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Show ALL Forums  > Plentyoffish Site/Suggestions/Help  > why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?      Home login  
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 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 1
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Okay men do the majority of first time messaging. Why not make it so women are encourage to message first. Maybe not allow men to do so at all,or as frequently. If men could only reply or send,for example 3 starting messages a day,it would mean women search. Im fed up of getting very few messages and having to search all the time
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 2
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 11:42:52 AM
women do email, Ive been receiving emails so they are out there emailing.
 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 3
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 11:53:07 AM
From my and my friends experience its lucky if you get two a week. It would also stop women from being pestered
 FixedVariable
Joined: 10/17/2010
Msg: 4
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why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 12:43:09 PM
How?

Do we get a cookie for every guy we e-mail?
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 5
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 12:58:15 PM
^^^^^^

I'll take cash. Proper spelling and punctuation are extra.

OP. Even if your idea went into effect, it wouldn't make women message you .

If you're tired of it, stop.
 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 6
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 12:58:59 PM
If that's what you want,although your probably on the wrong site. Maybe a cookie is being materialistic?
 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 7
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 1:03:52 PM
Oh dear i didn't think it would get personal. Ill bare it in mind,but hopefully not all women would share your negativity. I have stopped it
 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 8
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 1:16:39 PM
Exactly but its not so much to do with forcing,but a change in direction, something new. I really thought more women would be in support of this? it would allow them to seek out the men they prefer rather than being bombarded with messages. If it meant a smaller user group,would that be so bad? I initially joined in 2009 i preferred the site back then



and cricket is dull
 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 9
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 1:21:31 PM
Im aware you said crickets :-).....wonder if the British users reply less than American ones? as the dating game in the two different countries is very different
 FixedVariable
Joined: 10/17/2010
Msg: 10
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why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 1:31:26 PM

Maybe a cookie is being materialistic?


Oye.. sarcasm went over your head I guess.

The women who want to message someone DO. I message first, but unlike a lot of men on this site, I ONLY message someone who really impresses me. I can tell by some of the e-mails I get that some of the guys are just sending out as many e-mails as possible in the hopes of getting a hit.


Exactly but its not so much to do with forcing,but a change in direction, something new


Forcing anyone to have to send messages on a dating site is ridiculous.


I really thought more women would be in support of this? it would allow them to seek out the men they prefer rather than being bombarded with messages.


You think that just because a bunch of women start messaging guys (and some already do, by the way), that this would completely stop them from being bombarded with messages?

How exactly? Makes absolutely no sense.

The only way to stop being bombarded with useless non-matchy messages is to have your filters set so high that virtually no one can message you.
 ToughCookie75
Joined: 8/17/2011
Msg: 11
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 2:01:05 PM

Okay men do the majority of first time messaging.


And your basing this statement on you and your friends? Thats not an accurate study.

How many people are on POF at any given time.
 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 12
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 2:14:31 PM
I think you going off a bit here? I stated its not about forcing.........


Also Im a member of a social group of over a 100 people many of which are women. In the UK if you did the research i would think you found that it was the men that message women for initially on the majority of occasions.


I will know not to post here again,people are negatively,even if it is a daft idea a hint of a positive reaction wouldn't have been so much to ask
 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 13
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 2:18:00 PM
Oh and the cookie, comment obviously irony goes over your head?after all cookie usually very cheap so the whole idea of me saying it was materialistic was sarcasm......
 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 14
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 2:25:02 PM
And finally......it wouldn't stop you being bombarded by messages,but would reduce it. .....Shame it was meant to be a positive suggestion.....but cynicism overcame it
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 15
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 2:42:09 PM
I dont agree with your analysis of if more women emailed guys thy wouldn't be bombarded , it doesn't work that way

How would it stop the bombardment of emails? lets face facts here, most men on here that has a profile well to put bluntly ... Their profile blows dead bears, its sucks.

Why do most men on here strike out when emailing women? 1) there emails suck 2) the profile sucks 3) the pictures for the most part sucks and 4) they are not interested in you, the men dont appeal to them its not your fault its just the way it is.

Most guys that think they are handsome post terrible pics, silly pics, pics taken in front of the mirror, out with friends drinking, making silly faces, grumpy pics, posing with hot women and you clearly know they dont know the woman but she happens to be in the shot.

This is why most guys fail.

Think about this, you receive 25 emails from women all saying practically the same thing, oh how hot they are, they are nice girls, we have things in common blah blah blah, you tend to go all koo koo eye and think WTF and start deleting.
 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 16
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 2:53:46 PM
As you wouldn't be allowed to.message them,unless they messaged you first
 FixedVariable
Joined: 10/17/2010
Msg: 17
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why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 2:59:40 PM

.it wouldn't stop you being bombarded by messages,but would reduce it. ...


I can promise you here and now that it would not reduce it. The only thing that it would mean is that I'd be contacting at least as many men who contact me.

I don't know why you're getting so defensive. Other than disagreeing with you, no one's being negative, really.


Why do most men on here strike out when emailing women? 1) there emails suck 2) the profile sucks 3) the pictures for the most part sucks.


Sometimes, we're just not interested. Not cuz the guy's done anything wrong.. we're just not into him.
 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 18
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 3:04:28 PM
Are we reading the same thread?....its pretty negative,no real constructive critism. .........I think women would be more exclusive to whom they messaged. ....As a generalization of course
 FixedVariable
Joined: 10/17/2010
Msg: 19
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why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 3:33:39 PM
Yeah, we're reading the same thread.
 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 20
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 3:42:29 PM
So what flavour cookies?
 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 21
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 4:24:35 PM
What about it being a dynamic new approach,enabling women to have the control. Are you saying women wouldn't be bothered searching,id like to think they would. As i mentioned previously its not just me.many other men in England are frustrated by the lack of messaging. I wanted to empower women to be more active in searching,rather than setting up a profile and waiting to be messaged!
Some dating sites actually only charge for men. Even this website has added features for women so I've been told?l have nothing to back that up or to say it isn't worthwhile, its just hearsay
 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 22
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 4:40:49 PM
Ideally men wouldn't over message but also women would contact men more. Its obvious from this thread that its not fun having to search and type the first message all the time. Your right why would women want to receive less or no messaged,but then that shows insight into many mens experience s.....which is probably a result of 'cut and paste messages'as after initially being creative it becomes less fun when women don't reply, as they have 200others to deal with.what i should have asked for is suggestions for women to be more active in searching,leaving it an open answer.ironically maybe cookies would be the answer
 walkunafraid
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 23
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 5:17:18 PM
There is no force,you don't seem to be reading what I've put. Force means no choice,you would have more control over who emailed you. I just think men will bore of chasing
 HeartsAndSparks
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 24
why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 6:59:13 PM
To the OP...because even in this day in age, women still enjoy having a man make the first move. It makes us feel desirable and attractive. If you made a site where women had to make the first move, you would find it going out of service/business quickley.


All you'd end up with is a room full of men, scratching their heads and drinking ale wondering why the ladies aren't flooding in to meet them.


Exactly!!!!

And again to the OP...you mention alot about women wanting to 'take control'. I hate to break it to you, but as I said above...dating is the one area where women still expect a man to take initiative and pursue us. Not the other way around. Women don't want to have to control the emailing/initiating and risk the rejection. We are quite happy being the ones with the surplus of options. And yes, lol, I know that sounded horrible. I could lie, but why?
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 25
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why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 4/2/2012 7:22:04 PM
As many have pointed out, OP's original suggestion just won't work.

But what has worked at some other dating sites I've been on is not allowing either party to message the other party until both parties have agreed to communicate with each other.

This actually does prevent women from being bombarded with emails, and more importantly, from receiving a bunch of emails from men they find "gross" for whatever reason. It also substantially cuts down on the rude and lewd emails they receive, just by virtue of the fact that they generally only allow a small percentage of men to email them period (think of it as everybody is blocked from emailing everybody in the beginning, then you have to unblock those you actually wish to hear from).

The advantage to men is that they don't have to waste God knows how many hours constructing personal emails for every woman they find attractive, only to receive a 1-5% response rate (and some of those just "thanks, but no thanks"). The only women you can email are the ones that have already indicated that they find you interesting (based on profile and pictures).

I've actually gotten the vast majority of dates in my life from sites like that. On such sites, I might have to write (or only be able to write) 1 or 2 first contact emails a week, but there was generally a 90%+ chance she was going to respond since she had already indicated interest, so I put my all into it and was generally rewarded. When I first joined POF (my God, 5 year anniversary coming up in a matter of days!), I tried to use the same strategy on this site as those sites, but writing a maximum of 40 "brilliant" and unique messages a day to women who I had no idea if they had any interest in me became so taxing that POF practically became my fourth job. And just like a real job, it was a lot of hard work with hardly any pay. It took a few years, but POF actually broke my spirit. I've almost never quit at anything in my entire life, even when I realized the odds were insurmountable. But after sending out a couple thousand first contact POF emails during my first 3-4 years, I now may send out a couple a month, with about the same amount of responses (almost none) and the same amount of dates (none). This game's just too hard for somebody with my personal stats. And more importantly, too inefficient. Definitely don't let anybody here fool you: there is no email or profile brilliant enough to make you attractive to someone who is visually repulsed by you.

All that said, I doubt POF could function in the manner of those other sites, which were all paid (in the best case scenarios, one way, like "ladies night" at bar -- that is, only one person needed a paid membership for both to communicate completely -- and it almost always was the guy who paid for the membership, obviously). As a mostly ad-supported site, POF thrives on page views, and far less page views are generated when both parties have to agree to communicate before emails can be sent (although arguably, the process of agreeing to communicate itself takes a few page views).

I'm just pointing out that it's possible for a site to fix the problems the OP claims to be concerned with (and the actual problems he IS concerned with) without having to force women to send the first message. But it won't be happening at POF.
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