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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.      Home login  
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 LegendaryTom
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 1
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So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.Page 1 of 1    
I've asked my friends and they all give me the same, generic response "just ask her dude! then knock it out!"
I'm hoping for a female perspective to put me on the right track...

So here is the background:
In high school I messed up my back pretty bad while working out. Recently my symptoms came back so I decided to take a trip to the doctor to see what he would say. As expected he gave me three weeks of therapy. The therapist himself is very knowledgeable and adept in the field I like knowing that he can take care of it, but it is his assistant that drives me to go back.
She is astoundingly beautiful! Her name is Christina. My first session was on her first day there so we talked about that, where we both went to college, and what plans we had in the future. I really think we hit it off because whenever I show up she somewhat "hovers" around to check on me. This puts me in an awkward spot, though. How would I find out if she is seeing anybody or not? If not, how would I go about asking her to dinner while carefully avoiding damaging her integrity in the workplace? Should I wait till the end of my sessions or ask sooner? Or would it be best to let this one go?

I don't want to let an opportunity like her slip by. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated! Thanks!

-Thomas
 SmilingRai
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 2
So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/27/2012 12:57:57 PM
Don't do it if you like seeing her!! Any flirting or interest shown can lead to her being assigned elsewhere and have her job jeopardized due to professionalism. :S I've had the unfortunate events of that once and was told that a patient can't date a staff member and said patient made it even weirder by pronouncing that they'd go find another doctor to help me keep my job, which got me a glare and a talking after the check-up. Admire from a far or bump into her after work, off work premises.
 luvspjs
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 3
So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/27/2012 1:56:15 PM
Ask her AFTER your Therapy is finished that way you wont be a patient there anymore. and if she says no you wont have to show up for more booked appointments.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 4
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So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/27/2012 2:01:16 PM

Ask her AFTER your Therapy is finished that way you wont be a patient there anymore. and if she says no you wont have to show up for more booked appointments.


Agreed. I worked with a woman once who, we just had this 'chemistry' between us like crazy... but I didn't want to start dating someone I had to work with almost daily (if it didn't work, how uncomfortable would that be?). She found another job, so on her last day I took her out to lunch... we got sandwiches and went to a little park down the street, chatted for a while, and wound up making out in the park. We dated for a while after that.

It could reflect negatively on her to be dating a current 'patient', I wouldn't go there, and its only a couple weeks anyways.
 Arata_na_Yoake
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 5
So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/27/2012 3:16:22 PM

How would I find out if she is seeing anybody or not? If not, how would I go about asking her to dinner while carefully avoiding damaging her integrity in the workplace? Should I wait till the end of my sessions or ask sooner? Or would it be best to let this one go?


First obvious giveaway would be to check her ring finger. After that, you can always think of a coy/subtle way of asking (I don't know enough about her to suggest something). I'd wait at the end because if she's seeing someone or isn't interested it may make your remaining sessions awkward.
 joescott1971
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 6
So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/27/2012 3:30:16 PM

Don't do it if you like seeing her!! Any flirting or interest shown can lead to her being assigned elsewhere and have her job jeopardized due to professionalism. :S I've had the unfortunate events of that once and was told that a patient can't date a staff member and said patient made it even weirder by pronouncing that they'd go find another doctor to help me keep my job, which got me a glare and a talking after the check-up. Admire from a far or bump into her after work, off work premises.


This is exactly it. Maybe you can ask afterwards, but they will have your patient info filed away, so you may always be consider "a patient". Best to walk away.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 7
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So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/27/2012 3:39:35 PM
Thomas, I'm of the opinion that you should most definitely ask her out.

She cannot ask you out even if she wanted to because it would be unprofessional of her to do so. Therefore, there is only one way, you have to ask her.

Now... make it _very_ casual. Don't load the invitation with emotion, expectations or any such thing.

If I were in your position, I'd go about it along these lines... I'd mention I like a nice cup of coffee at such and such place (pick a place nearby that she might know) ;-) but, I am concerned that the caffeine in coffee may have adverse effects on my back muscles and what does she think about that ? ... listen to what she says... after that... do you know the place I'm talking about ? ;-) yes or no doesn't matter... (if yes, you can always extoll the pastries or whatever else they serve) casually lead the conversation to "how about we go there for a cup sometime ?" Make it sound like you are not asking her out but, in effect, you are. If she said yes, proceed to find out when "sometime" is best/most convenient for her.

If she doesn't like coffee, you'll have to come up with something else.

The important thing is this, you make it completely casual, so that her answer is irrelevant. It doesn't matter if her answer is yes or no. No harm, no foul, no weirdness either way.
 me_dl
Joined: 1/12/2010
Msg: 8
So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/27/2012 5:32:21 PM
Ethically, she shouldn't get involved in patients--it is part of the APTA code of ethics. It is also likely in the practice act that she can't get involved with a patient or she will lose her license or even could be brought up on charges. I'm not sure what the rules are for PTAs but for PTs there is also a length of time post discharge where we are prevented from getting involved with patients.
 sexyangel169
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 9
So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/27/2012 5:37:02 PM
Don't try to see if she's into dating you until after everything is said and done.
This is her job and her means of money. Don't mess that up for her. She will hate you for it.
That being said...if she hates her current job, than maybe it would be an easy out for her to "quit". But make sure she has another job lined up.
 LegendaryTom
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 10
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So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/27/2012 9:04:09 PM
Thank you all for the input! I see it is about a 50/50 split between the 'do' and 'do-not' crowds. It seems that everybody agrees that I shouldn't do ANYTHING until after the sessions end. They should conclude next week so I guess I will see then. Hey, between now and then she may turn out to be a total b1tch! (doubtful haha)

After reading the advice I think I am going to go for it. In the mean time, I will definitely be striking up conversations here and there just to keep it friendly.

Thanks again! Yall were a real confidence booster.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 11
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So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/27/2012 9:28:24 PM
The part that you should pay attention to is the one that mentioned the ethics involved. Regardless of who does the asking, it would be very unethical for HER to date a patient, as well as it most likely being against company policy to fraternize with patients, which means she could lose her job AND possibly her license to practice.

What you could do is continue talking to her at your appointments and try to innocently steer the conversations around to her marital or relationship status, as well as determining if she really is interested in you or just being friendly to a patient. Then, on your last day, after the PT does your discharge, you could persue the dating possibility.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 12
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So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/27/2012 9:37:09 PM
How would I find out if she is seeing anybody or not?

"Christina, are you seeing anyone? Because if you're not, I'd love to ask you out when my sessions are over."
That's what separates the men from the nice guys.
 shaggy458
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 13
So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/28/2012 9:28:59 AM

She cannot ask you out even if she wanted to because it would be unprofessional of her to do so. Therefore, there is only one way, you have to ask her.


If it would be unprofessional for her to ask him out then it logically follows that it would be unprofessional for her to accept an invitation from him. Don't do it. Its a dead end. Move on.
 me_dl
Joined: 1/12/2010
Msg: 14
So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/28/2012 10:02:10 AM
Shaggy,
Yes, it would be completely unprofessional. We have ethical codes set by our professional organization that say don't get involved with patients.

I'm in PT. If I were be caught violating "sexual misconduct" laws in NJ, I could lose my license and/or be brought up on legal charges. There is also a time period past patient discharge (I forget if it is 6 mos or a year) where this still applies. I'm fairly sure these laws are similar in all states.

Someone would have to be really super exceptionally great for me to risk charges or loss in licensure!

No offense, but I get asked out by patients all the time because they don't know this. It tends to make the patient therapist relationship rather uncomfortable afterwards even when I try to pretend it hasn't happened, the patients can't seem to.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 15
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So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/28/2012 10:29:30 AM


If it would be unprofessional for her to ask him out then it logically follows that it would be unprofessional for her to accept an invitation from him.


No, it wouldn't.

She and the rest of the world is allowed to have a cup of coffee with anyone without any "stigma" associated with it. I'm friends with doctors for instance, obviously the friendship had to start somehow.

OP, what has escaped a few here, is that you are not really asking her on a date. Forget you like her, forget she is drop dead gorgeous, she just likes the same baseball team you like, you suggest coffee the same way you'd suggest it to a male friend of yours. Once you are having the cup of coffee then, you can setup a date.

Given how judgemental and holier than the pope part of society has become, I'd suggest you setup the date for _after_ your sessions are over.

Added:

Ultimately, the only thing that matters is, the way she evaluates the situation. You owe her a chance to evaluate it.
 LegendaryTom
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 16
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So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/28/2012 11:06:38 AM
justlookingvt seems to know whats up. Not that I don't agree with or see where the others are coming from, it just looks like they want me to ere on the side of caution. They do bring up a lot of valid points though mostly involving being unprofessional. As much as I appreciate their input, I think I am going to stick to my guns and with justlookingvt's advice.

Thanks again!

PS- I hope she likes the same baseball team. We are SEC champs 2012! Geaux Tigers!
 shaggy458
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 17
So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/28/2012 11:15:51 AM

No, it wouldn't.


Yes it would. Because the end result is the same.


justlookingvt seems to know whats up


No....you're just hearing what you want to hear. It has nothing to do with how anyone feels about anyone else or being judgmental or holier than thou. Medical professionals have standards of conduct to which adherence is strictly required. Refer to the posts by me dl and ShyGirlComplex. They are clearly speaking from experience, especially ShyGirl. There are plenty of available women out in the world, I suggest you put this one out of your mind. I know its not easy (been there done that) but its for the best.
 VB_Mermaid1974
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 18
So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/28/2012 12:18:52 PM
"Christina, are you seeing anyone? Because if you're not, I'd love to ask you out when my sessions are over."
That's what separates the men from the nice guys.


Landra2 is correct. It is to the point and not a bad idea either, especially seeing as how your PT is pretty much finished.
I work in the medical field, once you are NO LONGER her patient a date would be appropriate.
 me_dl
Joined: 1/12/2010
Msg: 19
So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/28/2012 8:08:13 PM
You encouraged me to do some research on my future profession....
http://physical-therapy.advanceweb.com/Features/Articles/Cupids-Arrows-or-Poison-Darts.aspx

I think you also need to be mindful that if you have a chronic condition, you may need PT services in the future. If you like this place and have gotten good care there, you may not be able to use the services again if you are in a relationship with PTA who works there.
 LegendaryTom
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 20
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So I'm REALLY in to my Physical Therapist's assistant.
Posted: 5/28/2012 11:40:51 PM
me_dl,
I read the article you posted. It seemed like it hints at, but never announces, that the problematic situations would arise from a Male PT(A) pursuing a Female patient. I say this because of it's detailed explanation of what they called the "Power Differential" and my interpretation of it. The authors explained that the PT(A) could use their 'power' as a person of authority in the medical field to exploit the patient into participating in sexual acts. I find it amusing that you could infer from this article that the PTA I like would try to 'exploit' me; that I might use this in a law suit or something.
Your article also never mentions any kind of relationship besides that of a sexual nature. If the APTA frowns upon meeting up for lunch, then it needs a serious overhaul. Assume I see one of my former professors at the local Starbucks. Would it be incredibly inappropriate to sit down and chat?

shaggy458
As much as I appreciate you being the devils advocate (a part played so well), I may bring up the fact that you said "been there, done that". I am truly sorry to read that your similar conquest didn't end the way you imagined. I can assume that it was her choice not to progress from doctor/patient to a friend/friend relationship. Yes, I said her choice. I am going to give this PTA a choice. What she does from there is up to her.

Yes, the world is filled with available women. But if I have to tip-toe around being politically correct and abide by some code of ethics, I may as well crawl in a hole and live life alone. Chances must be taken. With great risk comes great reward and I'm tired of not pursuing opportunities because somebody might get hurt.

Thanks everyone!
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