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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/7/2004 10:53:53 PM | I've been asking myself this question for a few years now and its really difficult to take a chance and get out there without knowing? This forum is great, im hoping to find out.
I guess I should be asking the woman I date but I've been told not to scare them away so I just haven't been dating as much, since my son means the world to me and I want the woman I date to know that? I'd like to know how and when to approach the subject, I do post it in my profile which I think is why I don't get the responses some times. Thoughts?
Women: How open are you?? 
Single Dads: Whats been your experience?
What would you say the percentage of single parents is on these sites? | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/7/2004 10:58:22 PM | | haha.. I used to love taking my kids with me when I went out. They look better than I do... I used to get more women to talk to me at restaraunts and at the mall or what ever when my boys were with me...lol. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/7/2004 11:11:57 PM | I'd think that most women if not all, wouldn't have a problem dating a man with children as women usually have parental instints far better than most men. If I were you though I'd be careful on who you bring home to meet your children as you don't want to confuse them. Perhaps and this is only a suggestion, but meet the lady a few times, be open and honest with her about your having the children at home with you or as you say it's in your profile, but you get to know her well before getting your children involved.
20 years ago, I married a woman with two children and raised them as though they were my own children, so I guess if it can happen for women, it can happen for men too, just be patient. I'm sure the right woman will enter your life and be happy with your kids. There is just one very important thing that you as a man and a parent has to know. Depending on how old your children are, they probably won't accept this new woman into their lives too easily. You don't say what happened to your wife, the woman I assume who brought these kids into this world, but if she is still alive, tread lightly with any new women you bring into your kids lives as their hearts are tender and that's the last thing I'd assume any parent would want to do, is break their kids hearts.
Good luck,
M | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/7/2004 11:39:14 PM | | was engaged to a man with kids. NEVER AGAIN!!! his ex wife made our lives HELL, and because the kids were involved she had so stay in the picture. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 12:09:07 AM | ive heard that crossfade, not my experience then again im usually running after the little monkey so fast i don't notice.
thanks for the advice mystical, no woman has actually ever met my son, and hes only 4 and loves pretty much anyone who he meets. I was going to ask that too, hes getting older its going to get harder isnt it? I totally admire anyone, including my stepfather for his role in my life im sure yours do too.
femme, yes ex's can be difficult, i got it pretty good but theres always some issues, sorry about your experience, and thanks for the input kinda where I thought it would be, not personally just in general. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 12:09:33 AM | Thanks for the thread.....
I have two kids, and am custodial. My life is great, with exception to dating. I have the list of girls that I've known for years, and are they are just waiting for me to say..O.k..I'll be your boyfriend..but if they were anything close to what I wanted, I'd allready have done that. The few new girls that come along, have a hard time with my priorities, which go exactly in this order
Work,
Kids,
Chores
Everything else.
I dont know about you, but between working, getting kids to school, out of school, laundry, Homework, Football, Cheerleading, Kiddie Dates, cleaning up ( and Im a f'n freak about cleanlines, and my kids are not) I dont have much left to give someone else. And that is exactly the reason I had to shelve the last girl, She wanted more attention than I could give. ( or was it that I was shelved?). Then in my self analysis, I wonder if my priorities are in line with my desires? I leave it all to fate, good friends that throw good wine parties, single chat forums and my ever so diminishing personality to find someone that can cope with the hardships of dating a single father. | |
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| mysticalman- you stand corrected..
Posted: 11/8/2004 12:22:28 AM | i just came out of a relationship that could have been wonderful if it were not for his kid. this erroneous idea that all women want kids even if they're not they're own is preposterous. we all have our baggage, who wants an extra heaping? maybe some women ARE okay with it. i for one am not and it's time more women stand up for what they believe. but more importantly, if a man's first love and duty is to his child, he should be completely up front about it in ALL dating experiences, no matter how minor.
my last one was disastrous in that i never wanted to get involved with anyone with kids - i'll bear my own with a life partner thank you - and yet this man relentlessly pursued me and assured me that his involvement with his was only out of civic duty and family pressure by his parents. he had been tricked into giving a child to a girlfriend when she conveniently took herself off the pill and neglected to inform him, thinking it would cause him to fall on bended knee and marry her. she had also been fooling around with his younger brother and who knows else. she refused to take care of the situation when this man told her to abort and stuck his name on the birth certificate. this all happened in england where things are much different and they don't require any evidence. a woman's say on a certificate is good enough - BAD POLICY NO MATTER THE COUNTRY.
but over time he told me that he didn't want to fulfill his obligations to this child, then he did, then he didn't. it was an emotional roller coaster ride. i say if a person (no matter whether a woman or man) in a potential relationship does not want to involve themselves with someone else who possesses children, they should be up front as i did and more importantly, THE PERSON WITH CHILDREN SHOULD ALWAYS BE UP FRONT AND HONEST about themselves at all times. it spares both people a lot of time, energy, money and emotion that could have been just wasted in the end.
good luck to you lookmore... you seem sincere, just be honest and you won't go wrong | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 12:30:14 AM | yep bout sums it up doesn't it Time, Priorities. I've doubled my salary in the 4 years I've been a father working my *ss off but I think my priorities are changing.
I envy you, I'm not custodial but I love the time I do spend with him and am moving closer to so we can have more time together. I've also got a little more time now with career well in hand and I'm starting to see whats missing.
The hardships...we gotta package it better than that, how about great kids, no stretch marks! | |
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| mysticalman- you stand corrected..
Posted: 11/8/2004 12:51:05 AM | wow, that is wrong both in his waivering and dishonesty with you. I would hope you would prefer that he does want to be involved in his childrens lives even if it doesnt work for you as theres Plenty O Fish in the sea that will spawn with you im sure keep on  | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 1:31:10 AM | Lookmore,this is one of those really hard things.
I have always been of the view that it's much easier to tell these things out from the very beginning, it clears a lot such that if someone is willing to look beyond that then that is good news. If you fear that telling her right away will push her off, then it better be that at an early stage than when you start to really relate and develop feelings then that fact comes out to shatter everything. Kids are a big issue because if someone really wants you, and she is making up her mind about you, all this stuff should have been revealed to her earlier so that she can make a decision about you. Nothing as bad as her friend or colleague telling her b4 u do, coz her first question will be "how long were you gonna wait..." and she will withdraw her trust in you by a few points. I think ladies are a bit more open dating men with kids, a couple of them wouldn't really be detered by this although she will think twice b4 she really gets into long term committment especially if she doesn't have kids. It all depends. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 1:42:39 AM | i totally agree, that advice actually came from my boss who also said to me to fake it till ya make it! I totally disagree.
I'm not saying I don't tell people I have a kid, just that I don't approach the subject of dating with someone I'm interested in as often as I'd like now that I'm a father. Just looking for opinion to maybe change my outlook on what women think of guys with kids and get out there more while still being true to myself and the women I date, which I am. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 2:03:23 AM | | Lookmore, i couldn't add anything to what mysticalman said, should the kids not like the woman, which is usually the trend then they can make your life a living hell. Should they like her and the feeling is mutual too, then things could atleast start off well, you have to introduce her and then she has to relate and try to bond with them, and that takes a while and is sometimes frustrating. It's not good to just dump anyone on kids and as a parent you might have to make sacrifices, should your kid not like her and that persists, you might just have to back off otherwise your kid will give you so much headache, you head will grow snakes for hair. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 2:10:32 AM | Lookmore sorry if i seem to have a lot to say, it's your house ,tell me when you don't want me to enter it anymore anyway what i was saying is that your kid is at a critical stage, kids that age usually take to most people they see as long as they are friendly and kids do remember all this stuff contrary to conventional belief, i still remember a lot of things that happened when i was four. What am trying to say is that should you bring in someone that will not be compatible with your son, then it will affect his character, usually such kids either withdraw or may become very troublesome. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 2:44:22 AM | always like having company over... as I have said, I haven't introduced anyone I have dated to my son yet mostly because I haven't dated anyone long enough to bring them into his life.
I know personally I can relate to what mystic__ had said about children getting older and being less open and it being more difficult, I've shyed away from dating a women with a 13 year old. I don't think thats quite an issue with my son yet and hopefully I will find someone before it becomes one. So far though it doesn't look promising considering the ladies popular vote so far, could really use some more female input. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 5:22:57 AM | | i dont have a problem with it so long as the ex stays out of the relationship between him and me and doesnt accuse me of trying to steal her children | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 5:51:55 AM | I dated a man with a little girl. It would have been very serious on my part, but his actions made it clear to me that I was never going to be even a close second to his daughter.
On more than one occasion he stood me up (not even a calll until afterward) because something of little consequence came up with his daughter. (One of those times he had decided that washing her bed spread right away was too important to put off in order to keep a date with me).
Now, when a man says that his dependant children are everything to him... I understand that he is saying that he doesn't really want a relationship with anyone else. I don't even try to be involved in that. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 5:56:24 AM | I dated a guy with a son when I was about 17-18. loved the guy loved the kid and knew that his son had priority, if we couldnt do something because his son was sick then we didnt go out, it wasnt a big deal. I didnt have any kids at the time but had not trouble dating this man. His ex gf on the other hand could have driven over a cliff and I would have left her there. She was extremely jealous that he was dating someone, even tho she was too. She actualy slapped this man in the face when he was feeding his son a corndog. GGRRR. I'd seen some of the stuff she had done personaly so I know she was violent, its sad that people to this day still use thier kids as barganing tools and such.
Even with that experience if I had had the chance to go out with a man I liked with kids I would have done it, no qualms here, but the opportunity never presented itself.
It is the same as when a woman has a child/children. It can be a personal preference, but be honest up front, PLEASE, do you really want to go out with someone, get to really like her and then have her dump you because you already have kids?
Im sure when I was dating I had alot of guys not ask me out just because they knew I had a daughter, for whatever reason they chose Im glad they didnt. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 10:05:22 AM | | I don't want kids of my own but I would consider dating a guy with kids. I'm ok too with them taking number 1 spot with him. A concern I have though is if it were to get serious then parenting style could be an issue. Some parents I see out there let there kids walk all over them. I don't let anyone use me as a doormat and this includes kids. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 10:37:07 AM | Hi again,
Take it from someone who knows, getting involved with a man or woman who has children at the very least is hard to do. The parent will for the most part see what the child wants him or her to see and that makes the person who has entered your life feel left out of the things that are most important to a family, such as decsion making, chores, even though your boy is young yet, he will by the grace of God, get older and when he does he may be jealous of any woman you bring into his life as she is replacing his mother and a lot of kids really despise the new woman on the block.
Then as one person put it, it's not so much the child issue as it is the ex's issue. If the man is strong and puts his foot down and tells the ex, hey, leave my new love out of any discussions that we have then that's a good man, but if the man or woman for that matter doesn't do that, one partner is going to suffer more than they should. There's an old expressison, you can't have your cake and eat it too, but that's not entirely true. You can have both, just be careful with how you handle such situations as the new woman in your life certainly has feelings and you don't want to hurt someone because of your ex and what she may say regarding the new woman in your life. Some ex's are ok, some not, so as the man of the family so to speak, you have to watch both your son and the lady who shares your life, and see that they both get their needs fulfilled. Really, it's one heck of a juggling act, but it can be done, if you work at it.
Good luck,
M | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 2:23:36 PM | As a rule i don't like dating men with kids. I moved in with my ex and we had his son every second weekend. There was major parenting issues. My ex spent more time trying to be his son's buddy instead of his dad. There was minimal parenting discussion between him and his ex. It was horrible. The poor kid had one set of rules at his/my house...and then a completely different set at his mom's house. Talk about messed up. It was really hard for me as a parent to watch this...not to mention that my job is to go to families homes and help them learn how to interact better with their children and help them deal with issues such as discipline, feeding, boundary setting, punishment etc etc etc. When i would try to talk to my ex about it, he would throw a bigger tantrum than his son and hide in the spare bedroom for hours. It was horrible.
So now i try to stick to the no kids rule if i can....i am not completely closed off to the idea but it would not be my first choice unless we had some very serious discussions about parenting issues right off the bat. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/8/2004 10:04:29 PM | | I parent pretty well I think, I try to make our time together fun but also have my expectations and try to teach him what I can. I do discuss the parental responsibilities and and both of us are very proud parents, sharing in his accomplishments and the funny little things that happen. However I must admit,my first real injury last month scared the hell out of me when I saw him fall and get a bloody nose at the playground, so glad there were more level headed full-time parents there to calm me down...he was fine. lol | |
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Vanni
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Joined: 9/6/2004
Msg: 22 | |
| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/9/2004 1:07:13 PM | | I would of love datting someone with kids .. me having kids of my own not with me right now but still... I dont find theres notting wrong with it.. I just think to take it slow , to not pressure yur partner into it ... Like meeting the kids on the first day ... thats a NO for me. But it is truely hard to come in as a person with someone with kids coz u dont know if they will accept u and u cant start playing the mom or dad or that will just turn on ya . It does get complicated but i think with time and patience it always turns out pretty good :) | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/9/2004 3:51:02 PM | Well speaking for the single parents [MoM] I know it is a struggle to date [have a social life]when you have kids but it must be done.....Unless we are all up for sitting around in the house, taking our kids where they need to go, basicly living only to serve the kids....Until they are old enough to go off to College, then have a life.... Well yeah right...
So now to the point of dating a man with children, [as long as we arent talking brady bunch here] I am all for it.....I do not see one bit of a problem with dating a man who has kids...>>....Yah ok there is always the EX to contend with, but [in my case none] if there is a civil relationship then I do not see the issue....HE/SHE wouldnt be an EX if there were still a loving relationship....SO that should never be a concern for a new partner....
I think people should be open and honest FROM the start, dont try to hide it, or who you are...I would never ever deny that I have two kids....[my teenager, well do I have too? hah ah ahah]
I think just being careful because ofthe kids, not getting them emotional scarred is the whole issue.....I am not one to talk on that part of it....
I say Date a man who has kids, because they are the ones who are more caring, honest, and loving in their dealing with women, and the world.... | |
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w8in4u
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Joined: 10/11/2004
Msg: 24 | |
| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/9/2004 7:39:07 PM | As a mom who doesn't have her kids close, I say - they should be your priority.
If you come across a woman that truly LOVES you, then she will want to have you experience love, joy and hapiness. Being a dad can be the most amazing feeling you will ever feel.
I consider it an honor when a man I date introduces me to his children. Just think, he's including me in the most important part of his life.
As far as the ex is concerned. She probably has her reason, as long as I try to look at things from her point of view - all's well, if she's just being difficult - look past it - as long as the child doesn't suffer from it.
Being a dad is an added bonus.
Good luck. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/9/2004 9:37:42 PM | Thanks girls, it was beginning to look pretty dim from previous posts. Being a dad is pretty cool just dropped my boy off from a night of ice skating and a hot chocolate at tim hortons (ok im canadian, eh).
I think I may have been mis-understood earlier, as I don't hide my fatherhood. In fact, I wear a great big sign on my forward that says "I got the best kid in the world" but just haven't been dating much since becoming a father with my pre-conceived notion that women won't want to get involved with me. Always honest, always upfront about what im looking for just don't take the chances I use to. | |
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