| | Divorced? Would you re-marry?Page 1 of 21 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21) | I'm asking because when I married my ex-husband, I assumed it would be for the rest of our lives. We made promises to that effect and I didn't break those promises - he did. When I left the marriage, I swore off men for a while to heal and then when I started to date, I didn't consider that I would want to re-marry. Once bitten, twice shy and all of that.
But now, I'm starting to re-think that. It's not as if I want to marry so I can have children - my age now precludes that. I'm not averse to marrying someone with kids though. I've just started dating a man that I would like to get to know better. He's not like other men I've met: he's refreshingly honest, very self-aware, knows what he wants, and is happy to take the time to get to know each other slowly. He also has a great sense of humour and makes me laugh and smile constantly, has a boyish charm, loves music, sports and movies too.
We seem to get along well and I can picture myself with someone like him on a long-term basis. I just don't know if I'd ever be ready to re-marry...but for the right man, I suppose it's possible.
So if you're divorced, would you re-marry? If so, what are your concerns? If not, why not? | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 3:52:30 AM | | Yes, I would. I would not allow past problems to ruin an opportunity of mutual, meaningful commitment, when it presents itself, again. I'm up for the responsibility of it, again. Most aren't. This is life. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 3:59:45 AM | I used to think like that as well. These days I wouldn't want to make the commitment of moving in together, sharing finances etc WITHOUT knowing in my heart that I felt it was forever. And I'd want to know that he thought that too. Committing to marriage would give me the security of knowing that we both had that intention. I would hope that at our ages, and with our life experiences we would both be determined to do whatever work we had to do, if we had to, to sort out any issues and make it work.
It's believing that I can find that 'forever' feeling again that I struggle with. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 4:12:33 AM | I probably don't count, since I'm still on the long slow but inexorable glide path of divorce, but as of now, I have problems with remarrying.
It has nothing to do with my unchanged desire to find one wonderful woman to be with for the foreseeable and unforeseeable future, it has to do with how much I have felt interfered with by the government and by the shadow government of American capitalism. Both have added lots of entanglements and intrusions into our private lives, based on marriage, which interfere with daily decision making, and this whole "defense of marriage" political garbage mess has exacerbated that. Further, I really want to have the commitment between us to be as close to 100% personal as possible, and not be based in any way on legal shackles.
Just the romantic in me, I suppose. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 4:17:17 AM | It is a hugely tricky question OP...
I am a never say never kind of gal -- but honestly, I would rather 'Date' happily ever after.
People are different when they are dating -
Nobody takes the other person for granted.
PS - You haven't known him long enough for this to be a question yet (just saying) | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 4:23:22 AM | Maybe.
I have no problem in committing to someone and I do believe in marriage but that said, I am under no illusion that marriage means any more of a commitment then an exclusive relationship. I would prefer to know that someone remains with the door wide open rather then feels they have to stay due to a ceremony which makes it harder for them to leave. I would rather be with someone who is committed to trying to work out any problems because of their commitment to the relationship.
That said because I am indifferent and because I would be committed to working to resolved any differences when the right person appears, if it was important to him that we did marry, I would not discount it. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 4:26:42 AM |
So if you're divorced, would you re-marry? If so, what are your concerns? If not, why not?
I am divorced and engaged to re-marry.
I didn't go actively seeking marriage again, it sort of... crept-up.
For me, it wasn't a question of 'kissing frogs', I just socialised and dated some wonderful women after giving myself some breathing space following the split.
Eventually I stumbled across this one lady I couldn't keep away from, and she I.
The big concern for me was not having an endless parade of strangers coming into my sons' lives, so there was only ever two ladies I thought of introducing to them, and only one who was introduced.
My 3 sons love her and she them, even my ex-wife likes her.
So it's a no-brainer as far as I'm concerned. | |
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saveta
| | Joined: 4/23/2012
Msg: 11 | |
| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 4:45:19 AM | | Divorced, I nearly remarried a few years ago a few years ago, but came to my senses. Phew! A near miss. It wasn't a good relationship and it came unstuck quite quickly. If I had remarried and divorced, it would have created more problems than it did. So, to answer your question, would I remarry? No. Not something I really want - ever. I enjoy living alone and having men friends visit. It's a good life. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 4:58:09 AM | Hmmm good question....I think I would because I am just traditional that way. But I would have to date that person for a loooong time so I feel secure about it. I never thought I would get divorced and it took a toll on me and my self esteem.
My other thoughts are, marriage would make it important enough to work through any issues we have instead of it being so easy for either of us to leave. I know when you're married ppl still leave, but maybe it would mean more so the decision would be more thought out? I don't need more money or benefits, but I would like my children to see marriage as I do; a life long committment between married ppl. I guess I don't want them to think it's ok just to live together forever without it...Not that it's wrong, just not for me | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 5:10:08 AM | | I have NO desire to get married again. I could see myself living with someone eventually, but no more marriage for me. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 5:14:11 AM | | Nope. Some say it's better to be married for alot of reasons, but the longer I am single, the more I like my freedom. There's plenty of reasons not to remarry and my mind is influenced by the nasty behaviors I experienced from my X. I could be wrong, but it's my opinion. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 5:20:14 AM | | Nope. I will never get married again. Living with someone happily everafter would great, but I dont want to be legally responsible for what ever debt they incur. Marriage just changes people, things get taken for granted and someone always gets hurt and they are harder to get out of. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 5:36:42 AM | Been married twice...so won't do it again.
Having said that, I have no problem being in a relationship with my ex where he lives two hours away; and we see each other at least once a week; and talk several times a day; and are there during difficult situations. We divorced due to him not being able to handle his finances and he cheated. Now that those two situations are taken out of the relationship, it makes it easy to get along. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 5:46:04 AM | So if you're divorced, would you re-marry? If so, what are your concerns? If not, why not?
I've never been married, but fiancee has and she was so sure that she never wanted to get married again that when I asked her dad if I could marry her, her dad later said to her, ``So, Miss I'll Never Get Married Again...'' No one in her family could believe it. That's how opposed she was to getting marrid again. My guess is that most people say that after a divorce and that after a few years, they'll entertain the possibility with the right person unless they feel comfortable having casual sex when they feel the need to scratch an itch, which most women don't seem to be.
We seem to get along well and I can picture myself with someone like him on a long-term basis.
In my personal opinion, that's an unlikely long term solution unless you have some idea that you'll eventually get married. Although a lot of women seem to want a relationship for the benefits it provides (namely a way to way to have sex with a regular partner to avoid feeling guilty about ``casual sex''), I don't think most guys want a long term relationship that seems to be tenuous or be in a relationship that's just like being married, but not be married. I accepted monogamy and long term because it was going somewhere permanent. If my relationship with my fiancee wasn't going to end up withus married, I might have dated her for while and I'd have been monogamous the entire time, but it's ulikely we'd have lasted the 3 years we have because I wouldn't have been that committed and because I wouldn't see the point of staying with someone when I could be going out with other women. I've had a lot of relationships that lasted a year or more, including 3 live ins, but the lack of committment beyond that meant that once the honeymoon wore off, there wasn't much incentive to get along. Not being married means not having to deal with problems and there's no reason to deal with problems if you aren't married.
My fiancee wasn't nearly as uncertain that she'd never marry again as you seem to be and she changed her mind. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 5:47:20 AM | If you promised to forsake all others, and then you remarry, you didn't keep your promise, either
but in case that's less than helpful:
I married kind of young, didn't like it, said I wouldn't repeat it because "you do a dumb thing once."
But when I did it again over 30 years later, it was from an attitude "in for a penny, in for a pound."
I believe in him and us enough to take on the downsides and risks. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 5:58:48 AM | | Right after my marriage split up and for many years later I just didn't see the point in getting remarried. I guess I never dated someone I felt I could spend the rest of my life with. My fiance then swooped into my life and changed all of that. He had everything I was looking for in a mate and it felt like the natural progression of our relationship. I cannot imagine my life without him and I look forward to our future together. We are getting married in August. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 6:03:40 AM | Ohhh, congrats Daisy!! Good to hear stories like that...Good luck to you and your soon-to-be-husband!
Hugs,
Grace | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 6:11:15 AM | | Thanks! I cannot say it was a POF happy story. I met him out in the real world and found out that we had tons of mutual friends and got together over a shared interest....local music. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 6:18:08 AM | In older age ( over 40) and already divorced and already having kids... there is
NO reason at all to marry FOR THE SAME REASONS SOMEONE YOUNG WOULD.
For us older ladies, it is only a consideration if your talking about marrying someone
who can make your life a MUCH MUCH better place. I'm not talking a room mate situation
but one where your whole lifestyle improves....
no longer have to work... lots of spending money, vacations and a very emotionally supportive
and loving mature man.
Without that, why bother getting married? Studies say for women marriage cuts off years
from the lifespan....
so the only reason to marry would be to marry up. Any other reason is just dumb.
lonley? get a dog
bored? find something to do
horney? lots of men with viagra
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 6:20:08 AM | | Neither marriage nor cohabitation is acceptable to me for the kind of reasons Igor stated in Msg: 6; and my "glide path" lasted five years between 1982 and 1987. I paid the 50/50 "buyout" price and spent the subsequent years financially recovering and rebuilding. Once is enough. I now enjoy a comfortable retirement and remain open to friendly female companionship when there is mutual interest. | |
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