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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Potential dates or are they wasting your time?      Home login  
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 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 1
Potential dates or are they wasting your time?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Games are for kids... or so they should be.
There is nothing more frustrating than chatting for weeks and never actually meeting in person.

I was chatting with a man, and I admit, we got into flirting quite a bit. He is self-employed and seemed to have plenty of time to chat on the phone. We chatted for hours on end. He kept saying that he couldn't wait to meet me. I told him I had this weekend off. We were supposed to get together early Saturday... he called to say a friend was coming in from out of town and he had to cancel. I was disappointed but replied... I understand, we can meet another time. He called a few hours later to say his friend was going to stay in a hotel and we could meet. I hate driving to new areas at night, as my night vision is not what it used to be... so I said, never mind, how about tomorrow. He told me.. ok.. around 1:30. So... stupid me waited for his call. At 3:15 he called with more excuses. I told him never mind. So.. in a nutshell... he wasted my weekend off! Then he sent me messages here saying that I have a problem for getting upset with him when he had to work. FACEPALM.

So... does this happen to you? At our age... why the games? seriously... either you want to meet or you dont.
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 2
Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/29/2012 6:36:10 PM
How would you all react and was I out of line?
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 3
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Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/29/2012 6:47:22 PM
I can not tell you OP, how many have cancelled over the years because of all the reasons that they could come up with.....some valid, some bogus, and some just plain funny. If people really want to meet, they will, and then it becomes......do they want to meet you a second time, a third, on and on.

Timing is everything, and some times one will have good timing and the other not, and it is up to you to decide if they are worth accepting that, or not. I usually have a time line of maybe a month or so to set that meet and greet and have at least one more meeting before we consider the dating thing, so my life style and ways may not match yours, but if you ask, I will tell you why, explain it nicely and then try to fit your needs and time lines, if you do mine.

cd
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 4
Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/29/2012 6:49:59 PM
when he suggested we get together over the weekend he did not mention his entire weekend was booked. He has a lawn service and I can understand Saturday being his busiest day. I don't know what to think. Dating is so difficult and its so difficult to just expect honest and integrity instead of feeling like you are being strung along.
 PamiOakley
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 5
Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/29/2012 7:05:22 PM
I am re-becoming a fan of the book "he's just not into you." If he was, he would have met you. Period.
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 6
Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/29/2012 7:06:14 PM
Thanks Pam. I was wondering that and wondering if he is just hyper and loves to chat on the phone all the time.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 7
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Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/29/2012 7:32:27 PM
If it makes you feel any better OP, I've had this bs happen to me ONCE. A guy who I had met on another site pulled this nonsense on me about 7 years ago. He would call and say how excited he was to get together and then call or not at the 11th hour with some cacamamie excuse. The last time he did it, I didn't do anything, I just planned a nice quiet night home in pjs, didn't get my hopes up and didn't hear back, which was more than fine with me.

Fast forward a few years later, I was on here without a photo and he contacted me saying that he liked my profile. He didn't have a picture either and when he showed me his picture, I had a good time with that in playing guessing games and in calling him on the carpet.

I agree. Yes, we are too old for games, but some people who are out of touch or can get away with it still do. Some think that since it worked for them at 25 are delusional enough to think that it should now. Usually these bozos are married, ugly, encumbered or all of the above.
 Boricua Papi
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 8
Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/29/2012 8:02:22 PM
The guy has an interest in you. Give him one more chance. Everybody gets busy. He gave you an opportunity to meet him and that time was you the one who could not make it. Go slow, keep talking and flirting, you'll get together soon.
 smua
Joined: 4/20/2010
Msg: 9
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Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/29/2012 8:10:34 PM
I am so grateful for these forums and people like you that post these weird experiences. Seriously, I never have stuff like this happen with people I meet real world. People through POF can be outright strange (not all, but a lot) and I was starting to think it was me. You posting stuff like this lets me know it happens to lots of people.
 cariboolady1
Joined: 3/22/2012
Msg: 10
Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/29/2012 8:26:55 PM

I am re-becoming a fan of the book "he's just not into you." If he was, he would have met you. Period.

Ditto.
That is why I like the quick physical meet after the inital tag in the website. If a man seems to be interested, we talk on the phone about three times and then I ask for a meet. If he drags his cold feet, makes excuses or does anything to delay a meet, I lose interest just like that.
Really. The heart should not be involved yet with just talking and texting on the phone with a stranger you haven't physically met.
If he really digs you, he will show up plenty fast, dropping most all previous engagements to meet you.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 11
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Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/29/2012 9:03:16 PM
back in the old days when people met somewhere other than online ... I attended a party and, afterward, a friend I'll call Fran called and said that a man I'll call Bobby had asked her for my phone number ... she told me who he was, where he was during the course of the evening, on and on ... I didn't remember him ... she talked on and on but I didn't remember him ... she asked permission to give him my number ...

so Bobby started calling me ... we had long conversations ... he said he was an artist who welded metal into large sculptures ... sounded interesting but didn't want me to see his work ...

he had an accent like Huckleberry Hound ... he was funny in a good way ...

the long and short of it was that Bobby and I talked for maybe a month ... we ONLY talked ... he didn't want to meet me ... I don't like to chat with someone without meeting for an extended period of time so sort of pushed for a meeting ...

when we finally met, the man was at least 200 lbs heavier than he'd said he was ... turned out, he had been DIETING and stringing me along in the hopes that he'd be in better shape by the time we met ...

there's all kinds of reasons people waste your time, string you along ... play games ... sometimes, they're fooling themselves ...
 ecochick1962
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 12
Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/29/2012 9:17:16 PM
Yes, what Pami said! A friend coming in from out of town is not good enough reason to cancel. He could have asked you to meet him for breakfast or an early coffee....Im sure his friend could have waited an hour or two. Then to stand you up again the next day....pffffft. I wouldn't get upset with a man for having to work, but I would be upset with one who messed me around like that....for about 3 minutes, that is all the time he deserves on my mind.
 BerniesAlive
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 13
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Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/29/2012 9:48:16 PM
I can imagine your frustration. It is anyone's guess to why he really pulled out. I'm sure it can happen to us at any age. But yes he sounds incredibly rude.
 GreatGuyATX
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 14
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Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/29/2012 9:54:24 PM
Your story makes me wonder if he's actually single (unattached). (And/Or actually that interested; or, Had you as a Plan "B".)

Plenty of time to chat, yet when it comes time to meet - excuses are in full bloom. Assuming you guys live in the same vicinity - I can't imagine being so busy that he couldn't carve out an hour (or so) to relax and have a beverage (coffee/smoothie/drink).
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 15
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Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/29/2012 10:23:25 PM
We've all been there OP. I posted something similiar on another thread regarding this very thing.
I had exchanged quite a few e-mails with a guy on here and after a bit he sent his number and suggested we should talk. I called a few days later and we chatted for nearly an hour. Afterwards we both agreed that it was time to meet. The day we were to get together he calls and says he wasn't feeling well, could we cancel. I was fine with that, everyone gets sick.

We made arrangements for another day....again he cancels, says he had family issues. I was a little irrated as I did clear the evening in order to see him.
To this day, I don't know what was up with him....if he just enjoyed the actual pursuit or if it was cold feet. That was enough for me though. I have seen him on-line but he has never contacted me again.

I feel as others do...if someone really wants to meet, they will make the time.

...mae
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 16
Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/30/2012 8:02:39 AM
Thank you.

I was really starting to wonder if I was the one with the problem.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 17
Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/30/2012 10:22:17 AM
My fiance flew from Australia to Florida to meet me so I have to agree with the others... if he's interested, he'll make the time and effort to meet you.

When I first got involved with online dating in 2007, I did a similar thing to a man, but I explained my feelings to him. We were suppose to meet for lunch and I just got a terrible case of the nerves and I called and canceled and told him I just wasn't ready to meet someone yet. We wished each other well and we let it go at that. I made sure I was ready before I ever agreed to another meet.
 DeborahC56
Joined: 10/20/2010
Msg: 18
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Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/30/2012 11:15:54 AM
After the 2nd cancellation, that would be it for me and would be the last communication via phone or otherwise. You did the right thing. NEXT!
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 19
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Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/30/2012 12:51:14 PM
I haven't chatted on the phone "for hours on end" since I was in high school.
Why are you still doing that?

And back in high school if a guy didn't come through by dinnertime, we'd be out the door soon after- going to a party, seeing a moving, hanging out, cruising town. A seventeen year old certainly wouldn't let anyone "waste" the weekend.
At our age... why are you still playing the games?
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 20
Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/30/2012 1:22:56 PM
Sometimes things aren't what they seem. But you nixed the idea so I guess you'll never know.

If I were in your shoes? Well my feet would probably hurt, but I would have left the door open for him/her to make it right.

I do believe. however, that most likely he wasn't that in to you. Had you nixed me I would have been more persistant. I wouldn't have given up. Especially if I knew I hadn't done anything wrong. If I had done something wrong, than I would have felt like I got what I deserved and let it go.
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 21
Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/30/2012 3:38:09 PM
OP, he was just wasting your time. I am with those who say that if a man wants to meet he would make it happen. Multiple cancellations on his side mean “forget him, next”.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 22
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Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/30/2012 3:58:21 PM
It sounds rather as if he is married or attached. He seems to have plenty of time to chat whilst at work (if I'm understanding you correctly) but at times when one would normally be with family he is on/off about meeting, as one would be if a partner changed their minds about going out. Anyone can call a meeting off once but twice and you need a good excuse, just not ringing is not a good excuse. He obviously had other priorities. Like you, I wouldn't have given him a third chance to mess me about.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 23
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Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/30/2012 6:10:46 PM
He has a lawn service?....you are 49, and where I come from, that's a young mans business.... and just how much younger is he?
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 24
Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/30/2012 6:16:36 PM

OP, he was just wasting your time. I am with those who say that if a man wants to meet he would make it happen. Multiple cancellations on his side mean “forget him, next”.


I'll second that. People make the effort when they are motivated enough to do so. If you do want to give him another chance, OP, make him meet you somewhere near your work or home so that you don't have to make much effort - the effort this time should all be his. Then three strikes and he's out.

(Waves to another redheaded vixen!)
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 25
Potential dates or are they wasting your time?
Posted: 4/30/2012 6:31:21 PM
Ohh.. i had a "meet" all set up tonight.. and he messaged me at the last moment that he suddenly had his kids.

I had given him my number.. and he was on here a lil while ago.. and didnt message me.. nor try to chat with me.

I got it.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Potential dates or are they wasting your time?