| | How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I ask this because in the different dates I've had most women tend to think I come off as uninterested, when in reality I'm only being respectful. I'm not a a cassanova or dramatic but I do want a woman to know that I won't try anything they aren't comfortable with on the first date. In previous dates, women always told me that they didn't like getting touchy feely on the first date or even kiss until the second or third date. But when I go on some dates, I feel that some women are interested in the beginning but by the end they don't sound as interested when the date is over. So I sometimes wonder if because I respect their personal space from the start that they think I'm not interested and they change their mind about me. But then when I meet a girl and do be a little assertive and kiss at the end of a date, they get a little uncomfortable or nervous.
Just wondering, how much respectability is too much that they think you aren't interested in them? How do u tell when a woman is alright about being touchy feely or intimate right off the bat? What's the middle ground that u can determine when to affectionate but not over step the danger zone on the first date, to where they think you're too forceful? | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/22/2012 9:34:32 PM | Do the women on this site really know what they want?
They want someone who is serious who'll make them laugh. They want some who'll tell them the truth that matches the lies they tell themselves. They probably all watch soap operas and dream of fictional reality because the real world is passing them by. They are waiting for "the real thing" or a "spark" or "chemistry" or some other romance novel creation.
Watch the answers you get and try to figure them out. Good luck. At least don't you forget the real world. | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/22/2012 9:44:34 PM | | Theres a difference between flirting respectfully and being touchy feely or trying to kiss them. You should always give a compliment or two, that never hurts. You should also always figure out a way to (accidently) touch them slightly like maybe put your hand on her back when you hold open the door for her or lightly brush her when you walk by or tuck her tag in or something. Dont deliberately hold her hand cuz thats creepy but just do something not so obvious! | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/22/2012 10:31:25 PM | You are getting dates!! Congrats. More than many do on here. If the chemistry is there she will be interested and everyone is different with what they are comfortable with. Some like a quick hug and a peck if the meet goes well and as a way to say goodbye.
Just let her know you find her attractive without being sleazy or pushy. They may just be losing interest one way or another by the same token by the end of the meet. Do you ever get to see any of them more than once? If so, then you can hold her hand or touch her arm etc. on the second date and when you are at dinner etc. Women are naturally wary especially with dating site guys so you have to take it easy. | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/22/2012 10:35:04 PM | I've had this happen before once in which the women said i wasn't physical enough. We went on 3 more dates but i couldnt be physical w/ her because i felt like there was a massive spot light on it.
Now that i look back on it she was a bit of a hoe. But i sort of ignored it That fact. There was more to me not being physical. For example on the first date we were sitting on a sofa having drinks talking she starts showin me the pictures in her phone. There were 7 pictures of other mens penises.. As soon as saw the first i unknowingly pulled back and was instantly turned off.
She also was not someone i would typically date meaning physically she was below my typical standards but i was trying to give it a chance.
What i'm getting at is could it be other reasons?
I would say every woman is going to be different as to what acceptable on the first date and whats not. Just go with the flow and make some physical contact. Especially if she is making some with you. Either way there is no one size fits all answer to this question. | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/22/2012 10:35:13 PM | FishOwl
If you think chemistry or spark only belongs in romance novels, then you have not experienced it and without it most women wont bother. That is natural. It is sexual attraction in other words. You sound disillusioned and bitter and that is never attractive. | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/22/2012 11:31:42 PM | You have to know how to read the signs. If she isn't feeling you then of course she isn't going to want you to kiss her or touch her. But if she is feeling you, then subtle things can make a big difference. For example, touching the small of her back when you're behind her and leaving a restaurant. See, women pick up on those small things whereas most men do it without realizing it or just don't think it's a big deal.
Of course, every woman is different. If I'm feeling a date I'll give him a big hug when we meet up, touch his arm, touch his leg. You just have to know your date. | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/22/2012 11:49:03 PM | | Dating is really complicated but I would say, that most women get tired of guys being so overly aggressive so soon. A smart guy will be able to pick up on the clues. I also think that a woman will make the intititive if she feels comfortable that the guy respects and likes her enough to give her time and space. Nothing better for me than being on a date where a guys holds back and I can feel trust and he allow some flirting on my part without the him going over aggressive. | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/22/2012 11:51:51 PM | Dating is really complicated but I would say, that most women get tired of guys being so overly aggressive so soon. A smart guy will be able to pick up on the clues. I also think that a woman will make the intititive if she feels comfortable that the guy respects and likes her enough to give her time and space. Nothing better for me than being on a date where a guys holds back and I can feel trust and he allows some flirting on my part without the him going over aggressive.
The women that like overly aggresive on first dates usually are not picky about who they are intimate with,( not always) she might just be overly attracted to you, but usually they are too 'needy' and just trying to find someone -'anyone' to be with. | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/22/2012 11:56:01 PM | Well, at least the OP and the first responder seem to be making the fundamental mistake of thinking that there IS such a thing as "women."
What I mean by that is, they both talk as though an individual man can use science and logic, to formulate a generally applicable set of procedures which will result in them being able to please any woman they should manage to go on a date with.
Basically, OP, I would suggest that you are trying to do something which is not possible. You are mistaken in your starting point thinking, that there is one thing that you are doing wrong. It sounds as though what you are describing is not a failure on your part to match your level of aggressive sensual interest to the particular woman's sensibilities, it is instead that you have gone on dates with women who have just not felt the unique and complicated array of elements of behavior, smell, visual appearance, sounds, flavors, experiences, and so forth, which all end up being called "chemistry."
You are not going to fix something as complicated as "date chemistry" by addressing a single element of your one-sided approach to the timing of your physical contact. | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/23/2012 9:23:16 AM | If you actually feel like kissing her then how about " I want to kiss you so badly right now , but don't want to cross any lines"
I guarantee you will be able to judge her response after that. It will be either 1) a big kiss 2) "go ahead then" 3) "I find you attractive too, but we aren't quite at that point yet" 4) "I just don't feel comfortable with that" 5) a look of horror | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/23/2012 10:14:07 AM | | I like what scifichicky said and a little different take on that is.......one fellow said to another "I ask every woman I meet for sex". The other fellow said... "don't you get your face slapped alot ?" He said yes, but I also get lots of sex. | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/23/2012 10:32:07 AM |
I'm not a a cassanova or dramatic but I do want a woman to know that I won't try anything they aren't comfortable with on the first date. In previous dates, women always told me that they didn't like getting touchy feely on the first date or even kiss until the second or third date. You have got to be pulling my tail here? lol
Look work on trying to be romantic OK? FORGET trying to convince them that you wont try anything and instead focus instead on actually trying something in a way they will be OK with. You are doing this all wrong.
Look if there is no hand holding and at least a good night kiss on date number one then there is no second date period. I mean like never dever. You are dating the wrong type of gals. I am NOT talking groping or a make out session but if there was any chemistry or attraction in a romantic way then there should of been a nice good night kiss. Thouch here is an art form to learn about touching a women in non threatening ways. As you enter a restaurant holding the touch and touching the small of her back or shoulder for example when you enter. You DONT want to touch her for the first time trying to get a kiss. You want to of touched her GENTLY in non threatening ways during the evening. You BUILD up to the end of the date. Take a walk. Hold her hand. If you do these things in a NON threatening way and she finds you attractive you will be fine. If she meets you and does not view you in any romantic way you will get shut down. But you are not really even getting into the batters box and taking a swing.
No kiss good night and I will always assume there was nothing there (for at least one of us) and I move on to the next contestant as we are not a match. We are not talking sex on a first date, this is a goodnight kiss for christs sakes. I guarantee I knew in the first 3 minutes of the date if I wanted to kiss the gal.
But then when I meet a girl and do be a little assertive and kiss at the end of a date, they get a little uncomfortable or nervous. If the date went well a good night kiss to wrap it up is not something to make anyone nervous. I would assume the gal was not attracted to you in a romantic way.
Learning to read womens body language during the date is key here. I guarantee I know literally 100 percent of the time BEFORE the kiss if its going to be accepted in a positive way.
Cowboy | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/23/2012 10:36:47 AM | My first thought is that many "respectable" men are nice guys and will end up in that category.
You have to get the physical fire started.
Covertly, quickly glance at her figure then look back at her eyes to see if she noticed you looking. You want her to notice your glance without your staring or being too obvious. I've caught women checking out my body that same way. Good sign.
Compliment her clothing to let her know that you've noticed her body.
Others have mentioned small touches and that does work. One prospective G/F leaned into me when I touched the small of her back and later told me that she'd felt a spark run up her spine from my hand. Good sign!
Women expect you to try to kiss them so when you don't they wonder why not.
I always try to kiss her, lightly, without being insistent or demanding. That shows confidence and tells her that you find her attractive.
If she won't kiss you that's ok, she won't dump you just because you tried an innocent kiss. | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/23/2012 10:42:10 AM |
Women expect you to try to kiss them so when you don't they wonder why not.
I always try to kiss her, lightly, without being insistent or demanding. That shows confidence and tells her that you find her attractive.
If she won't kiss you that's ok, she won't dump you just because you tried an innocent kiss.
Nice post Bub, inspiring. But.....VERY false 
You got it all wrong pal, look it up, you have to make love....the Bruce Campbell way.
Dress in your most heroic outfit (preferably while carrying around a chainsaw) with unkept hair, you grab her firmly by the waist looking her in the eye, and say "You know you want it toots....Come on, gimme some sugar baby 
And she will melt. Or will hit you and tell you to not grab her azz anymore.
But hey, surefire way | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/23/2012 10:48:50 AM | | Op, you just need to find that line where you are being respectful, but making your intentions very clear in that you find her attractive. "Trying" to be anything, will not work, even 'trying' to be respectful. It comes off as an act...so be relax, let your hands 'accidently' wander over to hers...do brush up against her a little...just dont do it like a creep who hasnt seen a woman in 10 years. | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/23/2012 11:52:53 AM | | For me, If a guy is very respectful, I feel like he's really interested, so I don't leave the date feeling self-conscious or that he wasn't 'into me'. If he flirts with the waitress-well, there's a neon 'not serious' sign. If he's over avaricious towards me, I just feel like he's a badboy playa who just wasted the time I set aside to meet him. I think you'll be ok, OP, I really think you have a good attitude :) | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/23/2012 5:41:50 PM | First of all go with the flow op.
I have never thought on a date, "wow I better not go too far, or wow, I better go for it or she'll blow me off".
I also dont kiss on the first date. A great hug is fine.
Be yourself and don't worry about acting a certain way. | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/23/2012 6:16:57 PM |
Do the women on this site really know what they want?
They want someone who is serious who'll make them laugh. They want some who'll tell them the truth that matches the lies they tell themselves. They probably all watch soap operas and dream of fictional reality because the real world is passing them by. They are waiting for "the real thing" or a "spark" or "chemistry" or some other romance novel creation.
Watch the answers you get and try to figure them out. Good luck. At least don't you forget the real world.
Do I smell a pig? As in Male Chauvinist Pig? Ha! Ha! | |
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| How much respectablility is too much on a first date or outting?
Posted: 5/23/2012 6:34:30 PM | dearsavannah wrote;
You have to know how to read the signs. If she isn't feeling you then of course she isn't going to want you to kiss her or touch her. But if she is feeling you, then subtle things can make a big difference. For example, touching the small of her back when you're behind her and leaving a restaurant. See, women pick up on those small things whereas most men do it without realizing it or just don't think it's a big deal.
Of course, every woman is different. If I'm feeling a date I'll give him a big hug when we meet up, touch his arm, touch his leg. You just have to know your date.
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Dearsavannah is absolutely right on thids one.
You have to start reading the signs and go easy...easy. See if she is smiling. Does she give you a hug? Does she touch your arm?
If you are joking with her and she is laughing, lightly touch her arm/shoulder or back and say something like "I am having a good time...I hope you are too" if she keeps smiling or reciprocates you are doing well.
You cannot go for a kiss at the end of the date if you haven't made a little body contact that you feel she has accepted. I mean you can try...but its a questionable situation for success.
If you have made a little contact during the date and she seemed to react positively ...try to end the date at a goodbye hug. If the chemistry is right you might get kissed first or you will tell by her eye contact (she is looking deep into your eyes after the hug) if she wants a little kiss.
There is no guarantee since every woman is different. | |
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