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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Third date - err.. Thoughts?      Home login  
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 HotSkank
Joined: 3/20/2012
Msg: 1
Third date - err.. Thoughts?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
First of all, please excuse the name lol.

Anyways..

First date we went out - ended with a hug.

Second date we went out again - kissed/made out with her several times.

This date.. Okay, now I'm slightly confused... She came over (just me and her) and we had a couple glasses of champagne, talked, watched T.V, and made out. The "date" lasted around 3 hours. No sex. Every time I started to go from kissing/touching her face/neck/upper chest to kissing/touching her breasts (while making out) she'd reposition my hand/head. Seemed pretty obvious that she didn't want to go any further. But for some reason, I don't know why, I expected more. Maybe because it was the third date (damn society) and she's going away on a trip this Friday for two weeks. She hasn't given me any mixed signals. At all. She's actually been the EASIEST girl to make plans with I think I've ever dated. After the second date I texted her saying I had a good time and that we should hang out again and she laid out her ENTIRE weekly schedule for me.

But I'm finding this girl hard to read and I'm just getting a weird vibe.. The thing is, I've gotten three dates with her, so I'm ASSUMING that she's interested. But it's a weird vibe... Honestly, it's a vibe like I could very possible get put in the friend-zone. But at the same time, that makes no sense.. We were making out, I was kissing her neck, touching her, ect.. How the hell could I get friend-zoned? She's acted awkward (for lack of a better word) at the end of each date. Like it could go the way that she's disappointed that we have to part ways and just expresses it in a weird way, or that she's uninterested. Hmm.. A good word would be apathetic, or emotionless. Like full of life when we're talking, watching T.V and making out, then monotone, straight-faced and emotionless when she left. Like I said: weird.

Am I worrying unnecessarily here, or what?

Was also planning on sending her a text tonight telling her to have fun on her trip and that I'm looking forward to seeing her again when she gets back.
 TempusFujis
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 2
Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/10/2012 3:41:28 PM
Hotskank? rolling my eyes on that one, that like saying Jumbo Shrimp? anyways
so because she didn't drop her panties for you and engage in the horizontal mattress boogie you think she is being cold or uninterested?

Ever consider she isn't ready to have sex with you ? just because its the third date doesn't mean she is ready? it may take her another week, month, 6 months to be emotionally ready or to trust you ? maybe she doesn't take sex as casual or goes by your timetable.

What is the freakin hurry , if she likes you and you like her explore each other, is your bobo going to fall off is you dont get any?
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 3
Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/10/2012 3:45:07 PM
What's hard to read ? She's shown interest in you. She didn't jump up offended. She's just not ready. We don't all jump into bed with everyone who is ready to take us there. The only 'schedule' she's operating by is her own and fair play to her. Would you be so interested if you thought she just gave in to every man who wanted to sleep with her ?
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 4
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Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/10/2012 3:50:21 PM
She's interested but isn't ready for sex. She's going to be gone for two weeks... she didn't feel comfortable sleeping with you because who knows what could happen in those 2 weeks. You're not in a relationship; she is protecting herself.
What's not to get?!

I get guys groping me quite often while making out and I am always moving their hands. It's not that I don't 'want' to sleep with them, I'm just not ready. And the way things usually turn out I am soooo glad I didn't sleep with them on the 3rd/4th etc date.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 5
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Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/10/2012 3:51:02 PM
She may not want to end the dates but knows it's best to want more than to overstay. Perhaps it's easier for her to just keep the affection out of it and end the night...much like you do when you're done with a phone call. If not you could end up saying goodbye to someone for a half hour. What's the point of that?

And yes, if she hasn't slept with you yet, she's likely just not ready - I wouldn't take it to mean not interested. Of course you wouldn't want her to go forward with that until she's 100% on board...no?
 SpringsDiver
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 6
Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/10/2012 3:59:15 PM
That's one heck of a post for someone with little of a profile and no photos!

Just go with the flow, OP.
 lightbrownsuga2luv
Joined: 12/1/2011
Msg: 7
Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/10/2012 4:39:37 PM
look (.> <.) leave that girl alone.
 coyotefeller
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 8
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Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/10/2012 4:46:25 PM
I just tuned into this thread cause I saw
the name "HotSkank"....fooled again !
What a letdown !
 HotSkank
Joined: 3/20/2012
Msg: 9
Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/10/2012 5:38:34 PM
^Lmao

I'm not angry that she didn't sleep with me. Actually, I'm glad! She's different than the other girls I've dated. What threw me was the vibe I was getting at the end of the night.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 10
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Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/10/2012 5:53:18 PM

What threw me was the vibe I was getting at the end of the night.


Have you seen the commercial with the egg in the frying pan and it says "This is your brain on drugs". That egg is your brain when you try to over-analyze and figure out what makes her tick instead of just enjoying the moment.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 11
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Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:13:19 PM
when you say weird vibe it makes me think of the joke Louis CK did on womens rape fantasy. Hopefully it wasnt one of those >_<
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4hNaFkbZYU
 Pengwie
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 12
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Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/11/2012 1:14:02 AM
It's even more surprising that any girl would actually have 3 dates with a guy who calls himself "Hot Skank" and has no profile. I assume you didn't meet her on POF.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 13
Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/11/2012 9:32:15 AM
Every time I started to go from kissing/touching her face/neck/upper chest to kissing/touching her breasts (while making out) she'd reposition my hand/head.

No surprise there. Thinngs go a lot smoother if you just keep on kissing a woman and let her get hot and bothered enough to be a little frustrated that you aren't being ``pushy enough.'' Once a woman has to stop you, she'll be thinking that she has to be on guard to stop you from groping her instead of wondering why you aren't trying to grope her.

We were making out, I was kissing her neck, touching her, ect.. How the hell could I get friend-zoned?

Because 99% of the guys she's kissed do/did exactly the same thing. You say ``touching her,'' but she probably thinks ``groping her.'' Just stick to kissing and let that inspire her to do the rest. You should never have to initiate anything beyond the first kiss. If you leave the rest up to her, it might not happen as soon as you would like, but it will happen sooner than you think it will.

Was also planning on sending her a text tonight telling her to have fun on her trip and that I'm looking forward to seeing her again when she gets back.

If you do get to see her again, back off and just stick to kissing. Leave before you wear out your welcome and she has to tell you it's getting late and that you should leave. It's always better to leave while she still wants you to stay than to stay until she wants you to leave.
 _Kites_
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 14
Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/11/2012 9:45:08 AM

She's interested but isn't ready for sex.

There it is right there. That's the easy part that you're already aware of, right?


She's acted awkward (for lack of a better word) at the end of each date. Like it could go the way that she's disappointed that we have to part ways and just expresses it in a weird way, or that she's uninterested.

She's probably disappointed with the feelings that she's experiencing and/or her behavior. You're pushing her outside of her comfort zone and it's on her mind at the end of your dates.

I think that at the end of a date, the guy is thinking, "How did I do? Does she like me?" and the woman (*some*) is thinking, "How did I do?" But in a much different context. Try to understand that they think differently than we do. Remember - "She's interested but isn't ready for sex."

It doesn't mean that she won't be back - try not to worry about it or interpret it incorrectly.

Good luck!
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 15
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Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/11/2012 10:42:38 AM
You've only had 3 dates?
So you really don't know each other much.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 16
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Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/11/2012 10:58:20 AM

But for some reason, I don't know why, I expected more


If she sensed you were expecting more and she knows she is not ready, she is going to put out a 'vibe'. If I knew I was leaving soon for a vacation after meeting someone, Id likely try to slow things down as well. She likely planned the trip hoping to be single and carefree when she went and wants to keep things that way. Having sex with you before leaving would have likely made her feel a sense of obligation to you-she is being smart not to set up a situation where her trip is a downer because she is mooning over some guy, or she knows some guy is mooning over her back home. Not to mention, in only 3 dates each lasting a couple of hours...you two dont know one another very well.

Forget any of the dating rules-three dates does not equal sex. There is no formula, it has to happen when both involved feel ready and not a moment sooner. Some will have sex sooner, some not...it is an individual thing.

Expectation equals premeditated resentment. Go with the flow and stop expecting other people to act in a certain way. Just enjoy what is happening in the moment.
 HotSkank
Joined: 3/20/2012
Msg: 17
Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/11/2012 9:04:03 PM
Texted her last night..

ME: I still smell Rihanna on my shirt! (the perfume she was weating) Haha I had a good time last night, *name*. Have fun in *place*, and I'm looking forward to seeing you when you get back.

HER: Haha I'm not sure that's a good thing lol. But I had fun last night too. Thank you for inviting me over last night. And we'll plan something.

ME: Ahaha! And definitely. Talk to you soon :)

HER: Sounds good... Hit me up whenever...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 18
Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/11/2012 9:07:48 PM
Well, that was a pointless conversation. Why didn't you actually make plans to do something instead of planning to make plans?
 HotSkank
Joined: 3/20/2012
Msg: 19
Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/11/2012 9:15:08 PM
She's going away on a two week trip starting this Friday. I can't see making plans 3 weeks in advance being any less pointless than the little nonversation we had. Of course I'll contact her in a week or so asking how the trips going and try to make plans then though..
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 20
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Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/11/2012 10:11:51 PM

She's going away on a two week trip starting this Friday. I can't see making plans 3 weeks in advance being any less pointless than the little nonversation we had. Of course I'll contact her in a week or so asking how the trips going and try to make plans then though..



Kids!

If you set up something definite, you show her you are a man on several levels.

Kids.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 21
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Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/11/2012 10:28:47 PM
Well, I guess your next step is to hit her up whenever.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 22
Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/12/2012 12:25:22 AM
Three strikes. No matter what her trip is or what she thinks should be next she had three tries and you weren't sold. End of... You have nothing to gain by wasting more of your time.
 ThinkinginCA
Joined: 4/14/2010
Msg: 23
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Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/12/2012 1:54:49 AM
^^^Ugh. He seems to be enjoying himself and actively seeking advice. You sound resentful.
 darthbanker
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 24
Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/12/2012 5:47:41 AM

How the hell could I get friend-zoned? Am I worrying unnecessarily here, or what?

Don't you ever read the forums?
Do have any idea how many threads are:
"I'm dating this person, they work in another country for a couple months, they have to travel 2 weeks out of every month, I met them right before they left for 2+ weeks, and they got back it was weird, they were weird right before they left."
Tons.

She might have simply been stressed out about her trip, even if she was looking forward to it.
The prospect of change, excitement or loathing, can cause enough stress where people look for some social petting, dating, in order to make them feel better, more normal. But as soon as they go take care of that trip, for work, fun, whatever, they come back (or are still on it) and see you in a new way, because that stress isn't motivating them anymore.

Although it could be she wants you to be more of a "man" and actually make direct gestures and have a plan.
I mean

After the second date I texted her saying I had a good time and that we should hang out again and she laid out her ENTIRE weekly schedule for me.

Here's a translation
You: "So like maybe sometime I can like think about the possibility of hopefully one day like maybe cogitating on being around you again? What do you think about that?"
Or You: "Can I get some sort of guarantee you are interested? Chase me a little."
Her: "When?!"
Or Her: "No. You chase me."


full of life when we're talking, watching T.V and making out, then monotone, straight-faced and emotionless when she left.

Could be she wants to go.
Could be she is the type when she says "I'm gonna go," she wants to go, and you are the type that sits there and makes good byes playful and annoying for 20 minutes without really saying anything.
Like when people are on the phone and saying "you hang up first, no you hang up first, on 3, 1,2,3, ahhh, you didn't hang up, no you hang up first, okay, I'm going to hang up, oh wait, what happened to that guy at work?"
Or maybe you are all "bye" as an absolute, and she really wants the drawn and dragged out good bye.

Maybe she's on the fence on whether or not she's really all that interested. She loses herself in the moment when you are together, but when reality comes knocking at the end of the night she's losing interest because of things like you don't make direct plans, just "looking forward to seeing you when you get baaaaaaaack."

So basically she is dating you because you are attractive, and maybe fun to be around, but only long term annoyance potential because setting up another date is like pulling teeth.
Or maybe she only really needed to date you until she went away on this trip.
Or both.
 HotSkank
Joined: 3/20/2012
Msg: 25
Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/12/2012 8:03:10 PM
To be honest, that's my "game." Some guys wait a few days before contacting and setting up a date, some guys wait a week, some guys wait till the very next day.. I like to contact the day after I've had a good date saying I had fun, but not set up another date immediately (not be over-eager); instead, just tell her that I'll "be in touch," then a couple/few days later contact her and try to set up another date. I mean it IS good to have some mystery to when you're going to contact her again for a date and build some anticipation in the early stages of dating, isn't it?
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