| | How do you cope with being single? Page 1 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | Hello,
I've been in counselling now for about ten sessions, my course is 12 sessions in total.
Since the end of February, I met a guy online. He found me on a dating site and we began to message and it built up until we were exchanging messages every day. He is a student and said he was really busy with work for a deadline that was last Friday, so couldn't meet til after then.
I believed him and we carried on messaging everyday and I guess I built up a little fantasy that when we met it would be great and that I'd really found someone who appreciated me. I've been single for over three and a half years and I just wish there was someone that appreciates me. All of my friends are in couples, I feel left out.
We were meant to meet last Saturday, but I didn't hear anything from him on Friday evening and I still haven't heard anything. So I got worried something had perhaps happened to him as we did talk everyday and it was unusual and he said he'd been mugged a few times and had been very ill with pneumonia. By Sunday I was a bit of a mess, I was so worried that I couldn't eat or think or anything else. So I messaged a girl he mentioned he was friends with on facebook. She messaged back saying she was his girlfriend.
She called me mental said that he'd messaged me and had told he to stop contacting him and that he had a girlfriend. I still have received nothing from him to this day. I was so hurt that everything had been lies and ashamed that I built up a fantasy about someone I hadn't met. He used to tell me about how he used to feel lonely too because all his friends we're in couples.
I was feeling really secure and better before his happened and I really believed that the counselling was working. Now I'm scared that this is sign that the counselling hasn't helped me and I will always crave a boyfriend.
I just want to feel the security I felt before when I was talking to him and not this desperation to have a partner, but I just don't know how. My head feels like it's jumbled up and I can't seem to rest. It's like I'm trying to distract myself to feel ok and I can't just find peace.
I'm just wondering if anyone has felt similar or had similar experiences? If you did how did you overcome them?
Do you have any tips for being happy and alone?
I'm not really interested in people telling me to go get help, or not to worry because I am young, or that I was stupid to trust someone like that, that I had met online. I've learnt my lesson in that regard and wouldn't messages someone like that ever again. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 1:25:09 PM | I'm not quite sure why it was necessary for you to go into details about some guy when your question is about being single, and how to cope with that.
Anyways, I've been single for 3 years. Before that it was 5 years. I manage to cope by pouring my energy into other things in my life. Whether it be my kids. my health, my hobbies. You have to find things that you enjoy and that can distract you from needing "someone" else in your life. Work on YOU, and making yourself happy with simple things that you enjoy. Sooner or later you'll find yourself being content with being alone.
People tell me that eventually I'll find someone, blah... I've about given up on that theory. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 1:26:41 PM | Pets and two jobs is what helps me when i'm single (one normal 9-5 and a couple of shifts down a bar so I get to be social/meet new people etc).
nothing like being greeted by furry faces that are absolutely thrilled to see you, and not having time to sit around and mope. the two together make for one happy and fulfilled single life | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 1:32:14 PM | | Ive just decided to do stuff that makes me happy and not worry about men. Im not going to puteffort into something that isnt worth putting effort into because trying to date when you cant find what you are looking for is pointless. Just pick up some hobbies and go about your life | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 1:36:55 PM | The secret to being happy is making other people (or animals) happy. You'll find if you consciously try to do nice things for people all day you will feel content all evening and sleep great. If you are depressed the best cure is eating right and vitamin b3.
Pets can make you feel happy for two reasons 1) like people you will feel good about yourself for treating you pet with affection. 2) you enjoy the affection in return.
Finally write a lot of name calling posts.. they make you feel great. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 1:41:53 PM | | You come on the forums and **** about being single and never blame yourself for being single cause you're a self-proclaimed nice guy and that's not what the opposite sex wants. Then when you want to get your freak on, you head over to the sex forums and read the pure comedy gold that it is. When all else fails, get a variety of vibrators (or fleshlights) and have a party with yourself. At least you won't be so sad about being lonely for a few minutes. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 1:43:11 PM | I think the best way to cope with being single, is to stop trying to fill some desperate void just because a partner is not in your life. Or better yet, concern yourself less with being with a partner and find better things to do with your life and time.
Some people act as if being single is like going to the electric chair. A death sentence. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 1:43:28 PM | | Do you have a job? Friends? Family? Hobbies? Interests you share with others and in which you can participate communally? I looked at your profile and you're only 21 and you can't cope with being alone? It's going to be a long and winding road. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 1:47:57 PM | Counseling doesn't work... YOU do.
Your counselor is just a coach. You aren't willing to practice?
Then you'll get out of it what you put in... *zero*.
<div class='quote'>Do you have any tips for being happy and alone?
I'd like some tips for being happy in a relationship, because almost everyone I know who has one is unhappy about it except when they're having sex. And THEN they're usually thinking about somebody else..... or so I hear.
I've had relationships before. Honestly, I think being single is a blessed relief from living up to some guy's unending expectations 24/7. God get off me already. I already have enough people to please every day thank you very much.
How do I cope with being single? It ain't a disease you know.
Doin' the happy dance.
I just want to feel the security I felt before when I was talking to him and not this desperation to have a partner, but I just don't know how. My head feels like it's jumbled up and I can't seem to rest. It's like I'm trying to distract myself to feel ok and I can't just find peace.
That feeling of desperation you feel is based on the false idea that being in a relationship with somebody is going to make you happy. IT WON'T. It's a placebo, at best. You can't escape your own mind. Decide to be happy from within. The mind that put you where you are right now, can also elevate you to the places where your happiness is unperturbed by others, because it doesn't rely on something outside yourself. Become a Buddhist, or go volunteer at an animal shelter, and help something that's completely helpless without your care, in need of a little kindness, and basically at your mercy. It'll put things into perspective for you. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 1:49:48 PM | Hmm giving affection to others and helping others isn't something I had thought about before, when being single. But it does make sense.
I would really love to have a pet, but I work long hours and live in the middle of town, so it would be a little unfair.
I do think that an additional way of meeting people, perhaps a second casual job will help. I do also long for more single friends. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 1:51:02 PM | I was so hurt that everything had been lies and ashamed that I built up a fantasy about someone I hadn't met. He used to tell me about how he used to feel lonely too because all his friends we're in couples.
I was feeling really secure and better before his happened and I really believed that the counselling was working. Now I'm scared that this is sign that the counselling hasn't helped me
ARE you going to use that hard-earned life lesson about some flakes online, that will lie through their teeth just to try to get and hold your *online* attention for months just for kicks??
That guy may have been just a teenager messing with you, maybe in collusion with his "girlfriend" on Faceplant.
What is best is to meetup soonest with any unmet person you may be chatting with online, certainly not longer than a week or so before you plan a RL first meet. Do you see how that would've saved you months of wasted time and stress?
Also only call or text someone a MAX of 3 times with no response. When there is NO response, that IS a response of NO interest, so accept that. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 1:55:11 PM | Counseling? For being single?
Much of this is cliche, I know. I bet you've heard it all before but here we go.
No one will love you until you love yourself. No one will be happy with you until you are happy with yourself. Get happy with yourself.
You do not need a partner in life to complete your life. You should have rewarding experiences and relationships with family, friends and co-workers until the next bif love of your life happens along.
Until then, ask yourself... "What have I always wanted to accomplish?" Right now it's all about you.... a very selfish and wonderful place to be! More education? A different career? A fitness goal? An artistic pursuit? Domestic or European travel? Now is the time to tackle all those goals. By doing so, you may just bump into someone interesting who shares your common interests.
As afar as dating experiences go, you just have to laugh. You can't take any of this seriously. You're every young, naive and inexperienced. Take it slow and do not look for a "mate" to provide you with happiness.
Good luck.
Counseling? Oh, come on! | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 1:55:45 PM |
Do you have any tips for being happy and alone?
Get a dog.
Or, talk it over with your therapist.
Or both.
I'll add masturbation. Try it with your feet, it feels like it's someone else.
Oh wait, your a dudette.
Try a cucumber  lol
Seriously? On day at a time is how you cope. No one is really happy alone. I think a lot more often than not nowadays, the same can be said of couples... | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 2:01:11 PM | Well, at least you aren't the delusional girlfriend who thinks her boyfriend is being faithful.
Feel better now? You should. ;o)
This online realm does seem to bring out the worst in people (the anonymity of it makes people especially forward, rude, and deceitful, sadly.) I may suggest meeting people for activities that you enjoy on a site like "meetup." If you're kind of in a fragile place now, online might not be the best, and the social interaction and lessened expectations of just doing a "meetup" may be a little less unnerving.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go take my own advice... ha ha!
Good luck. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 2:10:18 PM | You really need to start thinking positive its not easy i know but you must : -
Join a group activity
Do an evening course
Go to aerobics
Give time for charity - Befriending, mentoring.
So many good things you can do CHIN UP and good luck x | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 2:10:25 PM | Cope with being single? To me that is like asking how to cope with being alive.
You need to build yourself a happy single lifestyle. Who knows, you might enjoy being single more than better part of a couple.
Think your question should be what makes you happy as a single person. When you figure that out, and learn to love yourself being single won't feel like a mountain that you can't get to the top of. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 2:36:12 PM | | Sweetie you are 21, gorgeous and intelligent. This could be one of the funnest times of your life. Few responsibilities and lots of opportunities. Do you know how many older women with bump on the log hubbies and a big mortgage envy the heck out of you? | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 2:55:17 PM | | Enroll in a college and get a degree. Not only will the education open doors for you it will allow you to meet people as well. You can party hardy on weekends. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 2:55:45 PM | Cope? ha...I cope very well, thanks! It's not some disease!
I simply get on with my world! If a man who is my match drops in on me, well so be it.
No big deal. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 3:10:18 PM | Two things:
One, your experience happens to almost all online newbies.
You develop an e-fatuation with a complete stranger and it crashes.
That happens 99.99% of the time.
(sometimes it is the scenario you went thru, sometimes thru incompatibility after you date)
so in future....
use this medium just as a means to say hello and meet.
DO NOT make online smoozing a substitute for real life interaction.
If you meet someone online you might like to know.
Get to know him in life.
NOT in email.
You will weed thru non compatible guys , the poseurs, and the weird much quicker
and with a lot less emotional pain to you.
Which saves you time and heart-space for the guy who will be compatible,
and truly into you.
The second thought is you are still young.
and cute.
plenty of time to get the dating thing right.
Be patient. careful. and just abit more net savvy.
avoid net crushes and shoot for a real crush with someone you get to know well in life.
good luck. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 3:28:22 PM | | Get validation from your life and enjoy it. Not from people. Do things YOU enjoy, you don't need someone's approval. | |
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| How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/4/2012 3:42:39 PM | "Do you have any tips for being happy and alone?"
WTF? Of course, but I don't think that is really the issue. I'll not comment on your story, take my word for it, you would NOT be happy if I did.
I hate to sound cliche, but some of you need to learn the life lesson of "we come into this world alone, live much of it that way, and leave it the same way we came, ALONE"!
I'm not trying to sound maudlin, or down, just a recognition of how life actually is. You spend time by yourself studying for school, even if you sleep(as in sleep)with someone in the bed next to you, you are alone in your thoughts and dreams, when not in a relationship you are alone, for some sorry to say, even when IN a relationship they are alone.
My point is, you should learn to be happy with and by yourself. You should have life activities you enjoy all by yourself. Sure a pet is nice and can give comfort, heck you can turn on the radio or TV for noise, as substitute company.
I doubt there is many on here who wouldn't like a good relationship, with the right person. Although life goes on, whether that person is in your life now or not. Learn to be happy being yourself, with yourself and by yourself.
THEN, you will be better prepared for a good relationship, you will be a better and more secure partner, you will be able to do many of the things neccessary for your life, without the need to seek the council of your SO.
A great relationship is a wonderful thing, but it should not be viewed like a plasma flat screen, or a BMW, in other words something to be acquired. So many on here, and IRL seem desperate and almost manic about finding "the one" RIGHT NOW!! It takes 2 to make a relationship, but only one to live a life. Don't let the opportunity pass you by.
just some thoughts... | |
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