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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(      Home login  
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 Purple_wings
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 1
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Seriously dating is a lot of works, wouldn't it be easy to walk into a grocery pick one and bring it to the register..but its not like that its so much pressure..
Ok, here is my story, I met guys online before (not pof) and it turned out that people lied too much and most guys are only after one thing..so this time I was carefully, and patiently to wait to meet a decend guy..after a few emails or phone conversations we decided to meet in person, the dinner/drink was good, but the conversation was off topic, and turned me off he talked about his pof experience and always date good looking women.so after that night I know I wouldnt wanna go for a 2nd and didn't find him attractive.3 days later he asked me out, geez I was shock, but hey since I had no plan I agreed to go out and grabbed some drinks with him, it was an unpexpected that I also met a few of his friends...we had a wonderful time and I realized how attractive he is and seem like a nice man..later tonight he tried to kiss me but I turned away..later tonight he walked me to my car and try to kiss again but I told him I wasn't ready..
The next day he invited me to his place and offer to cook dinner for me..it was sweet but its too soon, so we went to have a dinner at a restaurant..again we had a great time, and I offered to pay..later tonight we didn't give each other a kiss I mean neither of us try to make the first move..later tonight he texted me n said thanks for a goodnight kiss..
God, I felt terrible but I hope he understand that I like to kiss when its right, I like to take my time,
But I m kinna shy to make the first move...that was it, he was disappointed I guess but that's not how I felt about him, if he try to give me a kiss on the 3rd I would of course..I texted him but he ignored me...
Now what? Should I just let it die? Or should I call him and explain that not because I didn't want to kiss him that night it just because my past I met people that are after only one thing.secondly, me personaly I like to get comfortable first before I kiss someone, I am a real person I am not kissing or sleeping around..

I did find him attractive and I do like him quite a bit, should I let he know my feeling just to be fair or just let it go, I don't want to embarass myself as well..but if he did like me why can't he be patient ??? what do u suggest???
 tjl503
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 2
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/5/2012 12:16:49 AM
At this point he might think that you're not interested from turning away and being shy. It's up to you now to let him know that you would like to see him again. If he wants to still he will take you out again and try to kiss you again. It's not too late ask him out.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 3
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i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/5/2012 12:44:03 AM
Why not CALL him (don't text) and thank him for taking your out twice and tell him that you would like to return the favour. Invite him out for a casual meal somewhere, or fish and chips in a park.. Somewhere relaxed. Make sure you welcome him with a kiss on the cheek and a hug (or even a quick kiss on the lips if you feel comfortable) when you see him next time. Seeing as you've rejected his kiss twice now I think you are going to have to make him feel comfortable that he won't be rejected a third time.
 SpringsDiver
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 4
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/5/2012 3:01:41 AM
^^^ Seems like excellent advice to me.

OP - It's going to get old very quickly (and it seems it has already) if you can't at least give him a little peck on the cheek. A real (light) kiss would be even better.
 Purple_wings
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 5
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/5/2012 5:25:35 AM
Thanks everyone,
Gcdeb, third date I did ask him out and I did paid for dinner..and yesterday I did text him and suggested us should do something on easter..but no response..that's kinna mean, because I do want to make other plans for myself as well...and no I haven't called him, I have a feeling that if I call he probably won't pick up, until then should I leave him a voicemail or...???
 x_Indomitable_x
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 6
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/5/2012 6:01:55 AM
Call him.. if he does not answer, (within a day) walk away he is jsut not inerested, i konw when i am inerested in a woman i would answer them within a few hours if not sooner. the ones i was not into i would wait a cpl days and come up with some excuse that i was busy an didn't have the time, or i forgot to call them back ect ect.
 _Kites_
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 7
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/5/2012 6:14:08 AM

later tonight he tried to kiss me but I turned away..

You rejected him here.


later tonight he walked me to my car and try to kiss again but I told him I wasn't ready.

You rejected him again here..


later tonight we didn't give each other a kiss I mean neither of us try to make the first move

You've already rejected him twice - he doesn't know what to do. And now he feels rejected *again* because he gave you the control and you did nothing with it.


later tonight he texted me n said thanks for a goodnight kiss..

This is him saying, "God, I feel terrible."


I don't understand. What's the big deal about a kiss?? It takes courage for a guy to go in for the kiss. It's the worse thing ever when a woman turns away from you.. it's very defeating. If you do this to a guy over and over.. the guy will give up and leave. Guys are narrow minded. They don't stop and think, "Well. Gee.. she must have been burnt by another guy and so she's taking it slow with me - I need to slow down and be patient." No. Guys don't think that way - they think, "Ouch, turned away from my kiss - she doesn't like *me* and wow, that hurt."

Actions speak louder than words. Call him, leave a voice mail.. whatever. Next time *KISS* a guy and don't take out your past experiences on him.

Good Luck!
 Mulligrub
Joined: 4/2/2012
Msg: 8
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/5/2012 9:25:33 PM
I hear that you're trying to take things slow...I'm the same way...but there's nothing wrong with a quick kiss on the first or second date if you like someone...it's not like you're jumping into bed with them!

The poor guy's confused and probably hurt. I would leave a voicemail and if he doesn't respond then walk away and learn for next time.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 9
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/5/2012 9:46:30 PM
But its not like that its so much pressure..

I never understood this ``pressure'' stuff. In what way does dating cause any pressure?

Ok, here is my story, I met guys online before (not pof) and it turned out that people lied too much and most guys are only after one thing..

Being jaded and cynical never helps. Why would any guy with anything going for him want to be dragged down by a negative attitude?

God, I felt terrible but I hope he understand that I like to kiss when its right, I like to take my time,

Geeez. It's just a freakin kiss. All I can say is that if the time isn't right sometime during the first date, I would assume that the woman just wasn't into me and I wouldn't call her again. Even going on a second date would require her to take all of the initiative to set it up.

but if he did like me why can't he be patient ???

If you liked him, why couldn't you speed things up? It's not really a matter of whose time frame ought to prevail, either. If you drag your feet, you are allowing the other person to decide for you. You can say all you want about what's fair, etc., but the reality is that if you aren't proactive in getting what you want, you forfeit your opportunity to make any decision about it. A veto always gets made by the first person to make it.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 10
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i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/5/2012 10:59:09 PM
You are over complicating things. The pressure in this situation is caused by you.
But fear not! Its not too late! Go and make a move.. ANY move.
 Allforfun80
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 11
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/6/2012 11:25:41 AM
I'm sorry to say, if he has not replied to your texts, he is not interested anymore.I have a strong feeling, he's one of the guys who expected you to be easy & when you wouldn't even give him a kiss after 2 dates, he didn't want to invest anymore time or money into you.Sorry! You're better off without him.If he really liked you, he would totally respect the fact that you wanted to take it slow.
 _Kites_
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 12
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/6/2012 12:12:57 PM

I have a strong feeling, he's one of the guys who expected you to be easy & when you wouldn't even give him a kiss after 2 dates, he didn't want to invest anymore time or money into you.Sorry! You're better off without him.

I know this idea will never go away..

You're missing out on decent men because of this one-sided, false perception - the "he thought I was easy" label.

I really think that if you want a good man, you need to do a better job of understanding men.. learn to better read them and their intentions. It's very powerful when a woman realizes that, "Wow, he understands me" and she feels a connection that she hasn't with her last 5, 10 or even sometimes 15 dates (hint, hint, hint). It use to be surprising to me how some women have gone through this many dates before they get to me, but not so much anymore.. it's very *common.*
 Isis_feline
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 13
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/6/2012 12:22:28 PM
^^ I may have taken your point wrong but I would hope no-one would ever think a kiss after a date or two was easy..... I love kissing and if I really liked and wanted to see the guy again I would happily kiss them :)

op You sound young, and as you get older you are going to find you get hurt a few more times, but you have to walk into any new dating/relationship without the emotional baggage....yes you will see things through slight more grounded eyes, yes you may know some warnings signs to look out for, but dont assume all men are wank4s and out to hurt you.....

call him up, tell him you would love another date, and see.....if he accepts then for goodness sake kiss the poor guy when you see him :)
 FNADude
Joined: 7/22/2011
Msg: 14
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/6/2012 12:29:55 PM
He knows that you are interested because you did text him and he ignored it.

This man has bigger issues!! You will regret it if you try to reconnect with him. Let it go!
 _Kites_
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 15
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/6/2012 12:35:19 PM
^^^If a woman constantly rejects a guy's advances and he leaves; it's because she *rejected* the guy. It has nothing to with *him* or his issues (?). Is he supposed to come back for more rejection??? *daaa... yea right. You wouldn't go back, bud..


I may have taken your point wrong but I would hope no-one would ever think a kiss after a date or two was easy

Of course a kiss after a date or two doesn't make the woman easy.. a kiss in the middle of a first date isn't considered easy either - at least in my book. My point was aimed at the poster above mine.
 Allforfun80
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 16
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/6/2012 12:53:47 PM
I'm sorry, I didn't state that clear enough.Ofcourse a kiss is no big deal to me,if I like a guy & I am comfortable.I just think the op's date may have thought that it was more work than it's worth.If he can't even get a kiss, think about how hard it's going to be to get some casual sex?
You have to be realistic-most YOUNGER guys are not looking to be tied down.They are looking for all the sex they can get,until they find the "one",or get tired of that unsatisying lifestyle.(If they ever do) We are living in a geration where sex is considered kissing to these young people these days.


But I think I just opened up a whole new can of worms!
 largo2
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 17
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/6/2012 4:22:46 PM


Of course a kiss after a date or two doesn't make the woman easy.. a kiss in the middle of a first date isn't considered easy either - at least in my book. My point was aimed at the poster above mine.


A kiss mid date is only easy if one removes one's necklace.
 _Kites_
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 18
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/6/2012 7:40:01 PM

I just think the op's date may have thought that it was more work than it's worth.If he can't even get a kiss, think about how hard it's going to be to get some casual sex?

Well, think about this from a guy's perspective. And I mean a guy that has all the right intentions... he's *not* looking for only sex; he's looking for a long-term relationship.

I know this is true for me, so it's likely true for other guys as well.

A guy (with the right intentions) "chases" a woman until he reaches a level commitment from her. He'll stay in this "chase" mind-set until he's comfortable enough to relax knowing that he's been accepted. If she rejects his advances as he's trying to get that commitment from her, he has to take a step back and try again later. Remember that her acceptance of his advances is another step to reaching his goal of commitment. He doesn't know if it'll work out.. he doesn't know how long it'll take for her to commit to him by *accepting* him if she continually puts up her guard. "She doesn't trust me, ouch that hurts.. when will she accept me? ..will she ever?"

Make sense? What do you think about the word "tease" when you think about it from this perspective?

If the road becomes endless and is full of speed bumps, twists and turns; the harder it becomes for him to stay committed to his goal. I can relate to this.. or at least I could in my past. These days I have a clearer picture of what's going on with women during my interactions with them.. and I've become successful with almost every woman I've met in this context. Mind you, I'm not out there trying to "score" some sex with them.. I'm looking for that commitment with one that understands me and who'll commit to me for the rest of my life. I've become content with my life now that I'm in control of my *choices* with women.. and I can afford to be very picky in my ventures.

All of this is simple really - if you can understand a guy, *accept* his advances at a reasonable pace for *both* of you and keep him satisfied with his "chase," he'll keep pursuing you and in the end you'll both find a satisfying commitment. WooHoo!! :D
 excessivemayhem
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 19
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/6/2012 9:52:38 PM
what if both the OP and her date are at fault here? if they were both sending the wrong messages to each other, its real damn easy to get confused and/or have your actions be influenced by making the wrong conclusions about each other. its that damn easy to jump to the wrong ideas about each other. happens way more often than not
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 20
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History
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/7/2012 7:59:30 AM
Playing hard to get..is old school. I don't think that was a purposeful choice Purple wings on your part. But if you want to kiss this guy when it is right...this could take a while.

If I have to twiddle my thumbs and wait months and months to kiss a woman I find attractive this is pointless. Not only men, but also women must overcome their shyness if they want to progress relationships.
 Jazzplenty2012
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 21
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/7/2012 8:24:53 AM
I agree with ALLFORFUN80 her last message is so right on!!!!! OP you have nothing to regret, I would not chase him, you already invited him out to dinner and texted him-- you are showing him that you are interested! He realizes you want to take it slow and guess what, most men don't like waiting!!!! Like " some men" he is looking for sex:( sorry!!! If he doesn't call or text you just let it go! But honestly if I were you, even if he called me, I wouldnt go out with him again! Sounds like he is a little on the immature side:/ save yourself the heartache!!!!! AND TRY TO CONTINUE TO HAVE FUN FISHING!!!!!:)
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 22
view profile
History
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/7/2012 8:54:07 AM
That is the wrong lesson for Purple wings to take. She must overcome her shyness as it has nothing to do with "comfort level". That is the crutch that shy individuals use over and over again, and end up in this loop constantly. In her opening post she described this man "attractive" 2 or 3 times. If she doesn't want to kiss this attractive man, I wonder will she run if she is on a date with man she isn't attracted to and he tries to kiss her lol? You can't run away from your problems, as you must gather the courage to face them at some point.
 Isis_feline
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 23
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/7/2012 8:58:30 AM

Of course a kiss after a date or two doesn't make the woman easy.. a kiss in the middle of a first date isn't considered easy either - at least in my book. My point was aimed at the poster above mine.


so was mine, you just kinda slipped in the middle of us :)
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 24
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/7/2012 8:12:03 PM

Why not CALL him (don't text) and thank him for taking your out twice and tell him that you would like to return the favour. Invite him out for a casual meal somewhere, or fish and chips in a park.. Somewhere relaxed. Make sure you welcome him with a kiss on the cheek and a hug (or even a quick kiss on the lips if you feel comfortable) when you see him next time. Seeing as you've rejected his kiss twice now I think you are going to have to make him feel comfortable that he won't be rejected a third time.


^ best answer.
 EMunch2012
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 25
i find him attractive but its too late to tell him :(
Posted: 4/8/2012 1:41:45 PM
Hi there PW,
I read your post on the forums but the site didn't let me post a reply. I feel sorry
for the guy you dated and your very pretty! I don't know why he would try to pull a
fast one on you even in this day and age(it's like everyone is rushing into a deal).

I just broke up with a girl 10 yrs over my age and it's because I was casual and dates were kinda slow (w/e that
meant). I didn't kiss her till I knew she liked me a lot and on the 3rd or 4th
date(she was the only one I was seeing, keep that in mind) and she kissed me.

I'm a man with principles and I don't know your friend but I'd have to say he acted
like a smooth douche. You know even friends would have their disagreements but he
could've given you a chance.

With the women in my family, I hear a lot of crappy stories of men giving them 50/50
credibility. What was meant to be, is meant to be and you should be really reserved
to not get taken advantage of. Metro-sexual men tend to be too into themselves and
keep their score-cards with them 24/7.

>>> In conclusion, I would brush him off if he never talks to you again. If he does
call/text you back, start from square one again(for your own insurance).

If you trust what I say, post my reply on the forums w/o a reply. I keep looking for
a soul right for yours. Maybe someone who'll take their time, hold a good
conversation and really open up to you. You will like-wise do the same showing your
comfort with that person.

EMunch
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