| | to stay or not to stayPage 1 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | >meet girl 2 years ago
>date her after seeing her for 3 months
>have a great time together for 2 years
>2months ago she acting strange
>i ask her to tell me if anything was up and i grill her for info
> she finally admits she ****ed a guy
>i flip and break up with her
>3 days later i see her and she says she was raped so i forgive her
>we go to the police and polcie say she made a good statement and the guy is basically ****ed
>1 week later police call me and say the case file is closed and it is consensual
>i still give her the benefit of the doubt
>couples weeks pass and just 3 days ago i find messasges in her hotmail of her cyber sexing with a coworker from last august.
>messages say that thery have ****ed before in real life
>now she is on vacation till monday
i gave her the chance to tell me if anything had ever happened with any other guy when i forgive her about the
"taking advantage rape thing" and she denied anything.
i want to take this girl back but she has made my life so ****ed lately. i really love her and i want her to
change but she cant seem to stop lying. she tells me she loves me and she really seems like she does. but she is
a cheating whore. i havent got a chance to talk to her since i found out about the hotmail messages from last
agugust.
Its weird even after all this bullshit and drama. I still want to be with her because i really feel like we have
some connection and it seems like when we are with eachother its like magic in a way.
i guess i might see waht she wants to do i, think im going to ask her about this affair and if she continues to
lie i will show her the messages and just end it. if she can come clean then i can reconsider. | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:19:54 AM | Are you kidding???????
After all this crap....you still want her???????
You need help!!!!!
(As does she...by the sound of it!!!!) | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:36:55 AM | This will happen again, she obviously does not feel the way about you that you feel about her. It is harsh, it sucks, it hurts and you will be in denial for a bit... but it is true.
Take some time and then find somebody later that will not treat you this way. | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:37:51 AM | My friend, if you're the kind of guy I think you are, you probably have complained about nutty women who stay in abusive relationships.
Now the shoe is on the other foot. The fact that you think there's a future only reinforces the idea to outsiders that your soul has been crushed to the point where logic and reason have no meaning.
Get out! And heal so this doesn't bleed into your next relationship. | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:42:57 AM | | Ok let me see if I understand this, she has lied repeatedly, cheated on you and made false rape accusations against some poor man(she should be in jail for that IMO) and you still want to be with her. There is no magic feeling in the world that can justify staying with this woman, unless you want to constantly go thru life wondering who she is messing around with on the side, which endangers your health due to risk of STIs and worse an unwanted pregnancy could happen then you will tied to this horrible person. End this before it gets any worse, you deserve better than her and if you don't think so, get some counselling/therapy. Good luck | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:46:47 AM | | the thing is she is only 19 and i believe she may have learned from what she has done and how it can effect people. i want to give her one more chance to prove her self. | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:48:54 AM | If you´re not a troll...you need more help than her but, from a lawyer.
You perfectly can be the one in the police station defending yourself from a false accusation of rape. Either because a similar situation (justifying another infidelity) or just because you piss her off.
Make arragement for pre-paid legal services, your´re food to the criminal lawyers for not learning even from your own experience.
| |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:53:37 AM | | Leave her, holy hell false accusations of rape? This woman and her actions trying to cover her ass could have screwed another persons life up permanently, I can't believe you forgave that one at all. You can not fix her, she sounds like she is mentally ill, this isn't just poor judgement on her part, this is sheer disregard for anyone but herself. | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:54:14 AM |
she .... made false rape accusations against some poor man(she should be in jail for that IMO)
EXACTLY THIS! Or at least gotten hit with filing a false police report.
The girl you're with is a horrible person. She lied to you, she lied to the police, and not only cheated on you once, but TWICE?!
I can see maaaaaaybe giving her a chance when she said she was raped, the only reason I would have been cautious about that is because she waited 3 days to tell you instead of telling you right away, but the minute you found out it was actually consented you should have dropped her like a bad habit.
There is nothing magical there. She cheated again after that, if she was going to stop she would have done so by now. Kick her to the curb, buy some lotion and tissues and call it a night. | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:55:22 AM | | Good luck on th Jerry Springer show then when he announces that you ar NOT the father (shrug) | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:56:12 AM | | If a guy was treating your sister ,the way she treats you....what would you be telling your sister! The words dump the piece of crap come to mind.... | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:56:35 AM | Wrong forum, this needs to be in creative writing
Not buying this story for one second | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:58:18 AM |
Wrong forum, this needs to be in creative writing
Not buying this story for one second
Where is that freakin' like button... | |
|
7thour
| | Joined: 12/2/2011
Msg: 14 | |
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:59:17 AM | | there are some animals at the shelter who are broken and would love to have you help them. In return they will love you and be your friend until they die. | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 3:05:48 AM | as crazy as it sounds this is a true story and im going through it right now..
is it to crazy to believe that a young 19 year old can change her wayS?
am i wrong for forgiving her?
what if we both feel like the love is still there... | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 4:12:18 AM | stop waiting for someone to tell you to take your bonkers ex girlfriend back.
if what you're saying is true, the bitch belongs in jail.
i want to give her one more chance to prove her self.
a fool who persists in his folly will eventually become wise....
...or become a better writer?. | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 4:52:29 AM | Benzo, if all what you write in your OP is actually true, all I can say is get out before it's too late.
Do you want to be the next to find himself at the police station being falsely accused of rape?
She is 19, and if at that age a human being has no ethical core values, it really stands to reason they ever will. I'm no psychologist, but going by the OP, that girl sure shows certain traits of a sociopath. And these people are not even capable of loving anybody but themselves, they can not feel compassion or remorse either.
Ask yourself what do you really love about a person like that?????
Get out now! | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 5:03:28 AM | I'm sorry you are going through this. It really tough I'm sure. Firstly, just because the police say that they can't press charges because it's 'consensual" doesn't mean it's consensual...unless she said so. Did she retract her claim? Did she know the perpetrator? There are many cases of rape that cannot be proven - a he said she said situation. The police just do not have enough evidence. It does not mean the rape didn't happen. Is she still claiming that it was rape?
Confronting someone who is lying doesn't mean that they will change. For whatever reason, she is behaving this way and simply telling her not to isn't going to work. It sounds like you are very committed to her and the relationship. Perhaps you might want to suggest you do couple counselling or she do counselling. The question is, can YOU ever get over this? Will you be able to feel relaxed and trusting again with her? You can't go back to the way things were in the past...so can you move forward given the betrayal and damage? | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 5:05:08 AM |
I can see maaaaaaybe giving her a chance when she said she was raped, the only reason I would have been cautious about that is because she waited 3 days to tell you instead of telling you right away, but the minute you found out it was actually consented you should have dropped her like a bad habit.
May I correct a rape myth, there?
Many women take a while to tell someone after they've been raped. Its not an easy thing to talk about even when not in shock from the trauma. Sometimes it can be decades, or lifetimes, never mind days. A delay is in no way indicative of a false accusation.
>1 week later police call me and say the case file is closed and it is consensual
How was it established that it was consensual sex and not rape? Why did the police ring you to tell you, given that would have been breaking confidentiality? Did you know/recognise the officer who called you? How did the police conclude and tell you that the accused was ****ed when there can't have been any forensic evidence, or any other evidence if it was consensual sex?
Its very difficult to get rape convictions even with forensic evidence. Police rape units have to be very careful about statements, evidence and confidentiality. The scenario you describe shows the incompetence of untrained officers from the 1970's, whose inadequacies were the stimulus for specialist rape units.
I wonder if you could sit in a room with me and look me in the eye. | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 5:23:37 AM | [I still want to be with her because i really feel like we have
some connection and it seems like when we are with each other its like magic in a way.]
Magic? She obviously has "magic" going on with a bunch of guys.
If you still want to be with her, then nothing we can say will change your mind.
I personally wouldn't want to be with a guy who calls me a whore and I'm sure worse even if I did deserve it.
You both have issues. | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 5:44:55 AM | The only way I could ever continue with someone under these circumstances is if I could see they were taking steps to correct the behaviour, such as see a therapist. Without her actually taking any steps to accept full accountability for her choices, she is doomed to keep repeating them.
Just know OP, what you accept today you better expect tomorrow. People dont change just because they desire to change...it takes real work and effort! What efforts has she made to change?
Added to the cheating, I would have a serious issue with knowing she falsely accused someone of such a crime just to get out of admitting she had sex outside of your relationship. Why do you feel you cannot do better than a lying little biatch who felt it was perfectly OK to accuse someone of such a thing? Such an allegation can destroy someones life. Why do you find this acceptable? This says a lot about the type of person you are actually.
The only way Id even consider speaking with her again is if she made serious amends, such as volunteer at an actual rape crisis center and see a therapist . Anything less than that, Id never speak to her again. | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 5:50:34 AM | When you love someone, you are willing to endure a lot of things from a dishonest partner. You think the person will eventualy change for the better and treat you with integrity and love you deserve. You swallow your pride and you keep getting hurt until you finally realize that it will always stay that way until you grow some balls and leave without looking back. You will see it as a learned experience and become a wiser person from it.
I know it sucks at this moment, you love her and you want a real sastisfying relationship with her but she cannot provide this for you. Move on!... | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 6:04:05 AM | If your only "rationalization" for her cheating is seen through the lens of "rape" and her fear of your reaction caused her to file a false police report, you are BOTH in need of serious professional help.
Dude, you are lamenting what she "put YOU through," when you both nearly ruined a man's life! 
Get help! 
P.S.
but she is a cheating whore.
Sounds like you are perfect for each other! | |
|
tdh49
| | Joined: 4/12/2012
Msg: 24 | |
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 6:25:02 AM | the thing is she is only 19 and i believe she may have learned from what she has done and how it can effect people. i want to give her one more chance to prove her self. Yes this seem to be the best course of action. Why don't you go buy a diamond ring and ask her to marry you once she steps off the plane from vacation? Tell her you know about all her cheating but you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her.
And if a few years from now you happen to have kids, maybe one of them come out looking mulatto, so what? just keep right on loving her and giving her one more chance. People can change and she seem like she is just lost at the moment and just need someone to believe in her, which you obviously do.
So my vote is to stay. Stay and just learn to accept the lying and the cheating. After awhile you will just come to expect it and it will bother you a lot less. It's just getting kicked in the nuts, if it happens enough you kind of come to expect it and it hurts a little less each time.
Since you live in my city I will be looking in the news paper for your engagement announcement so I can drink a toast to the happy couple. Kudos to you for not running like hell from that trifling heifer.
A week later the police call me and tell me the case file is closed as it was consensual You do realize we all know this didn't happen right? No police department that I know of is going to make such a call to a 19 year old girls boyfriend.
So it seem that you might like telling lies yourself when it suits you. Since you obviously like lying yourself, just how much of this story is pure fiction?
Speaking of lies... Your profile says you're single, looking to date. Yet your girlfriend(Who is most likely hooking up with some guy while on vacation)seem to think you two are in a relationship?. What's that about? Are you on here getting even, or did you already make up your mind months ago to dump her?... Nothing says "I love you" like looking for a replacement on a dating site.
You BOTH deserve each other and should stick together like velcro. | |
|
| to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 6:32:34 AM | | A lot doesn't make sense about the OP, particularly the cops calling him to tell him it was consensual and not charging her for filing a false report. Then we have him calling her a lying whore but professing to love her and so willing to so magnanimously forgive her because of the "magic" - yup, I can see a lot of forgiveness there. Let's also not forget him searching her hotmail account. Oh wait, that would be because, good guy that he is, he doesn't trust her. If the story is true, neither of you should be contemplating being in any relationship with anyone until you both get your heads on straight. | |
|
Home
login 
