| | When is a joke not a joke?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I ask this question as I would like people's opinions. A lot of the time I meet my best female friend her platonic male friend is there. I am a little overweight and he is constantly making jokes about my weight. I have always tried to laugh it off and take it in good part as he is her friend and also I don't want to appear too precious.
Last night, however, she was meeting up with a new male friend and he seemed to be very jealous. It is like he can't accept he is her platonic friend and will never be anything more. He seemed to get moody as soon as she said she was meeting the other guy and said "Well I'm not coming" and I was hurt by what he said to me: I was wearing a sundress quite low cut at the front and my friend jokingly said he was looking down my dress, to which he said "I wouldn't bother!"in a really nasty tone of voice. I'm not attracted to him or anything, but he made it sound like he thought I look repulsive or something. I felt like he was taking it out on me that my friend was meeting another guy. My friend ordered him to apologise to me but even then he still seemed to be acting rude. He said to my friend in front of me "You didn't tell me she was coming along" about me.
When he apologised I said I can take a joke up to a point, but it can be hurtful and I have been feeling insecure anyway about my weight and skin recently (I get eczema). I'm a size 16/18 by the way but most people say I look nice and I always make an effort to dress attractively. I just said to him to think a bit more about what he is saying but I would accept his apology. We then went on to another pub where my friend met her male friend. The three of us sat together but he would not come over and just stood at the bar and appeared to be sulking.
I feel quite hurt by his attitude towards me, and my friend's take is he likes her undivided attention and gets jealous if anyone else is there, male or female.
How would you react in this sort of situation: hopefully he won't do it again, but am I wrong to react to him "joking" that I am fat all the time. Is it not that this is masking his real attitude, that he is in fact insulting me and making fun of me under the guise of a joke? How do you think I should deal with it if it does happen again? I have always been friendly to him but he seems to resent me being there. | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 11:23:36 AM | | He is crossing the line of what is acceptable, and to be honest your 'friend' should tell insecure and childish twat to keep his snide comments to himself. That, or do it yourself as it sounds like he is actually bullying you. | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 11:25:09 AM | What do you do when he's being like this and, more importantly, what does your friend do? Do you both just let him get on with it or do you put him in his place?
I'd tell him to fvck off and stop being such a total nob, but then I can be pretty direct when I want to be and am comfortable enough around men to do that.
If that doesn't work, I'd tell my friend he was upsetting me and either she stops meeting him when I'm with her or I stop going when she's meeting him. Just because he's your friend's friend, doesn't mean you have to like him or spend time with him. | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 11:26:51 AM | | Sounds to me like your 'friend' is center stage with you, plantonic guy, and new male man revolving around her. Why bother with it? You don't want to have a walk on part in someone else's drama, life's too short. Spend your time with people who will value your feelings and as you yourself should. | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 11:28:38 AM | He was an awful sulky git and why is your friend surrounding herself with awful people. I'm afraid I don't think much of her if she brings these types to meet you, she obviously has no respect for you. You cannot tell me she does not know what they are like and how they would act around you. I suspect you make HER feel good cos these two men are her ego boost as you are......These are people you dont need!
There is a saying, 'Never a truer word said in jest'. So their 'jokes' aren't good for you........get rid of them all! Besides, why hang out with immature idiots! | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 11:30:25 AM | | My friend generally tells him to shut up, but he doesn't always. I don't want to fall out with her by having a go at him as he is her friend though, so I have been guilty of just trying to laugh it off. | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 11:36:35 AM | OP, i think its about time that you politely informed your friend, that ...
1, Her friends ar`nt all nice friends..
2, Her friends ar`nt neccesarily your friends.
Its time to put your own self respect, before the feelings of your friend , who frankly, does`nt appear to give a damn about yours. | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 11:40:06 AM | She's supposed to be your friend too, so if she doesn't like what you have to say, you're clearly not as important to her as she is to you.
If she was any kind of friend, she'd tell him straight and I'd hope she'd do the same to you if you did it to another friend. Sounds very much to me like you need to find someone worthy of your company to be friends with because this girl doesn't care that much. | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 11:43:40 AM | | Perhaps the question is, why do you tolerate such behavior. Perhaps the answer is that you need to appreciate your own worth and value? | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 11:52:59 AM | Oh sweety,
I am sorry but reading the comment I don't think that many people got the point.
Probably your female friend is an attractive girl and her platonic friend fancy her, nothing wrong or new with it, he is acting like a pri*k and being jealous cause of it or maybe he does not like you for no reason.
Seems to me that your female friend stand up for you and this is good, I don't see why you should fall off with them.
I am generally a nice girl, really sensitive so I always got a bit hurt when people are nasty to me for no reason. I realised that sometime people do not like you and enjoy hurt you just cause they do, one of the best piece of advice someone gave is 'if someone does not like you for no reason, give them a good reason'. If he still being nasty to you play back, answer something like 'I can lose weight if I want but there is not much you can do about your face' with a cheeky smile or something like that. I am sure he would stop.
Some people feel better making feel other people unsure about themselves, good luck! | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 11:59:10 AM | | My first thought would be to bring along an infants baby bottle and offer it to him as soon as you see him. But, two wrongs do not make a right so, I would never allow him in my company again. He is an Assh... who may never grow up and it is not your job to teach him to be civil. Sooner or later he will conduct himself this way in the presence of someone like my self then he will be laying on the ground. There is no reason to purposely hurt someones feelings. Insulting someones appearance is just uncalled for. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. This shthead is not getting his way and finds sadistic pleasure in hurting your feelings is grounds for dismissal in my book. He is immature so try not to waste anymore of the breath you have been given on this person. | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 12:04:36 PM | Five years ago I walked away from my whole group of friends . To put it bluntly I didn't trust a single one and there was a lot of disrespect.
From that point I then selected those I could trust as true friends and made contact again.
Not an easy task but funnily enough the ones I thought would keep away, kept away.
Then I made a whole lot of new friends who for a better word 'respect' me.
And life is a whole lot better !! | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 12:39:51 PM | | I would want to put my friend in a situation where she needs to chose between me and another friends, plus I believe girls friendship works differently. | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 12:42:45 PM | | Two is company and three is crowd. Sorry but your friend is using you and actually enjoying the show. Give him 3 warning and 4th time knock him out simple. | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 1:11:58 PM | Sounds to me like this guy is Jealous and Insecure and a bully.
Why does your friend keep him around if he displays this kind of weakness of character?
The way I see it you can do one of two things.
1 Either take yourself out of the situation.
2 Or blow up and have it out with him next time he disrespects you... then take yourself out the situation.
You dont have to put up with that. | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 1:18:44 PM | It seems to me any joke on pof is not funny.
"Are you trying to be funny" is the response i usually get.
What is ironic is most people say they are looking for someone with a GSOH !!!!
In fact they arent coz they cant deal with a sense of humour at all.
I darent send anything funny or a joke now, it just gets a bad response. | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 2:52:36 PM | | It's a joke if you find it funny. That's really all there is to it when it's personal 'joking around', and okay, we all make mistakes sometimes and put our foot in it, but if he doesn't care that you don't appreciate it and carries on, he's just being a****and should be treated accordingly. | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/27/2012 3:12:47 PM | | OP; I thought I was reading something written by a teenager. C'mon, grow a pair! | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/28/2012 2:08:33 AM | "It seems to me any joke on pof is not funny.
"Are you trying to be funny" is the response i usually get.
What is ironic is most people say they are looking for someone with a GSOH !!!!
In fact they arent coz they cant deal with a sense of humour at all.
I darent send anything funny or a joke now, it just gets a bad response."
Jokes that are written down aren't that funny. And some you've heard that many times, you roll your eyes when you get them (and have probably received a text with the current fashionable one already from your mate/brother/work colleague).
Having a sense of humour does not mean laughing at jokes. I laugh at comedians on TV, but its usually more observational stuff, or intelligent wit, not "did you hear about the man who went into a bar...". Banter and joshing each other is what most women think of when they say GSOH.. not the ability to remember a joke word for word.
Getting a joke as a message is naff.. | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/28/2012 2:38:09 AM | | How dose a blind parachutist know he is about to land --------------- the lead goes slack | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/28/2012 11:21:40 AM |
I'd have great fun messing with his mind seeing as he is such a deserving contender.
until he deservedly floors you | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/28/2012 9:31:16 PM | | Thanks for all your input. I know some people have said why don't I insult him back, but gisn't that losing dignity, and also I don't want him to become even more vitriolic towards me?! i basically don't want to stoop down to his level and end up in a tit for tat spat. I will just say something like "What sense of pleasure do you get by insulting someone and hurting them?" Incidentally he is short, bald and podgy and not a hit with the women. This has made me feel I need to make a real effort to widen my social circle so I don't need to rely on my friend for company when they come as a pair! Why do they come as a pair? I think it's because my friend is not working and he buys her drinks all the time, so basically he is paying to be in her company! | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/29/2012 3:55:47 AM | And your friend is letting him buy her drinks whilst insulting you into the bargain, which means you're less important to this "friend" than the cost of a night out!!
You deserve better, get rid and find new, decent, real friends :-) | |
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| When is a joke not a joke?
Posted: 5/29/2012 10:37:15 AM | Sounds like alcohol may be involved too?
And we've only heard one side.
Your friend should not let her other friends be offensive to or insult each other. | |
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