you. You blew him off. He then decided to test the waters and throw out that he'd be in your area to see if you were interested... you blew him off again.

Why doesn't he have the guts to ask you out? Why don't you have the guts to ask him out? You turn a guy down (twice) and then expect him to ask you out again? Honestly, I think my brain has turned to mush and is leaking out of my ears right now.

If you want this guy you now have to make a move. He is never going to ask you out again. My god, some women.

EDIT:

I'm also more traditional in that sense where I feel the man needs to wear his pants

Ok, so you have no problem quitting your job, having no rights, and being traded by your parents so that they can be elevated in society?

I hate it so much when women say they are traditional. They aren't traditional. They're lazy and scared. You're not confident. Not at all. Just because you get attention doesn't make you confident. You are extremely self-conscious and you are terrified of rejection. Serious flaws. Get over them.
 _sunny_blue_skies_
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 14
Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:42:54 PM
If you're flirting with him and giving him encouragement, unless he's extremely shy or has no confidence, why wouldn't he ask you out?? Guys usually go after what they want and if they want to take you out, they will ask.
You could try hinting to him like "Hey, have you tried that new restaurant/pub (blank) out yet? I've been wanting to check it out and am wondering if it's any good." See if he bites!
If he senses that you're into him and won't reject him, then why wouldn't he??

I agree with NYC-girl that the men should do the asking initially. I'm also used to them asking and that's one tradition that should never change :-)

BTW: Asking you to hang out in a group isn't asking for a date, unless you're in in high school, lol.

Good luck!
 Twitch369
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 15
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Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:44:06 PM

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs, my successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Taken right from your profile and so contradictory to what you are actually showing us here in the forums. You are not owning anything and you are seriously overlooking your failures and mistakes, your hopes and your fears.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 16
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Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:46:03 PM

he's flirting with me via emails


Ah I see so now we know what HE'S done and now, what about YOU?


When I FINALLY noticed him after months of effort, we started talking more often via email. Then, he gave me his number. We started talking via texting


Hmmm, and you did not call to speak to him?


he hasn't asked me out on a date


Why don't you??? Let me guess, it's up to rhe guy to, right?


He's definitely not single, or serious if he doesn't contact me on weekends or hasn't asked me out on a date after all this time


HE'S not serious? What did you ever initiate with him? If you are expecting him to initiate everything, I can see where this is going.


What does he want?


Better question is “What do YOU want?”.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 17
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Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 1:05:36 PM

I get way too much attention to have to approach a man,

i feel for you, op, trapped in the prison of your irresistibility. i suggest you tap one from your horde of suitors tonight and allow him to wine and dine you and bask in your glow. then, for a few hours, there's no need to think about how gutless boy is persecuting you.
 _Kites_
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 18
Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 1:21:22 PM

yet he hasn't made a move. Men, I swear! *Sigghhh....

You're not sending him any signals that it's *okay* for him to make a move.

You don't approach men, but I have the feeling that you don't communicate well with them either. If you suspect he's finding "excuses" to come by to catch a glimpse of you, you're likely communicating to him that you're unapproachable. He's looking for your cue.

Body language is 90% of communication. Voice tone is big too.. the words are practically meaningless if the vibe doesn't match the intent. Make sense? It's not rocket surgery if you understand it. I'm sure you're very perceptive in your interactions with men, but you're a tough read for sure.

Give him a little encouragement...

Good luck!
 NYC-Girl
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 19
Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 1:41:23 PM
You are absolutely right! I get nervous around him. I do all sorts of weird things, I look away, I walk away, I don't smile. My body language is terrible around him though I might be more comfortable on text with him. It's also because it's a work related situation and I have be cautious of how I carry myself at work. Gor forbid, before I know it, the word is out and the whole office is talking about it.

I have to work on being more approachable. I give men such a hard time. I have no idea why I do this. I make it way more challenging for them just so I could assess their level of interest. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm the player.
 _Kites_
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 20
Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 1:52:43 PM

I give men such a hard time. I have no idea why I do this. I make it way more challenging for them just so I could assess their level of interest. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm the player.

You spend your time testing them to see how strong their intent is as men. The harder it is for them to break through your persona, the harder it'll be for them to touch you at your core.

Interesting Ah-Ha type moment, huh?
 NYC-Girl
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 21
Is he interested or just playing around?
Posted: 3/31/2012 2:03:19 PM
Also, can someone shed some light on "cute?"

He has slammed me with, "You are beautiful!" "You are ****en sexy!" "If you wore that to work, I would faint," "You are cute." His favorite seems to be "cute," which he refers to me as ALL the friggin' time. It makes me feel like a puppy. Sometimes, I get annoyed by it.

I get beautiful, sexy, stunning, gorgeous, hot, smoking hot all the time. I'm not used to of hearing "cute." I am unable to comprehend his intent given the 'cute.'
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