| | Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisisPage 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | Here is a questions that I am going to ask the guys
One of my friends was asking me this question, because she has been hanging out with this guy for a bit, and I don't know the answer because I am not a guy. So I am asking all you men out there to please reply back! Thanks!
I have this friend who has been hanging out with this guy. They have hung out four times. She was wondering if she really is in her, because he has never once said how beautiful she is. However, he cuddles her and makes out with her every time they hang out and watch movies together. She was also wondering if this is a sign that maybe he just wants to be in the friend zone, because he has not even hinted that he wants to date her or asked her to date. Is she just thinking way too much about it? Or is she right?
Please help, because I did not know what to tell my friend, personally I think he is obviously into her if he makes out with her and stuff, but I think maybe he is just scared to make the commitment step so early? Am I right? | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 2:29:05 AM | None of us can say for sure.. we can only guess.
From what you described I feel she is right that this is a friend zone thing. But what she needs to do is ASK HIM whats going on or state her intentions. Its that simple. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 2:30:01 AM | I'm sorry, I'm not a bloke, but I'd say if a fella wanted to spend time with me and snog me, I wouldn't be using specific phrases like "You're beautiful" as a benchmark to communicate interest. Isn't it patently, bleedin' obvious he finds her attractive?
Isn't it a good thing he's not in rush to get into her knickers and then bugger off?
Why isn't your friend just enjoying these moments?
You only get to start a relationship once, there'll be no going back to this exact point in time, y'know.
Edited to Add: People snog their friends? I don't snog my friends. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 3:17:24 AM | I agree with Abelian.
Also, the guy has no reason to change this up to a date or anything as she has let this be an acceptable way to meet up.
Sounds like she agreed or suggested a kind of meet up that she didn't really want. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 4:23:27 AM | What ever you tell your friend, do NOT advise her to guess about his intentions or desires. No sense in adding assumptions, on top of this lack of communication.
She wants two things that he isn't doing: verbal statements of interest and desire, and to be asked OUT on formal dates, rather than just hanging around his or her place.
The only thing I can get from that is, that he wants to do what he has been doing with her. She's gone along with it, not because she wants to do that herself, but in hopes of getting him to do more.
I would suggest to her that she stop doing things she doesn't want to do, to begin with. Tell him when he calls, that she DOESN'T want to hang around the house. That she wants to go out and do something instead.
This is probably THE classic way that people drive the opposite sex insane with frustration. He's going along enjoying as much as they are doing, with who knows what in mind. She's pretending to be enjoying it as well, but is actually stewing about it.
Next most likely occurrence: he comes over to hang out again, she blows up at him in frustration and drives him off, and he'll be on here with a post asking what the hell happened. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 4:26:43 AM | | well..when u say 'hang-out'..it appears she is either going over to his house..or he is going over to hers..(bad move) either way. I dont know who asks who over..but she should stop and that will 'flush' him out. No matter how beautiful she is..she sounds needy and insecure.She has to stop asking..or accepting the 'hanging out' part.Capish? | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 4:30:50 AM | Am not a guy also but I would like to give my POV.
Why would a woman allow a man to cuddle with her, make out with her if she doesn't know where she stands? Maybe in the mind of this man if he gets what he wants without even dating your friend then why would he change that? If your friend doesn't get what she wants then she should stop giving in.
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 4:39:26 AM |
because he has never once said how beautiful she is. However, he cuddles her and makes out with her every time they hang out and watch movies together.
Actions speak louder than words..
In my experience some men don't communicate feelings or thoughts verbally, but hugging and 'making out' are good signs that he is attracted to her. They've been out 4 times, perhaps he feels that relaxed and comfortable with her that he's just presuming they are now dating.
I think she's definitely thinking way too much ~ she should just relax and enjoy her time with him. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 5:02:44 AM |
They have hung out four times. ..... makes out with her every time they hang out and watch movies together
There's a lot of guys (maybe gals too) who just want to "cuddle on the sofa watching a movie" (ie: get some sex going).
Your friend has 'hung out' with this guy for 4 times now, doing this. You don't write of them doing anything else.
By what you wrote, they just hang out on the sofa watching movies and making out.
I would *guess* that she's not in the friend zone.. but in the 'want you for sex' zone.
And she's been going along with it.. so he thinks it's fine. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 5:13:20 AM | I agree with the other posters that say he's got her in the "panty zone."
He doesn't take her on dates - their time together consists of hanging out at his or her place watching movies. Be still my beating heart. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 7:00:37 AM | | It strikes me that this is only a crisis in a certain select set of circumstances, which only you know about. I would not call this a crisis. I also would not hang around doing things I wasn't happy doing, nor would I refrain from voicing what I needed and wanted. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 7:01:23 AM | | I'd say he is not that interested because (I assume she is around the same age as you 27) normal men would be inviting her out on dates, not expecting her to 'hang out' like they were in middle school. Why has he never taken her to a restuarant or gone out with mutual friends? | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 7:05:18 AM | | He may well be interested, but not pushy. There are respectful men out there, you know - or perhaps he's just inexperienced and shy about taking the next step. If she really wants to know the answer, she should either ask him, or take some initiative and fondle him next time they make out. His reaction will almost certainly provide the correct answer! | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 7:06:00 AM | | He is interested, but I don't think he knows how to act appropriately. I agree with others this is a case of two inexperienced adults that don't know how to communicate. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 7:10:58 AM |
However, he cuddles her and makes out with her every time they hang out and watch movies together
Okay op, hate to point out something a 5 year old could point to, but....
Make out with a lot of your friends?
If he isn't "all over her" in the typical sense it can mean one of two things;
1-He doesn't know what he's doing, or he's an idiot, or he can't communicate his feelings properly
2-He just wants to see how good she is doing the horizontal Bop, then conveniently find an interesting job in Tapei. Until he meets her by accident at the grocery store.
That's basically it. I dunno how this got missed as a polarized topic. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 7:20:16 AM | | If young adult women would stop letting guys just hang with them then this wouldn't be an issue. Yes shouldn't be the response when a guy your into calls & asks if you want some company while just hanging out. Would be an instant date if you say you'd rather he take you to dinner & a movie or something else along those lines. I give my daughter (23) the same advice all the time & she never takes it, but gripes about the same situation over & over again. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 8:23:17 AM |
makes out with her .....In Australia that mean's "Has Sex". Kissing and cuddling is refferred to as "Smooching", so this makes it difficult to answer!
Hanging out 4 times is not a lot of hanging out.
Why doesn't your friend ask the guy what his intentions are?
During this period in time I would put it down to 'getting to know each other' and if your friend put's the heavies on then he may just run away.
If they are sleeping together then it's a no brainer.....IF he want's her to be exclusive then this would be brought up in discussion if he's into her, if not then he only want's one thing and usually a guy feel's the need to be 'nice' to accomplish this goal. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 10:21:19 AM | Well apparently he has his pof account up, and he still goes on pof. My friend decided to keep hers up due to that. They have apparently had sex once, and she herself is afraid if she asks what his intentions are with him it will scare him off. I think lack of communication is hard and rare. She tells me when she hangs she brings up stuff to get to know him and him to know her.
She really likes him, but yes you all right she should talk to him what his intentions are. Thank you for the advice. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 10:36:02 AM | I believe every woman is beautiful and should be told such as often as possible. But the way you communicate is important. You have to make sure she knows why you think she is beautiful in her unique way. And it should be something more than physical. There is a difference between being a pretty women (pleasing to look at, sexually stimulating) and being a beautiful person (strong, intelligent, capable, etc). There is a difference between inner and outer beauty. For me, inner is more important. Not saying outer is irrelevant, it's just less important.
If he is incapable of expressing he thinks she is attractive, and yet is willing to kiss her and have sex, then he is probably looking for FWB and is trying to make sure she doesn't get the wrong idea and want to take it too far. Communication is key and sometimes with men you have to be blunt. "Do you wanna date me? Do you find me more than physically attractive? What is it you want from a relationship with me?"
And don't ask the question if you are not prepared for every possible answer. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 11:23:02 AM | Tell your friend to be clear to this guy that 'hanging out' is not what she is looking for, and then she has to stick with it. No more nights on the couch. Until he starts to call her for dates like adults where they can explore the area, treat one another to meals etc and act like a couple, tell her to make other plans. Stop accepting invites to do nothing but make-out.
She needs to understand that it is hard to ask a man for more when she accepts the pathetic little attention he shows her now. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 11:26:19 AM | Making out does not mean he's into her, it means he wants to get into her pants, for the most part. If he wanted to date her, he'd ask her out on a date, not just hang around and get some dry humping. They sound really young, like teens maybe. Times may change but the fact is, if a man wants to date a woman, he'll ask her out. If he just wants to fool around behind closed doors, he'll just hang around with her when he's not found anyone else. If these two are adults, they sound mighty immature. But really, four times, she's been near him in person four times and she wants to know if he's into her? Silly at best, they don't know each other, she's cuddling with a stranger and making up fantasies about being in a relationship. Total pre-teen silliness.
She's had sex with him but is afraid to talk to him? That's insane, why is she having sex with some guy she doesn't know well enough to talk to? She's put herself in this situation by not having any self-esteem, she will only get this kind of hump & dump action if that's all she shows she's worth. You friends sound very immature. | |
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| Guys plz reply to this one. Friend in crisis
Posted: 5/7/2012 11:31:18 AM |
I believe every woman is beautiful and should be told such as often as possible.
I believe every woman is a grasping narcissist and should be boffed and discarded as soon as possible.
If he is incapable of expressing he thinks she is attractive
The rigidity of his boner should say it all. | |
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