| | "I love you"..is a scarey sentence.Page 1 of 1 | Hey there,
I'm looking for some wisdom or advice, so Im going to thank you in advance in case I dont get a chance to reply due to travels.
It all started when I met an amazing woman from POF. (You are ALL amazing actually, I have had a blast getting to know people). We hit it off pretty much instantly when we met up for a very casual lunch. Things went full throttle for the first couple of weeks. One afternoon, I was chatting to her on my cell and just as I was saying goodbye, she ends with.."I love you".
Now, I was taken by surprise and just did not know how to respond. That awkard silence followed as I presumed she wanted me to say "I love you too"...but I just couldnt say it.
I just wasnt sure or just didnt know at this stage. It was too early for me. Now some people might think, it's harmless, a conversation ender that couples say to each other, ....but to me, I have to be absolutely sure that I am in love before I can say it, otherwise, it really dilutes the meaning of I Love You.
Am I being too old school, putting too much into the words "love"? Do you think she actually meant love as in the stuff that makes your stomach churn, I-want-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you love or it was just a harmless goodbye until next time?
Is this a gender thing, where women ease those three words into a conversation in a matter of fact sort of way.....because I can guarantee you, if I said I love you, I would absolutely mean it from the bottom of my heart, you and you alone until the end of days type of thing.
Anyway, its been nearly a week now since she last called, so Im going to accept that I may have screwed up and lost an awesome girl. I laugh on the inside as I fly out and think to myself....women= strange creatures. Love em to death, but man...do they **** with your head.
Luckily, I m deployed for the next 2 months to keep me busy.
-Cheers | |
|
tdh49
| | Joined: 4/12/2012
Msg: 2 | |
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/16/2012 9:39:53 AM | I don't know how she meant it, you really should have continued the conversation with her if you were curious about what she said.
I do know this from past experience. If a woman tells you she "loves you" and get dead silence as a response. The relationship(or whatever it is you were doing with her)is pretty much over. Nothing kills a relationship faster than one person saying"I love you" and the other responding "Gee thanks, I love the NY Giants".
No need to wonder why you have not heard from her in a week. | |
|
| |
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/16/2012 11:08:06 AM | Yes its sometimes scary Zac, but you have to look at the big picture here , Sometimes people say “I love you” too soon because they are really emotionally needy … which means they could possibly have codependency issues. If she is a codependent type, then know that she is going to want a lot of your time and attention as the relationship progresses A lot more of your time.
When a person shows signs of being emotionally needy very early in a relationship ,that is definitely a big red flag dont ignore it, In my opinion the best thing you can do is to tell her something positive eg: you are crazy about her, and that you think about her all the time , but that you are afraid to say it back to her right now.
If she is a reasonable person, then this will make perfect sense to her, If she starts crying and yelling, freaking out at you, then you know she is a Level 4 or maybe a Level 5 Whack job and its best to the Greenboro Alabama boogie aka Run Forest Runnnnnnnn | |
|
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/16/2012 11:27:38 AM | Some people say I love you to thier friends and family at the drop of a hat and on occasions when you think as an onlooker " How could they be feeling that for them at this particular time" In a sexual relationship however the first time a woman tells you she loves you it rarely is said lightly and it is a difficult situation if you are not on the same page. I think letting her know how you feel even if you cannot use the L work is far better that silence but yes this could well be the end if you are not feeling it.
Being with a man who is in active duty in the miliary is not for every woman - did she tell you she loved you just prior to your last deployment? Possibly thinking she may never see you again. | |
|
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/16/2012 11:31:18 AM | Why is ``I love you'' scary? Is that going to change the outcome of anything if you just go along with it like you were before that came up instead of making a big deal out of it and creating a problem that wouldn't exist if you didn't create it by getting ``scared?''
Am I being too old school, putting too much into the words "love"?
It doesn't matter what you ``put into'' her words. What matters is how you react to them. You don't have to get all worked up about it if you don't want to get all worked up about it. | |
|
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/16/2012 12:16:41 PM | It all started when I met an amazing woman from POF. ...Things went full throttle for the first couple of weeks. One afternoon,...she ends with.."I love you".
How long was the relationship going before she said this?
What does full throttle mean here? Talking about kids & marriage?
Her words don't mean anything to me without the proper context of time invested and depth of knowledge of each other.
If you were only together for a month, then that seems awfully soon to be saying this.
Personally, I'm not expecting to know if I love someone before being with them for about a year.
That may seem long to some, but that's how long it takes for my rose-colored glasses to come off.
Anyway, its been nearly a week now since she last called
Have *you* tried to call?
I'd guess that she was mortified by your silence and is too embarrassed to call.
so Im going to accept that I may have screwed up
I would also guess that she views this as *her* mistake. She thinks she scared you away.
Obviously she really likes(ed) you or wouldn't have taken such a risk to say that to you.
and lost an awesome girl.
Try calling her if you haven't already.
If you explained your silent response, I would bet (if she's a reasonable person) that she'd understand and feel relieved that you still like her. | |
|
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/16/2012 12:24:30 PM | | A co-worker was telling me of the time when he was new to the internet and e-mails, and people were sending him e-mails with LOL in the messages. He assumed LOL meant Lots of Love. He was puzzled as to why his guy friends would be saying that to him, and was questioning their sexual preferences. He didn't say at what point he realized what LOL meant in computer lingo. | |
|
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/16/2012 2:10:20 PM | | OMG, this new guy I'm talking to keeps telling me I love you and gets mad when I don't say it. I barely known him a few days and he's saying it? O.o Sorry, but it freaks me out, atleast when it's too early. Honestly, I get scared to say it when I'm ready because I don't want to scare off the other person. Like I don't know if it's too soon for them. | |
|
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/16/2012 2:30:34 PM |
Luckily, I m deployed for the next 2 months to keep me busy.
Luckily? not ...but u still can dream..... imo, u need,some day to get back into the loop, as being out & about with the fairer sex,cuz until then, u hormones will bite on the first warm body that crosses u path. & that will surly blind u in what is the real deal from the snake charmers. good luck | |
|
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/16/2012 3:10:46 PM | I say I love you to my friends and family all the time... and believe in telling people that you love them often....
so... for me I don't think it is a scary sentence... my guess is that it just surprised you.... and then embarrassed her... If you like her.... call her.... I am guessing she wasn't naming your babies when she said it... she just said it because she felt happy at that moment and comfortable.... then your reaction made her embarrassed that she said it... she can get over that if you call her... if you care... | |
|
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/16/2012 3:44:14 PM | And at the other end of the phone is a girl who probably thought to her herself, "Oh shit, why did I say that? Now he's going to get all freaky on me and think I'm expecting a ring and a fancy proposal next week! He's probably running for the hills right now. I'll never hear from him again, might as well just move on."
I agree that she's probably embarrassed that she said it and is wishing she could take it back. Why can't you just be happy that you have a girl who is into you and just call her, resume the dating relationship you had before she said such a monstrous, terrifying thing. I'd be she's wishing you could. | |
|
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/16/2012 3:47:08 PM | Hi op,
I totally agree with Temusfugis on this one.The one thing I would like to add is that,the reason you haven't heard from her is because she is probably completely embarassed since she didn't get a reciprocation.If you feel like you really want to keep dating her & see where things go,I would suggest giving her a call and explaining that it caught you off guard.Tell her the truth,like you explained to us,that those words mean alot to you(me too) & you want to keep seeing each other & see where it leads.That is...if she's not a stage 5 clinger! | |
|
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/16/2012 4:27:37 PM | Honestly, i don't think it's a gender thing but rather that it's a personal ordeal. Some people just feel attached quicker and assume that "i love you" is the right approach to it. I try to explain it to everyone i meet that it's supposed to be the hardest truth to accept, but the biggest relief to say.
And really, society has cheapened the words "I love you" to the point that they have no real emotional connection anymore. And it ruins the mood when you actually do say/hear it. Similar to psychological "Programming" or "De-Sensitizing." The more often you hear or experience something, the less impact you get from it. Addicts really show this best, since their bodies grow a resistance to their drug of choice, so they have to up the dosage until it becomes an automatic overdose.
But you are right, though. Women are strange creatures. They can be awesome to be with...or F*** with your head something awful. But, to be fair, they think the same thing of us. -shrug-
What's a guy going to do? I suggest a good nap. | |
|
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/16/2012 5:24:44 PM | | I think Tempus is spot on. In my experience this is signs of someone needing emotional validation. Just remember, that word alone has caused countries to go to war and many men to lose it all! Stand your ground with the meaning, but do explain to her your view. | |
|
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/17/2012 2:24:46 AM | First of all you did the right thing. Any girl saying I love you to a guy she's known for 2 weeks has some issues in my book.
Too many people online go WAY too fast. Saying I love you so soon is a huge red flag.
She sounds very insecure.
EVERY RELATIONSHIP at the start seems great!! There are other fish in the sea that will take the time to get to know you instead of going so fast. Tons of great women. You did the right thing. | |
|
| I love you..is a scarey sentence.
Posted: 4/17/2012 2:26:07 AM | p.s. some of you must have 100 people a day say I love you to you. sounds strange and weird.
I have tons of friends and once in a while I'll say I love you but I dont email them and tell them all the time.
This gentleman did the right thing. People throw around I love you like candy. You've known her for 2 weeks. Love should not be in the equation. | |
|
Home
login 
