| | Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | Hello!
I have been struggling with a dilemma that I think many of people here can relate to.. To text/talk lots heading into the date or not See the problem is this, if I want to build up a emotional and intellectual connection with someone heading into the physical date, I can do that a lot easier if I stay in contact with them daily, flirt over texts, ask questions, make them get used to me etc.. You are both investing time pre-date into each other, making the actual date more important because you already put the time and effort in. That simply means that you CARE about the outcome a bit more than had you not talked as much and thus are more likely to tolerate or put more effort into the actual meeting.
On the other hand, I know people who make a date ahead and dont text at all or talk till they actually meet.. It doesnt sound like a great thing to do at all.. Sure you arent investing time or energy into getting to know the person or wanting to hear from them, but then you arent doing anything special and neither are they. You just another person on their dating block, nothing that makes you guys stand out. I just cant see how not talking lots before a date is in any way better than productive communication before it..
Your thoughts? | |
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| Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/7/2012 11:20:09 AM | | as my grandma would say "6 in 1 hand, 1/2 dozen in the other"..... just do what feels right, if the chemistry is NOT there on the date, it wont matter if u logged 100hrs of talk/text time or not, there wont be a love connection. | |
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| Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/7/2012 11:22:00 AM | You should have plans to meet within the first few weeks. No problem talking, IMO, but texts are dumb. Get face to face as soon as practicable. 
Why don't you put some of those pearls of wisdom in your skimpy profile?  | |
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| Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/7/2012 11:30:23 AM | I prefer to meet quickly within the first two weeks of contact. I would rather meet for a drink or coffee and THEN decide if it is someone I even want to talk to again.
Building up expectations and flirting with strangers is not my idea of time well spent. | |
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| Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/7/2012 11:44:47 AM |
it can be developed over texting. emotional chemistry is far greater and stronger than physical! Yeah, and when you meet them and they're nothing like what you imagined-- in a bad way-- then what?
Disappear? Say "let's be friends"? Say you're going to visit your dying brother in Timbuktu for 32 weeks? | |
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| Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/7/2012 11:47:39 AM |
Actually chemistry could be developed LONG before you even meet up.. it can be developed over texting.. emotional chemistry is far greater and stronger than physical!
Haha! Sort of like the "emotional chemistry" you get from looking at porn on the Internet?
why ask if it works for you? Rotsa ruck! | |
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| Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/7/2012 11:48:54 AM |
Yeah, and when you meet them and they're nothing like what you imagined-- in a bad way-- then what?
Disappear? Say "let's be friends"? Say you're going to visit your dying brother in Timbuktu for 32 weeks?
Lol.. That rarely happens.. Most women I met represent them selves quite accurately over this site and in texts.. In the rare occasions that she does turn out to be realllly unbearable you just walk away.. Sure it would hurt putting the time and energy into it, but in the end you know you walk away doing the right thing.. But the odds of it NOT working out are slim.. I have a 90% success rate on first-dates and I honestly say it is highly attributed to the "pre-date talking/texting" more than any other factor!
TRY IT! | |
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| Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/7/2012 11:50:22 AM | Actually chemistry could be developed LONG before you even meet up.. it can be developed over texting.. emotional chemistry is far greater and stronger than physical!
Haha! Sort of like the "emotional chemistry" you get from looking at porn on the Internet?
Why ask everybody else, if it works for you? Rotsa ruck!
BTW, Romeo, I know you have it all figured out... But a main photo with another girl? S t o o p i d !
P.S. My "emotions" for unnecessary texting are annoyance and exasperation. | |
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| Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/7/2012 1:14:19 PM |
if I want to build up a emotional and intellectual connection with someone heading into the physical date, I can do that a lot easier if I stay in contact with them daily, flirt over texts, ask questions, make them get used to me etc.. You are both investing time pre-date into each other, making the actual date more important because you already put the time and effort in. That simply means that you CARE about the outcome a bit more than had you not talked as much and thus are more likely to tolerate or put more effort into the actual meeting.
I agree with you 100% utterly and completely. A lot of mindless empty spirits wandering around on here expecting to find love with no soul or heart. Do what feels right to you and screw what these cold emotionless empty and detached people think! | |
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| Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/7/2012 1:41:26 PM | Sure, whatever works for you.
I like to talk on the phone because hearing her voice and the inflection and emotion in it can tell a lot.
With an email or text one has time to compose what they want to say. Phone calls are instantaneous and more real.
Many women, of all different ages, have cute voices too! | |
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| Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/7/2012 1:57:02 PM | Talking is never good.
Pff.
You know.
In case you get to know her.
Cos you know, if you just want to jump her.
It breaks the idea.
Ya know.
Dawg.
Chill.
Just talk on the phone with her. Keep her personnal.
If I ever get dated via text messaging, I'll probably hang myself. | |
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| Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/7/2012 2:12:54 PM |
if I want to build up a emotional and intellectual connection with someone heading into the physical date, I can do that a lot easier if I stay in contact with them daily, flirt over texts, ask questions, make them get used to me etc..
This concerns me, OP. The way you say it, gives me the impression that you are acting in a calculated fashion, texting and calling some one, not because you want to talk to them, but as a manipulative strategy.
ANY time someone uses a fake persona or set of characteristics or behaviors as a way to get something they want from something else, I consider them to be a deceiver, a player, not an honorable person.
This would NOT be the actions of someone seeking a mate, or for a relationship based on a sense of equality and respect.
I sincerely hope that the impression I got from your post is incorrect. | |
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| Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/7/2012 2:18:41 PM | For me, getting to know a woman (not just the profile) and giving her a chance to know me is important. How much e-mail/talk that takes is going to vary from person to person, but I generally prefer to carry on a "conversation" over a period of a few days before I decide on meeting someone.
At the same time, "talking" too much or for too long a period might suggest that you (or the other person) only want to talk rather than meet. The feeling of friendship could be stronger than the desire to actually meet and perhaps go on a date -- not a good thing if one of you is looking for romance rather than just a friend.
How much is too much? That probably depends more on the direction your online conversation takes than the length of the e-mail exchange or phone call(s). Moving from messages to telephone (voice) calls moves things along faster and allows more opportunity to know each other; you can "connect" faster. If the conversation is largely about family, work or outside demands on your time, that sounds more like you're headed for the "friend zone" than if the two of you discuss things you have in common or are passionate about doing. I prefer to steer a conversation toward possible dating ideas and locations as early as possible, once I decide we have mutual romantic potential.
How long is too long? That depends on your personal schedules, to a degree. If you begin communicating on a Sunday, Monday or Tuesday, asking to meet as early as Thursday of the same week is feasible without "moving too fast" for most people; it's possible to decide on a date as early as that weekend. If you begin communicating later in the week, asking for a weekend date might be moving too soon. But not everyone dates only on weekends, and a first date earlier in the week could signal less "romance pressure" which in turn could make it easier to get a second, more romantic date. Of course, the greater the mutual attraction, the sooner you will both want to meet/date; I prefer to leave the possibility open for going directly from an initial meeting to a casual first date, but with no advance commitment on either side to go beyond the originally planned meeting. | |
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| Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/7/2012 2:32:26 PM | Whether daily e-fatuation can develop into the real thing upon meeting is a crapshoot.
You should definitely flirt and woo abit starting out.
to work up to a meeting.
But don't go overboard.
Cus you may have to backtrack if you don't feel it in person.
(or put her in a an awkward spot if she doesn't)
After a meet when you two know each other,
then you can text/flirt daily if she is OK with that.
and if that works for you.
good luck. | |
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| Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/7/2012 3:17:36 PM | For myself, because I live in a rural area, there is a reasonable amount of texting, emailing going on. I do not overtly flirt with someone, not wanting to set up their expectations and like to talk to them at least once before meeting up. It is an individual thing but through typing one can never get to KNOW somebody. So much is left unsaid.
Meeting up sooner rather than later is a good thing. | |
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