| | Age differences .. do they really matter?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I just recently met a guy not on an internet site.. I met him the old fashioned way, thru a mutual interest..
sparks flew and we really clicked.. texting each other over 400+ messsages each within 4 days.. even seeing each other on a couple of dates.. included in those 4 days.. we both said we wanted a relationship..
I had a slight dilemma / issue as I found out his age within a day of meeting him and while it didn't bother me at all, I was concerned that it would be an issue for him.. Yes I'm the older one in this scenario.. So I wondered how to tell him and was worried what his reaction would be.. anyway on our 2nd date .. the subject of age came up and I told him my age.. he was a bit shocked as he didn't think I was that much older than him .. he even said that I was having him on.... he thought I was only a few years older.. he said it was ok but then the next morning he was having 2nd thoughts.. so I left it for the day so that he could think and anyway that night I saw him again and he said yeah we'd take things "slow" and see how they go.. but then I hear nothing from him for the next 2 days..
So I text him to find out why I hadn't heard from him.. he says he's been working.. well.. excuse me !! you'd been working for the previous 4 days too didn't stop him texting / seeing me. So then I'm accused of questioning him and him having to justify why I hadn't heard from him.. so then he calls the relationship off.. because he can't deal with the questioning / justifying.. I asked him if we could just wipe the slate clean and start over.. but he still says no !!
Was the age difference the real issue here and I gave him an out 'cos he knew I'd text/call to find out why I hadn't heard from him? | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/13/2012 6:21:25 AM | Hmmm. I looked at your profile and it says your 53 (I'm assuming this is your correct age and you are not older?) and I then looked at your pictures. You look your age.
4 days of texting and seeing each other a couple of times (I'm also assuming you had sex) doesn't qualify as a relationship. It's infatuation.
If it were a relationship there would have been a least enough respect on his part to discuss it with you properly.
How much younger was he? | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/13/2012 6:29:18 AM | Flaneur001 - Yes it is my correct age.. and you're wrong in assuming we had sex as we didn't.. I'm not stupid enough to state that 4 days constitutes a relationship but we were both saying that was the direction we were wanting to go..
you are also the first person that has said that I look my age.. I've always been told that I don't look my age.. but anyway.. he was 14 years younger.. | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/13/2012 6:37:08 AM | I dont think age should matter but I also think it does for some.
If two ppl click then what is age, many can raise arguments why it wouldnt work and plenty of same age ppl cant make a relationship work either.
In your post, sounds like it was the age that bothered him or maybe your insecurity about it had you pestering him with questions and after only 4 days of knowing you he saw it as a red flag and bailed. | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/13/2012 6:47:05 AM | Cassandra67 .. I totally agree if two people click age shouldn't matter..especially at our ages, it's not like we're teenagers or young adults..
I was only concerned about how he would be with it and his initial reaction was shock.. as I said in my initial post, he didn't believe me at first he thought I was having him on.. I don't have any insecurity over the age difference as I have been in a relationship when I was younger with someone who is 9 and a 1/2 years younger than me and yes that was a relationship we even had a child together..
I only asked him on one occasion why he had gone from texting so much every day to nothing once he found out my age as I thought it was pretty strange, so I wouldn't consider that "pestering him with questions". | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/13/2012 7:40:02 AM |
I dont think age should matter but I also think it does for some.
If two ppl click then what is age, many can raise arguments why it wouldnt work and plenty of same age ppl cant make a relationship work either.
(my emphasis)
The burden falls to the young... they must be prepared to live with the shadow hanging over them. That is 'what is age'.
Elrond to Arwen:
"But you, my daughter, you will linger on in darkness and in doubt as nightfall in winter that comes without a star. Here you will dwell bound to your grief under the fading trees until all the world is changed and the long years of your life are utterly spent." | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/13/2012 1:46:42 PM | Age matters to some and not to others. Personally it does matter to me and I wouldn't want to date someone more then a few years older or younger then me.....apparently he felt the same.
Such is life :-( | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/14/2012 3:59:08 AM | Looks to me he was concerned about the age difference.
telling him your age and then messaging him as to why he didn't message you the next day appears to have scared him.
Oh well back to the fishing I suppose | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/19/2012 10:23:12 PM | Age doesnt bother me too much but I like to keep it about 5 - 7 years older than me. Getting younger than that for me I find guys a bit immature (it is said that men are 5 years younger in the brain than their chronological age) so carry the 4 and we are even!
In the case of the OP, he might have been 14 years younger but add the rest and it was big difference and that is where, by the looks, he has come unstuck.
Age difference can be a bit of an issue the older you get, think of youself at 60, retirement is coming, ready to hit the wallaby track and your hot to trot hubby is 80 and in a walking frame. Not too exciting.
Ive dated guys 10 years younger than me and struggle to find a common ground. Replies to 'remember that song.........' blah, blah blah get answers like 'my mum used to listen to that'. Too creepy! | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/20/2012 1:36:24 AM | OP I just wondered if maybe this young guy had children or wanted them in the future, you being the age you are would put paid to that and that could be a big factor here.
I wouldn't date anybody that much younger than me, the age gap is too wide. | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/20/2012 2:42:25 AM | I don't think age matters to most if you're just having a bit of fun, but I can't really see how things would work out long term. I know people do it, I think you have to very much have a 'live in the moment' attitude.
A few years ago I dated someone of 35 (ie 20 years younger than me) for nearly 2 years, but although we had a great time together I don't think either of us saw it as a long term relationship. It worked well because we had loads in common and neither of us tried to turn it into something it wasn't.
I think if I was living with someone much younger than me my sanity might suffer a bit as I got older, wondering if he was checking out the wrinkles arriving every morning. I'm not a particularly insecure or jealous person but I don't know how I would eventually deal with feeling and looking 65 when he was only 50 or 55  | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/20/2012 3:09:08 AM | Ive noticed in a lot of the ladies profiles that Ive read that the age preferences are 2 years older and up to 10years younger .
So bypass and look for a more realistic /conventional minded lady. | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/20/2012 4:43:51 AM | | I just finished a relationship where my partner was 24 years younger and although initially age was not the issue as she stated when she met me she thought I was in my 40's, but we got alone real good, lots of communication, travelled away on weekends, I taught her some of the things about my profession as she too was intested in photography. Sex wasn't an issue as we both was perfectly matched. the funny part was she told her parents about us and that is when i think the issue started to take affect. Anyway 2 months after that I noticed she was pulling away and so we had a talk and she stated she cannot see the point of us continuing when deep down she may want someone closer to her age so we agreed to let the relationship go and remain friends. Initially, I was not looking to be involved with her until she stated age wasn't an issue and in the end it really was... So yes age does matter, my ex wife was 9 years younger and my partner after that was 11 years younger. Then I met a woman from Spain and she really did not care as she was 19 years younger, just could not move here from Spain. | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/20/2012 5:02:19 AM | Hi Ladyvibes.. he did have kids and that was fine with me.. and we did discuss kids and neither of them wanted anymore kids.. so no that wasn't a factor..
Thanks everyone for all your comments.. :-)
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/20/2012 7:02:29 AM | Ah OK Angel.
It happened to somebody I know is all, she was with this guy for quite some years, she was about 15 years older than him and she had children, there came a day when he realised he now wanted kids after all and she had come to an age where she couldn't have them, so he broke it off with her. | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/21/2012 4:29:14 AM | | Ladyvibes that is so sad for ur friend.. I hope that she is in a better place now.. I can imagine she would've been pretty devasted by it all.. I have to ask tho, did they not discuss kids when they got together? just curious is all.... 'cos that was one of the main things we discussed when he found out the age difference. Or did he say no no I don't want kids then changed his mind later on..?? | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/21/2012 11:39:41 PM | | It was the latter, he so wanted to be with her he didn't care about kids, then of course as the years rolled on and he realised he now wanted kids and she couldn't. It was really sad and she is a lovely person, she lives down Nowra way (NSW.) | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/21/2012 11:58:37 PM | | its a problem 4 30 something aussie females as ver programed to go 4 boys, if ver insecure vey want a boy they can mold, its sad, this is a result of feminism. few real women on this site, u get women in late 30s wont look at man ovr 40- its creepy those unbalanced insecure cougar types, any real women out ver?????? | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 5/22/2012 1:07:15 AM | I can't help but think there is something just a bit icky about age differences that are more then a handful of years, for both men and women. I guess my thought is that life is a shared journey and there is a far greater chance of your lives and journeys being about the same length, if you are both of a similar age. Of course this doesn't always pan out, but life is unpredictable. I certainly don't want to reach retirement age and be going to visit my partner in his nursing home, instead of enjoying our free time together.
A lot of the time, I think a much younger partner is seen as a trophy by the older partner...kind of a "Look what im still young enough and attractive enough to get" type of thing. I also think many young men view the "Cougar" thing as a bit of a novelty, much like shagging a ugly/fat/dwarf /rich women...just so they can brag they have done it to their mates. | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 6/2/2012 12:58:33 AM | I reckon a good test to see if age differences really matter to you is to imagine how you would feel, if your 17 year old daughter brought home her 35+ boyfriend or your 18 year old son introduced you to his girlfriend who is actually old enough to be his mother.
I know I sure as sh1t wouldn't be too impressed lol | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 6/9/2012 7:56:30 PM | Plato, I am not seeing what point you were trying to make at me or was it an attempt to be simply mean.
My opinion is that I dont think age should matter, what I see is that for some people it does. The fact that I have an age range of 39 - 49 proves for me that I dont think it should matter.
Dating someone 10yrs younger doesnt guarantee a failure and dating someone of the same age doesnt guarantee success. For me someone younger matches my interests in activities better than someone older than me. I definately wouldnt rule out someone I met that was older simply because they are older if they matched my interests. | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 6/9/2012 9:18:28 PM | | Maybe he just had trouble visualising himself in tight leather pants and a low cut top sitting on the back of your Harley Davidson motorbike? ;-) | |
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| Age differences .. do they really matter?
Posted: 6/14/2012 8:23:03 AM | Doubtfull , come on your old enough to know men play by their own rules
sex or no sex he wasnt willing to respond, of course he was looking for a way out
Age matters to alot of people. funny though he was willing to leed her on up untill the second
she mentions her age. | |
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