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 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 1
Dating someone who lives with their ex?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Just wondering.....would you date someone whose room-mate just happened to be their ex-husband/wife/gf/bf? Would you wonder if there were more to it than just a room-mate situation? Do you feel that having room-mates of the opposite sex is okay, or is it a deal breaker?

Just looking for opinions. Thanx people. :)
 ThreadMasterB
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 2
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 2:52:00 PM
Hell no, I don't mind when ex's are friends but they can't be living together.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 3
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 2:54:41 PM
Do have a reason why this is a no-go for you?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 4
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 2:55:04 PM

Just wondering.....would you date someone whose room-mate just happened to be their ex-husband/wife/gf/bf?

Not a chance.

Would you wonder if there were more to it than just a room-mate situation?

I wouldn't care. I wouldn't date a woman who wants to be friends with an ex, much less live with him even if the chances of anything happening were exactly zero.

Do you feel that having room-mates of the opposite sex is okay, or is it a deal breaker?

My fiancee has a male roommate and it doesn't bother me in the least.
 TempusFujis
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 5
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 2:58:08 PM
Conventional wisdom would say Hell No..... but you do have couples that get along better as friends, Ive been in a situation many moons ago , the woman I was dating had her ex live with her, it was clearly over she invited me over when he was there, he had a new girlfriend and you can clearly see there was no tension, sexual tension , awkwardness so I do believe its possible, but they are far and few between.
 ThreadMasterB
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 6
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 3:01:41 PM

Do have a reason why this is a no-go for you?


I'm a trusting person, but it can only go so far I don't think I'd feel comfortable knowing that I'm dropping off someone I'm seeing into a house where they see their ex. There can be numerous why relationships don't work out but I do that normally physical attractive doesn't fade and sometimes being that we're human we slip. I'd be a paranoid wreck especially if I liked the girl and I'm hardly ever a paranoid wreck. I'm normally cool and confident all the time.
 redsox322
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 7
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Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 3:08:08 PM
I wouldnt thats too much drama and bullshit. Excuse my french
 Palejewel
Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 8
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Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 3:20:25 PM
No I wouldn't.

Why would there be a need for him/her to still be living with their ex?

When you are done, then finish it off.
Get your divorce.
Separate your belongings and get the hell out.
Life is made for the living.
Life is to move forward, not stay in a rut and continue on.

So who is still living with the ex?
You or the man you are dating.

And what's the scoop?
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 9
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Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 3:22:09 PM
Nope. too weird, and just plain inappropriate. There's a reason(s) why they are an ex, and when you break up with someone it means you're not together anymore.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 10
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 3:29:19 PM

So who is still living with the ex?
You or the man you are dating.

And what's the scoop?


Inquiring minds want to know. :)

Honestly, it is me.....I have been cohabitating with my ex-husband for the last 3 years due to medical and financial issues. (medical on my part and financial on his). We have that very rare situation where we make far better friends than being in a relationship with each other. There are no romantic feelings left between us at all, I allowed him to move back into my home because he needed a place to stay, and I needed someone to take me to my chemotherapy sessions etc. He has his space and I have mine, and now that I'm more than well enough to take care of myself, he is saving for a place of his own.

But with the answers I have gotten so far, I can see why I'm having a difficult time trying to find dates......lol
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 11
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 3:37:26 PM
No. I don't know of anyone who would do that. That would be stupid.

Life isn't one huge giant sit-com ya know.
 DeerTaint
Joined: 4/3/2012
Msg: 12
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 3:45:05 PM
Well, I won't date anyone with room mates. I don't care what the economy is. You get to a certain age and it's time to grow up. And you want someone to date while your ex is in the next room? Well good luck with that.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 13
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 4:03:49 PM
" And you want someone to date while your ex is in the next room? Well good luck with that."

Awe, come on......some guys will sleep with a girl while her significant other is in the next room!

I'm rooming with my ex-husband that I have been divorced from since 2000! We kept a civil relationship due our having a child together, and eventually became friends. Over the years, we realized that we never should have even considered getting married in the first place.

What I gather from most comments on here is, as long as the person you are dating is rooming with an ex, no matter the situation, that person is OUT!! Are there really so many insecure people in the world? WOW!
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 14
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 4:16:08 PM
OP, get real. no one wants to get involved with someone whose life is still intricately and intimately connected with a spouse they legally divorced. You may be very good friends and still lousy spouses to each other, but don't invite another person into your' menage'. They may not want to be the 'a trois'.

Maybe you can just register as domestic partners and so enable you each to take care of the other when health and financial issues arise.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 15
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 4:27:48 PM

We have that very rare situation where we make far better friends than being in a relationship with each other.

The problem I have with that, is that I think it's just plain weird and I can't imagine that the kind of personality that would be required to think that way could possibly be a match for mine. If I'm going to start a relationship with someone, I want all of the past baggage gone and a woman to is completely indifferent towards her ex with no interest in ever hearing from him again. I don't keep track of my exes and I couldn't tell you what they are doing or even if they're alive. They're in the past and doing whatever they're doing. My focus is always on the person I'm dating without any baggage around to complicate things. My exes had their shot, now it's someone else's turn.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 16
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 4:28:45 PM
^^^^^^ As I said.....insecure/jealousies abound. And why would I "register" as domestic partners with a friend? He was kind enough to help me through my cancer treatments when I had no one else, so I'm repaying his kindness by giving him a place to live. That's ALL there is to it! I'll say it again, we may live in the same house, but that's where it ends, other than friendship. He has his living quarters and I have mine.

Do people have NO compassion for others any more? If you had a friend who fell on hard times and needed a place to crash for a while, would you tell them to go to shelter? All I have done is give a friend a helping hand....

As for the menage thing.....again, there is absolutely NOTHING sexual about the situation, so there would most certainly be no "trois" to add to this equasion!
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 17
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 4:55:00 PM

I don't keep track of my exes and I couldn't tell you what they are doing or even if they're alive


So, what you are saying is that......the people you professed to care about and love, since the break-up, you could care less about? What that says to me is......you never gave sheit to begin with....JMHO.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 18
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 4:57:41 PM

Conventional wisdom would say Hell No..... but you do have couples that get along better as friends, Ive been in a situation many moons ago , the woman I was dating had her ex live with her, it was clearly over she invited me over when he was there, he had a new girlfriend and you can clearly see there was no tension, sexual tension , awkwardness so I do believe its possible, but they are far and few between.


As I am now finding out, you are absolutely right. These situations are extremely rare, and not very many people can comprehend them.
 DMV_Living
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 19
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 5:11:22 PM
I was actually in a situation like that last year. She was having a difficult time financially so I let her and the kids move back in. We actually tried to reconcile but quickly remembered why we got a divorce so we went our separate ways. My place has an apartment that I used and she rented the main part of the home back to me.

I figured I wouldn't be able to get a date with the living arrangements but I had no issue. I was very up front with it. One of the first things I mentioned in our conversations and not one said "sorry, not my thing". I was very surprised.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 20
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 5:30:32 PM
^^^^Really? For me, it seems everything okay, until I mention that he and I share a kitchen and bathroom. When I mention that, the guys seem to run. Makes no sense to me.....My ex spends all his time in the basement when he's not at work, other than to prepare a meal or use the facilities. So, 90% of the time, I don't even know he's here.....
 Sunshinelady555
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 21
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 6:57:29 PM
I do not want a man with a Room mate, any Room mate. LOL
I am older and maybe if I was in College it wouldn't matter.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 22
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Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 7:05:39 PM
You do hear of the odd California couple that are so upside down on their mortgage that they stick together for financial reasons. But I would live in a shack before I would cohabitate with my ex. Not for me, far to co-dependent.
If he has a job he should be able to afford a room, and as for you I cannot imagine being at so low a point that the only human being willing to extend themselves during an illness is the very person you decided was no longer worth being coupled with. Either end the marriage or stay in it. If you can live with them you can remain married to them.
3 years is a long time to be sharing a bathroom
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 23
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 7:45:04 PM
Ok.....let me say this....I am not looking for input or advice on MY living situation! I choose to live the way I live because it is what is best for ME!!! You do not live my life, you do not know the full particulars of my life, so please refrain from advising me that I should NOT be living this way! Thank You! (walk a mile in another man's shoes before you pass judgment) (Judge not lest ye be judged).....etc

Further more, just because I can live in the same house with him does not mean I should be his WIFE! Would you live in a sexless marriage with absolutely NO intimate contact whatsoever? I think NOT!!!

As for my illness......he was the only one who A) had the time to take me to my appointments B) had a running vehicle I had several family and friends around to help with my care.....each and everyone of them was instrumental in my surviving Cancer! And to have someone in my home, 24/7 while I was sick was a BLESSING, it saved me from having strangers come in on a daily basis. I thank each and everyone of my friends and family for everything they did to help me survive....I could NEVER have made it alone. And just so you know....in that 3 yrs, I have had breast cancer twice and have had 3 surgeries! Like I have said, you do not live my life, nor do you know the full particulars.....so do NOT judge me!

My question was, and still is would YOU date someone who is living with their ex. MY situation has NOTHING to do with it!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 24
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 8:40:44 PM
As I said.....insecure/jealousies abound.

Nothing insecure about it. If you'll recall, I mentioned that my fiancee has a male roommate and it doesn't bother me in the least. You're confusing insecurity with spring cleaning.

So, what you are saying is that..

What I'm saying is that you aren't over someone until you're indifferent. If anything the ability to remain friends is an indication of never having much to begin with. I consider the need to be friends with exes a personality defect of people pleasers who can't deal with anyone not liking them and who ould be willing to sacrifice a relationship with someone new in order to not feel bad about getting rid of dead wood. Given that you feel so strongly about clinging to your ex, yeah, I can see how dating would be difficult even if you didn't live with him.

What that says to me is......you never gave sheit to begin with....JMHO.

What it says to me is that they had their turn and it didn't work out so they don't get to hang around and sabotage my next relationship. I don't have a need to have everyone like me and I care about my next relationship more than one that went nowhere. I've never had an ex cause me problems with dating because they aren't hanging around to do it. You tell me. Who's priorities are screwed up. The person who clings to an ex at the expense of dating someone with a possible future or the person who moves on and doesn't allow past relationships to contaminate new ones. If you want dates, clear out the baggage from the past first.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 25
Dating someone who lives with their ex?
Posted: 4/18/2012 8:42:48 PM
no chance at all on that one. I don't want to see any of my Ex's period.
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