| | Help with complicated relationship please?Page 1 of 1 | Hi there, Can i ask some of you decent folk for advice,
For the ladies advice probably please.
I met my current girlfriend on this site last year, we had a great six months together and really fell madly in love and went through alot etc, then we broke up because she has BPD, overreacted on every tiny little thing i said and done, she cheated on me, consciously, not drunk or under any influence, just straight up ****ed someone else and didnt tell me till we broke up, she told me in a disgusting, hurtfull, really common whoreish way too. Even the thoughts of her telling me she loved me and wanted to be my wife at the same time is nauseating. While trying to push her child on me at the same time, which i was prepared to do.
Anyway 6 months later (2wks ago) she wants me back, tells me shes better and has got the help, calls me her lover, soulmate, future husband, future father to her child etc, EXCEPT the minute she is around her friends or going out on the town with them i wont hear back from her at all, not even an "im going out with the girls now talk to you later baby xx" or something that you would expect from your partner right???, just nothing when shes with other people or her friends, as if im not in the picture or her mind at all?
Shes also left her profile up here on pof which is actually a trashy dirty filthy common one with dirty talk, provocative pictures etc on it that i really thought was beyond her and all her personalities, including the one where she pretends shes real religious, (just because im an athiest though), shes signed in and out loads of times on pof since were back together for chances to take town the trashy crap and i asked her today was she going to delete it because were together, i said that it is disgusting to see your girlfriend like that on a public site when she could have changed it since we were back "serious" and in love etc, and i was called "ignorant" "a cheeky pig" "offensive" because i asked that? i think shes full of shit and doesn't really want me at all, that im only an emotional crutch who will love her regardless what she does and that i am only a hinge for her when im needed or when she wants to come here for a few days break from living with her parents and child(shes 29 lol), All her frinds are male and mostly her ex boyfriends too, which must mean something psychologically right?
Serious question now to those of you are in love, Is taking just a few seconds out of your day to text or ring back your boyfriend who you say you "love" to tell him your ok and going out tonight asking much, im usually always left not knowing where i stand with her, up all night worrying about her because she knows i want her to text me and let me know shes home safe etc but she just wont because shes that petty, and it really gets me down because i totally adore her, i really believe she is my soulmate, i dont believe it when she says it to me anymore due to her actions though but i dont know what to do, i would love to tell her to F off out of my life but i cant because i genuinely love, adore and worry about her, i wish i didnt give a crap, or only care about her like the fraction she does me, i feel totally unwanted, unattractive and in love, how messed up is that. Because i am actuallly a nice handsome generous funny guy who's never been accused of any of the crap she says to me.
No sarcastic replies please, this is serious to me, shes got a child who i would be a great dad to too.
What can i do? When we spent 6 months apart we spoke on and off i was miserable and i still loved her despite trying to move on, sleep with new partners etc who were lovely girls and really liked me and showed interest and respect for me, unlike her, she isnt good for me or my health, i had 2 mild heartattacks from stress in 7 weeks because of her, im only 27!
i know it sounds so stupid but i love her. And i hate the fact that i do. I wish i didnt. Shes the first thing i think of in the morning and the last thing at night. WHY ME LOL!
Is there any decent normal girls out there at all like?! | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 5/20/2012 5:04:27 AM | | I'm with you flanuer001 something doesnt add up, you claim you love this woman yet speak about her and her actions in such a negative degrading way, you say you want to be a dad to her child but then say she is forcing the child on you, whatever the rights or wrongs of it you are clearly not a good match, if her actions are making you this anxious and intense and allegedly causing you health problems then its time to go for both ur sakes | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 6/6/2012 4:14:43 AM | In all seriousness get some professional help before you end up dying. You cant go on she may never change. Dont continue to put your health at risk for someone who is treating you like crap. Right now you are blinded by love for her but she isnt showing you love even if she feels she loves you. She needs to get help for herself and should really not date until she can stay on track with her meds. I have been in a relationship with someone with BPD before and it lasted a year. I couldnt take it anymore after that. I felt like I was going to choke the shit out of him. I tried being supportive and loving but no matter what I said he was very sensitive too, would cry, wouldnt take his meds, blame everyone for his problems and I hate that. I dont like a weak man who blames everyone for his issues.
Your girlfriend is going to be the end of you if you stay. You need someone to help you get over her and I dont mean another relationship because you are still too in love with this woman to pull another person into all that drama. Please get away from her and save yourself. | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 6/6/2012 4:31:45 AM | | ah wat a cow she is,she is takeing advantage of your being mad about. ther,ou iave to get away from that slut.she will break ur heart bcause she knows ur mad bout her please wajk away dont eves settle fos that kind of treatment when there is alot of gals outhere who wud lote and treat u rite walk away trust me | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 6/6/2012 6:54:50 AM | Tallfella
You probably dont understand what you are dealing with.
She may not technically be insane but she has a very serious condition.
I have an interest in a man who clearly suffers from Anti Social Personality Disorder. He is apparently pleasant and talkative and presentable but everything he says is a pack of lies. He has grand ideas about himself and you would think he was someone. However he is a compulsive gambler an alcholic believes he owns stud farms tell people he has a furniture manufacturing plant near Drogheda. He beat up his first wife with a hammer and went to prison for stealing from his employer and was involved in embezzling £55000 from a business he ran for which he was bankrupted. He then went on to target a sweet innocent divorcee and scammed her by living in her house for 4 years and failing to pay the mortgage installments for 4 years.
She didnt know he had a criminal record, a previous marriage and was an undischarged bankrupt until after she married him. Oh yes he also failed to mention his two children from first marriage.
He intercepted all the correspondence until her house was repossessed.
Yet this bxxxxxd has lots of friends who think he is a gentleman.
Take my sincere and strong advice. Get as far away from her as possible and think yourself lucky you dont have children with her. Consider the Jeremy Kyle show. | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 6/6/2012 1:10:41 PM | | Let me help you here brother.. You've given your power away too easily and too fast. You are now in the needy zone that women absolutely detest and form a subconcious defence to. My advice is to unplug the emotinal IV connection. I know its hard but its something you have to do. You need to get your power back as a man. You ever notice what happens a cat when it catches the ball on the string? It instantly becomes bored with it. You need to be on your toes with women constantly - Predicatability is the enemy of interesting. If you always act predicable then by definaition you're not interesting to her. All men are boring but its being able to notice this about yourself and constantly tweak it while interating woth a woman is what'll make you stand out. Cahnge her mood not her mind. Do some reseach - try undersatnd women better and the best of luck to you. Oh and move on - there's plenty of fish ;) | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 6/12/2012 11:32:14 AM | | She sounds like my ex and without being offensive not that I actually care what you think,you sound like a complete and utter muppet who is possessive and controlling.Ye are well suited.Get married!!! | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 6/17/2012 6:35:13 AM | | Well I think you have to change your way of thinking about her and just think of her as a f*** buddy that comes around when she wants to enjoy it or tell her to hit the road but let her know how you think it help you and her. | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 6/21/2012 8:46:59 AM | I was married to a guy like this. They can be very convincing and because u love them u tend to 'try' thru all.
11 yrs later...w/no improvement, i finally gave up on this loser.
My advice 2 u, lose her, like a venereal disease, unless u want your life to always be a roller coaster ride from hell.
They don't change, they can't, they are messed up from the inside out.
You sound like a decent guy, after a little bit of healing time, you should not have any probs finding someone who borders on normal.
These ppl are narcissistic and lack empathy, but are masters on what to say when they want something. Very personable on the whole, but dangerous emotionally. They will never give bk what u give out. They can't.
U are wasting yr yrs w/this one. | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 6/22/2012 4:21:21 PM | Hello Odysseus
I am impressed, you understand women very well.
What advice can u give me? i was seeing a fella i met on this site for a while, he was lovely but fell into the needy zone u mentioned above...i had warned him from the beginning that i did not want anything too serious, because i had been hurt in the past beyond repair so i just want something easy and casual...but now he is the brokenhearted one because i could not keep seeing him as things were getting far too serious of what i can handle right now.
Thanks for listening | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 6/22/2012 5:44:06 PM | I say cut her off and don't look back.I've been in your shoes and blew off a lovely girl when my cheating ex came crawling back.women can cheat and lie just as much as men.I do understand the feeling of being let down ,trouble is this girl loved the chase and will do it again eventually,when she's bored of being a dutiful housewife.don't let her **** w
ith your head any longer, | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 7/3/2012 3:56:22 PM | I stopped at the part where she cheated on you. She did it once you can and probably will do it again. Drop her like a sack of bricks and find someone worth your time.
If you really love her you'll understand that you can't fix her and let her go.
It's a hard decision but sometimes you have to bleed to move forward. | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 7/11/2012 2:59:41 AM | Hey m8, sooo randomly ended up on this post... I never go on the forums!
This was the first post I read!
Fellow Waterfordman, 17000kms away living the dream in Australia, realized as I was reading, how similar a situation I was in to you.
Had met the most amazing girl of my dreams here, southsea islander, (way out of my ligue most would say) but turned out to be the queen of mindmelting.
Lies, cheating, permiscuisness, leaving, coming back changed, the list is endless.... But, love makes you so blind.
She's had 2 kids, which I woulda gladly called and treated my own, but things change....
I forgave and forgot too manytimes, and maybe not as extreme as having heart attacks, decided to listen to everyone's (literally) advice and cut her loose.
Having someone so mental in your life....... Surely we do t have to be that unlucky to have to endure it for the rest of our lives!!?? You WILL find the girl of your dreams, and she won't fuk with your head....
Make a stand....for your brain, own dignity at this stage, and your health!!
Heart attacks arnt good at 27 buddy!!
Just some randomers advice from someone who KNOWS and UNDERSTANDS what ur going through.
Do it!!! | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 7/17/2012 12:30:41 AM | Hey there-I think you sort of answered your own question: if she's out there having a good time, and having no thought or regard for your feelings even after you've expressed them-why bother to self-destruct. You're obviously a kind, caring, thoughtful and communicative man, with a heart in which you were willing to share with her child-if you still have contact with the child, and he/she is old enough to understand certaing things-take them aside explain that you cared for them, so they don't take it as you leaving them..and walk away form the woman-if she truly changes and begins to pay you the respect that any human being deserves in return, then consider taking things further.
Until then best of luck to you in your search. And to answer your question, they're out there-it's just that communication, and opening ones heart up to someone is difficult for everyone-it will take time to weed through those that are only out to play games and maintain the walls they've spent years building around their hearts and emotions. | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 7/17/2012 12:33:46 AM | | PS: Ultimately the decision you make is something that you will have to live with-so, follow your heart or your heart ache-just make sure the decision sits right with you. | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 7/17/2012 3:48:19 PM | I'm not really sure what kind of advice you're looking for. You want to stay with her but she treats you like a muppet. Don't expect that she's going to change. Never expect anyone to change for you. The only thing in life you can change is yourself. The obvious thing here for me would be to leave her and break all contact because this lady is poison.
But since you don't want to do that, you can only try and turn the tables by stop being needy and running after her all the time. Stand up for yourself. Don't text her and don't worry about her... she's always been fine before and she will be. Maybe that will help... but I doubt. She's too self involved. Best of luck. | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 7/21/2012 7:53:41 PM | | Appreciate the sound advice lads and yere all dead right, she will never change, BPD's never do. And its time to move on with my life, ive basically ignored my own life, health,family etc for 18 months for this womans life and problems t my own detriment but i cant do it anymore i deserve better, best of luck with your own fishing guys, Garbears i think il do what you and the rest of my mates did, head to Oz! Go raibh maith agaibh! | |
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R_u12
| | Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 19 | |
| no contact rule....does it work?
Posted: 7/23/2012 6:40:17 AM | | OK simple enough story..does making no contact with your significant other work?.. i have being reading up lots on this and some say it does and it does not. who knows for sure but my partner of 4 yrs whom i love dearly i feel i now have to act this way to see if she still has an interest in me, basically she started to become distant she lives in another country and that does make it hard but for someone who ignores my mails and so on is that telling me something?.. she would not be the type to call it a day, as the guilt would kill her in some way i know how she is i know her well enough by now, but i think she was ignoring to push me into finishing it, we are on a social networking site of course but I told her that if she,s trying to push me into finishing it with her then it wont work and so you best make the call yourself , and so she did declare herself single,,BUT,, did not delete me as a friend, its almost like she wants me to do that bit or is she keeping an olive branch there for herself,i don't know for sure. we both have never cheated on each other well at least i know i didn't anyway, but why would someone go so quite like that. There was a time when i would keep all the contact going and she would be there as well,but now because of this turn it has taken Im implementing the,,no contact ,,rule for myself.. Im not trying to punish her in anyway but its for my own good really as i know that my mails will go un- answered if i keep it up. She knows where i am all the time with work and being at home so im never really out i like to catch up with friends and family online, but anyway people what do you think of my story. | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 7/24/2012 9:03:28 PM | Hey Tall:
I am REALLY SOOOOOO SORRRRYYYY You have ever met this"thing" she is really YOUR NIGHTMARE!
Here is an"old timey" word of advice:
LOVE IS A VERB! Love isn't just a feeling or word it is a Commitment to not only Feeling a certain way for a particular person but treating that person particularly specially more than anyone else in your whole world!
It is what you DO(especially when no one else is looking)-as a matter of making that person thank their lucky stars that they ever met you! and that you love them! THAT is what love is! it is a commitment to make that person wake up thanking their creator that you love them! and you showing them in a multitude of different ways daily that you love them. WELL the SAME goes for her! it is called consideration,dear! even if she didn't love you, if she was even raised with mammals! she would have learned consideration!
She isn't thinking of you at all,hon! I hate to tell you this I know how it can hurt you I understand that as well! but seek professional help PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please do not convict yoursaelf to a lifetime of this hellish behavior! EVERY psychiatrist will scream at you to get away from her(RUN, don't walk!) OU WILL end up in the "looney bin" yourself if you do not.She doesn't appreciate you! she is your toxic poison "sleeping beauty" drink!(like the apple that sleeping beauty ate that made her sleep until the lover of her life woke her up with a kiss)
Please do not put yourself through this it will not end nicely if you survive it at all! let her seek her own way in life do not enable her that is why she is using you!
Patricia
Calanimalgirl! | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 8/1/2012 9:40:17 PM | People who love each other DO NOT TREAT ONE THAT WAY
DO NOT TAKE HER BACK SHE MAY BE FINE FOR AWHILE BUT HER TRUE PERSONALITY WILL RE-SURFACE, SHE COULD GET PREGNANT AND TRAP YOU, OR GIVE YOU DISEASE
LOVE IS BEHAVIOR AND SHE HAS ALREADY DEMONSTRATED WHO SHE IS
FIND ONE WHO IS EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY, TREATS YOU WITH KINDNESS AND RESPECT
SHE HAS AND IS BEING ABUSIVE TOWARDS YOU - DUMP HER
LOVE IS BEHAVIOR BUT DO NOT GIVE UP ON LOVE AND DO NOT LET HER BEHAVIOR DETER YOU OVER TIME THE REAL PERSON SURFACES | |
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| Help with complicated relationship please?
Posted: 9/8/2012 2:23:09 PM | Why do you want to be with her? I don't see one redeeming quality about her. She is mean, vulgar, hurts your feelings, manipulates you, disrespects you, & has cheated on you.
You haven't had time to be separated from her, to grieve & get over her, you took her right back. She doesn't deserve to have you or to be in your life. Why do you love her? What do you love about her? I think you feel she's familiar to you & it's easier to stay, than feeling the pain of a break up.
This train wreck is going to get worse, why don't you find a nice girl to date who will treat you with respect & be honest with you?
Where is this childs father? He couldn't take the crazyness, so he bailed? You will also be a great father to chidren of your own one day with a nice normal girl.
You need to get away from her fast, before she ruins your life. | |
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