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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?      Home login  
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 Victoriah_
Joined: 12/28/2011
Msg: 1
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Hey,

So I met a guy way back in December, I made the mistake of sleeping with him on a first date, then basically heard nothing from him. I was really insecure at the time and ended up texting loads, to no response. Then at the end of Jan he text saying he was awful for not seeing me again and wanted to make it up to me. I agreed to see him again then got nothing back. So again text loads. Then made contact again around Valentine's day and we met up on Valentines day. He stayed over but we didn't sleep together. Then as before heard nothing and text again. I made contact again about two weeks or so ago, we were meant to meet up last Sun, but he bailed last minute and promised to come in the week. So I text and got nothing.

I know I was wrong to text so much and everything and it obvious to me he clearly isn't interested. So I'm just trying to understand why I keep wanting to contact him and why I keep thinking about him when we've only met twice. It's not upsetting it's just annoying me. I'm trying to distract myself from him but he's just there in the back of my mind all the time.

I was just wondering if anyone had any ideas as to why he's still lodged in my head and tips for clearing my head of him. I've always wanted him to just tell me he doesn't want to see me, but he never did, he just ignores.

Has anybody else found themselves thinking about someone that just isn't interested?
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 2
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:12:21 PM
You want the chase,something that your not going to have.You have to move on
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 3
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:15:14 PM

Has anybody else found themselves thinking about someone that just isn't interested?


Yes.

EDIT
I think it's human nature sometimes. They key thing is to just accept that they aren't interested and move on. Sometimes it takes a little longer for the fantasy to move on, especially if we were strongly attracted to them.
 Jac_the_Gripper
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 4
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:15:50 PM
Ignoring you is telling you he doesn't want to see you, therefore you have closure.

Now block him, delete his number do everything you can to close all avenues of contact, so there's no "possibility" in the back of your mind.

Have a good long self-analysis about why you're interested in someone who treats you like a McDonalds Happy Meal toy that can be picked up in bored moments and chucked back in the toy box when their X-box is no longer being withheld for bad behaviour.

What patterns of behaviour have you been subjected to from you earliest memories that mirror this kind of treatment that makes you feel like you're on familiar territory and don't deserve any better?

Work on your self-esteem, address any negative thought patterns about yourself, tell yourself they're rubbish and replace with positive thoughts about yourself.

Look at how you want a relationship to be with happy, healthy dynamics and become that person, so you attract that kind of a person. You're already part way there realising that insecure, repetitive texting kinda doesn't work as a general pulling tactic.

Keep at it, hun. You'll get there. :)
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 5
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Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:18:15 PM

I was just wondering if anyone had any ideas as to why he's still lodged in my head and tips for clearing my head of him.
You have issues with abandonment and rejection, and keeping your focus on him enables you to re-experience your issues over and over and over.
Seek therapy.
 Victoriah_
Joined: 12/28/2011
Msg: 6
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:21:41 PM
Thanks :)

I've just completed a counselling course and I find myself feeling pretty good about myself.

I keep thinking about how I'm fun to be around and not bad looking and all those things and find myself pondering over how I think I'm great and why doesn't he think so. But then I guess that's for them to decide and I shouldn't try to work out why.

My mum left me as a child, so I have a tendancy to try and gain affection from people that don't want to give it, like a challenge almost.
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 7
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:26:35 PM
You are a very pretty girl,why havent more guys asked you out?You have to put your isues aside,i know easier said then done but there is a guy out there for you.
 forumitejunkie
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 8
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Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:26:53 PM
Has anybody else found themselves thinking about someone that just isn't interested?

Sighhhhhhhhhh. Yes :(

Yes, if a person tells you unequivocably "I have no interest in you" it likely would make things easier, but alas! that seldom happens.

There are webistes that offer tips for stopping compulsive thoughts (i.e. thoughts about someone that come into your head when you really don't want them there.) Contact me if you are interested, via a PM, and I'll send the sites to you (your settings prevent me from messaging you.)

Good Luck!
 WinterIsComing80
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 9
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:26:56 PM
The only lesson you will learn in life that applies to everyone of the opposite sex is YOU CANNOT MAKE THEM WANT or LOVE YOU. The more energy you waste on it the more messed up you get. Move on. There are plenty of other guys that would be more than happy to treat you the way you want to be treated. Go find them!
 SpringsDiver
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 10
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:32:00 PM

I know I was wrong to text so much


Yes, use the phone to talk about anything important.


it obvious to me he clearly isn't interested.


Just in the sex, dear.


So I'm just trying to understand why I keep wanting to contact him and why I keep thinking about him when we've only met twice.


You might have had a good time when with him. You are too young to be serious about a man. In general, women at your age in particular are still experimenting and learning about life. In general, men at your age are just looking to score.


I'm trying to distract myself from him but he's just there in the back of my mind all the time.


I know the feeling. It will be easier once you meet someone else you enjoy being with. DON't sleep with that man right away!


I've always wanted him to just tell me he doesn't want to see me, but he never did, he just ignores.


Victoriah, he can keep you as "plan B" if you let him. Don't do that to yourself.


Has anybody else found themselves thinking about someone that just isn't interested?


Constantly. The worst part is when you see who they are interested in, and fear they are going to hurt themselves.
 redsox322
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 11
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Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:35:06 PM
Its the way the online dating works and the world. Mostly when you are into someone they arent into you it sucks but you just need to find ways to keep busy
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 12
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:35:41 PM
Contrary to what you might read here from the swinger and other wild assortment of pof daters, sex is very intimate and bonding to emotionally healthy people. It is natural to want to connect after touching souls. He apparently can compartamentalize sex, which is not a good trait in a man or woman and isn't feeling the depth and bond that your sex created.

My advice for you is to not have sex with a guy until he proves himself to be in love with you and trustworthy and solid.
 Iona_Bob
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 13
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:37:42 PM

My mum left me as a child, so I have a tendancy to try and gain affection from people that don't want to give it, like a challenge almost.


I'm assuming you came to this conclusion during your recent course of counseling.

Now you have to resolve the issues you have based on this unfortunate history BEFORE you try to find a SO.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 14
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:42:23 PM

I was just wondering if anyone had any ideas as to why he's still lodged in my head and tips for clearing my head of him.

Because you want something you can't have. You need to get over that because that's a recipe for making poor choices.
 lovehearts08
Joined: 4/21/2012
Msg: 15
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:48:34 PM
I have been in the same situation it was hard but I got there in the end I closed my account and then still wanted on pof so I set up a new account my picture was private for a while but I am over that guy and just delete any messages i get from him.

Good luck someone else is out there for you
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 16
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:54:33 PM
I would think since your Mom abandoned you that out of subconscious loyalty and understanding ie 'this must be what 'love' feels like', you now abandon you. When you make the abandoning guy more important than your own self, essentially, you are throwing your own self under the bus and for nothing but a fantasy that will never come to be...If you quit obsessing about Mr. dissappearing act, you would have to face those uncomfortable feelings stored from so long ago and false beliefs about your own unworthiness for having love. Those who are terrified of true intimacy on some level feel safer chasing after rainbows than passing them up for the real thing... You're good to be wondering OP, Best of Luck to you :)
 Rosiehere
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 17
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 1:02:24 PM
I could never be interested in anyone who treated me so badly. I have the opposite problem and think I should be treated like a princess. Ask yourself, would you be scared of a man that treated you kindly and respectful and this feels comfortable for you. Do you not think you deserve to be loved properly. Self therapy or therapy with a therapist could be helpful so you start to want someone who wants you and treats you the right way.
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 18
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 1:06:28 PM
I made the mistake of sleeping with him on a first date, then basically heard nothing from him.


Did you not get off?

If you did...than how was it a mistake? If you were enough to get him off, than that would be an EVEN EXCHANGE. Rule number one point five of adulthood...be prepared to take as much credit as you do blame (even if you don't end up having to...for instance, in cases of rape)

Furthermore, i think it was president Reagan who said "trust and confirm". That said...what made you believe he wanted a relationship in the first place?

Who'se idea was it to have sex?

If you both didn't want it; how did it happen?

What made you text again after being ignored the first time?


Here's a point that women believe men don't get, and men believe women don't get. PEOPLE IN GENERAL are glued to their phones. When they get texts...they know it. If they don't respond...they don't INTEND to. If you are waiting for more than 24 hours for a response...chances are games are being plaid or you are being blatantly ignored. Period.



Moving on will HURT. I make no ambiguity there...but if you havent already; lose his number.
 Iona_Bob
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 19
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 1:19:12 PM

'm assuming you came to this conclusion during your recent course of counseling.

Now you have to resolve the issues you have based on this unfortunate history BEFORE you try to find a SO.


thank you for sharing your "Cat Lady" wisdom oh wise one.



My can beat up yours.

Where did I leave my cat o' nine tails?
 CJinCentralPa
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 20
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Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 1:32:22 PM
With therapy you are getting you should be able to deal with the abandonment issues. Unfortunately it becomes a downward spiral. I am taking a guess here but if you find that you are doing a lot of first date sex to try to hook a guy it doesn't always work. You also want to keep away with the mentality of "if he gets me pregnant...he will have to stay".

As previously stated wait for a couple of dates before having sex.
 safetyelf
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 21
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Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 2:16:58 PM
there's nothing wrong with you. Everyone wants someone they cannot have and with time this feeeling will go away, sooner if you start going out with someone else. What mistake did you make, you did not make one, you are both adults!

just plug away trying to do what you want to do without hurting anyone on the way.

x
 VienneSeule
Joined: 5/10/2012
Msg: 22
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 2:43:20 PM

You have issues with abandonment and rejection, and keeping your focus on him enables you to re-experience your issues over and over and over.

Shes right. Youre addicted to punishment and for some reason are not aware of your worth and what you deserve and how you deserve to be treated. Possibly deep down inside you experience self hatred and self loathing and thats why you behave in a self destructive way. The good thing is that youve noticed it so its time to make a change.

Pretty soon, those thoughts for this man will only be of resentment and regret. Each time something like this happens, you will learn and become stronger and stronger until you dont even think twice about these demons and give them no time of day. You will learn to neglect the neglectful and appreciate the appreciative.
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 23
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 3:00:03 PM
Just thought i would stop and smell the roses
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 24
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Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/17/2012 9:09:14 PM

My mum left me as a child, so I have a tendancy to try and gain affection from people that don't want to give it, like a challenge almost.
Not a challenge, per se, but a way of ensuring you are abandoned again and again.
I suggest you read "Relationship Attachment: The Attachment Styles in Love"
- you sound like the classic "anxious" type going for the typical "avoidant" type.
You can google the title and find a series of articles online.
 Victoriah_
Joined: 12/28/2011
Msg: 25
Why do I keep thinking about someone who is not interested?
Posted: 5/29/2012 1:16:44 PM
It would seem I'm not completely there yet.

I know most of you are going to be overly harsh and tell me to smell the roses, but posting helps me.

On Sunday eve I arranged to meet the guy mentioned previously in this post. We are meant to be meeting tomorrow. I started feeling the nerves kick in about him bailing on me again. So about 3pm I text him asking what time he's coming tomorrow, then later followed by being a bit cheeky about what we're gonna do, then I said that maybe we could do hang out outside tomorrow eve if it's still nice and sunny then just over an hour ago I got fed up and text asking if he was going to bail on me again (which I think is understandable as he has done before).

I recognise this behaviour but find myself feeling a bit anxious again and a little annoyed that I know this is like punishing myself yet I still do it.

I don't want pity, I just want to discuss it.
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