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| | Unemployed, but for how long?Page 1 of 1 | Hi everybody, nice to meet you all and stuff.
My 4 days of waiting are finally up, so now I can post 
Anyway I saw a thread a couple of days ago about a guy that said he was unemployed and that was putting a lot of people off and from what I remember the general idea was maybe he should find work before dating.
I myself am unemployed, but it was through no fault of my own, I had a heart bypass in November and my employer decided to fire me at the beginning of January because I had been off work for 6 months, and I couldn't give an exact back to work date etc.
I'm now suffering with depressions as a result of the bypass (that's something they don't warn you of before a major operation). At the moment I'm currently signed off sick because I have days where I'm either really low or my sternum hurts. So I was just wondering if most people feel that I should get out there and get a job or am I allowed to take a couple more months off to recover. | |
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| Unemployed, but for how long?
Posted: 4/2/2012 1:02:45 AM | get your arse down to citizens advice centre and get your previous
employer to a tribunal
what kind of job were you in mate?
if a dozy bint wont go on a date because your not grafting she is not worth
the time of day mate
we have massive unemployment in the uk just now dont we?
dont be forced back to work too early after your op
our country isnt like the states we have a, albiet confusing back up system
to ensure you at least get some money every week.
go on a couple of courses that suit YOU, computing or simple accounting
a wee gadgie here in edinburgh does our self employed tax returns online.
£130 he charges, cash and what he does is simple so look into that and do
your mates returns for a small fee. cash in hand of course
currently unemployed and being off with health problems is no shame mate | |
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| Unemployed, but for how long?
Posted: 4/2/2012 6:35:18 AM | If you can afford to take the time off to recover, then do so if you need too. Dating when unemployed for some people is just not good. My issue at hand with you would also be the depression. Why not just date when YOU feel better about yourself and your job situation? I am shocked no one advised you that you may have * some * depression after a major surgery. Just goes hand in hand with something like that. It will pass.
There are many different levels of unemployment and situations. If you are actively looking for work, and have the financial means to date, then go for it. However, most do not. Dating is not cheap. Sure, there are * cheaper * options out there, but that can add up if you keep meeting people .
No one can tell you to go get a job or take time to recover. It depends on how YOU feel. That is a personal issue and health wise, if you are not able to be out there working, then by all means do not be, or you might end up right back in intensive care.
I think where the unemployment and dating gets bad is...if you are homeless or living off other people and not really working OR looking for work. I know a person who has now for 3 years been not working, and she refused to take jobs she felt were below her, and is now homeless. And, to top it off, is dating men off here JUST to eat. She denies it but I know she is. No one can survive in a Mc Donald's every night. And what is worse, she logs onto POF more than she does possible job sites. These are the types who really need a reality check.
I wish you well, and hope you find the right job. It is bad everywhere. So, if I were you, I would at least be looking. It may take 2 months just to get an interview !!! You do not have anything to be ashamed of, as long as you are getting better and actively looking. Just do not spend what you have on dating. A lot of vultures out there. And women may take advantage of that. I would date someone who is actively looking, has his own place and can still pay his own bills. When it gets to a point where he cannot, he needs to be focusing on a job, not women. | |
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| Unemployed, but for how long?
Posted: 4/2/2012 10:28:28 AM | 6 months off for a by-pass? Seems lot an awfully long time, 6-8 weeks is far more common. My Ex had a valve replacement and was back to work full time by 6 weeks, and that is a far more invasive procedure.
Are you sure you did not lose your Bus Driver job because you lost your licence? At least that is what your profile says. | |
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| Unemployed, but for how long?
Posted: 4/2/2012 12:06:01 PM | To add to what others have mentioned in this thread...
Losing your job while on long-term sickness
Employers can dismiss someone on long-term illness as a last resort only. Before making a decision they must consider:
• if working part-time or flexible hours would help your return to work
• if there will be a full recovery or if a return to the same work is not possible
• if you could return if some assistance was given
• if alternative, lighter or less stressful work is available, with re-training if necessary
If you feel you have been unfairly dismissed due to long-term sickness you can have your case heard with an Employment Tribunal.
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/ResolvingWorkplaceDisputes/Employmenttribunals/DG_10028122
I got the above information from basic searches on the Internet... dude, get off your ass and don't use heart surgery as your crutch for being unemployed.
I was dead, had to learn to walk, talk, feed myself and all that crap and still I was back to work in just under four months. As for depression... working is cathartic. | |
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| Unemployed, but for how long?
Posted: 4/3/2012 10:11:44 PM |
I'm now suffering with depressions as a result of the bypass (that's something they don't warn you of before a major operation). At the moment I'm currently signed off sick because I have days where I'm either really low or my sternum hurts. So I was just wondering if most people feel that I should get out there and get a job or am I allowed to take a couple more months off to recover.
I highly recommend that you forget about work all together. You have enough going on that any half decent Social Security attorney can get you a monthly check in no time flat. Why work when you can spend other people's hard earned tax dollars and do your own small part in bankrupting future generations?
I was just about your age when I had my first heart attack and retired on disability. Never lifted a finger since. Been this way for quite some time and boy let me tell you. A life of solid leisure and no responsibility has much to be said for it. And broads... never held me back when I had no limits on my time to zero in on a piece of tail. I bought a guitar and started calling myself a musician. You could just as easily get yourself a sketch pad and call yourself an artist. Make some scribble and sign it for them after you get out of the shower. Just keep reminding yourself how sensitive you are when you go to the bank to cash your check. | |
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| Unemployed, but for how long?
Posted: 4/4/2012 8:45:02 AM | | I agree with the guy above, there's no reason for you to not do something to put money in your pocket. The only barrier is yourself. Self educate and sell yourself. (yourself = talents) | |
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| Unemployed, but for how long?
Posted: 4/4/2012 3:19:22 PM | OK I tried replying to this thread a few times, but for some reason it wouldn't allow me... not sure what that is all about, so just in case it happens again, I'm going to try to anwer as many of the replies as possible.
I know I can't mention names etc.... so I'll just do numbers with the replies... I apologise for the long post in advance.
2: I was a bus driver for almost 7 years, unfortunately the DVLA suspended my PCV and my employer had told me on numerous occasions that I was employed as a bus driver, if I couldn't drive buses go off sick as they couldn't/wouldn't find me work elsewhere.
Believe it or not, I want to be working, just that I haven't done the hard searching I usually do because of current circumstances. I've been long term unemployed and I found that it was always better to be working than not so if one job ended I would be working within 2 weeks at the most.
3: I know dating is not cheap, I was on another dating site (where I met my wife actually... so they do work), but I found I was the person that ended up going on coffee mornings over 200 miles away, which as much as I enjoy driving, going that distance just to meet someone that people on a site has matched me up to and I have no idea what they are like or who they are was a bit weird.
Even though I'm not working at the moment, it doesn't mean I would be mooching off of other people, for some strange reason I always felt uncomfortable if I couldn't pay my own way, and that's a thing that has been with me my whole life. If I went out on a 'date' or just to meet a new friend then I would make sure that I had the means to do so, otherwise I wouldn't. As for the depression thing, it was a circumstantial depression (being in a relationship where you done everything to support a family that in the end critisised every little thing you done, nothing you done made them happy even though you put the roof over their head, food in their bellies, clothes on their back etc... you get the picture), the depression thing was partly due to the operation, partly due to getting no support from anyone including the ones you had supported througout the relationship.... in the end I was made to feel so worthless, so useless that I had been contemplating suicide to the point where I had been in the garage on several occasions with a rope round my neck, but for some reason felt I was better than that. Eventually I was asked to move out (although my wife thought I wouldn't... she thought I would fight to stay with the family no matter how I was treated), now that I'm living in my own flat my mood has picked up, I don't have the constant nagging, moaning, whinging or complaining of the family (* I will post a text I was sent at the end of this post).
4: 6 months off for a bypass is a long time I agree, the DVLA suspended my working license because I failed an exercise test, I tried fighting it (tried going to the doctor and explaining the policy my employer had in place, explaining to the DVLA, hospital doctors, consultants, specialists etc, at the end of the day they didn't want to take the chance of me driving buses when I was on about 20 pills just to keep my heart going (and not a good job at that), and still suffering what they classed as unstable angina), at this point I have technically been unemployed properly for about 10 days (which if you read through the posts then hopefully it will make sense, if not then the quick version is like this, almost 6 months ago I had op, about 4 months ago I lost job, 3 months ago I lost license, last month was told I'm a.... bad person *shrugs*, almost 2 weeks ago I moved out, I didn't want to support a family that wouldn't support me etc), maybe I'll post the full story at some point to get laughed at.
As for the operation, I'm young... I recover quicker than most, I was treated like crap in the hospital I had to fight my way out... literally... the treatment I was getting while in hospital caused more problems than it sorted.... think of being in constant pain, every time you move you feel your ribs move (it's one of these things, unless you've been there you would never understand), everyone else in the ward was getting morphine and similar pain killers... 2 days after the operation I was getting paracetamol, I almost ran to the toilet when the cathater was removed on the second day, I was pacing the ward on the third day. I was in hospital for 8 days, for the last 4 days I couldn't eat because of the treatment I got... at one point I sat in the toilet and totally broke down.... sobbed my heart out for about 10 minutes because I couldn't even manage to eat a slice of cucumber (I had the op on the third day and from that day on I was so 'stressed' my jaws clamped shut and caused a lot of pain in my teeth, gums and jaws).
As for the license, 3 weeks after the operation I was low, I had been told I needed 6 weeks of relaxation... with the family I didn't even get 6 days... but the plus side was while I was in hospital I had an insurance policy in place which paid me a small amount of money.... since things weren't going too well with the family I decided to buy a people carrier so they had more space than being cramped in a small car.... anyway I bought a people carrier from a well known auction site... when I bought it it wasn't running... at great pains to myself I got the car running.... when I asked what the family thought the nearest I got to a compliment was 'eeew it smells in here'... later that night after a couple of drinks everything got on top of me... I decided to try to make at least one little thing in their lives better... make the car smell better. I decided to take the car to the local garage (about 1 mile away), 2am, wouldn't hurt anyone.... I haven't been stopped by the police in the 10 years I've been down south, but that night as I pulled into the petrol station the police car that had been following me flashed his lights.... all sorts of things went through my head... but I admitted I'd been drinking first off.... anyway long part short my blood results came back that I had 121 milligrams per 100ml of blood... legal limit was 80... I lost my license (that's something I have to live with for the next 11 years).
5: I was represented by a very well known union, they done everything by the book... 6 months off, policy is 2 weeks off initial interview, 8 weeks later interview and verbal warning equivalent, 8 weeks later final warning equivalent, 8 weeks later dismissal.... although they told me that all cases were treated individually... but because I couldn't tell them the exact back to work date... they fired me, as for the rest... see above (or as an example of my will, 3 weeks after the operation I took a boxer and rottweiler for a walk neither of which were very calm dogs at the best of times... I took them almost 2 miles that night, afterwards I went out for a walk... that was about 5 miles, also I had just got a car the day before (people carrier or MPV whichever is relevant), I helped push/pull it onto the trailer then had to steer it onto the driveway which was a 3 point job), 4 weeks I was trying push-ups and trying to draw my bow (keen archer).... so don't give me the 'not trying' speech, I was told several times by the doctor I was doing too much.
6: with all due respect.... **** off, the fact that I'm now unemployed actually makes my skin crawl, I've been long term unemployed, I've worked my way up from 17 hour days, 7 days a week for £1.70 an hour to a fairly respectable (ha ha ha) job, OK an essential job. I've found that I can train in most professions very quickly (fully qualified valeter (car cleaner), in less than 2 hours, bus driver in 6 weeks, landscaper in 2 days), I'm very computer literate, I am a wannabe mechanic, painter & decorator, landscape gardener.... and willing to try everything kind of person... the thought of 'sittin' on my ass' fills me with dread, because I want to learn, I need to do.... stuff.
7: I would NEVER make any false claims... I am literally at a low point, everything that has happened to me in the last few months has got on top of me... I found the problem was 'my family', I'm out of that now... I'm coming along in leaps and bounds.... I've found from past experience that anyone that wants to work will work... OK I'm not going to get my ideal job, but I don't mind scraping **** for 20p an hour if it means I'm working. That's just the way I'm programmed.
Anyway that's enough of the replies, sorry if I've offended anyone. The first thing I would like to point out is that the heart problem was due to a hospital blunder... they managed to tear an artery in my heart during a routine procedure which resulted in me having 5 stents fitted, 1 of which clogged up within a year and resulted in me having the heart bypass... before all this I was more active than my wifes kids... they would regularly complain to their mum asking me to 'slow down'. Recently the only thing that I have really had a choice in was the night I got in the car with the keys.
My wife has said that I'm the best thing that ever happened to her, which there must be some truth because of the 2 relationships and one short relationship I've had.... everyone I've ever met has wondered why I was single at the time.
There are a lot of wannabe nice guys out there... and I know it's easy for me to say... but I am one of the genuine ones. I had a crap childhood, which left me scarred... I felt that I must have annoyed someone really powerful to have been treated that way, so since my childhood I've tried to put that right, but I've found that the world is full of liars, cheats and users. As I've said I've been in 2 relationships, and both times I've ended up with nothing but my clothes, and usually my computer. I try to help everyone and keep all of them happy no matter what the cost to me. The last time it almost cost me my life I still couldn't end the relationship because I felt I deserved everything I got.
Why am I on a dating site... to meet friends, people to talk to.... people to lend an ear. OK at this moment in time I'm not working, I'm scrounging off the state, I'm spending the hard earned tax money of the millions... but I don't want to... but hey I'm just mooching at the end of the day, just another member of the scum etc.
anyway, as mentioned earlier in the post here's what the mother-in-law had to say about me after 4 years of working my nuts off:
A***** you have tried to ruin Xmas + now have attempted to ruin Mothers day for Rach + the kids. The sooner you move out the better. You are one selfish, self centred, juvenile, pathetic excuse of a man. Get out of her life. Neither she nor the kids deserve this treatment. We are disgusted with you + your childish attention seeking tricks. We won't be sorry to see the back of you. You don't know what love is or how to show love, care or consideration to anyone apart from yourself. I am taking you off my FB. Consider yourself unfriended for good.
Makes me out to be quite nasty... and if you were to hear 5 different versions of 1 side of a story... then yes I am nasty because I can only give 1 version of 1 side of a story.
Andy | |
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