| | i am confused by men!Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | this is regarding a guy ive known since i was a teenager, we used to date around that age but nothing ever serious then as he didnt seem to want to take it any thurther, then i got into a long term relationship. Weve been friends ever since and see each other out and about all the time, Well im now single and weve been meeting up the last few wkends usually after a drink i will admit! at friends houses, hes very flirty and tells me his feelings and that he like me ect, we hold hands and cuddle, weve stayed over (never had sex) and then again this weekend we ended up staying together and kissed for the first time since being teenagers. I really like him and he knows this and likes to wind me up about this lol, but it never seems to go any thurther! his friends and mine think we should be together and tell us both this all the time and try and set us up! to be honest id like him to take me on a date, but he seems to be shy regarding relationships, in all the time ive known him ive never seen him with a girlfriend and he's admitted hes not been with a woman for a long time!
im confussed! is he using me? is he shy? should i initiate a date? help!!!
Hes not on pof lol, | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 12:59:01 AM | | I dont know whats on his mind.. but you CAN set up a date and find out. Best of luck! :) | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 1:01:04 AM | | I would just hang out as friends, take things slowly and let nature take its course. Formal dating might be more usual but not all relationships have to start that way. Good luck. | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 2:14:54 AM |
should i initiate a date?
Yes, you should. You might wait your whole life waiting for him if you do not. | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 2:20:11 AM | | Why not take a chance and just ask him out? Better than living each day with all these thoughts. | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 2:30:11 AM | | Nope hes definatly not gay! hes the most manly man i know lol, hes not the best looking guy and i think this knocks his confidence but i like him for him! not how he looks | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 2:40:22 AM | ^ Then tell HIM that not us-
You will never know till you try. | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 2:43:53 AM | I revisited my high school sweet-heart... (we never slept together either)
...and it was sensational in the moment, but - in the cold hard light of day 25years had passed... (and we were both different people).
What ever you decide to do, my best advice to you is enjoy the moment... | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 2:44:05 AM | Patience is no bad thing.
Establishing a rapport and emotional intimacy before rushing into sexual intimacy is no bad thing. Communication and boundary setting are the foundations of a happy, healthy relationship.
If you think he's shy, or nervous you might do well to nudge his boundaries gently before you take him out of his comfort zone with a request for a hot date, eh? That way, you'll also be a bit clearer as to whether he would feel either comfortable with being asked out, or he may get to the point where he's comfortable with asking you out.
Alternatively ask him out, but to do something un-datish, so its not full-on pressure stuff. | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 2:54:27 AM | this is regarding a guy ive known since i was a teenager, we used to date around that age but nothing ever serious then as he didnt seem to want to take it any thurther, then i got into a long term relationship. Weve been friends ever since and see each other out and about all the time, Well im now single and weve been meeting up the last few wkends usually after a drink i will admit! at friends houses, hes very flirty and tells me his feelings and that he like me ect, we hold hands and cuddle, weve stayed over (never had sex) and then again this weekend we ended up staying together and kissed for the first time since being teenagers. I really like him and he knows this and likes to wind me up about this lol, but it never seems to go any thurther!
Thurther?
He didn't want to take it further in high school and doesn't take it further now?
He's either still a virgin,gay or just not into your sexually.
Ask him what his deal is so you don't waste anymore time on him.
I really like him and he knows this and likes to wind me up about this lol,
I wouldn't find this amusing,especially coming from a guy who you say isn't all that attractive!
Sounds to me like he's playing games with you. | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 3:19:25 AM | I was extremely shy as a kid, through HS and into my early 20's... but around 24 met this girl at work, she was 'married but moving towards divorce' at the time, so I considered her "off limits", but she got transferred down into my department and we had to work together, went out with the 'crew' after work on Friday's to the bar to drink, shoot pool, etc... we'd go to the diner after together, she invited me over a few times for dinner (the 'stbx hubby' moved to TX) and we'd hang out watching TV, etc, but by this point it had been say 1-1/2 yrs, she'd gotten laid off from 'our' company and had a new job, etc. One Friday night we went out to this club around the corner from her house with some friends, had dinner, danced, etc... we went out to her car (I'd left mine at her place), and before she starts it she looks at me and says:
"Is there something wrong with me?"... um, no, why?
"Because I'm falling so much in love with you, and you haven't ever made a move on me."
I'm *really* bad at reading "signals".  Thing is, I had really fallen in love with her - but I wasn't sure how she felt, couldn't read those 'signals' (or ignored them in my shyness/lack of confidence), and in some ways was just stuck in 'friends' mode until that night... and, um, well... we stopped being "just friends" that night, we were together for 5 years after that. I have to credit her with getting rid of some of my shyness (later GF's would laugh at the idea I was ever shy  ), she was bubbly/outgoing and 'dragged me out of my shell' in many ways.
He's probably just as confused about women as you are about men. :-) | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 5:00:54 AM |
is he using me?
Using you for what?? You're not having sex so I don't see how that's the case....
I agree with the other posters, be forthright and either tell him how you feel or just ask him for a "date" not a hang out. | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 5:32:46 AM |
Damn it, take Jac's advice. It is better...
There's no greater advice than enjoying the moment, 3ff, whatever the outcome. | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 5:37:14 AM | I'm with tiggher & heartOn64
<div class="quote">He's either still a virgin,gay or just not into your sexually
Your both 31+ now whats the big deal
" Is he using me"
Staying over nite with you & telling all the GUY''S what the next day?
GAY | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 6:29:21 AM | you're not confused by men, you're confused by a man. from the sounds of things, he's not really much of a man. so you're just confused by a boy. a boy who is of adult age.
semantics aside, if you're that into him, just bite the bullet and ask him out on a date. | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 9:18:58 AM | Why pursue a man who wasn't interested then, and isn't interested now?
He knows you like to get drunk and hang around him.
He knows you want to get physical with him.
He's not confused-- he's just interested. | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 9:42:18 AM | OP, I would guess he is conflicted about making a move on you. It appears he doesn't date a lot, so I would guess he is not very aggressive. Not actually shy, just not sure about himself or you.
I used to be more like that, but if we were cuddling and kissing, I would have kept going until you told me to stop.
You could just take him to bed. It would be hot for both of you. | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 9:42:29 AM | | he might be gay...u gotta flush him out one way or the other..he may be passive-aggressive.. | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 9:59:51 AM | is he using me?
Whaaaaat?!?!?
i am confused by YOU!
I thought you said:
weve stayed over (never had sex)
Wait a minute ... Is this a case of "oral sex isn't really sex"?  | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 11:37:55 AM | | He is not attracted to you physically, but likes to hang out with you. Try to erm..., get on top of things yourself. See what happens. If there is motion in the ocean - he likes you and is just shy, if not he is either not into you or is gay. | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 11:42:33 AM | | This is a no brainer ........... he is neither shy nor gay he is just not into you! | |
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| i am confused by men!
Posted: 4/30/2012 12:46:45 PM | | best to just ask him. unless he's after a cuddle buddy™ i highly doubt he's using you. | |
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