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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Why look for "no strings attached" sex in the wrong place??      Home login  
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 purplepalooza
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 1
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Why look for "no strings attached" sex in the wrong place??Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I recently was talking to a man who accused me of being too analytical cuz I asked questions (i ddi a thread on the subject), and I felt that he was defensive because, more than likely, he was hiding things. Well, low and behold, I received an email thru his POF profile from his girlfriend...telling me he's a cheat and don't trust him!!! Made me start thinking about the whole situation where people (men and women) who are just looking for casual sex, go looking for it with people who are looking for actual relationships on dating sites.

I was curious, so I did a search on this site for both, males and females, who are seeking intimate encounters. I didn't think there would be many, but there are!!! So my questions is, WHY don't people looking for no strings, actually look for others wanting the same????? It makes no sense to go thru the drama of lying, and pretending to be something you're not, in order to get what is already being offered by those who want the same thing...therefore NO NEED TO PLAY GAMES TO GET IT.

What are your thoughts on this? Are people like that just f*cked up?
 7thour
Joined: 12/2/2011
Msg: 2
Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/3/2012 11:37:45 PM
OP..liars and cheats...they like the game. They like being sneaky. They like fooling people and getting away with it. It is what turns them on.

It sucks for those of us who have to weed through their BS.

There are plenty of men and women on the IE borad that confess they are married and what they want. They won't leave their wives/husbands but are not getting the sexual satisfaction they desperately desire. Yes, they are cheating too but they are being up front about it.

I don't condone that behavior either but neither do I walk in their shoes.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 3
Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/3/2012 11:59:45 PM
One actually told me he wouldn't be with a woman that was on here for intimate encounters cause they were too much of a slut.

I have to say I agree it is about taking advantage of someone else--it's about sneaking and getting by with it--it adds to their enjoyment and yet you have to wonder how dead they are inside to have this need to do this to another person.
 purplepalooza
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 4
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Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 3:28:26 AM
I'm not suggesting that those who only want intimate encounters are f*cked up...it's those that seek the intimate encounters, or FWBs, or the like....from people they clearly know are looking for a serious relationship based on what a person's POF profile states.
 saygiddaytome
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 5
Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 4:16:04 AM
I'm totally with you on this, Purple. It seems to me that the more clearly you state your intentions, the harder these sleazebags try to cross your boundaries. It's a sport to them. I had one just yesterday who messaged me. He wants to meet a woman who lives alone so there can be discreet, uninterrupted encounters. I don't care what other people choose to do, and don't negatively judge them....but when they waste my time I DO get rather snippy... Being single is not a state I enjoy and I'm trying to rectify that. However, I do consider myself OHH so much better off than the poor buggers who are being cheated on out there.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 6
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Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 4:34:21 AM
Maybe these guys(girls) know that most people do not say what they actually mean????? I'm serious here. Instead of doing what "they say" a lot of people are doing what they want despite the words outta their yaps. Again,very serious here.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 7
Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 5:06:30 AM
It is easier to pry open the slot of someone who put down "Long Term" and says "No games" than to cope with the Intimate Encounter people. If you know what to say and what to do the "Long Term" ones are a cinch. The"Intimate Encounter" ones are way too much work by comparison.

As for no strings, that is a unilateral choice. If they want to start attaching strings and you don't then there still won't be any. Might as well take the high percentage shot.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 8
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Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 5:43:13 AM
The sad thing is, you just can't win in these scenerios, you have lying sleases who will say anything to get what they want with no regard to who they are using and hurting, very selfish individuals IMO. Then if you are upfront with what you want you are labelled a slut even thou they are doing the exact same thing, pot meet kettle. Then if you want to take it slower to try and weed out these wankers, you are playing games and have emotions issues or are frigid. I've learned to trust my gut reaction about people when I meet, thats why I don't want to do endless chatting, most reveal themselves pretty quickly and if their e-mail or IM conversations get sexually explict, I just signoff and block them. I think for some it's a challenge, more fun chasing and getting, then off to the next target. Another poster added it's easier to ly and use the ones that say "long term" on their profile, I guess you can't BS someone who is already looking for an IE, so I guess lazy could be added to the list too.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 9
Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 5:49:59 AM
These types of men,Op have no conscience.
They couldn't care less if someone's looking for a Relationship coz they're only thinking about themselves and their own sexual needs and its all a Game to them.

Some of them resort to name-calling and trying to shame you when you refuse to budge.
*Edit * ^^^^ Yeah,exactly what Casper said :)
 Iona_Bob
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 10
Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 8:01:24 AM
When seeking NSA, there is no WRONG place to look!
 ThusSpokeZarathustra
Joined: 4/24/2012
Msg: 11
Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 8:21:42 AM

Well, low and behold, I received an email thru his POF profile from his girlfriend

For starters, the expression is "lo and behold" not "low and behold".
Secondly, are you sure that it was his girlfriend? I've had a few women over the years claiming to be my girlfriend when all we were really doing was having sex.
Lots of women start off wanting a relationship but will eventually just settle for sex, so websites like this are a goldmine. Why buy the cow when you'll eventually get free milk? Most women just settle, you just have to build up the fairytale and then let them down easy. By the time they realize that your not the knight in shining armour that they were dreaming about they have given you all that you want anyway and it's a mutual decision to move along to other people. After that they just end up being pretty good friends, and maybe you'll get a few introductions to other ladies.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 12
Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 8:46:16 AM

Why buy the cow when you'll eventually get free milk?


^^ Same as why buy the whole pig just for the little sausage?
Keep stirrin' the pot.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 13
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Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 8:49:44 AM
Right on Pinky! A gal after my own heart!

OT: I don't even think those that are after just sex take the time to read profiles, what the person is seaking or anything of that nature. They look at the pic, and if attracted, email for them for hot times...bleh....always married or not single category. They have sites for hookups but since this place is free, why not try? Send 100 emails, you may get one reply...
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 14
Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 8:52:32 AM
I think it's called projection. People who just want NSA, FB sex might think they are "better" than picking someone out of a sex website or one just looking for intimate encounters so they go with the "conventional route", meet someone on here or another dating website, go on a date, have sex within the first few encounters, then move onto the next unsuspecting person.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 15
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Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 9:02:39 AM


I was curious, so I did a search on this site for both, males and females, who are seeking intimate encounters. I didn't think there would be many, but there are!!! So my questions is, WHY don't people looking for no strings, actually look for others wanting the same????? It makes no sense to go thru the drama of lying, and pretending to be something you're not, in order to get what is already being offered by those who want the same thing...therefore NO NEED TO PLAY GAMES TO GET IT.


many possible reasons.
They cannot afford professional sexual services
They want to avoid the professionals because they fear disease
They enjoy the game of screwing with someones head too
They are looking for ego boost in some kinda player/ games way
They are control freaks
They are looking for someone that is totally unaware of them and not in any level of any circle of anyone they know
They plan to hump and dump, so they are looking for absolute stanger tio make it easier
'They are totally unaware of what they want
They are totally aware all they want is a sex conquest
They have serious STD's and want unprotected sex, so pretend they are healthy, safe and are hoping for unprotected sex
They just got some viagra and want to try it out, hoping to find someone who wants a lot of sex ( their girlfeiend does not want a 4 hour marathon)

a hundred other things "could" be too. Just depends on the person. One thing for sure is
no 2 snowflakes are going to be exactly the same.
You are never going to change things or change them, work on changing your dating strategy to avoid them. For some, they really NEED to play the games, that is what you need to understand, and avoid.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 16
Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 9:36:00 AM

As for no strings, that is a unilateral choice. If they want to start attaching strings and you don't then there still won't be any. Might as well take the high percentage shot.


I cannot imagine why any woman would be the least bit motivated to attach anything to such unappealing prospects.

OP. I would suggest some men are not that complex, and simply send multiple cut and paste messages to inspiring thumbnail pics to see if any of them nibble at their bait.

Reading profiles is probably not on their to-do lists.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 17
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Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 9:39:02 AM
My previous post in this topic got reported to the moderators as some kind of violation, not sure what. So I will repost, and just use a link instead. I have no intentions, and never had any intentions, of upsetting anyone.

I’m going to assume that you are actually asking, rather than just ranting. Knowing the way things work around here, that is probably a bad assumption, but….


purplepalooza
I was curious, so I did a search on this site for both, males and females, who are seeking intimate encounters. I didn't think there would be many, but there are!!!


Define “many”? And how does that compare to the numbers for “long term”?

Follow this link:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/14610408datingPostpage3.aspx
scroll down to msg 52, and see the results that one of our regular posters, a woman, had when she tried changing her intent to “intimate encounter”, just as an experiment. She had a overwhelming number of responses, simply put, far too many to actually deal with.

This is what magicalallaroundme was referring to, that women who put “intimate encounter” have hundreds or thousands of suitors to choose from.


Abelian, who is now a moderator, has posted before on this very subject. It is almost impossible to actually make contact with any woman who lists “intimate encounter”. In his estimation, if a man is simply looking for sex, he is much more likely to achieve that goal by approaching women for dates.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 18
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Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 9:46:36 AM
How do you know it's his girlfriend? What makes you believe some stranger's email and not the person you met?

As for free and easy sex-- there's always a game to play to get it. Men know that.
If there's no game, there's gotta be money exchanging hands instead.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 19
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Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 10:20:32 AM
Ah Landra.....So right as usual.....The game of sex......played by most if not all!

Some want to be pursued, and some want to pursue......some want to flirt and some want to be flirted with.....some have rules of when and how sex will happen, and some want it so much that they are willing to play by the others rules........some really enjoy it but need that security before they give up what they believe is their greatest chip, and some will get married in order to have that chip........;)

The list goes on and on, and sex and dating is a game, and one that needs to be understood before you get in that game, and also that seldom are there two winners when one plays a game, and if so, it is because the other let them win......go figure.

cd
 cariboolady1
Joined: 3/22/2012
Msg: 20
Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 10:46:49 AM
I just had a conversation with a man who I had a suspicion was wanting this very thing....based on his profile. I asked him outright why he was tagging me when I was explicit about what I wanted.
He diddled around the bush for a bit, waffled, then relented and said this.."The women who are sexy to me are the ones who want a relationship. They look attractive, clean and and have interesting profiles. I have met a few and I was turned on. The ones in IE, I found out the hard way when I met them, are mostly sleazy, fat and scary looking in real life. I didn't find them sexy."
I found that a plausable reason....one of probably many reasons why they go after the Relationship women.
 loveoutside
Joined: 12/28/2011
Msg: 21
Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 11:09:57 AM
Hate to post something like this as I find it offensive but,

OP, you can't be this naive. I belong to several other forums, mostly bodybuilding type and on each of these forums, there are at least several threads each talking about picking up women on these free dating sites and here's a shocker - most writes that its very easy. And yes, they do brazenly talk about how they fool the women into think they were looking for more meaningful relationship but were not their true intention. Sad.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 22
Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 11:30:37 AM

I just had a conversation with a man who I had a suspicion was wanting this very thing....based on his profile. I asked him outright why he was tagging me when I was explicit about what I wanted.
He diddled around the bush for a bit, waffled, then relented and said this.."The women who are sexy to me are the ones who want a relationship. They look attractive, clean and and have interesting profiles. I have met a few and I was turned on. The ones in IE, I found out the hard way when I met them, are mostly sleazy, fat and scary looking in real life. I didn't find them sexy."
I found that a plausable reason....one of probably many reasons why they go after the Relationship women.


Sorry to report this crap was another gambit to bang a dumb long term. The guy knew what he was doing. Give him that. He knew that to salvage the situation he needed to appeal to your vanity. One good way to do that is to unfairly bash women that you smugly disdain. Truth of the matter is that these IE women are just other women -- no dirtier, no fatter, no uglier. It makes you feel good to think they are so that's why he said it. There didn't have to be any truth to it. He knew you would bite into it like a fresh apple.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 23
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Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 11:32:43 AM
NO NEED TO PLAY GAMES TO GET IT.

Sorry, it just doesn't work that way.


liars and cheats...they like the game. They like being sneaky. They like fooling people and getting away with it. It is what turns them on.

EXACTLY.


I'm totally with you on this, Purple. It seems to me that the more clearly you state your intentions, the harder these sleazebags try to cross your boundaries.
Well, it's a challenge...sort of like a little kid making a game out of stealing cookies out of the cooke jar.


It's a sport to them.

It really is just that simple for the larger percentage of IE seekiers.


that women who put “intimate encounter” have hundreds or thousands of suitors to choose from.
I'm sure they do but how many of those suitors are actually suitable for anything?! I would certainly think that sportf*cking isn't much fun if you get a disease or infestation. Or the guy is a creep that passes your personal info along to creep friends who show up at your door with their d*ck in their hand.

I think that message 21 is a good illustration. Men try to hook up with "relationship quality" women because they don't want poor Willy to catch some kind of creeping crud. Intimate encounters are not such a prize if one's d*ck falls off.Or one acquires a mildly psycho female stalker.
It's part of the whole "challenge/conquest" thing. Even if they get a few smart women pinning their ears back from time to time, it's a better game than diddling a waffle.
ETA

Truth of the matter is that these IE women are just other women -- no dirtier, no fatter, no uglier. It makes you feel good to think they are so that's why he said it. There didn't have to be any truth to it. He knew you would bite into it like a fresh apple.

Well, I wouldn't have any way to know for sure because I don't go around evaluating IE women-but there is some substance to magics' observation. But I am inclined to think that there may be a category of rather unappealing women who use IE hoping to parlay that into something more. Probably a lot of IE women are just like IE men...in an unsatisfactory relationship that they believe they cannot (for whatever reason) terminate.
ETA2-
True dat! Way to ring the belle !!!
That is my thinking as well...lol
Cindy O
 Iona_Bob
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 24
Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 11:36:51 AM

Sorry to report this crap was another gambit to bang a dumb long term. The guy knew what he was doing. Give him that. He knew that to salvage the situation he needed to appeal to your vanity. One good way to do that is to unfairly bash women that you smugly disdain. Truth of the matter is that these IE women are just other women -- no dirtier, no fatter, no uglier. It makes you feel good to think they are so that's why he said it. There didn't have to be any truth to it. He knew you would bite into it like a fresh apple.


True dat! Way to ring the belle !!!
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 25
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Why look for no strings attached sex in the wrong place??
Posted: 5/4/2012 11:52:37 AM
Most men who want NSA sexual relationships are too cheap to pay the ladies who do that kind of work for a living.....and this is NOT a judgement on those ladies. In fact, I have more respect for THEM than I do cheap, selfish men.

In the "old days", I hear that men who had mistreses treated them with class. These guys could take a few lessons from them.
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