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 romieyo
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 1
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Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'sPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I have come across profiles of women making it a point to advise that they do not want guys to ask for their cell phone number after two or three messages. Some go on to tag it as aggressive, desperate, crazy, a turn-off, etc.. And some seem to really get bent out of shape.
I have no problem with it. To each his/her own.

The internet is just another medium to meet someone, right?

Well what's the difference in giving a person your number at a bar, club, or mall after just a few lines(says hello. asks how you are doing. asks if you have a man. asks for your number. convo over) and no in depth conversation being exchanged. (don't forget the unwritten don't call her for 3 days rule).

-And-

And the difference in a person asking for your number, whom you've actually exchanged multiple nice lengthly messages with, whether it be two or three.


Just A Random Thought. Give You Something To Think About.
 starofgaia
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 2
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 2:32:06 AM
The problem is you can't see the person face-to-face, on this medium.

Think of this way, too: if you were a woman constantly sexually and harassed by men, wouldn't you think twice about giving out your personal information, straight away?
 7thour
Joined: 12/2/2011
Msg: 3
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 2:34:42 AM
give her your number and tell her to let you know, text or call, if she can't make the meeting time...on time. You are going to meet some woman who you would want her number right?

There is no point in her giving out her number to a guy she has not even met yet. In a bar you see the person eye to eye. It is different.
 Schmette
Joined: 4/29/2012
Msg: 4
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 2:36:12 AM
The 3 day rule is just as dumb as the dont give your number out after 3 message rule. I think these women, for lack of a better ability to express themselves, are trying to weed out players in their own way. Theyre saying if you cant hold their interest in an endearing convo that would have to last more than 3 messages then theres no point taking the meaningless convo to another avenue.

If you have a problem with these types of women and dont want to get labeled, then dont message them. Problem solved.

Might I add, when youre at a bar, not only are u seeing someone face to face and know right off the bat if youre attracted to them, you are also wearing beer goggles and have lowered inhibitions.
 Jac_the_Gripper
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 5
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 2:39:13 AM
You're assuming that the women who have a bee in their bonnet about it enough to mention it on their profiles would hand over there number to a stranger in a club, or wherever.

I don't have anything written on my profile, but I wouldn't hand my number over to a stranger, anymore than I would get in a stranger's car, or invite a strange man round to my house for a first date. If asked, I'd say no and move on, if pressed, yup, I'd view that as aggressive, turn-off, blah, blah, blah.

If you want to move things beyond emailing quickly, meeting in a public place would be the most respectful thing to suggest given that it compromises a woman's safety the least. You're more likely to get your Boy Scout Badge for that extra consideration, I'd say.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 6
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 4:02:51 AM
There are some very key elements which you are failing to consider.

From the day we are born, we learn to assess people the instant we meet them. By the time we reach adulthood we are very good at this, so much so, that we don't have to actually think about it. We do it subconsciously with every person we have an interaction with. For those people who we have an on-going interaction (work colleagues, friends, causal acquaintances, everyone) we continually add to the view we have previously formed regarding them.

When 'meeting' people on line, we aren't able to use those skills of assessment we have developed. We can't get a 'gut feeling' or an 'initial assessment' about them via a screen and so we each determine our own comfort level and we negotiate this un-natural method of getting to know someone. It would be like meeting someone in the real world but being blindfolded so we can't see their facial expressions and gestures, or having ear protectors on so we cannot hear the inflection of their voice. Realizing we are disadvantaged in this manner, some people like to slow it down whilst they use the tools they have got to assess the stranger better.

Something else you have failed to consider is that those ladies who are comfortable enough to hand their telephone number to a stranger after 'just a few lines' of conversation are not the same individuals who are stating on their profiles that moving quickly feels aggressive.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 7
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 4:29:05 AM
There is no difference. Ask anyway. So they wig out when you do it... tough. Maybe their mother caught them masturbating once. Maybe their toilet brush started to command them to do dirty things. Whatever. It's not your problem. If you decided what a proper allotment of your precious time is and are sticking to your schedule, no need to derail it over a paranoid whacko. She can buy some smelling salts to revive her when she faints from the forwardness of it all.
 Broomhilda_the_Nun
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 8
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 4:47:48 AM

I have no problem with it. To each his/her own.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 9
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 6:21:48 AM
I never ask for a number. I offer her mine so she doesn't even have to worry about it. True every phone has called ID, but if she was really worried about it she could block her number.

Almost like clockwork the next email has her phone number in it. People like to have choices. Give her some options such as I'd be happy to exchange a few more emails or if you like we can talk on the phone. You don't know who you have on the other end yet. She's going to say no as long as she feels uneasy.
 Chrisdan57
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 10
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 6:25:26 AM
People feel more comfortable with somebody they have met. You never know who is sitting behind that keyboard. I would always do the same thing Chances does. I would offer mine.
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 11
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 6:33:39 AM

I never ask for a number. I offer her mine so she doesn't even have to worry about it.



Almost like clockwork the next email has her phone number in it.


This. ^^^
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 12
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 6:53:14 AM
I have to admit, that I have always been more comfortable when they have provided their number rather then asking for mine. That was true as a young woman meeting people in everyday life and as an older woman, 'meeting' people on here.

And following a telephone conversation or meeting which went well, I am more likely to provide my telephone number if I have previously been given theirs.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 13
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 7:12:03 AM
I never ask for dates online. I always offer mine. It never leads anywhere anyways, most of them get cold feet before making it to the date part.
Ironically, I've had more luck giving my phone number to a girl off the street and getting a call back the following day.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 14
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Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 7:15:31 AM
My advice:

if your going to do online dating get a cheapy disposable cell phone JUST for online dating.
Then this is NEVER an issue.
 charlieusn
Joined: 10/27/2010
Msg: 15
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Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 7:33:35 AM
After a couple of text message exchanges, I normally text /send them my phone number and full name first. If they want to persue more they will either call me or send me their number.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 16
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 8:03:34 AM
I will often ask a woman for her phone number or sometimes ask her out on a date / meeting after 3-4 emails. Sure that would be a turn off to some women because they think a man is too eager, aggressive, impatient etc. However many women have given their number. Some women have given their number without me asking for it. Besides if a man waited longer, that could be a turn off to some other women. They might think that he is too shy, passive, or not that interested in her etc. It's a risk either way.

I don't think there is a major difference between giving your number to someone online compared to someone who had just met at a bar or bookstore. Obviously you would know what the person at the bar or bookstore looks like. But that person is just as likely to be a potential murder, rapist etc as the person online is. As I have stated before, buy a cheap prepaid cell phone and just use it for internet dating if you didn't want to give out your real number.
 jt guy
Joined: 12/24/2008
Msg: 17
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 8:04:18 AM
Just a thought.....one could always use Google Voice to give out a distracting number. Unsubscribe if the number becomes contaminated. Next, one could buy a throw away phone from Wally World and just buy some time. That would not be a biggie giving out a number. Magicjack is an option too. Last, but not least...just do it the way it makes you happy. As has been said...all is fair in love and war.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 18
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 8:14:44 AM
I'm opposite those women...


I don't want to email indefinately before it going to voice because you learn so much more about a person with voice than you do email; there are less misunderstandings, and also, to be brutally honest, it weeds out those who are married or in LTRS who are playing at looking who really aren't. (they won't talk at night or weekends EVER).

Maybe because I'm the one who'se "supposed" to be having a hard time giving it; up but I prefer it; but I appreciate being asked for it early on (it is also, when you have spent your entire day on a computer or cellphone and occasional evenings; talking with your eyes closed where you can give them a break and give a person your undivided attention cuts down on a ton of time getting to know who someone is.

So if someone DOESN'T ask for my phone number after 3-6 messages; I won't fit with them romantically; it feels passive, it leaves so much room for interpretation; and no phone number means longer communication without first meet; and that is SO difficult when you are establishing tone of conversation when that in person is totally unknown. I am also one of those who wants early on to have that face meet to know how future conversations should go; you CAN'T know that until you have that fourth dimension. And I won't meet without a phone call ever.

Some just want to email; and that's cool; but if that's what they want; they will be friend zoned from the get go and stay there.

So yes, some women want to talk for weeks or longer before phone; and some want to talk for weeks or months longer before meeting.

But I am most definately not one of them. Voice is where it's at; without it; you really can't get to know someone better. If you have had "real" back and forth and talked about several things and established points of interest? Add the voice. Get the more complete picture. Then get the meet. That isn't desperate or crazy. It's getting to know someone without SO many blanks being filled in incorrectly by both people because of only written text that have to be literally unlearned after the fact THAT is a waste of time, and it's jarring..
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 19
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Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 9:18:52 AM
In my experience with internet dating.. women have shoved their numbers at me.. admittedly it was after a good amount of chatting.. not only after 3 messages.
 romieyo
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 20
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Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 12:44:53 PM
That's right. The person that you meet is just as likely to be a potential murderer, rapist, nut job, etc..

And I never asked for advice. I said that it was a random thought. I observe many things. And some things are very amusing. Vast majority of people are very contradicting. And many people only walk based on what someone else said or what the media suggest they do.

I also didn't say that I had a problem. It appears that many are attempting to try to correct me, rather than just giving their opinion. I have no problem getting numbers either. I have read many profiles and sometimes I just have a hmmmmm moment.
 romieyo
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 21
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Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 12:46:42 PM
Oh and by the way, you can still tell things about a person by one conversation. Whether online or face-to-face. Some people are able to and some aren't.
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 22
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 12:57:03 PM
I personally have never understood how a woman can grind a guy in the club so completely that he could probably guess her panty size (if he weren't drunk), give him her number after less than 5 minutes of face time and less than 5 (audible) words exchanged...but then assume that every man online is a potential stalker.

I know Bill Gates dream is virtually a reality (im America at least), but more people STILL own a state ID than a personal computer (with internet access). Thus in theory...you have a better chance or meeting a weirdo in the club than online.

I always give my number out first. Because im a Naval Officer (reserve), finding me wouldn't be a trial even if I didn't (besides...whose gonna stalk me?). If she doesn't call it...I consider it her loss and write her off. It may be after a day of messaging...it may be after a week of messaging, but i always put the ball in her court. I never ask a woman for her number on POF.

Occasionally, women will text me from Pinger numbers or feax numbers. I don't typically respond. If your scared...go to church.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 23
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Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 1:22:43 PM

...women will text me from Pinger numbers or feax numbers. I don't typically respond. If your scared...go to church.


Good one. That's what I was thinking with all of the suggestions of getting a Google phone number, buy a disposable phone, mug a Martian and steal his phone, etc., so that no one will ever find out who you are. If a woman lives in fear, how is she ever going to meet anyone? The best way to overcome fear of the unknown is to meet for a coffee after a few e-mails. If you're comfortable with the person after meeting in the real world, exchange phone numbers at that time. Since most coffee meets turn out to be a bust, why add more steps to the process of the ultimate goal, which is meeting a real person at a real place? If a person demands to hear the other person's voice before ever contemplating meeting in real life, that's a judgement call. The best way to analyze a person is a combination of voice and viewing the person.
 farside9
Joined: 5/1/2012
Msg: 24
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/4/2012 7:54:50 PM
MAybe some girls get asked their number all the time and they get sick of it. I was on pof many times and i don't like it when the 2nd message is so what ur number? Unless I connect with the guy and i feel like i get a good vibe from him
 a_Libra_rising
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 25
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/5/2012 6:24:38 AM
i never had guys ask me for my number. they send messages to me with their numbers. as if i want to contact anyone who's sleazy enough to send me their number in the 1st message. yuck.
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