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| | Decent MenPage 1 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | Ok, lets start by saying I'm not perfect and this isn't me putting down every man that has ever walked the earth.
That said I have met men/blokes/guys/boys in clubs/pubs, generally out and about and more of late the internet. However, I have noticed that they all seem to have a few issues, they want to talk to me when it suits them, they want sex/dirty chat without a thought to my feelings, or they are ridiculously full on.
I know i can't have it all my way but meeting a half decent guy would be nice.
The reason I wanted to try online dating was because I thought that I was meeting thesame type of guy because I was meeting them in the same type of place. But the internet just seems to have exaggerated my problems with finding a half decent man.
I have come to one conclusion, I am the one continuous factor in all of these relationship issues.
Am I the only one to feel like this? Is the whole world just going a little bit crazy? Or is it just the I have some real issues I have yet to decipher? | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:09:48 PM | I think it was wise of youu to notice that out of all these relationships, you were the continuous factor. Though, asking us, is merely an attempt to validate your original way of thinking so you don't need to delve deep wwithin yourself and possibly make changes.
If your way of thinking hasn't workked so far, the problem isn't the men, the problem is you, and not understanding how men opperate.. And that takes change on your part.
And yes the world is crazy.. And it will get worse before it gets better
Whatever image.. And I do mean to use image, because we all have and use them; whatever image of a "decent" or "great" man that you have had in your head up to now?
Throw away in the dumpster, and take a closer look at men.
And for god sakes, stop reading these magazines made by women, telling women what men are about.. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:13:22 PM | issue yet to decipher,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,here allow me,,,,
men,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,need sex,,not want,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,need
a decent guy is one who can control that need,,,,,but most cannot,,and some NEED it several times a day especially at your age,,,,,so,,,now you know,,,no one ever told you because we don't like to share that one with you it makes you look at your father in a whole new way that may not be all that healthy,,,,realizing he is just like all men takes him off the pedestal you use to choose men the rest of your life,,,tall,,,etc.
also,,,any men who come on here and claim differently,,,are lying,,,,,period...i am giving away the man secret that i really am not suppose to,,,but you did ask
of course,,,i could be wrong.........but i'm not:)
allegedly | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:13:42 PM | " The reason I wanted to try online dating was because I thought that I was meeting thesame type of guy because I was meeting them in the same type of place. But the internet just seems to have exaggerated my problems with finding a half decent man.
I have come to one conclusion, I am the one continuous factor in all of these relationship issues.
Am I the only one to feel like this? Is the whole world just going a little bit crazy? Or is it just the I have some real issues I have yet to decipher? "
You sound mature for the years you have been on this earth. Did you start your profile stating that you were looking for friends, or did U change your status later ? Of course, you can be, or desire anything you want, unless it's illegal immoral or fattening lol
finding mature, compatible people is hard, especially in your age group. There are some good men who have your best interest at heart. you just have to find them. IF that's what you are looking for. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:20:18 PM |
I have come to one conclusion, I am the one continuous factor in all of these relationship issues.
That's a good start. Now all you have to is pick men differently. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:23:36 PM |
I have come to one conclusion, I am the one continuous factor in all of these relationship issues.
That's a very trendy thing to say and sometimes its true.
I just don't happen to think it is in your case.
Lots of trendy things get shoved into the media about common denominator, co-dependency, acceptable behaviours, what we're out to get.
I think you're finding the world has changed, the three date rule rules and communication has been forgotten in the wake of instant gratification.
You are the common denominator in as much as it will always be you negotiating you way in a world that may not be designed for your way of thinking. Don't fret, the noisiest are probably a minority and there are plenty of others like you, compatible with you, just a bit quieter.
The sexiest part of the body is the brain. Try focusing upon that aspect of men. If their brains turn you off, set little alarm bells ringing, have a good old think about that. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:25:33 PM | If I knew what to change and pick differently I wouldn't be here lol........
Oh and yes I changed my looking for field to 'friends' after looking for something more, and just getting treated like dirt. I don't want to resign myself to not even bothering to looking, so this was sort of the next best thing. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:41:07 PM | Changing the enviroment where you use to meet men can be a starting point.
However, whenever the place and whatever the circumstances, the only people who can treat you like dirt, are the one who you allow to do that. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:41:34 PM | You're stating the obvious and taking it all so personally.
That said I have met men/blokes/guys/boys in clubs/pubs, generally out and about and more of late the internet.
Yes, so have I. So have most women. I've got men in my family, uncles, cousins, brothers, friends, co-workers, service workers, neighbors, etc etc. I've concluded that men are everywhere.
However, I have noticed that they all seem to have a few issues, they want to talk to me when it suits them, they want sex/dirty chat without a thought to my feelings, or they are ridiculously full on. Yes, that's the way some are some times. Except in your case, you're saying they all seem to have problems. Those are the ones you just cut off at the pass. Like when you find out they have issues, for example. Then it wouldn't be a problem. Then it would be simply meeting men who aren't a match and going about your day.
I know i can't have it all my way but meeting a half decent guy would be nice. Really? I bet you're meeting half-decent and fully-decent guys right now, but you're so busy entertaining the losers, you don't see it. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:42:18 PM | You might want to make a profile that is a little less bare, and actually put some effort into it. One problem with looking for "friends" is that you're still on a dating site, and most 20-something guys aren't really looking for friends unless it's "with benefits."
As far as decent men, well you might want to spell out to us and/or the dudes looking at your profile what makes for a "decent man." Even decent men want to get their rocks off. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:45:19 PM |
Really? I bet you're meeting half-decent and fully-decent guys right now, but you're so busy entertaining the losers, you don't see it.
^
Like it or not OP, everyone finds exactly what they're looking for. Going on a diet doesn't solve weight problems. Only a complete lifestyle change solves weight problems. Fixing your picker is the same way. You have to fundamentally alter how you perceive the world and its inhabitants if you have any hope of changing what you're looking for. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:46:21 PM | " If I knew what to change and pick differently I wouldn't be here lol........"
Stating that what you have to do to fix it, is change the way you pick men... is like saying, if you put a million dollars in your wallet, you will no longer be poor. WHERE would you , or most people, easily get a million dollars ?. Each of these situations CAN POSSIBLY be aattained, but usually with hard work.
"Oh and yes I changed my looking for field to 'friends' after looking for something more, and just getting treated like dirt. I don't want to resign myself to not even bothering to looking, so this was sort of the next best thing."
So what are you hoping to get out of this ? If you don't take a chance on being hurt, you will likely not take a chance on being loved : )
Keep working on YOU : ) You appear to be a bright woman. I wish you the very best | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:46:37 PM | I dont agree I think it is the nature of online dating. It is not you. They are saying what they would not dare say in real life and giving full reign to their fantasies and are anonymous. You have the same problems that most women do and
I would not put myself down. I guess this is just not the place for finding decent men as they are doing fine in real life. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:50:01 PM | There's "half decent" men out there. They're just in the "friend zone" where you left them.
This isn't a bitter/irate/whatever type of reply. It's just the simple truth. I can't tell you how many women I know/have known, that all say the same thing: "where's the good guys at?" "How come I can't find any good men out there?"
Fact is, they were in front of you all along, you (not saying "you" specifically, but in generalized terms) just decided they'd be a better "friend" than boyfriend/relationship. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:52:25 PM | " Like it or not OP, everyone finds exactly what they're looking for."
That's why there are no online dating sites, and many people have to work at a job that they hate, because there are no other jobs available ? ; Concluding that they found the job of their dreams, because they hate their jobs ?
That's why people have crossed oceans, because they found exactly what they were looking for, where they already were ? How many people under Nazi Germany's rule who met a ghastly end, found exactly what they were looking for ?
Thanks for waving your magic wand and solving world hunger, rape, the crookedness of some politicians, and murder, all in one sweep.
There are no likely iron clad absolutes in this situation; there are variables. Many people do not know how to FIND what they are looking for.
Your magic wand is about as effective as shooting pool with a rope.
Yes, people have to change HOW they go about looking for what they want, if they aren't getting what they want. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:58:17 PM | | woman want bad boys and men they think they can change if you want better men look at the guys that are only ur friends our the guys that you wouldnt date mabye ur just picking the wrong guys | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:00:04 PM | | Your profile states you're not looking for a commitment. That's your biggest issue you see that and you would assume a chick is dtf | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:00:38 PM | | To be honest Sex is the LAST thing I want from a girl. I'm 20, never been in a relationship (hate this fact!) and would give my right arm to find a girl. The reason why I want to find somebody is because I always dream of taking care of somebody, keeping her happy, safe, being able to talk to her and having a generally great time with her, but sex has to come way down on the list of my wants and needs. I would wait until after marriage, it doesn't bother me! There must be other Guys who feel the same way and would love you for who you are, not because of what thet can get in the bedroom! | |
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7thour
| | Joined: 12/2/2011
Msg: 19 | |
| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:02:44 PM | THERE IS NOTHING ATTENTION SEEKING ABOUT THIS THREAD!!!!
Is there a moderator that controls the trolls who click the delete button????
@jamie95622 , you said "a decent guy is one who can control that need,,,,,but most cannot,,and some NEED it several times a day especially at your age,,,,,so,,,now you know,,,no one ever told you because we don't like to share that one with you it makes you look at your father in a whole......"
Hmmmm, I sure wish more fathers would teach their sons to control their urges and behave like a gentleman. Do you think women don't have the urge for sex like men? Surprise...most of us do. We have learned to control it. I have heard that sex crosses a guys mind once every 5 minutes. So what.... that is nothing new to women. As long as our libdo is intact we think about sex just as often. We are just not out trying to sit on everything that pops up or looks like a phallus.
Anyway, back to the original OP:
"I have come to one conclusion, I am the one continuous factor in all of these relationship issues."
Of course you are. This is your life and you are in it for the long haul. Be mindful not to fall into "it's all my fault" pit.
Sometimes, the internet male is different than the real life male. Take my friend Eddie, for example. Whilst playing on-line poker, I have watched him attack people for no reason. In real life however, he is a wonderful and understanding man. He treats his family with the utmost respect. On-line...I would never speak to him if I did not know him. The internet is his punching bag.
In the real world, unless someone specifically asks me what I think, I would never offer advice. Having said that, I am no different in in my content on here than I would be if asked to verbally explain my position.
The world is no crazier than its beginnings. Men have always behaved the same way they just have different tools now. There are both good and bad, just like women.
Mind your choices and eventually you will be discovered, unearthed by the man who see's you for the gem you are. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:02:58 PM | 'Your profile states you're not looking for a commitment. That's your biggest issue you see that and you would assume a chick is dtf'
as stated earlier I have chaged this after originally deleting previous profile, i wanted a fresh start...so it has only been as friends for a week or two, which hasn't really given me oppotunities to test any theories | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:10:05 PM | oh Frogy, another totally screwy generalization....
woman want bad boys and men they think they can change .
Perhaps the women you have known are like this, Not all, my friend, by a long shot.
OP, my suggestion is do something else for six months. Ignore men completely and do something you like and get good at it. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:14:47 PM | " OP, my suggestion is do something else for six months. Ignore men completely and do something you like and get good at it. "
Something like taking a night time Mechanic's Course, where you will be around, and hopefully better understand emotionally healthy, available men. And of course, continue on your becoming an emotionally healthy, available woman. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:21:20 PM | | good question | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:21:56 PM |
There's "half decent" men out there. They're just in the "friend zone" where you left them.
This isn't a bitter/irate/whatever type of reply. It's just the simple truth. I can't tell you how many women I know/have known, that all say the same thing: "where's the good guys at?" "How come I can't find any good men out there?"
Fact is, they were in front of you all along, you (not saying "you" specifically, but in generalized terms) just decided they'd be a better "friend" than boyfriend/relationship.
And it's usually not until they have been sufficiently dragged through the ringer by the aholes, zholes (lol), and other dbags that they decide, "oh wait, the stable, sane guy who consistently shows up and treats me right isn't so bad"...but by then, he's already found the woman who already knew that. Crazy circle I tell ya. | |
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| Decent Men
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:30:36 PM | In general, I would say that in your particular case, that the "problem" is more complicated than you are allowing for.
For example, you mention "they want to talk to me when it suits them," as though that is a bad thing. Perhaps you mean something specific about that which I don't recognize, since in my experience, most people, including myself, only want to talk to others when it suits us. Maybe you expect more continuity of behavior from guys, and people in general, than you ought to. Most of us have ups and downs, outgoing and introverted moments, times when we are "on," and full of energy and life, and times when we are "off," and need to withdraw a bit, or at least take a break.
Someone here claimed that "men don't just want sex, they NEED it." Nonsense. Just responsibility avoidance there.
I think you are/were correct when you supposed that where you were looking, had something to do with what you were finding. I go about the place fixing things for all sorts of people, and I have noticed that the old "birds of a feather" thing does indeed apply to people. I haven't tumbled to anyplace around my own digs, that caters to and draws in the sorts of people I would want to hang out with. On the other hand, I've run across potential friends all over the place too.
As far as being an online target goes, which we all are here (though tradition still dictates that women are more the targets and men the shooters), since anyone can have a go at you, and since the computer search program this site uses is a bit on the crude side, your profile is going to pop up for everyone who searches the region you inhabit. You can't control who sees you and wants to have a go, only to a little extent, who emails you. And the more restrictions you put in there, the more people you fence out, who you might actually like.
As to your possible "picker" problem: since most people get a certain amount of social training in life, even the jerks and sexual misfits know well enough to pretend for the first message or verbal greeting, how to appear to be a genteel sort. Thus it isn't your fault when someone deceives you on purpose that way. As long as you can cheerfully hit the "dump him in the river" button, you needn't worry that you are causing such guys to show up and try to make time with you.
I say, patience, persistence, and calm resolve are the best tools to keep on hand. And don't waste any emotional energy on the discards. | |
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