| | Screening while on POFPage 1 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | I have been on and off with this guy, due to unresolved issues, that are not acceptable. I was introduced to POF due to him being on it while we were dating and he was also dating others from POF. He has many female friends that I am ok with but he does not want me to meet them and when I have met a few, they cause division between me and him and report to him anything I say.
Our new argument is that he states he knows every time I am on POF because he has a beep that goes on his phone as to the time I am on POF and when I get off. He then starts becoming hostile towards me. I told him that I enjoy talking to ppl on POF and that when he calls me in the am our calls are quick and he ends them through an argument. Later, when I call him back at night he doesn"t answer the phone. I told him I miss the normal interaction with him and hangs up, and that when he does not agree with something, he could be nice about it instead of swearing and yelling at me. He then plays the victim and says, are you blaming this on me? and hangs up. I want normal interaction from him and I am not getting it. I have already calmly verbalized this to him. On POF I could interact with ppl esp. in the forums that I am not getting from him. Need feedback on this. | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:14:38 AM |
Need feedback on this.
Do you really????? I mean seriously. Do you enjoy letting people treat you the way he his???? If you don't, then don't let him. I would think this was one of the easiest things to figure out when I was about 10 years old. Again,seriously. | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:16:50 AM | | How does he have the ability to know when I am on POF through his phone? IS this an option on POF? | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:23:53 AM | | I'm with Walts - why would you let ANYONE disrespect you in this manner? I don't get it. | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:24:14 AM | some males create this drama too...
i want to be with someone because i like them and enjoy their company... and yes - because they make me feel good: sex sure, but also with the whole emotional mumbo jumbo too... if someone was yelling and cussing at me- that would last about as long as it took to hang up the phone or walk out the door.
you said it yourself...unacceptable uhh issues (ie maturity and insecurity - neither one of, you control) | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:29:10 AM | Is this the guy you've dated for seven years? That won't introduce you to his family? It might be easier to name the things in this "relationship" that are positive. Seems that list would take less time to put together then the longer one of negatives.
If this is the same guy, going by your past posts, I don't understand why you're with him. Why are you? | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:30:36 AM | Feedback? Umm ... Gee ... It all sounds like so much fun!! I am jealous.  | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:30:54 AM | | His phone beeping story sounds suss, but maybe he does know what you are doing on your computer...maybe he has installed spyware?? | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:32:31 AM | | I do stand up to him and tell him not to talk to me that way, but he does what he wants to do. I have invested a lot into this relationship and all I want him to do is talk to me respectfully even if we disagree with something. I already have told him several times, but he continues. When I have broken up with him and dated others, he cannot be cordial with anyone when I introduce him. He either undermines me and gets close to him or handshakes him so hard that he almost breaks the guys hand. | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:34:40 AM | I have been on and off with this guy, due to unresolved issues, that are not acceptable.
And I might suggest that you will continue to be on and off with him. Reason: unresolved issues.
I don't know how he knows you are POF through his phone.
When I have broken up with him and dated others, he cannot be cordial with anyone when I introduce him.
That I don't get this. Why are you introducing him to these guys? | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:47:07 AM | The only way anyone can know you were on pof, is if they add you as a fav, and then they have to log in themselves to see that information. POF does not send out alerts such as this. He is a liar who logs in the see what you have been doing, like a regular old time stalker.
You allow this type of behaviour into your life, so you need to accept it.
If you did not allow this type of behaviour, you wouldnt even be speaking to the man. How you feel about him is not relavent when he disregards those feelings and treats you like crap, so stop making allowances to him because of how you feel.
Life is ALL about the daily choices we make. | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:53:28 AM | Perhaps there is an App on his phone that alerts him but a bigger issue should be his keeping tabs on you. Even if there is no such App, the fact he said it should raise a red flag to his jealousy, pettiness & control issues. Throws tantrums & hangs up when the argument doesn't go his way, pouts & ignores your calls, turns the argument around & blames you, are all traits.
Time to cut your losses & run.
Can't believe a 51 year old women would tolerate such behavior in this day & age. | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:53:43 AM | | Femaleconnection, You are right. He has been there to help me with things when no one else was around. I get insecure because he has his own following of women that enjoy his company and I cannot even meet them. He tells me that his friends do not like me because I am causing problems for him when I am trying to only communicate with him when he treats me badly. If I do meet a couple, they report back to him what I say and then he gets down on me again. I guess I am still with him because of the history we have. He knows my family and my mom died last year and he could identify because he knows them vs. a man that does not know my family. | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:56:21 AM | | He is controlling and jealous and has a double standard. He has a line full of women that he even stated he wants to go on a trip with one of his female friends. I of course, exclaimed when he told me this. No way, me and him have not even gone on a trip. It is wrong to put his restrictions on me when he does what he wants. | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:59:06 AM | You aren't thinking clearly.
Who cares if he can actually find out when you get on or off of POF. That would be just like tapping your phone, planting a bug in your room or stalking you. It's insane behavior on his part and something that should not be tolerated by you.
I wouldn't waste the time it takes to say goodbye on him. I'd invest that time in trying to figure out what it is about you that allowed him to get into your head like this. | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 6:10:55 AM | | wow are you realy ok with being treated like this he sounds a jerk and dont know how you should be in a relationship you should dump him and move on there are loads of guys who would treat you like a princess not like crap | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 6:16:41 AM |
He has a line full of women that he even stated he wants to go on a trip with one of his female friends
Your BF dates other people, he won't introduce you to his family, he is controlling, jealous and seems to hurt you frequently.
Not a healthy relationship. | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 6:21:38 AM | | Why do you want anything from this guy? He is a womanizer and a jerk. Find someone else and then you will forget about him. | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 6:23:56 AM | Our new argument
Wonders never cease!!!!
he states he knows every time I am on POF because he has a beep that goes on his phone as to the time I am on POF and when I get off. He then starts becoming hostile towards me.
If you don't like the way a man is treating you, then cut off all contact. You don't actually have to turn this into "your new argument", unless you have ulterior motives.
I told him I miss the normal interaction with him and hangs up, and that when he does not agree with something, he could be nice about it instead of swearing and yelling at me.
He swears and yells at you because that's what has worked in the past. Like you said, you talk to him every morning and it ends in an argument and some really passive-aggressive behavior. I would say, the passive-aggressive stuff is BOTH of you but that's just me talking thru my hat. Based on your posting history, of course.
I want normal interaction from him and I am not getting it. I have already calmly verbalized this to him. On POF I could interact with ppl esp. in the forums that I am not getting from him. Need feedback on this
I don't think you have any real sense of what normal behavior is, because nothing you've described about your relationship with this guy is normal. I think what you are REALLY saying, is that you want things to go back to the way they were before. And yet, it should be clear to you that your being on POF and him knowing about it through his phone app will forever stand in the way of that happening. MAKE A DECISION ALREADY. | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 6:41:01 AM | Agreed! ^^^^^^^ (well said)
Sorry OP, there's no magic wand to wave over this dirt-bag to make him be the man you want. It seems to me that you have this unhealthy need to hang on to him and NONE of your life is going to change unless you are willing to help yourself. Please walk away. Get some professional guidance. | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 6:43:13 AM | Okay, let's resume, and let me get this straight. I'll assume were talking about the same guy from your previous thread, the one you've been on and off with for SEVEN YEARS...
Okay, so in that other thread, you say that he doesn't want you to meet his family at all. He says his family doesnt want to see you, and he just cant stand up (after reading this thread, I think its a lie; HE doesnt want you to meet his family).
Now, in this thread, we learn that he has many female friends he frequents, doesn't want you to meet, and plans on going on a trip with one, and not YOU, who's supposed to be his....what, girlfriend? F*ckfriend? At this point, I'm not sure at all, I hope you are. Plus, they cause "disruptions", as you say....can someone say jealous girlfriend here?
We also learn that he has no manners, keeps dissing you and is crude and vulgar, basically, treats you like crap and can't actually talk like an adult, more like a 5 year old boy throwing a fit. He plays the phone game, another 5 year old attitude, where "he's mad at you so he doesn't pick up the phone, so THERE!*Pout*" is common I'll bet. To top it all off, he LIES and MANIPULATES (telling it how it is) by telling you his phone goes off when your on POF, which is complete and utter CRAP, you can't do that at all. Not with a phone, not even with a PC unless you know how to write tracking programs. Oh, by the way, you being your own person, you have every right to do whatever you want.
So, in a nutshell...what an a*hole. Of EPIC proportions.
Which leaves me with, and really I apologise for being so crude, but its kinda of necessary....LADY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?
Does he hit you? Are you scared to end this? Or do you just enjoy being ridiculed, threated like dirt, stepped all over and basically getting f*cked in the bum here? PLEASE do yourself a favor and get RID of the guy, if your scared he'll hit you, call the cops or something. I don't know what he has that you find attractive, but if reading my above post, you STILL think they're something cool in him, you've got SERIOUS problems to look into....
ON that note, here's hoping you make the right decision, and take care of yourself for a change....
Good luck  | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 6:44:45 AM | I don't know who has the more serious issues...........he for treating you like this.......or you for letting him.
How can you even LIKE a man that treats you like this?? | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 6:46:26 AM | | I'm not absolutely certain, but it sounds like he might just be a little on the possessive side. Just a completely wild guess | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 7:18:56 AM | OP, this is the guy you've been involved with for 7 years and he still refuses to introduce you to his family? Now we learn he has many female friends he also doesn't introduce you to. He tells you a ridiculous lie about his phone beeping when you are on POF so he can keep a surveilance on your actions. When you question ANYTHING, he becomes hostile and plays the victim and you back down.
Wow....and yet you still want to be involved with him. It's just to much for me. I've nothing good to say about your or him. My feedback is that you seriously, seriously need counseling. Issues all over the place. | |
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| Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 7:22:23 AM | I do voluntary work at a shelter for abused women. Every once in awhile we get in a woman like you, we call them Professional Victims. They always have these long drawn out stories about how their long term bf treats them how horrible he is, he won't do this, he won't do that, yada yada yada. They tell the story with a gleem in their eye & the bigger the audiance the bigger the story! Now that you have captured our attention, we're going to be hearing from you on a regular basis, just like the Professional Victims that frequent the woman's shelter.
Just like them you know this is not a normal relationship. This man has no repect for you, in fact he doesn't even like you. You know this, but you put up with it because it enables you to be a Professiona Victim. Go get professional help, there is something seriously wrong with you. | |
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