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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > The "no contact rule???" Men, would this work on you??? women Has thi      Home login  
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 tallykatt
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 1
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The "no contact rule???" Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
hey everyone, just curious,
If you are a guy who has broken up with your long term girlfriend, how do you feel afterwards????
what feelings are behind the fear of loosing your ex completely??? is it uncertainty? wanting your ex around until you are sure of the breakup? is it because you want them as friends?? is that possible??

now what if your ex girlfriend, spent one month letting you know that she still loves you and will always be there for you if you needed a shoulder... you mistook this month as her trying to seduce you, you believed that completely....

then all of a sudden you receive a dear John letter, stating that your ex would have taken you back but the time had come to completely let you go, this letter also has your ex apologizing for the things they did to contribute to the break up, brought up the good times, then said all the best good by...

Questions to the guys??
1) how much "no contact" time would have to pass before you being the dumpe would feel loss??
2)would you feel loss at all if your ex out of the blue stopped contact with you.
3)what other feelings can occur?
4) Would this effect you even if you are now in another relationship?
5)Thinking on past relationships........ what are other things your ex girlfriend could of done besides no contact that would have made you want, need , miss her again??????

Ladies
1)share your experiences with the "no contact rule
2) other things you did besides the "no contact rule" that won your ex boyfriend back
3) Any ladies win your ex back from another woman??
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 2
The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 1:27:18 AM
way too many questions for one post
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 3
The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 1:30:03 AM
just passing by thought i would say hi
 MustangGirl1965
Joined: 3/9/2012
Msg: 4
The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 1:37:36 AM
It seems to me that when a relationship ends, both parties need to move on. There are no rules for how to go about this. The "no contact" rule is silly and manipulative and I don't like feeling as if someone is trying to manipulate me. I don't know that many people would like that.

Get over it. Use positive crutches when you need to: counselling, crying, writing in a journal, reaching out to friends and family, etc. Even write letters to the ex but do NOT send them. They're only for you to express yourself. Then burn them.

Time will heal the wounds you're suffering today. In time, you'll wonder what you ever saw in your ex. So please move on. Make the choice to go forward rather than to stagnate and dwell on what might have been. Your ex already has.
 3ffervescent
Joined: 7/1/2010
Msg: 5
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The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 1:44:46 AM
Wow, you really want this guy back...

What made him spectacular to you?

(Oh, and this is probably going to be deleted...)
 tallykatt
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 6
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The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 2:29:35 AM
Ok it appears i need to clerify a few things.

>These questions do not need to be answered, they were merely a way to invoke thoughts pertaining to them..

>This is not about me, I dont believe the no contact rule works, my friend on the other hand does.....

@@@The reason behind this post, is, @@@

>there is no way to ascertain the validity of these "getting your ex back" techniques based solely on one persons experiences... (unless they are Gene Simmons, and have many to think back on)

>that is why it is important to invite the thoughts, and experiences of others in order to see the full picture.. before coming to an honest conclusion of weather or not these forms of persuasion work or fail in their attempts to conjure a specific emotion in the opposite sex.....


Just attempting to settle the disagreement my friend an i are having, but only after seeing the issue from all aspects can i honestly ascertain the validity of these "get you ex pack techniques" thus deciding my beliefs in or against this topic
 3ffervescent
Joined: 7/1/2010
Msg: 7
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The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 2:38:31 AM
--in the spirit of the question, the best way to get your 'ex' back is to ignore him for at least a month... and do stuff in that month, so that you appear to be interesting... (some of us do this anyway)

Ideally you want them to make the first contact with you...

Again, I ask -- who is this 'ex' and why are you so determined to 'win' him back?
 A_Gent
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 8
The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 2:40:22 AM
There comes a time when a couple in a relationship need to move forward, or move on.
Sometimes there are serious issues that can't be resolved.
Sometimes it is just not the right fit.
The decision should not be frivolous,
But once it is made,
While the no contact rule seems cruel,
in the long run it is the most kind.
For both people.
Sometimes time apart can give people perspective they did not have before,
and maybe, they can build a renewed relationship.
But don't go back just because you are lonely, or want to just try again.
And if your ex does not want to renew, get over your selfishness and respect him/her.
If you go back it is because both people have resolved their issues and seriously want to make it work.
Otherwise you are right back to where you started, again.
 tallykatt
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 9
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The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 2:44:13 AM
Thank you, i agree with all you have said......
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 4:21:32 AM
The biggest problem I have with this post is, the vast number of assumptions required before answering even one of the many questions.

Take for example:

1) " how much "no contact" time would have to pass before you being the dumpe would feel loss??" -- (what's a dumpe? Anything like a toupee?) When I had breakups, I felt loss as soon as one of us decided that it was time to split. What is the situation such that nothing was felt at the time?

2) "would you feel loss at all if your ex out of the blue stopped contact with you." -- Out of the blue stopped? Why did we split up? Who left who? Why would we have any reason to stay in touch? Children?

3) "what other feelings can occur?" -- no need to wax eloquent on this. It's like asking "How many things in the world actually exist?"

4) "Would this effect you even if you are now in another relationship?" -- we have to assume that we broke up, started 'no contact' at some point, finally got something else going with someone new, that continued for some unspecified length of time, and then.... the ex shows up. What? Why did we split? How long ago? Are we honest and sincere people, or did we only start the new thing in order to get pseudo-revenge on the ex by victimizing some innocent person? Etc

5) "what are other things your ex girlfriend could of done besides no contact that would have made you want, need , miss her again??????" -- this is the only one I can start to answer, assuming ONLY that I was the one who initiated the breakup, that I had had finally resolved my separation anxieties and anger issues, and had my life back in order, and...

Never mind, I still have to assume too damn many things to begin to think of an answer.
 purfectmeow
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 11
The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 4:51:26 AM
Im a firm believer in the no contact rule.
There are always reasons to move forward, no matter how cold that gets.
The faster the healing starts the sooner we can get back to normal (what ever that is).
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 12
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The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 5:27:05 AM
No contact with any of my EX's. This last one, it's mostly discussing about her mailing me my things back.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 13
The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 6:15:03 AM
after a long term relationship, i find that most women have a hard time letting go..hence the contact for a month or so. However, if they already have someone else in their lives..that makes it alot easier. If my ex. stopped contacting me out of the blue..i would suspect she is banging someone.
When i make a break..i make it clean..the no contact..or mimimal contact is to put my life back in order..have some time for healing..and finally be able to move on ..and date again..whether this is a month..or 6 months..it depends on the situation.
I may always love my ex's..but it doesnt mean we were made to be together forever and ever.
The dear john letter is prolly an attempt to make oneself feel better and to shift blame to another. The apology was too little too late.
I see this situation as 'winning ur ex b/f back" as very childish and game playing.In the long run and at the end of the day, the relationship is doomed for failure for all the reasons that caused it to breakup in the first place.
Once long-term lovers..its very difficult to be just friends.
 ThusSpokeZarathustra
Joined: 4/24/2012
Msg: 14
The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 6:18:55 AM

Questions to the guys??
1) how much "no contact" time would have to pass before you being the dumpe would feel loss??
2)would you feel loss at all if your ex out of the blue stopped contact with you.
3)what other feelings can occur?
4) Would this effect you even if you are now in another relationship?
5)Thinking on past relationships........ what are other things your ex girlfriend could of done besides no contact that would have made you want, need , miss her again??????

People who set out to "ignore" someone to get a reaction out of them are manipulative.
I have been sad when certain relationships have ended and been elated when others have ended.
Some women have left my life and I have felt a sense of loss while others have slipped away without me noticing too much. Only once have I ever sat by the phone (pre-cell phone days) waiting for a call, and that expereience taught me to never do that again, so in all lilklihood if a woman was ignoring me in some twisted effort to get me back at a later date her plan would backfire.
If an ex calls, I answer, if she "pops by" I will be polite, if there's something that needs to be said or done, I'll say it or do it, if an ex tells me to never call her again, I willl respect her wishes. I will not allow anyone to change my patterns of behaviour.
 CJinCentralPa
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 15
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The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 6:29:36 AM
Personally I am going thru this.

I am still friends with my ex. We have a lot of history together (dated for 8 years. I would never get into a relationship with her again because she cheated and it turned into a fiasco involving most of my family. She is a good person who did a very stupid thing based on depression, anxiety and insecurity.

She still holds a lot of positive qualities that I seldom come across so I am happy to be her friend. The bridge to dating has been burned and will never be repaired.
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 16
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The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 6:42:16 AM
Anyone dumped who spends one month trying to change the dumper's mind is only hurting themselves.
IF the dumper felt they may have made the wrong decision then THEY would be the one who makes contact to explain their story and decision.

Would this affect you even if you are now in another relationship?
...You shouldn't be in another relationship because you have not yet come to terms with the last relationship.
If the ex sent you a Dear John letter which end's with 'Good bye' then they mean "I'm trying to give you closure because you won't leave me alone, so I'm sorry for what went down blah blah blah...Good bye".

Any ladies win your ex back from another woman??
.....Yes, but not because I hounded him.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 17
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 Megaladonfishy
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 18
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The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 7:29:04 AM
Strange...since if I break up with someone it's time to move on and if they break up with me it's definitely time to move on.
When people in relationships break up with someone as a means to some other end than ending the relationship, they usually do and say hurtful things that ruin the relationship anyway so this is not recomended if you in reality wanted to still be with your now ex SO.
I would never go back to an ex after they interfered in my new relationship

You should learn to fight less harshly without breaking up
The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 8:29:18 AM
Have an abundance mentality. There a millions of much better guys out there. No real need to specifically stay in contact unless you have a kid together, but always be civil and send him good energy and you will be fine.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 20
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The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 8:33:28 AM
I don't know what you're talking about.
When it's over, we move on. No contact is a given.
I would not want anyone I'd have to "win back".
And I value myself much too highly to want a man I had to "win back" from another woman.
 sharna5
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 21
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The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 8:38:01 AM
hmm i dont have any contact with ex hubby at all been split just over2 years no contact for over a year which has helped me get over it he picks kids up every other week as of yet had no problems ;)
 Kariann71
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 22
The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 9:03:56 AM
My rule is to never look back and keep moving forward in my life. If the person is my EX then they hold that status for a reason. I have no desire to win them back or to play games with them.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 23
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The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 9:11:36 AM
Not contacting someone I broke up with was something I did, not a "rule" I followed.

What is with all these relationship "rules" that supposedly exist? Have they been ratified to give everyone a manual to follow to guarantee a desired outcome? Or is it like a Book of Spells to assist in manipulating people to do what you want them to do without having to use common sense, respect, or moral decency?

I think we need to quit trying to define the "rules" and just do what is the right thing to do, learn when to say no and call it quits, and learn to just accept things for what they are and move on.
 cover_me
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 24
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The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 9:34:00 AM

1) how much "no contact" time would have to pass before you being the dumpe would feel loss?


Pretty much immediately, wouldn't you think?


would you feel loss at all if your ex out of the blue stopped contact with you?


Who wouldn't?


what other feelings can occur?


Depends on the individual and their temperament.


Would this effect you even if you are now in another relationship?


No.


Thinking on past relationships........


I don't think about past relationships. I get over them and move on.


what are other things your ex girlfriend could of done besides no contact that would have made you want, need , miss her again?


Nothing.
 FatBottomGirI
Joined: 6/28/2011
Msg: 25
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The no contact rule??? Men, would this work on you??? women Has this worked for you???
Posted: 5/20/2012 9:53:20 AM
I personally prefer the clean break approach to breakups. I have not remained in contact with exes. I do not see point in staying in contact.
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