| | Being friends with someone that is attracted to youPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | I was trying to put this under ask a girl to get their advice on this subject, but what the hell let's open it everyone. I sometimes find myself in awkward situations because I will normally hang out with anyone once. When I don't feel like there is any sort of romantic connection or can't see it going any further than friends I let them know. The only problem I have is after all that is said they sometimes still force the issue. Does this happen to other people as well? How have you handled if it did happen? Am I leading them on by even trying to remain friends, by that I mean am I leaving them some sort of false hope to hold onto? | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/18/2012 7:07:52 PM | I feel that they need to take responsibility for themselves. If they cant handle being just your friend they need to stop being your friend.
The sad thing is ALL my friends are ppl who want to bork me... yet its funny that I find that sad ;) | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/18/2012 8:25:29 PM | I don't think it's wise to try to forge a "friendship" with someone when you don't want to be in a "relationship" with them.
Not many people have the time or inclination to put the effort into being "friends" when they're looking for love. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/18/2012 8:32:25 PM | | This is a difficult one to answer. Sometimes, even if you stress the issue that you only want to be friends, some will hold out hope for more. I'd say, if they keep pushing the issue and want more than you are willing, or capable of giving to them.....you may have to just walk away from them. I have had to do this in the past, it wasn't easy, but sometimes, it has to be done. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/18/2012 8:41:01 PM | | I agree with Landra for the most part. If you don't find them attractive then let them go. I am sure you have enough TRUE life friends. Having said that, I do have a few male friends I met while dating on POF a few years ago who I absolutely adore and will soon attend one of their weddings. So, be mindful of the ones you actually want to keep in your life because you enjoy them as people. Don't hang on to them because maybe one day, they might be there for you to hold on to....sexually. That opens a nice big can of wormy worms. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/19/2012 9:01:57 AM | | i think even in friendship there's attraction. attraction doesn't mean sexual, it means just being drawn towards someone. if you think the person(s) in question are good people to be friends with and hangout, just talk to them about it (again) and ask what's really up. tell them how you really feel about the matter and see if there's an open understanding. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/19/2012 5:08:35 PM | in a round about way I asked the same question in another forum: Its was is it ok to be freinds? I am not a dater and do not want to date at all. I dont like relationships and see all the hastles relationships have. And the fact that I have had some bad relationships lately so I have given up.
Now I dont give any background like that to a woman but I am going to start letting them know upfront I want only a platonic thing and thats it.
I am a little harder then you I guess. Women have said I love you lately and well I tell them it was nice knowing you hope you have a good life and do not let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. I walk away from the freindship because its too hard to stay freinds one the r and l words have been brought up. For them because they want it and hope for more someday, for me because then it means they want more then i can give. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/19/2012 8:07:47 PM | | I think they will keep a hope that you might someday be attracted to them. If I wanted to be friends with someone who was attracted to me, but I wasn't attracted to them, I'd keep my contact with them sporadic so they wouldn't think I was becoming interested. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/20/2012 1:38:00 PM | | I would not be friends with someone if I felt that they wanted more than the friendship and I did not. I do not think you are leading them on, but in the end it is for the best. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/20/2012 4:09:16 PM |
Am I leading them on by even trying to remain friends, by that I mean am I leaving them some sort of false hope to hold onto?
Yes, it is leading her on. It is best not too spend time one on one because that is exactly what you are doing.
I had a friend who wanted to get married, I did not and continued to be friends because he was a great guy but not enough chemistry going for me there. He agreed to friends only, but many of my friends and family said that was just leading him on spending time with him dinners, movies, events. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/20/2012 4:25:08 PM | One of my best friends asked me out a few years ago and we remained friends. It has never been an issue since. I had another girl in college who was my best friend and I knew she liked me but I never led her on. She had a hard time after we had been friends for about a year and I got into a relationship with someone else though.
As long as you never flirt with them, or give hints of being interested in more than friends and being direct with them if you ever need to then I see no problem in remaining friends. It is up to them on how they want to handle it. If they don't want to be friends then let them do so. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/20/2012 7:52:23 PM | | Attracted to someone but trying to be their friend, or vice-versa? That's a situation I try and avoid, speaking through my own lens here, but attraction doesn't fade just because someone is a friend, maybe its not that way for everyone else though. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/21/2012 12:14:36 AM | I was trying to put this under ask a girl to get their advice on this subject, but what the hell let's open it everyone. I sometimes find myself in awkward situations because I will normally hang out with anyone once. When I don't feel like there is any sort of romantic connection or can't see it going any further than friends I let them know. The only problem I have is after all that is said they sometimes still force the issue. Does this happen to other people as well? How have you handled if it did happen? Am I leading them on by even trying to remain friends, by that I mean am I leaving them some sort of false hope to hold onto?
Yes, this has happened to me. Early on, when I was younger, I tried to maintain 'friendships' with men who were attracted to me but I was not attracted to them, when the man asked for that. I realized they hung around because they hoped I would one day change my mind. I knew I never would: the chemistry just wasn't there. Since those days, I no longer do this. I will not keep as a 'friend' a man who wants a relationship with me, who is sexually and romantically attracted to me. Now, of course, it also has to do with the fact I am involved, but even if I weren't, I wouldn't do it. I think it amounts to stringing someone along, and for me, it is a very uncomfortable situation. My ego does not cause me to need to have guys hanging around who are hoping I will want to be with them. I don't need that at all, whether I am involved with someone or single. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/21/2012 3:40:35 AM | Likelihood is that they are holding out hope of being with you and will analyse every positive interaction you have. Trust me I've been there on both sides of the coin.
Ultimately, 9 times out of 10 it'll end badly.
Don't go there is my advice. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/21/2012 2:31:58 PM | I will normally hang out with anyone once. When I don't feel like there is any sort of romantic connection or can't see it going any further than friends I let them know.
Given the first sentence, you will hang out with someone, already not attracted to them. Don't. You're leading them on.
Am I leading them on by even trying to remain friends, by that I mean am I leaving them some sort of false hope to hold onto?
Yes. If they're into you, why would you want to be 1-on-1 friends with them? Actions speak louder than words. It's not a "Closed for Business" sign if you still hang out being friends to everyone... to many it's a "Temporarily Out of Order", and they really dig you, they'll hang around to get in.
That's not to say every girl would entertain the notion of being just friends. But if you say that BEFORE meeting them, they'll assume you want to take it slow. And if you say it AFTER meeting them, I think most will want to walk anyway. If you find that pretty much most women DO want to be your friend -- then yes, you are leading them on. You should see very very few (that indicates they'd just be leading themselves on, at worst). | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/22/2012 1:17:55 PM |
Am I leading them on by even trying to remain friends, by that I mean am I leaving them some sort of false hope to hold onto?
FP8780, You may not be leading them on but they are probably holding on to false hope. I know that I am friends with guys who have been holding onto hope of more, even for years. I just brush it off. With one friend, he gets kind of sad. With another we laugh about it from time to time. As long as you are not giving them mixed signals (affection, over-complimentary, going on dates that can be construed as romantic rather than the local casual spot where you will see other other friends who are free to drop in at anytime), I see nothing wrong with remaining friends. But like any other relationship, if the majority of the interactions are enjoyable, keep it. If the majority of interactions are unpleasant for you, its time to let it go. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/22/2012 1:35:03 PM | My opinion is, you aren't being smart by trying to stick around as friends to people you aren't attracted to but are to you.
If there is no attraction, move onto the next. Seems simple to me. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/25/2012 11:18:39 PM |
I see nothing wrong with remaining friends. But like any other relationship, if the majority of the interactions are enjoyable, keep it. If the majority of interactions are unpleasant for you, its time to let it go.
So, by your own reckoning, the man attracted to you should end all interaction if your encounters leave him frustrated and sad. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/26/2012 9:40:19 AM |
As long as you are not giving them mixed signals (affection, over-complimentary, going on dates that can be construed as romantic rather than the local casual spot where you will see other other friends who are free to drop in at anytime), I see nothing wrong with remaining friends
I think your boundaries are a little too loose there, though. If they like you, Especially with a friend who can get kind of sad, don't hang out one-on-one. Have them be a friend-in-a-group, not one-on-one.
A good indicator of whether you're leading them on to Any extent, is: Do I appreciate the flattery that they like me? If yes, then you are leading them on (just because it's not fully doesn't mean you aren't). It's silly to want to be friends & bond one-on-one with someone you're not into, but they are into you. That's a reason WHY they're even friends with you. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/26/2012 8:04:36 PM | | someone wants something you arent capable of giving. she watches you date everyone but her..this isnt fair to expect her to be ok with this when you know she wants more from you and you dont feel that. expecting her to watch while you move on knowing you'll never see her that way is in its way a form of emotional abuse...you need to encourage her to move on for her own emotional well-being. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/26/2012 8:47:30 PM | So, by your own reckoning, the man attracted to you should end all interaction if your encounters leave him frustrated and sad.
If he felt that would be the best thing for him, sure. I'm all for people feeling empowered enough to be responsible for their own happiness. I encourage any adult to do so and wouldn't take it hard if they told me that they can no longer be friends with me because it caused them to experience emotional distress. Conversely I don't feel responsible for telling an adult when its time to move on for their own peace of mind. | |
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| Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/26/2012 10:20:53 PM | One of my best friends tells me that he is heavily attracted to me and would mess around with me in a heartbeat. However, he is still a gentleman and only tells me these things when he is completely hammered and never forces his hand on me, sober or not. So we are still really great friends.
If he ever had continued in a persistent manner to the point where I was uncomfortable, I would regrettably and probably, very sadly, let him go as a friend. | |
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