| | Male and Female Disconnect Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | In reading over many of the threads in the forum, it was amazing to see how many awesome men and women are on POF, yet still looking for love. There are many guys and girls that seem as though they would make fabulous mates, yet some how here we are. I am wondering what is the disconnect between the fabulous people on this sight and why it is so hard to find that spark/ chemistry with another....Just curious to see some takes on it. Is there a subliminal disconnect occurring? | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/18/2012 1:32:49 PM | | I have wondered the same thing often. There are some very wonderful people on here, but if you really look at the posts, there is a lot of opposite gender bashing, and it would make anyone think twice about approaching someone that says they are angry with the opposite sex. Truth is we are all a little pissed off at the other gender or we wouldn't be here, but still...its tough to look past that. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/18/2012 3:54:53 PM | | A lot of people who are single in the 30+ range likely have "issues". I'm guessing many of us, perhaps myself included, don't fully recognize what those issues may be? We cannot be happy with others until we are happy and well balanced individuals? I think there is less a gender disconnect than people bring their issues to the table and they get in the way of forming a healthy relationship? People also seem to have slightly unreasonable expectations when it comes to internet dating, and there are a lot of people to choose from, which makes for a bad combination IMO. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/18/2012 9:35:18 PM | | My first answer? Personal insecurity. Let's be honest, many of us who are in our 20s and 30s are still a bit insecure with ourselves. Maybe we're still looking for some stability in our careers and routines. Maybe we're not yet fully adjusted to the post-school life (it can take a few years for many, since school is all we've known for over two decades). Because of this insecurity, we demand more from the partner we're seeking than we realize and thus end up driving them away because they themselves might also feel insecure. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/18/2012 11:40:57 PM | | I think that sometimes we connect with people who are too far away to form a relationship with. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/20/2012 4:12:08 AM |
I am wondering what is the disconnect between the fabulous people on this sight
I believe it's one of aspects- attributes of the medium itself -- the internet.
It's very easy to be summarily dismissive here , in a way that wouldn't happen in real life.
For example , being one year over your arbitrarily set age parameters results in a non-response .... or "disconnect"'.
That most likely wouldn't happen in the walking-around world. A connection might occur there despite of
any preconceived notions of compatibility. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/20/2012 5:36:36 AM | It all comes down to self. How much of your self are you willing to subordinate in order to remain in a relationship with someone else?
Most people are wrapped into their own self and don't want to "settle" for a lesser being. So they find reasons NOT to connect with others.
It's sad, singles must learn to be happy by themselves. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/20/2012 8:58:12 AM | | Most of us for one reason or another not doing as well us others in real life. It could be that some of us as not as social us others. Work that keeps us busy, or even hobbies. Some of it is how outside apperance. We might not be as attaractive. Then the big thing is we have a pre concived idea of what is we need in another person. We keep looking for that which for most is very hard to attain. When we do meet someone that we think is what we are looking for just to find we are not what they are looking for. Which tend to make people lets say upset(can't think of a better word now) In real life when you meet people its easier to make the conversation flow and realy see who you are talking with. To ge to know the person better. Here on line its not as easy as most people are not so good at expressing them selves in writing ( Me being a great example ). People get upset when they keep looking for something and it keeps slipping out of there grasp. I do think that most people if you meet them in person are much nicer then online. On here everyone just airs there dirty laundry, WIth a nice dose of frustration. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/20/2012 9:06:54 AM |
Then the big thing is we have a pre concived idea of what is we need in another person. We keep looking for that which for most is very hard to attain
I am sure it was just the sentiment, but the word "need" is the clue. We should be whole before we seek a partner. We should be stable on our own. To depend on another for stability of any kind leaves you weiry and afraid of loss. We are already insecure enough without worrying about that too. :)
Another thing I have noticed is those that are adept at online connections for lack of a better word, usually aren't the same in person. They know the things to say, to build an image, and so far those I had met that made that image online couldn't hold up to it in person. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/20/2012 3:17:14 PM | "To Dream The Impossible Dream..."
Sigh, just saw "Weird Science" on TV great 80s movie. In this movie,Kelly Labrock a perfect woman, is generated by two teenage nerds using a computer program. Through her they achieve fame.
Don't Worry, be Happy and someone will pick up on your joie de vivre. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect 40+ Age Group
Posted: 5/23/2012 4:34:52 PM | I'm a 57-year old guy. Imagine how difficult it is to get a similarly-aged woman to agree to meet me after years of being married or divorced and just not looking. It seems that most of the women that I contact are just intimidated by the whole process. Or, it could be that they just don't find me attractive. ;-)
I'm not asking for a solution. There probably isn't one. I'm just gettin it off my chest. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect 40+ Age Group
Posted: 5/23/2012 5:31:41 PM | PoF is a site that is really based on looks. (just like in real life)
Next people tend to look over the deal breakers.
Its different for either sex, but popular ones are: how far do they live from me, do they have kids, how old are they, etc.
Then you have common interests.
If you have no interests with the person it really doesn't matter how good you look in the pictures as your conversation will be boring.
And then the person has to like your profile back, which they rarely do (1/3 messages don't get responded to, even adding in factors like ignored accounts and what not that's still a lot. ) Just because you think they look attractive doesn't mean the same is going to be true for them to you. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/26/2012 10:41:59 AM | | If I see a hint of bitterness or gender bashing in a profile, I completely write her off. For those who "refuse to settle," I think they need to reconsider their standards, and I usually write them off too. Then it comes down to the ladies that say how they can't meet quality men, well maybe they need to stop basing everything on looks (us guys do it too, don't get mad). Physical attraction is important, but I meet a fair amount of women in the real world that I wouldn't consider attractive until I have had a conversation with them. I guess my point is that complaints of any kind in a profile completely turn me off. And there is a fair amount of complainers. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/26/2012 1:15:52 PM | its so much easier to have a conversation when you are making eye contact than trying to write letters over this sight.
once in a while you can get a flow going. but usually there is not too much to keep writing about if you dont meet in person or at least talk on the phone early enough on. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/26/2012 3:27:32 PM | | It really is impossible to get a good "read" of people from this site. Call me old fashion, but I still like the old sex-appeal test to meeting: Making eye contact across the bar. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/26/2012 4:45:37 PM | In reading over many of the threads in the forum, it was amazing to see how many awesome men and women are on POF, yet still looking for love. There are many guys and girls that seem as though they would make fabulous mates, yet some how here we are. I am wondering what is the disconnect between the fabulous people on this sight and why it is so hard to find that spark/ chemistry with another....Just curious to see some takes on it. Is there a subliminal disconnect occurring?
Imagine a person with every intangible quality you want; smart, funny, ambitious, strong and stable among others. Then go down the line of physical qualities in your head:
Hieght: Is he tall enough
Job: Does he have one...is it adequate
Face: Is he handsom enough
Distance: Is he worth the commute
Education: What is his economic mobility
Color: Is he dark or light enough
Kids: Is their time free and undivided
Car: Do they drive
Ect.
That is the disconnect. Men AND women are honest enough with themselves, but not so much with the people prospecting them on an internet dating site. That reduces the dating experience to a mere guessing game for many men and women who find themselves being the one to initiate contact.
I'm just as guilty of it as the next person. I have physical attraction requirements. They are loser than I they could afford to be (for instance, I am not opposed to dating someone heavier than myself) but the ones I have MATTER. However, I won't message even the CUTEST woman without a car. I also tend not to date out side of a 10-15 mile vacinity (though I've flexed this on occassion). I date ANY color, but it has come to my attention that many white women (and a disproporationate amount of black and mixed women) are only attracted to white men. I tend not to waste my time on them as often unless they show prior interest (i.e. the 'meet me' function which is a joke; it should just be called the "you're cute" function). I am also not inclined to contact women who are 5'6 or taller, as many women insist on wearing heels and that can make for an awkward situation in a lot of instances (tried it, didn't care for it).
People who experience the largest disconnect from a truly wonderful human experience are those who hold closer to their physical requirements than their intangible requirements, so I allow many of my physical requirements to flex situationally...but they still exist. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/26/2012 9:58:10 PM | The one thing I learned long time ago. No matter what some people would say or do, Even if it would realy make common sence. It won't change anything about how people think or what they want. No matter if someone says that a men height should not make a diffrence to a woman. No woman would change her mind ( men are same) We all want what we want, look for what we think would make us happy. Tell the men that he should give a chance to the over weight woman. We still expect that a fit and trim and 15 years younger women is what we deserve. So complaining and getting pissy about it on here and real life is a waste of time. No one would change there opinion. No idea why people on here have to always sound so mad about everything. Facts are facts, No matter what you all whine about it won't change. Why not just be happy with our lifes. If someone shows up and wants to join us great if not then so what life is still great....
people worry about it too much. Would a relationship be all you need to be happy??? Nothing else can make you happy??? | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/26/2012 10:07:01 PM | | whats so complicated,everyones wanting someone that does'nt want them while at the same time not wanting someone that wants them..... | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/28/2012 3:16:58 PM | I really think I'm not all that picky ... I want a man who's breathing with a heart beat ... can walk at least from the house to the car and back again ... can stay awake long enough to make it through a meal ... has the ability to get from his house to my house ... can carry his end of the conversation ... who expresses appreciation for life in general ...
ooops ... I'll bet that was too much ... if I get into the "enthusiastic, energetic" etc. categories ... I've slipped off the edge of reason and into fantasy ...
if you live long enough ... apparently you outlive any potential suitors ...
not even ten years ago, there was an abundance of people to go places with ... do things together ... hiking, biking, snow shoeing ... picnics, concerts, plays and films ... now they're all taking their morning nap ... the afternoon nap ... eating dinner at 4:30 p.m. ... and off to bed by 8:00 p.m. ... I seem to have fallen down a rabbit hole ... and can't find my way back ... | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/28/2012 8:03:47 PM | Awww, thank you OP! LOL.
Maybe the internet makes you more picky...maybe you just don't get as much from an internet profile as you do from a random run in with a person. Who knows? | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 5/31/2012 5:57:04 PM |
In reading over many of the threads in the forum, it was amazing to see how many awesome men and women are on POF, yet still looking for love.
No "subliminal disconnect" or complex mystery. Simply: we haven't found the mate (perfect for us) at this time in our life. So, here we are to add another avenue to connect with our future mate. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 6/1/2012 5:16:57 PM |
There are many guys and girls that seem as though they would make fabulous mates, yet some how here we are.
Everyone is fabulous on the internet. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 6/1/2012 6:11:20 PM | | ^^^Hahaha. I can't say that I agree, not even on the most superficial level, but I have interacted with some fabulous people. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 6/3/2012 10:06:18 PM | | It's simple....excess of access has created the inability to commit and always looking to bigger...better...deal someone. And the few that are willing to commit have zero tolerance for those that don't. | |
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| Male and Female Disconnect
Posted: 6/12/2012 9:22:41 AM |
It's simple....excess of access has created the inability to commit and always looking to bigger...better...deal
Bingo! Sensory overload. It's like a kid in a candy store. It is so easy to look at 20 or 30 profiles and find a dozen people with great potential, but then how do you prioritize? Once you decide who gets first contact, how long do you wait for a reply till you move onto the second? The third? Or do you blanket them all with somewhat generic letters? Sometimes it is easier to just wait to be approached. Unfortunately a lot of quality people in whom you might be interested have the same ideas so we all become like ships that pass in the night. | |
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