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| | Need help interpreting this date, pleasePage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | A few weeks ago I started talking to a woman I met here. Things moved rather quickly from email to text to phone. We had marathon phone conversations, never becoming boring.
I asked her out for the upcoming friday, and thought I was all set. She called me on the monday of the date week, stating that she couldn't wait til Friday...and wanted to move it up to that Wednesday. I, of course, didn't complain.
We talked about specifics, and she suggested that I pick her up at HER place in case 'I(she) want some dessert before dinner'. I found this entirely sexual in nature.
I got to her house at 7pm, knocked on her door, and was called in. She met me in her living room, gave me a huge hug, and kissed me. She invited me in to her kitchen, shoved a Smirnoff Ice in my hand, and proceeded to give me a detailed tour of her apartment(including her bedroom). We sat at her kitchen table, finished our drinks and left for the restaurant.
Dinner was fabulous. She even let me eat off her plate. We laughed the entire evening, and sucked down about 6 drinks apiece. She came on my side of the table numerous times to goof on customers/workers/and to take photos. Things could not have been more perfect.
The check came, she did not reach for it, or aknowledge it. (Minor issue)
I was fully expecting her to wish me well back at her place - but she invited me in for ANOTHER Smirnoff, and then askedwanted to show me my competition on POF. Which I found highly odd. She had 225 unread messages in her inbox. I would assume this is common for a female member here. At which point i learn over, turned her chin with my hand - and kiss her. She did not turn away, and returned the favor. She then asked me to sign onto MY account so she could see her competition. I excused myself to use her bathroom. As I returned to the kitchen I had the urge to touch her, so I walked up and started to rub her shoulders. Again, she did not move away. I sat back down, and signed onto my account. There were not 225 unread messages, and I signed out.
She exclaimed that she had to get up at 4:30 for work, but COULD call in work a couple of hours late. She paused....and here's where it gets hazy. I didn't know what the sign was. I'm sure you are going to tell me it was clear as day - but I didn't want to be THAT guy. Didn't want to disrespect her in her own place. I felt it, I really did. If it were MY place I would have been all over her. Basically erred on the sign of caution. Stood up, grabbed my jacket, said goodnight - had a great time....etc., and headed for the door. She chases me down like Usain Bolt, and lip locks my for a GOOD 5 minutes. Again, if this was one last ditch sign - I missed it.
She tells me to text her when I got home(45 minute drive). I do - got no response.
Next day I get a text from her: I'm sorry, Sean...I have to tell you that I had a great time. You are a great guy. And I mean that, honestly. I just didn't feel that spark, and I need to feel that. Again, I'm sorry....I sincerely had a WONDERFUL time.
I texted her back with something to the effect of next time she should either send clearer signals, or make the damn first move. Didn't hear anything after that, til last week. She leaves a post on my FB page, 'Hi! What's up?!'
I bite. Make another date with her for the following friday. A quiet night at HER place watching a movie, The Vow, and take out. Texted her the day before - got no response. At this point I feel like a sucker. WTF happened? Texted her again the afternoon of the date - again, no response.
Ok, let me have it. Both barrels. | |
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| Need help interpreting this date, please
Posted: 4/2/2012 11:04:33 PM | I think when a woman literally charges you as you're leaving her apartment and kisses you...well I honestly can't think of a clearer sign. Based on her actions she wanted you to make a move, and when you didn't she was bold enough to make one herself. Then you still didn't make one and the atmosphere just kinda flopped. I think that might have been what killed the chemistry.
Kudos for being respectful, but seriously...did you want her to give a vocal okay or something? | |
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| Need help interpreting this date, please
Posted: 4/2/2012 11:07:48 PM | Hmmm...To me, the signs weren't that clear. Did she expect me to club her in the head with the empty Smirnoff bottle, then drag her into the bedroom by her hair?  | |
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Posted: 4/2/2012 11:13:43 PM | | She wanted you to fuc* her brains out and you didn't come through. She made it clear by saying this before you even met her in real life with the whole dessert thing. She got drunk and wanted your cack and you didn't give it to her, that's the only thing you did wrong. She never wanted a relationship to begin with just sex, and chances are you're not the first guy who's been invited over to her house first just in case she wanted dessert first. This girl sounds a little crazy to me showing off how many guys are trying to get a piece of her online. If you want to have sex with her go for it but I wouldn't get emotionally involved. | |
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Posted: 4/2/2012 11:37:22 PM | You probably saved yourself a lot of trouble.
Did you really want to have sex with some drunk chick you met on a free internet date site only hours after meeting? Is that really a smart thing to do?
No normal woman behaves the way she did. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 3:13:45 AM | She wanted sex. But, you knew that already.
I have no idea if she would have dumped you afterwards, or if you would have become just another stallion in her stable, or her favorite one to ride.
I've been in the same exact situation, did the same thing, got the same treatment.
It doesn't appear as though you two have the same goals...or how to reach them at the very least. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 3:47:24 AM | Sounds like indeed that a good sort of nothing happened.
My GUESS, is simply that she is in a desperate stage of her life (possible rebound scenario), wherein she wanted to have the "fall instantly in love and ride off into the sunset" experience, and it didn't work out. Since she was in such a rush from the beginning, and it didn't seem to matter who and what you were and how you behaved, I'd agree that the only thing you missed out on, was "a quickie with a quirkie." Who knows though. Some men and women just spend their lives bed hopping.
No spark, is no spark. Chances are, she was so caught up with her inner turmoil, she barely noticed anything about you at all. As for your message saying she "should either send clearer signals, or make the damn first move," that is hilarious. She all but drugged you, bashed you over the head, and committed date rape, and you blame her for failing to signal interest?
What are you after? Sex for the sake of sex? Keep the channels open, and chances are you'll get it with her. An actual serious relationship? Not a chance. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 3:49:52 AM | It's pretty easy to see that this girls is obviously doing lol she is gaming you mate.
1. First she shows you her plentyfish account so you can see how many guys are messaging. One so you would feel that she is hard to get. Second to see how you would react if you would actually be jealous or not.
2. The only good part you did was when you walk down the door and didn't give a s**t. See she went immediately chasing you.
3. She told you for you to text her and you did exactly what she said and you shouldn't. You've should of instead waited and only text her when you woke up in the morning or instead just let the time past until she eventually did. I tell her she would.
When she said you are a great guy basically she was telling you, you are a nice little boy and for me that isn't attractive. Until now the only thing you did was play her game and her rules. Notice that women do this first to see how you are as a man and second because they like the attention. Each time that you just didn't care she comes back at you.
What should you do?
Stop playing her game it's time for you to change the rules. A woman expects a guy to lead the way if you play by her rules you aren't. So basically all you have to do is exactly what she is doing to you but two times worse.
So lets say she only replies to your message 2 hours later, next time you only reply 4 hours later. She tells you to message her at 8 pm just don't. She tell you lets go to a date friday night tell her that you already have a date or whatever even if you don't. Sure I'm not saying for you to overdoo else she will leave. But if she is gaming you, you need to game her back and play hard to get. Always make things on your terms and not on hers.
Change the rules make her be the one pursuing you else you won't have anything with this girl. You are the man and women expect you to lead the way.
I know that society has told us that women and men should have equal right. Sure this is correct when it comes to work, voting and others things. But when it comes to relationship women still want a guy who leads it's just part of our genetic. By not doing such she won't feel attract to you.
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FREE ebook "Secrets to Attract Beautiful Women in 3 seconds" at www.FullTimeSexyMan.com | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 5:11:32 AM | I didn't know what the sign was. I'm sure you are going to tell me it was clear as day - but I didn't want to be THAT guy. Didn't want to disrespect her in her own place. I felt it, I really did. If it were MY place I would have been all over her. Basically erred on the sign of caution. Stood up, grabbed my jacket, said goodnight - had a great time....etc., and headed for the door. She chases me down like Usain Bolt, and lip locks my for a GOOD 5 minutes. Again, if this was one last ditch sign - I missed it.
Having sex with a woman at her place is NOT disrespecting her. In fact, the first time I've had sex with almost every woman I've dated, it was at her place. On the other hand, leaving rather than being ``all over her'' was the smart thing to do. If you had been all over her and it wasn't her intention to go quite that far, she would have told you to stop and then asked you to leave. It's always better to leave on your own with her wanting you stay a little longer than wearing out your welcome. It's possible (maybe even probable) that she'd have had sex with you, but if I've kissed a woman on a first date, then I know she's going to be the pushing for sex on the second date and I didin't worry about ``missing an opportunity.''
bite. Make another date with her for the following friday. A quiet night at HER place watching a movie,
If you didn't get a second date, then you probably allowed too much time to elapse or you didn't talk to her enough while waiting for the second date to happen. Menories fade and require reinforcenment to persist. If she was really into you, you should have followed up within a couple of days. Giving her a week without much contact gave her a lot of time to read through those 225 messages and get distracted by some possibly greener grass. Since she hadn't had sex with you yet, she hadn't invested all that much into you.
If you really wanted to see her again, I think you mishandled the second date, because if she really didn't want to leave on the firts, you can be pretty sure you were more interesting to her than anyone in those messages until enough time passed for her to become distracted by other possibilities. If you really hit it off with someone, followup with a second date as soon as possible or at least, keep in touch while waiting for that secoond date. Sending a text message to see if you're still on for the date is NOT keeping in touch. If anything, it says, ``Well, I'm not all that interested in you but I might be interested in having sex with you,'' which is exactly the kind of thinking most women are trying to avoid.
No normal woman behaves the way she did.
I'd have to disagree, Landra. In 25+ years of dating, I've found that once some kissing starts happening, every woman behaves like that. It has never mattered how prim, proper or puritanical they were.
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Posted: 4/3/2012 5:21:03 AM | | you shouldda banged her brains out...she wanted to get laid..and the booze was a great equalizer especially on her part. You missed your opportunity to be a one-night stand. She gave you all the hints..the biggest and first one being she could call in to work a few hours late. You were prolly thinking with the wrong head..or you left your condoms at home?/either way, its not long term anyways..so count your blessings and damn it..put some condoms in the glove box!! LOL.. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 5:24:46 AM | She drinks like Foster Brooks, is practically dry-humping your legs the night before and the next day claims you are such a nice guy but, gosh no spark and she isn't interested.
What part of "mentally unstable" escaped your attention?
You need clearer signals? If sex is all you wanted, then I don't know what else she needed to do short of ripping your clothes off, throwing herself across the kitchen counter and holding up a sign with a big arrow pointing at her crotch.... "YOU ARE HERE". | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 5:52:06 AM | I'm thinking she's stuck in a snowballing, drunken, depressing rebound that keeps getting worse for her. I suspect she's feeling insecure and *loves* all the attention that she's getting from 225 online messages. She giggles herself to sleep at night about that. But! She's not getting the attention from the guys that *she's* attracted to. Until you come along..
She was totally into you and you flat out rejected her.
She pushed as much of her energy onto you that she could.. the dessert comment, inviting you into her place early.. jumping from one side of the table to the next, showing you how all these *other* guys want her (so you should too - "just look at your competition"), .. the passionate last minute charge as you leaped for the door - *you* were the one that wasn't sending her the signals she so desperately sought.
So now you've left. And she is hurt. Her response? She dumps you the next day out of spite, *not* because she doesn't feel a spark. She likely cried herself to sleep that night - hardly a giggle (or a response to your text).
Then, however much later, she sends the FB post because she *still* thinks about you (right?). However, this whole ordeal that she went through isn't worth confronting again.
End of story!
I think you made the right call that night. She's nuts!!  | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 6:15:24 AM | Interesting date..how could someone let a man to pick her up? I mean u don't know the person yet, what if he is a serial killer, a theft or raper...I have to take precaution..
Anyway, I can't read her mind but I think she really wanted have sex with u just to see how your skill...*) I mean to me u can't really have an amazing sex if u two didn build/bond a chemistry..hahah..you did the right thing, u were a gentleman,...did u really like her then got for it...but she asked u to log on into ur online account, can't u tell that's a sign of controlling, jelousy and insecure?? If I were u I would take my time...goodluck | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 6:30:00 AM | Okay......there's one in every crowd and I'm going to be it.
About a month or so ago, there was a program on t.v. about a serial killer that sought his victims THROUGH POF. The show actually NAMED POF.
It was a MAN, posing as a WOMAN, and he would get the guys to drive to "her" place where he then proceeded to KILL them!
I guess your date had a different type of "banging" in mind (instead of banging you upside the head) but either way..................cringe!!! | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 6:43:52 AM | A drink at her apartment. Five or six drinks apiece at the restaurant. Another drink back at her apartment. Tour of your respective POF accounts to size up the competition and the big question here is did you miss some signals?
First off, she was drunk, unless she is a four hundred pound sumo wrestler. She thrives on attention, hence the need to show you the 2oo plus unread messages on her POF account. She was all over you like wet fur on a weasel after inviting you, a man she was meeting for the first time in person, into her apartment. All of that behaviour from a woman who claims to be seeking a relationship has stupid/crazy/flighty/unstable and a number of other unflattering adjectives attached to it. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 6:54:58 AM | Igor already said it, there were no "mystery signals", clearly she wanted you to fck her and all but said it.
I had a very similar "date" once. The "lady ?" in question got engaged to be married about 2 weeks after the date.
It sounds to me like she wanted once last fling before getting commited to someone, but who knows for sure. Only clear thing was she was in a hurry to hit the sack with you. If I had any interest in her at all, I would have kept going sexually till she told me in no uncertain terms to stop. Course, after the "lip lock", if I didn't feel any spark myself, then getting out is the best thing.
Likely after the sex she would have dumped you anyways, but at least you might have found out what it was all about, and assuming you wanted it, the sex should have been good. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 7:24:56 AM | You probably saved yourself a lot of trouble.
Did you really want to have sex with some drunk chick you met on a free internet date site only hours after meeting? Is that really a smart thing to do?
No normal woman behaves the way she did.
I share Landra2's sentiment. At best she is promiscuous and has low self-esteem---and at worst, she has a major drinking problem which could cost you a fortune---in more ways than one. I think you dodged a bullet, and possibly an STD. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 7:43:24 AM | You had a first date with a person who uses alcohol to get high, frisky, whatever, then blames the downer/come down on you.
Avoid like the plague. | |
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| Need help interpreting this date, please
Posted: 4/3/2012 7:44:05 AM | stating that she couldn't wait til Friday...and wanted to move it up to that Wednesday. I, of course, didn't complain.
We talked about specifics, and she suggested that I pick her up at HER place in case 'I(she) want some dessert before dinner'. I found this entirely sexual in nature.
You want my interpretation of all that?
Would be more accurate if you told us more details about her, age, looks, marriage/divorces background, etc.
But from just that behavior, it appears that she likes to get drunk and have many guys take her out to dinners, then while drunk she has sex with her choices amongst those 225 guys after her.. Seems to need much sexual validation in her midlife crisis...
Most likely she had already set up another possible for that Friday, so she had to call you and reset your buying her dinner for Wednesday. You did dodge a bullet there IF you truly are seeking any long-term "relationship". She was not the one with whom to share that possible future...  | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 8:53:58 AM |
Ok, let me have it. Both barrels.
What?
Role reversal?
Let's say you are the girl.
"I met a guy. He asked me over to his place for the first meet. He was drinking. We had some drinks. He kept talking around sex. We went to dinner and the chemistry was GREAT! We really hit it off. So we went back to his place and drank some more. I kept waiting for him to make a move. Finally I kissed him. He said he wanted to have sex, but basically said I couldn't stay over. I couldn't believe he wanted to have sex! How disrespectful. I saw some real potential here! So I left! Then he stopped replying to my texts. Then he texted me and said he didn't feel a spark. A week later he texts me 'wanna hang out?' I was reticent because I want more than sex. So I acted like I expected this to be more than that, and it was going to be a repeat of our first date...and they didn't reply...WTF happened?"
What happened was you didn't act like the stereotypical dude, she did, good news is that you acted like the stereotypical chick. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 9:14:22 AM | I think you avoided what probably would have been a very messy situation. She was drinking heavily, she wanted sex, showed off her POF account only to make you aware of your 'competition' and then you left after she made 2-3 blatant attempts to bed you.
The reason she did not text you back after you arrived home that night? She was passed out. 8 drinks on a work night? Seriously?
I think it was a smart move because starting a 'relationship' being sh1tfaced drunk is never a good idea. By 40 years of age I would have expected a woman to have a bit more class and certainly not to be pounding drinks like a college sophomore.
I guarantee she spends half her weekends using sex to pay for dinner. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2012 10:04:48 AM | Hmmm...I was afraid that I would hear that the signs were crystal - but was hoping that was not the case. I'm a rather confident person in these situations, but this one threw me a slurve.
I've since gathered more info about this women through FB. She's been all elated, walking on Cloud 9 about some guy she saw for a few days. I looked at her 'Recent Activity' since the blow off on friday evening. On Monday of last week she friended a man named Steve, who, quite awesomely, has an open FB page...he was making a trip back to the area for a few days(he's from Canada AND married). She couldn't say enough things about him. But just yesterday, she left a staus saying, "Next time be a man, and not a BOY!'...and just this morning, although she ended up deleting it soon after - left this: Thank god i found out early, I'm all done, all set, and time to move on!'
Perhaps I should be the one thanking the supreme being... | |
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| Need help interpreting this date, please
Posted: 4/3/2012 11:46:18 AM | | Occam, you would have been nothing more than another notch in her headboard. She is into scoring as many guys as possible. That's how she boosts her ego and her false sense of self-esteem. You are a rarity and I commend you for your actions in not bedding her. If you are looking for someone who is worth being with in a relationship, this woman certainly isn't it. And I think your gut told you so and that's why you didn't pursue her sexual advances. That's nothing to be ashamed of, btw. | |
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