| | Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?Page 1 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | If a meet has been set up and correspondence has been going well and all of the sudden the person (out of guilt maybe?) writes a short message that says, "Oh...I lied about my age and actually have a child - I hope this doesn't scare you away".
Am I supposed to be scared away or am I supposed to think the person is being honest because they revealed the truth when initially they didn't in their profile? I am getting tired of so many misleading profiles. Really I am. | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 7:24:43 AM | Outright lying is different then omission - initially. No one expects a complete stranger to lay out all their crap before an initial meet. That would be stupid because potentially, it could result in a whole load of people knowing your private business.
But omission about a child - is a whopping big lie - in my opinion. Presuming you met on here, the information about having children is right in the summary and so, one would have to presume, his profile said that he doesn't have children when in fact he does. It's not like it could have momentarily slipped his mind.
I can understand those who put 'Yes' and clarify within their profile that the child is out of state and so has limited time in the father's care but to say 'No' - that's troubling to me. That's like saying you don't have a wife or girlfriend when really you do.
Add to that a second lie regarding age, I'd be throwing that one straight back and moving on. | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 7:31:19 AM | "Oh...I lied about my age and actually have a child - I hope this doesn't scare you away".
It depends on how you feel about people who lie. The person you went out with fully acknowledges he was deceptive. Is this behaviour okay with you? It doesn't sound like it is, and I think that's it's reasonable. Honestly, why lie about your age, height and KIDS! I find deception a turn off. A red flag. | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 7:44:21 AM | It's hard because two men I am talking to which includes him both lie on their profiles about having a child and are both very attractive (you know...handsome with a good build). I am supposed to be meeting one of them tonight knowing full well he lied.
The other men who are honest that I am corresponding with (where I have no excitement for) aren't as handsome - but their character is better. However, I want to be excited about a person I am meeting and not just have the 'meh' attitude. Is that wrong? It seems the better looking the men are I correspond the more lies there are. It leaves me feeling disappointed. | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 7:46:06 AM | Am I supposed to be scared away or am I supposed to think the person is being honest because they revealed the truth when initially they didn't in their profile?
Yes this is lying.... I kind of expect women to misrepresent thier age and height a little on here but lying about whether or not they children or thier maritial status is cause for concern for me.
It seems the better looking the men are I correspond the more lies there are.
I wonder if that is because you are paying more attention to what they are saying and as a result you are more aware of the lies they are telling?
I have to ask OP your maritial status says single but you have a child - were you never married? Are you one of those people who believes divorced or separated is the same as single?
Some lies are acceptable and others are not. I have to admit I have lied when a woman has asked me if her outfit makes her look fat and I intend to lie about that in the future when appropriate. | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:00:18 AM | men who are honest that I am corresponding with (where I have no excitement for) aren't as handsome - but their character is better. However, I want to be excited about a person I am meeting and not just have the 'meh' attitude. Is that wrong? It seems the better looking the men are I correspond the more lies there are. It leaves me feeling disappointed.
Is that wrong? That apparently some people seem to have been TRAINED TO LIE by some others behavior towards them..
Once they have your attention by displaying their ten-year old pics, (before they got that chub and grey hair), THEN they may rely on as many other embellishments they think they can get away with to try to generate that "excitement" in an unmet interesting person..
Then confess a few lies in order to *seem* to have a bit more "character"...
That may come from years of "operant conditioning", and just WHO is responsible for providing the "reinforcement"??
Remember the old adage that when it seems too good to be TRUE, it usually isn't true. And ponder the reasons that some people may feel such a need to lie about so many things...
When if they had first been completely truthful in appearances and all other ways, then they may have just generated a "meh" response and NO meets or potential passing on their genes...
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:13:52 AM | Personally, I hate the confessions.
It's just manipulative.
I mean no matter what happens it's win win for them.
Am I supposed to be scared away or am I supposed to think the person is being honest because they revealed the truth when initially they didn't in their profile?
It's supposed to confuse you.
If you dump them or don't show up, then you're the bad person (in their head, righteous judgment of you) because they were honest.
If you do show up, if you do date them, then you've validated that they are "honest" and "good" people, even though there is still that turmoil you are dealing with, how to absorb that information and what to do with it, you've also agreed to see them a certain way by turning up, by dating them...so if you do start dating them, then it just festers and grows, and it ends, then that's your fault too. For judging them, for not knowing what you want, for you being inconsistent...because you showed up the first time. I mean (in their head) if you had a problem with it you "should" have said something in the beginning!
Confessions are just a game.
Personally, I refuse to date anyone that does that. | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:32:39 AM | If what the person lied about was a big enough deal to make a difference and wasn't merely puffery, then decide based on the lie. My fiancee had ``single'' in her profile, although she was seperated (which she told me after we met). However, she was here for ``Talk/Email,'' rather ambivalent about dating and she was as single as it gets for all practical purposes and had moved 200 miles away from her soon-to-be-ex for te express purpose of starting out new away from her previous married life, so I really didn't place any significance on that. She saw herself as single and was free and willing to date and do anything else a single would could or would do. (She needed her soon-to-be-exes health insurance until she got her own.) Use your own judgment.
Am I supposed to be scared away...
Ideally, you're supposed to add that to the other information you have and make a rational decision. People lie, but we generally ignore the ones that we deem insignificant, otherwise we'd actually believe everyone who told us that he/she was smart, witty, faithful, honest, that it really was all the other person's fault for the divorce, etc. If he fessed up to robbing banks instead of doing bank security assessments, then you might consider passing on him. | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:36:32 AM | Yes... be scared and run. Liars suck and if they start off things with a "little lie" about having kids or their age... what do they consider a "big" lie? jaysus...
Why people lie is beyond me. Maybe they are not happy about their lives. Maybe they don't really have a very high opinion of themselves. Maybe maybe maybe. Who cares..? If someone is dishonest I'm gone. Who wants to spend time trying to figure out what's real and what's their imagination?
Check the photo shop thread... how many thought it was fine to just "touch up" the pics? Same lines.... or pics from 10 years ago, 30 lbs ago, take your pick.... misleading is lying.
Some people have some sort of alter-ego thing going here on the net. Like they are superheros or something.
Sad- but funny | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 9:22:11 AM | So effectively, you are saying, that it's more acceptable for these individuals to lie just because they happen to be attractive ? LOL Are you kidding me ? That's likely been the attitude of everyone their whole life. No one has held them accountable. This may well be common practice for this people because it been accepted by others.
Project yourself forward 5 years after you marry one of them - It's a guys night out and there's a cute girl at the bar making eyes at your good looking husband. Hardly his fault he's cute, right ? They start talking and he say's he's single. After all, if he can deny the existence of his own child, he can deny the existence of his wife - you. After spending the night with her, he tells you, after all, that's the honest thing to do, isn't it ? Come clean in the end. Are you still okay with this actions ?
Don't short change yourself. There are plenty of attractive men out there who are honest and sincere too. You don't have to have 'cute but lies' or 'unattractive but honest'. If you are going to settle, at least settle for the 'unattractive but honest'. At least you'll be able to trust him. | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 9:33:08 AM | Use your judgment. Many, many people lie a little on their profiles, or at least show themselves in an excessively positive way versus reality. I've often found that women will lie about their age and weight, and heard that men will lie about their height. Not revealing something isn't necessarily a problem, unless it's that they're married, for example!
Revealing minor things before meeting is far better than doing so later, IMO, and shows some integrity (who's perfect?). If the discrepancies really bother you or matter enough to be a deal-breaker, then don't meet. | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 9:38:55 AM | I have to ask OP your maritial status says single but you have a child - were you never married? Are you one of those people who believes divorced or separated is the same as single?
In my 43 years of life, I have never walked down the isle. Hope that clears things up!
A man lying a couple of inches on his height would not faze me at all. A lot of men lie about their height and some women take a few years off their age.
I have come to the conclusion that a lie is a lie. Lying about age is no better. If I think I am meeting a 45 year old and he ends up being 53 (older than I'd like to date) should this be okay? Are you taking a few years off of your age?
I think you need a break from online dating. Your starting to lose sight or reality.. .
Maybe you're right. But how long of a break? And if I take a break I will still run into people with misleading information on their profiles afterward. Two weeks ago I met one guy who lied about his age by 11 years, lied about having kids, lied about how long his longest relationship was, and lied about his ethnicity. When I found out I didn't know who I was sitting with anymore! | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 10:10:28 AM | Just a suggestion here but take some time off to read books on online dating and dating in general..........................
as you are doing this wrong if your finding liars then thinking it's YOU. You are not able to push them back from the scum they came from without a second thought. Perhaps your self esteem needs work? maybe some counseling?
because your not acting like the beautiful woman you seem to look like. Something is not right. Your trying to hard or feel some pressure or something.
You need to stop listening to the people on the forums who after years and years are still here....
you need to date better if you want someone good from online dating. Hence maybe the books will help.
Last thing you want to do is learn how to stay single and looking. You came here to meet someone and your not meeting him... that is typical.. but that you are thinking of reconsideration is the problem.
You need to learn how to take better care of yourself in that you can push the scum back and keep moving so you can meet the right person.
Not like your 250 pound, unattractive single mother with no job, no choices. Your dating tactics seem to not be working, maybe time to develop soem new ones that work.
Counseling maybe too.. self esteem ok? | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 12:46:23 PM | If their profile stated something different than what the truth is (incorrect age and no children when they do have one or more), then , yes, it is lying (in the profile), regardless of when they admit the truth.
If their profile said "prefer not to say", then it is not a lie, just not revealed yet.
Some women admit in the "about me" section of their profiles that the age listed at top is incorrect, sometimes even admitting the actual age. THAT is still a lie, they simply admit right away that they are a liar, an "honest liar", if you will (rolls eyes).
As to whether you are supposed to be "scared away", that is entirely up to you and how you feel about lying. | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 12:47:58 PM | | I've also found that a lot of people that are in relationships on here lie to try and keep themselves out of search criteria. It's been a while since I've been active but I did notice it a lot when I was single and looking. If you are going to start off whatever type of relationship you are looking for with a lie you are asking for trouble down the road. I'd ditch both these guys and move on but that's me and I have a lot of respect for myself and the way I am treated. | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 1:46:42 PM | Well Fall-blossom, A lie is a Lie, doesn't matter if they come clean after they've lied, and Im going to question their integrity from now on and probably kick them to the curb.
Ive met women that did that to me and all I did was wave buh byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, and a few of them were angry and I told them when you start off with a lie you cant build a solid foundation from there, its like building a house, if the foundation isn't sturdy what do you think happens to the house when the first adversity hits?
I met a woman once who claimed she was 40 and turns out she was 50, sure she didn't look 50 but that wasn't the point, the point is she lied and coming clean in the end doesn't make it better. | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 2:03:33 PM | How about you two not make this personal Please ? it will kill the thread
Ive read enough of the OP threads to come to the conclusion she needs to take a break from online dating , recharge her batteries so to speak and come back later on when the self esteem is up and the mind isnt tainted from her previous experiences.
Online dating isn't for everyone, Nice guys/girls ,those that are newbies, fresh out of a relationship hasn't dated since Adam was a little boy in short pants before he met Eve , needs to learn the skills when it comes to online dating, there are people out there looking to take advantage of those that are unsuspecting.
Are their liars on here? definitely no denying that, the trick is the learn the skills to weed these losers out. | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 2:25:53 PM | | Kinda surprised that's even a question. Of course its a lie, I don't care what anyone says not telling the whole truth is a lie. It doesn't matter how relevant the mistruth is, once a liar always a liar. In my opinion if someone doesn't message me back after reading my profile then its better that way. Sure you may get more responses pretending to be something your not but it all comes out in the wash. The whole its worth it because they are hot is a load as well, while initial attraction happens within seconds of seeing someone to me it diminishes greatly as character flaws are revealed. I don't want a photo 10 that turns out to be a character 2. I'm sure we all want an overall 10 but the majority of those are taken or lying about something haha. Happy fishing! | |
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| Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 4/10/2012 2:45:07 PM | Are their liars on here? definitely no denying that, the trick is the learn the skills to weed these losers out.
I am taking the straight forward approach now and asking, "Is there anything misleading in your profile I should know about before we meet such as age, kids (for those who state they don't have any)?" I think this will help!
It surprises me that there are some folks who are okay with people lying. I used to think it was okay, but realized a lier only fools himself or herself in the end. Like someone said if a lie is accepted then that behavior is being enabled.
Thanks for all of your input. | |
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