| | Why do they underestimate me?Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | | For years on end, I have always been looked at the same way. "Oh he looks cute but I know there is much better out there." I am a great guy out there and I am always willing to make somebody out there happy but they always look down at me because I am not much for their tastes in looks. It has bothered me since I was in Elementary school and I want to build the self confidence so that I can be as good as any guy out there. I turned to this site to see if any girl out there would be interested in me but it has been the same. Help me on this one, am I truly good enough for anybody out there? | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/1/2012 5:34:12 PM | | Confidence get out there and don't be afraid of rejection.the more you put youreself out there the better chance you got | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/1/2012 5:36:42 PM | | There is real and fake confidence. Real confidence comes from within... you will meet someone sooner or later so work to just be who you are and connect with someone. The rest will work itself out. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/1/2012 5:38:27 PM | | I become something more ugly, the more I face rejection. It has lasted for so many years that I am ready to not care about feelings anymore. If I've been rejected on this site, then it proves that I am not good enough for the world with their views of "Perfection." | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/1/2012 5:38:39 PM | | You sound like you are much too easily bothered by what you percieve other people to think of you to find online dating to be much fun. Step one learn to like yourself and feel good about who you are. Step two learn to not care so much about what other people think of you - especially those you do not have a mutual interest in. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/1/2012 5:44:47 PM | | I try to make fun from online dating cuz I believed it is a new way to meet people due to how the world communicates through today. Sadly, it is no different than the world that I grew up in. I have grown to the point where I will have some psychological problems due to how they see me. Acceptance is all I seek but none can show me how to accept a broken man that has faced rejection and humiliation. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/1/2012 6:20:44 PM | | Hmmm...you seem attractive. I wonder if it's an issue of not embodying confidence. Have you ever considered doing something like martial arts. It can help with your confidence -physically and mentally. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/1/2012 8:11:01 PM | | There are a handful of girls somewhere out there that do see me as attractive but most of them would cast me aside. I want to prove to all of them to be amazing from within and that I wouldn't have to try to be attractive to please them. I have been seeking out redemption my whole life but none can ever fulfill that redemption. All I ask from any girl around my age is to accept me for who I am so I can be assured that I am amazing for just being the way I am. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/2/2012 4:24:18 AM | Given your level of desperation, I really think you should get some therapeutic help.
Based on your picture you aren't going to be rejected for the reasons you are saying you are. Therefore, the amount of trouble you are having is more likely being caused by your acquired expectation that you will be rejected, causing you both to ASSUME you are being rejected whether you are or not, as well as causing you to appear less wonderful than you know you can be.
It's quite possible that appropriate therapy to help you calm down and be more relaxed and yourself will solve the conundrum for you. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/2/2012 4:41:14 AM |
Acceptance is all I seek but none can show me how to accept a broken man that has faced rejection and humiliation.
First things first. YOU must ask YOURself YOU would feel the need/want to be "accepted" by those you consider not very bright/smart????? I too can look at our society with jaded eyes at times,but I do NOT, in the same breath complain about not being "accepted" in this same society.
There is NOTHING wrong with being "different". In fact, as you grow, you will probably figure out that you are better off because of these people's "rejection" of you. Sooner or later, you may(or may not,no promises here) that you will find that ONE that does find you attractive and worth hanging around. A lot of times I find great satisfaction knowing that the majority of people define me as nuts. Great satisfaction indeed.
If you enjoy your life(other than not having that "other" hanging around) carry on walking the path that you are on. Again,sooner or later,someone may join you on your journey. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/2/2012 7:39:27 PM | | How can I relax my mind and hope that someone will be interested? I'm tired of waiting for someone to come to me. I just want any girl to accept me and understand what I'm capable of. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/2/2012 8:03:34 PM | Hi Matt,
You've asked some really good question and it looks like you really are open to figuring this out. Would you ever consider counselling? Counselling would give you the opportunity to have guidance, support, advise and a strategies to help you move in the direction you want. Don't give, but don't do it alone. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/2/2012 8:42:11 PM | OP, having recently transitioned from my early twenties I think I'm in a good place to help out a downtrodden brother.
You're right, being rejected constantly sucks. You know what makes rejecting people easy? If they are a loser. Funny thing is, I took a look at your profile a second ago, and it kinda says loser. A lot. Here are some tasteful quotes:
I bet you won't go for me
That's you tag line or whatever
I may not appear as much ...
This is never a good start for a sentence unless it ends with 'but I cured cancer'
Anything that my date desires, I desire it too.
Be your own person, not some spineless replica of you that lives only to please a future date. People are attracted to a lot of things, but the people that go after someone that only wants to please them... probably not what you're looking for.
Nothing says 'Run away' quite as loudly as that. Except maybe 'Fire' or 'Bomb'... or 'Run away'. Really bad jokes aside, don't talk about how terrible you are. If you're terrible it'll show. If you're really the awesome personality you say you are, maybe you should try showcasing it.
As a final note I won't say it's easy. I've been here way to long to be giving advice or fixing you up or anything. But here I am. Soldiering away. Go make friends. Good friends you love hanging out with. Chances are they know single people too, and if that doesn't work at least you have some good friends. You say you're a philosopher, so I'll bust out a relatively mangled version of Kant: People are means unto themselves, not means to an end. Allowing someone else to treat you as a means to an end is the most immoral thing you can do. As for your original question, no you're not 'good enough'. You're btter than that right? You're Matt, the awesome personality, the life philosopher, the bowler, the everything you like guy. Live in those moments fully, and embrace that. You'll find someone faster that way I'm betting.
TL;DR Man up, go get friends and do interesting things. If that doesn't work you probably won't notice too much since you should be out doing interesting things. Obviously, if you noticed this wasn't working then whatever you're doing... it wasn't interesting enough was it? And yes, you're good enough. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/3/2012 5:53:51 AM | Sorry Matt, you were born at a very bad time. Truth is that you are likely better than any girl you have ever met and in all respects but all girls are spoiled by factors beyond your control and are prone to stupid choices. There are ways to compensate for that but the question is do you really want to? You may be able to hornswoggle yourself down to get some girls but the girls will never be as good as you are right now. I don't think it is a fair trade.
The most important thing you can do for yourself right now is start trying to be somebody. Pick a cause, an art, a life's work and throw yourself at it night and day. Don't do it for girls (though they will most definitely come) but for its own sake. Pick something at random from the dictionary if you have to. Just get one worthy thing and let it take you over. The girls will be there but you won't give a damn whether they are or not. The important thing is your mission. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/4/2012 2:14:21 AM | I think you kind of have the nice guy pushover look. Just listening to your words kind of makes me think you lack confidence.
At your age let's face it; most sleep around like it's a girls gone wild festival so it will be harder to find someone to seriously date.
Just be yourself and have fun. If you like yourself and enjoy who you are, others will too. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/4/2012 3:16:57 AM | Awsome advice from swimdude1!
You ask, why they underestimate you? Because you MAKE them. All the stuff that swimdude1 mentioned about your profile. Totally true. And if the profile reflects on how you present yourself IRL, then it's obvious why you haven't succeeded in getting your match.
You have got self esteem issues and you make this obvious to people around you. Even if the phrase is overused, this is a vicious circle:
-> You're telegraphing (knowingly or unknowingly) that you don't have the highest opinion of yourself or at least that you think, others perceive you as a loser
-> They will consciously or subconsciously pick this up and think "What's wrong with this guy?"
-> They start treating you like a loser because that's the role that you put yourself in
-> Your suspicions are confirmed: "I KNEW they think I'm a loser!"
-> Back to step 1, when you meet new people/girls
Just break out of this, be yourself, enjoy yourself and stop the **** worrying about what other people might think about you.
Also you're very likely wrong about the concept of other people 'underestimating' you. That's a really dangerous voice in your head, the kind of voice that sends people on homicides. "All these girls underestimated me. Now they're all dead!" Like, seriously ... creepy stuff. Or just really bad choice of words....
You are NOT in other people's head.You don't know what they really think about you. If there's a girl you like and she's not responding to your advances then there can be any number of reasons.
- Even if you're good looking, you may just not be her type.
- She's just not interested in a relationship right now.
- She's actually got a boyfriend but doesn't want everybody to know yet.
- She thinks, that YOU are too good for HER and fears to disappoint you. (I am not making this shit up.)
- She is overly shy and doesn't want to risk to reveal her feelings to you because of fear of rejection, even if you showed plenty of interest. She fears that maybe you're just playing with her heart.
The list is endless. In the end they're women, famous for being highly irrational. >D And finally it's totally normal that some women just aren't into you or are out of your league and you'll have to accept that. That doesn't mean that people are underestimating you.
There are way too many dudes with double standards. They cry:
"Why won't the girls just give me a chance to see how awesome I really am?"
But they are the same who WILL reject some girl that they find unattractive, never giving HER the chance to prove that she's such an awesome catch. (Which is totally normal imo. I do this all the time.) But somehow those very same dudes think they deserve at least being given a chance with the hot chicks.
That's Hypocrisy. (Capitalized) | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/4/2012 4:29:36 AM | I'm tired of waiting for someone to come to me. I just want any girl to accept me and understand what I'm capable of.
That sounds desperate. Which would be an unhealthy way to approach any relationship even when one does come your way. Garbage in, garbage out.
I become something more ugly, the more I face rejection
That would be YOUR CHOICE and frankly it's a pretty ugly and self-defeating one. Are you sure there aren't better choices you can make? Well then, enjoy that fast track to fugly you're on. | |
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ro1970
| | Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 19 | |
| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/4/2012 4:52:36 AM | Well OP......don't feel bad.
I am a great woman out here - who is much older than you albeit - Im educated, hard working, loyal to a fault, trustworthy - put what ever adjective you wish here - yet I get passed on myself. So basically my secret is I have packed up my tent and called it a day. I live my life on my own terms and don't wait around for Mr. Perfect to come along because I know he won't - and I just don't care anymore.
You have plenty of time to find Ms. Right - my advice to you is forget about dating for now, get your education, your career off the ground, establish yourself, THEN worry about finding someone. In the meantime, enjoy your family and friends, do the things you want to do and go from there. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/4/2012 3:25:40 PM | If you cant believe in yourself how can you expect others to look at you the way you expect to be.
You just have to let what others think aside and add some confidence to your walk.
You need guidance though most likely would be good to see some type of motivational speaker. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/4/2012 6:39:51 PM | | I think you underestimate yourself. Perhaps, deep down, you believe that you are not as good as the next guy. The women you come across can sense your insecurities. You need to figure out where this insecurity is coming from before you can truly love yourself. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/9/2012 6:13:09 PM | | All I desire is one symbol of acceptance. If I have that, I can gain the confidence to never give up. I know that I can gain this myself but I need that boost of confidence. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/9/2012 10:49:20 PM | It sounds like you have done this to yourself. People have rejected you since you were young because of your looks??
You can fix this yourself or get counseling, whichever you prefer.
Go to the library and look at the self-help books. Google things like "self confidence" and sign up for free help.
If you're in school see if they have psychological counseling.
You've been beating this problem into your head for most of your life, can you expect one successful relationship to fix it? | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/10/2012 1:58:05 PM | If you want a super fast way to get the chicks then study everything to do with "alpha males" read on this subject and keep reading. Join "man" forums and become an Alpha.
Hate to say it but Alphas get all the girls at any age. It's about chemistry and although a thought full guy like you wants attention you do deserve it but the Alphas get the girls.
There is nothing wrong with how you look so stop telling yourself that. | |
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| Why do they underestimate me?
Posted: 5/10/2012 2:53:13 PM | | Dude I feel ya! i've been in the same boat man..to be honest just keep ur head up man i will happen! | |
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