| | Do you tell?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | | So I was checking through new users and I am pretty sure I spotted this guy who is with an acquaintance of mine on here. I am positive it's him. Do I tell her? I am not super close with her, but she has two kids by the guy. I've heard some people say if shes not your friend don't go and tell her, but isn't it wrong not to if they have kids? | |
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| Do you tell?
Posted: 4/23/2012 6:12:30 AM | Stay out of it. It's none of your biz. For all you know, they have an "arrangement" or he has an identical twin brother that he may or may not know about it.
Whether kids are involved is irrelevant. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 6:17:59 AM | | Alright fair enough. I just didn't want any bad karma for not saying anything. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 6:26:18 AM | Why? Do you think kids will actually (or should) hold a bad marriage together? Trust me, wherever these two people are headed you are certainly not going to stop them from getting there.
My advice is to stay out of it. | |
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| Do you tell?
Posted: 4/23/2012 6:27:30 AM | If you're sure it's him, talk to him.
If he's innocent, then someone is using his picture.
If he's guilty, he'll at least know that you know, and make some changes. Perhaps he'll be honest with her on his own. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 6:29:58 AM | | No I don't think they should hold a marriage together. But I think it's wrong that he is acting like everything is great and wonderful and he's so madly in love with the girl if he's scamming girls on POF. The reason I brought up the kids was the fact that she changed her life for him in a very big way, and this is how he repays her? I thought it was ****ed up, that's all. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 6:32:06 AM | | Not your business and you don't know the whole story. Stay away from it completely. | |
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| Do you tell?
Posted: 4/23/2012 6:37:18 AM | | nothing do with you,bad karma if you interfere damn right,enough said | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 7:58:11 AM |
No I don't think they should hold a marriage together. But I think it's wrong that he is acting like everything is great and wonderful and he's so madly in love with the girl if he's scamming girls on POF. The reason I brought up the kids was the fact that she changed her life for him in a very big way, and this is how he repays her? I thought it was ****ed up, that's all.
You are a good person, but this is not your problem to solve. Thread search it, it never works out right. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 8:38:35 AM | | Even when 100% sure it still is a gray area to traverse. Best advice is to keep it in mind this information if the situation worsens or some new evidence shows up. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 8:51:34 AM | | Did you also check to see if his wife/girlfriend (you didn't say if it was a wife or gf) is on POF as well? Maybe she has a profile here too. Either way, MYOB. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 8:52:04 AM | If you're just an acquaintance and not a close friend to either of them, what makes you think she's going to believe what you say over her husband? If you're going to take that route, you'll need to gather evidence and proof and be willing to play Nancy Drew.
So you'll be the one who searched out dirt on the internet and presented it to a woman with two kids, (a woman you hardly know), and tried to destroy their family. Feel good about yourself? Feel you did the "right thing"? | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 8:53:46 AM | | I would tell her. We women should stick together and look out for each other, even if we are not super close. Just send her the link to his profile and say you are not sure if it's him or not and you're not trying to stir up any drama or anything, but you want to share this with her just in case. Because if it was you, wouldn't you want someone to tell you that your man and the father of your children was playing you for a fool? I know that I would. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 9:18:48 AM | You can't be sure unless you get a date with him and have sex. THEN you will have the evidence you need to convince her that she has a manipulative, cheating creep with no respect for boundaries in her life!  | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 9:43:32 AM |
Because if it was you, wouldn't you want someone to tell you that your man and the father of your children was playing you for a fool?
She doesn't know this for a fact at all. NO ONE will thank her for her troubles even if she did. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 11:26:14 AM | | Send him an email and ask how his wife is doing, then leave it alone. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 12:17:23 PM | | I understand why you are asking the forums for help on this. I would be compelled to let her know, but since you don't really know her I wouldn't. She may not believe anything another woman tells her and then again who knows if their relationship has or hasn't take a turn for the worst. It's always sad to hear especially where there are children involved that one or both of the parents are out playing in the yard instead of providing a good example for their children. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 12:19:11 PM | @ curvesweetblonde99
i agree with you on this...
send the link to his profile to her email an just tell her what you already have told us..nothing like having a smoking gun for evidence. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 12:26:43 PM |
nothing like having a smoking gun for evidence. Nothing like the moral police riding in on their high horses to butt into strangers' lives and see how destructive they can be. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 2:07:37 PM | Nothing like the moral police riding in on their high horses to butt into strangers' lives and see how destructive they can be.
Landra where did THAT come from? POF is OPEN TO THE PUBLIC. He wants to put it out there for everyone to see, he can deal with the consequences. Are you suggesting the O.P. keep secrets from what she sees on a public dating site? That would be highly dysfunctional. It's not her job to protect an abuser, but it is her choice to care for the well being of his wife by sending her a link.
I have a history of telling women in my community when I have known about their partners having affairs. A couple of the men got in my face, but the women love me and talk me up around town to this day. Like I saved their life or something. I would also say if the genders were reversed, just haven't come upon that yet.
Send a link to his profile, anonymously from a email address you don't normally use. Be willing to respond anonymously as well with the truth.....
You happened to come up him on POF, you sent the link because you have her best interests at heart.
Do unto others as you would have them.....you know the rest of this sentence. Good luck! | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 2:41:44 PM |
Nothing like the moral police riding in on their high horses to butt into strangers' lives and see how destructive they can be.
Landra where did THAT come from? POF is OPEN TO THE PUBLIC. He wants to put it out there for everyone to see, he can deal with the consequences. Are you suggesting the O.P. keep secrets from what she sees on a public dating site? That would be highly dysfunctional. It's not her job to protect an abuser, but it is her choice to care for the well being of his wife by sending her a link.
Whoa!!!! Who said this guy is an abuser?
I have a history of telling women in my community when I have known about their partners having affairs. A couple of the men got in my face, but the women love me and talk me up around town to this day. Like I saved their life or something. I would also say if the genders were reversed, just haven't come upon that yet.
LOL ~ and this matters to you? That women talk you up around town? What you likely don't know is what they say behind your back.
~OP~ Stay out of it. You don't live in their house, you don't even know who lives in their house for sure. Maybe they have an "open relationship" (yes, I know, it pains people on this site to think in terms of such things) or maybe they're separated or maybe he's a jackass. My exhusband had a penchant for other women. No one needed to tell me, I knew long before any of those "do-gooders" spreading our insider info around knew. I was told by two "friends" and they had the facts so insanely wrong that I had to clue them in on the realities. That's when I stopped listening to BS/rumors/lies and/or the town criers who prefer to gossip rather than tend to their own business and keep noses out of mine. JMO  | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 2:51:46 PM |
Whoa!!!! Who said this guy is an abuser?
I'm surprised you don't know that cheating is a form of emotional abuse. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 3:19:29 PM |
I'm surprised you don't know that cheating is a form of emotional abuse.
I'm surprised you have not posted your empirical evidence that this guy is cheating.
Not really, you only have speculatory hearsay and would be in complete harmony with destroying a family with it. That is actually very scary. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 3:53:10 PM | I wouldn't. WHATEVER happens--whether they stay together or split--she'll be mad at you. Everyone is not like you (who would want to be informed if their significant other was caught straying). Many females will actually believe that YOU were jealous of their "relationship" which is why you told.
Don't do it. Also--what if it's not even him? | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 4:02:21 PM | I'm surprised you have not posted your empirical evidence that this guy is cheating.
Not really, you only have speculatory hearsay and would be in complete harmony with destroying a family with it. That is actually very scary.
Promethius, by selectively quoting the words of another poster and losing the context of their meaning, you do yourself no favors.
The man in question has a profile on a free dating site. If he has nothing to hide or fear it will not be a problem. For example while in my last relationship I had a hidden profile, just like now with no photo. First words said I was here for the forums only. At the onset of our relationship I shared this with my partner. He was fine with it. I am transparent and have nothing to hide. Are you? Why should this be a problem for the gentleman in question if he is living in honesty? Can you answer this question? | |
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