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 NoBosses
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 1
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Friends with Benefits?Page 1 of 1    
Many woman on this dating site complain about men just wanting sex. First, sex without a willing partner is not a big turn on.

The lecture is often about commitment, getting to know the person, and so on …

Nothing wrong with that, seem normal enough, but more often than not the woman plays by different rules when she wants a friend with benefits?

A guy cannot say friends with benefits, which makes him a creep, but I've found many times that's exactly what the woman wants only done under other words of commitments, getting to know the person, and so on . . .

It also seems woman are constant shoppers. In other words, while their getting to know the guy and having benefits they him they are still shopping for a better deal?

What is a woman definition of commitment? It sounds too me like, not until a couple of dates, and I chose to have friends with benefit while I continue to shop for the right guy, but the guy can't do that, or say that, its all up to the woman.

It all seems like a bunch of self-justifying mind games, would appreciate some opinions, because I am not getting it?
 Dr__Matt
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 2
Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:24:11 PM
you seriously want women to answer this logically
hahaha :)

bon chance !
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 3
Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:29:51 PM
I am not interested in a FWB situation. I am not interested in dating men sleeping with other women. That's one woman's answer to your question OP.
Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:35:32 PM
so what you've discovered is people will intentionally or unintentionally misrepresent their desires. stop the presses!

It sounds too me like, not until a couple of dates, and I chose to have friends with benefit while I continue to shop for the right guy, but the guy can't do that, or say that, its all up to the woman.

it's not about unfairness, it's about what people are willing to accept. IME, more men than women are willing to accept this arrangement. however, that doesn't mean YOU have to.
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 5
Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:38:20 PM
Cant speak for all but usually when a guy says friends with benifits he doesnt mean actually being friends at all more like convient p ussy for him when he feels like it an on to the next while out fuking everything eles..

the woman actually sees ok friends not just the sex meaning the 2 of them can still hangout an talk ect ect beyound the bedroom like normal people would regardless if there was sex or not..

i know i dont want somebody who already has 2 3 or 4 people thier seeing an are also sleeping with you dont need my name added on to that list an im not playing the bench warmer either..


i always make sure to ask a guy to be specific when he says looking for fun or friends because usually his defination is differant from mine..
 ThreadMasterB
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 6
Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:45:45 PM
This will end well
 running2012girl
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 7
Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:50:07 PM
I just don't get it..if I like a man enough to consider him a friend and I am attracted enough to want to sleep with him...Then I want a relationship..not to be some casual..screw. Which is what FWB is for a guy..booty call. A booty call holds zippo appeal to me.

Some women however do want something more casual and that is a ok if that is what they want. sometimes they might not know the way to ask for it but its pretty dang easy to get sex for sex sake if thats all you want.
 NoBosses
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 8
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Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:52:58 PM
It is a game the same woman often have more than one FWB, they still shopping and getting texts all night, while there with their FWB.

So likes get real!

Thanks for the great replies
 prometheus76
Joined: 1/22/2012
Msg: 9
Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:56:44 PM

It also seems woman are constant shoppers. In other words, while their getting to know the guy and having benefits they him they are still shopping for a better deal?


Women try their entire lives to convince men that they don't like or need sex, but a funny thing starts happening when men get around their mid 30's. Men start realizing that the women are all full of shit and call them on their bluff. This is the paradigm shift that happens in the 30 something singles arena.

"Well, I have what you need big boy!"

"Granted, but so does half of the human race. I'll just go find another one."

"Wait, I didn't mean that, you silly goose! Come here."
 Kentish-Man
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 10
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Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:04:21 PM

NoBosses
would appreciate some opinions


Your thread is just a mish-mash of generalisations and assumptions that you are holding to be true, and all of your replies will be people telling you that your assumptions are not true.
 longhaired189
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 11
Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:09:12 PM
Wow. I was going to post a similar question yesterday. I was married a sum total of 27 years (14 and 13) and lost my wife to cancer last fall. To be fair to myself and others, it will be a few years at least before I want to be in a committed relationship. I don't plan on living a celibate life in the meantime and at some point I will want to have, GASP, sex with a woman.

In the eyes of some I realize that will make me the lowest form of human existence; A single man not wanting to be in a relationship yet still wanting to have a sex life. Some will say I "just want sex", which is not true. I can buy sex in Nevada legally and safely within a one hour drive.

To those that would judge I would only say this. Be in committed long term relationships, never cheat on your spouse and lose one to a horrendous disease in less than 7 weeks, then jump on your soap box and start to preach.

Only tangentially related to your question and I apologize if I hijacked your thread.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 12
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Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:10:35 PM
OP, what kind of women are you running into that you are seeing so much of this? I see both men and women playing the "you be faithful while I say I am, but I'm really looking behind your back" game. I don't think men or women have cornered the market on this one. I don't respect either for playing it.
 NoBosses
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 13
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Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:38:02 PM
What I stated is one of the biggest points with woman on dating sites. It is a double standard, why? Because a man would never state it on his profile.

It is the man who is believed by most woman to want FWB. Rather, this is true or not, it is very subjective, when based on real life experiences.?

Woman do it, but call it by another name, while shopping for a better deal. They don't want to go without sex, no more so than most men, but it has to be justified through double talk with double meaning.

It is nevertheless friends with benefits or they would not be shopping for a better deal, while demanding men don't!
 GreatGuyATX
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 14
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Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:50:14 PM
Some men do it, but call it something else. Some women do it (too), but call it something else. So what?

Some people call a 2-liter of Diet Coke a day, being on a diet.. Some don't. So what?

Truth of the matter is - if there were no women who wanted a FWB relationship, there'd be no men doing it/seeking it either. Obviously some (both genders) do.

So you're not-really-that-clever analysis (IMO) is pretty flawed. In fact - it's entirely possible that you're surmising most of it without any actual facts. And if you do have personal experience with it - then (again) so what? Do All women do this?

If your goal is to figure out the secret code to banging without dating - good luck.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 15
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Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:52:20 PM
Sorry you keep finding these types. Even though I am no longer looking I was not one to be having sex with one person, expect the other to be faithful to me while I was looking for an upgrade. Most the women I know don't do it either. Again, whether it were a man or a woman pulling that crap I would consider that person to be a hypocrite and distance myself from them.

Edit for the above. Thank you. Well spoken.
 SerendipityHappens
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 16
Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 4:04:26 PM
I care about the man's INTENT. He does not have to be dating me exclusively at first, but his INTENT needs to be that he's looking for an exclusive relationship. During the time when we are getting to know each other and are not in a committed relationship yet then he is free to date who he wants. Is it really so confusing?
 NoBosses
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 17
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Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 4:29:01 PM
Actually, so called “Great Guy” you ought to a least read what I've wrote instead of making stupid judgment. I don't cheat, never have! So now re-read and stop making cleaver comments.

Actually, both men and woman cheat, but any guy that dated have had the speech about friends with benefits.

No body trying to lay here that is you assumption about men because your such a “Great Guy”!

Stop being so self-righteous!
 7thour
Joined: 12/2/2011
Msg: 18
Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 4:47:05 PM
when you find someone like this...delete her from your life. It is rather simple..block messages, phone calls and e-mails. Move forward with someone who makes you feel good about being with her and not questioning her motives.

It is your world...the invitation for those to come and stay awhile belongs to you.
 GreatGuyATX
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 19
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Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 5:20:16 PM
you ought to a least read what I've wrote instead

Once is enough, thanks though..


but any guy that dated have had the speech about friends with benefits

Personally - I can't think of a single time I've ever had / been-given 'the speech'... If you have, then perhaps there's a perception (a vibe) worth changing.

FWIW - It's quit possible that some folks have a different definition of FWB. For many, it means just sex... no dating. Sex while dating (to me) is - or can be, a different thing. Sex, in either case, doesn't automatically imply commitment/exclusivity (that usually takes a conversation).
 NoBosses
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 20
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Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 5:49:13 PM
Gee, Great Guy,

You must think ever body is evil looking to just make false statements?

Wow! Dud, your self-righteousness Oozes out! Who made you God, and what you think is the final correct meaning? Frankly, I don't like your post either. So what if you haven't had such a conversation, I have many times, and that is why term exist FWB, and eveybody knows it.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 21
Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 4/24/2012 6:40:55 PM
Many woman on this dating site complain about men just wanting sex.
....That is of no concern to males.


The lecture is often about commitment,
....No, you can have sex without commitment. Thats what dating is all about in the beginning.


woman plays by different rules when she wants a friend with benefits?
....No. The rules are univerersal between both genders. You see each other like friends, and you give each other sex when one or both of you is going through a dry spell of nobody else to have sex with.


It also seems woman are constant shoppers. In other words, while their getting to know the guy and having benefits they him they are still shopping for a better deal?


Yes and so is the male still looking for someone to have a relationship with.
FwB is a sexual friendship between a man and woman [as it should be]. Not a relationship toward commitment.


What is a woman definition of commitment?
...Its not different.


not until a couple of dates
....Not necessarily.


and I chose to have friends with benefit while I continue to shop for the right guy, but the guy can't do that, or say that, its all up to the woman.


No. You're both still looking for someone. You are friends who support each other sexually, as friends between a man and woman should be.


It all seems like a bunch of self-justifying mind games, would appreciate some opinions, because I am not getting it?


Its not a mind game situation. If the woman is telling you , "Don't be going out with other women", then she doesn't understand the concept of being "FRIENDS with benefits".
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