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| | he said he has bi polar and no friendsPage 1 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | | i met a guy who seemed really nice, funny and intelligent but then he mentioned he had bi polar and had no friends. He said all the people he thought were friends had used him for money etc. im not usually a judgmental person but im wondering if i should be worried about this. What do you think? is it fair to judge him as damaged goods and not date him again even though we had an awesome time laughing a lot? | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/30/2012 11:23:14 PM | | If you liked him date him. How many awesome first dates do you have. If like most of us not many. Sometimes people do start over with friends or career. People change, things happen. I would feel more comfortable if he took responsibility and said I let people use me for money but I have grown and need new friends. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/30/2012 11:29:48 PM | I would give him another go. Sometimes people say things like that but don't really mean them. I've told people before "Have you met me? I have no social life and one friend that likes to eat nachos that her mom made her while playing nintendo in the basement." Of course this isn't true, but sometimes joking on yourself helps to lighten the mood.
Obviously you really liked him, and yes it's something that you should be aware of if he was being serious, but don't just drop contact because of that. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/30/2012 11:37:13 PM | Anyone who knows anything about bipolar disorder till tell you to stay away from this guy. I dated a bipolar girl, despite advice from a knowledgeable friend who said not to. You've been warned.
The lack of friends is also a big red flag, or it should be. If he's joking about it and really has friends, good. If he doesn't, think about what would make someone have 0 friends. If someone can't even find anyone to be their friend, there is probably a good reason for that. That's actually something I look for when I meet a woman. If someone doesn't have any old friends, it's probably because they screw everyone over. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/30/2012 11:51:08 PM |
i met a guy who seemed really nice, funny and intelligent but then he mentioned he had bi polar and had no friends. He said all the people he thought were friends had used him for money etc. im not usually a judgmental person but im wondering if i should be worried about this. What do you think? is it fair to judge him as damaged goods and not date him again even though we had an awesome time laughing a lot?
So, he is nice , funny , intelligent, and honest and upfront . Yet you see him as "damaged Goods" .
He should dump you! | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 12:13:11 AM | ~OP~ That's a tough one. I was already knee-deep in dating someone when I finally asked him if he had some sort of "issue." The more time I spent with him allowed me to notice that he was either brooding or euphoric. Up and down. And he was a "rapid cycler" so the mood swings were not days or weeks apart, he could change within moments. It was very difficult to deal with for me. Walking on eggshells isn't a whole lot of fun, but that was what I felt I had to do in order to keep things reasonably "even" with him. After about 5 months, I simply couldn't do it any more. Sad thing was? When he took his meds, he was an entirely different guy. "Stable" moods. (I don't think it's fair to deem anyone "damaged goods" ~ everyone walking on this planet has at least one or two personal "issues." As stated above: nice, funny, intelligent and honest. Maybe a little more time to understand his disorder and how it affects him is the best thing to do, but only you can determine that.)  | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 12:32:45 AM | My Ex is bipolar....Most friends grow weary of the friend who has more emotional twist and turns than a roller coaster...
I'll even go as faras,sounding sexists..It is definitely not a good look on a grown man when the episodes hit.... | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 1:37:06 AM | I would give him another go. Sometimes people say things like that but don't really mean them. I've told people before "Have you met me? I have no social life and one friend that likes to eat nachos that her mom made her while playing nintendo in the basement." Of course this isn't true, but sometimes joking on yourself helps to lighten the mood.
Obviously you really liked him, and yes it's something that you should be aware of if he was being serious, but don't just drop contact because of that.
I agree with this young lady.
Though I will add that you should also consider, if you see him again and continue to do so but the fun wears off and you hang in there, whether you are still doing so becasue you want to or becasue you feel obligated to given your questioning about it now.
........
I voted to 'not delete this thread' as I believe we have the right to freedom of expression. It was claimed that you post was 'redundant' - I don't see how? You are seeking advice, like so mamy of us do. That you are the only one that can decide does not make your post redundant as you might be wanting to weigh up your thought with those of others in order to make that decision. You are not asking people to make the decision for you (as maybe the accusation suggests), you are looking for ideas, advice, wisdom.
Good luck. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 2:41:38 AM | First of all, "bipolar" isn't something you "have," it's something that you are, or are not.
It's a very serious diagnosis to have some one make, so I would first find out if he is joking or not. It can be extremely difficult to deal with a true bipolar person, as I can testify from trying and failing to make a twenty year marriage work.
The bipolar label is, to begin with, another of the many we have, which is not based on anything one can see under a microscope, or on a brain scan. It's a deduced conclusion, based on a persons behavioral characteristics. It's common to apply that label to someone, who could just as well be labeled as suffering from "borderline personality disorder," or a few other designations. Each has specific problems associated with it.
If he is the kind of "bipolar" that my wife is, he will be a blast to be with some days, and a paranoid focus of fury against you the next. He will blame everyone around him for being defective, as his primary method of dealing with his disappointments and frustrations. My wife actually has lots of friends, perhaps because with friends (not mates) a bipolar person can "segregate" their behaviors, and only hang around with the friend when they are in Up mode, and avoid them when they are in Down mode.
In any case, again, I would start by verifying if he's had a formal diagnosis, or if this is a way for him to establish that he refuses to be responsible for his behaviors. If he has been so professionally diagnosed, then you'd best do a bunch of study of the diagnosis, to find out what you are getting yourself into.
Lastly, with all such labels and diagnosis, there is always a wide spectrum of actual degrees of applicability. As with all psychological disorders, one member of the group could be almost normal, while another is dangerous to themselves and others, and everything in between.
Learn, learn, learn. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 4:39:23 AM | | thankyou elgor that is the sort of information i was after. is there a violent side to bi polar? coz i can handle mood swings but not violence of any sort. i am not perfect and do not expect perfection. I realize everyone is fighting there own kind of battle and try to be nice to all people but i dont want to put myself in a dangerous position thats all. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 5:01:54 AM | I'm not an expert, just an observer who read a lot.
Violence is an expression of something. Being bipolar is a condition. Thus violence isn't directly connected either way: you can't count on him NOT to express himself that way, nor can you expect him to.
My hopefully-soon-to-be-officially-ex-wife did occasionally hit me, but she wasn't violence prone. Some bipolar people are very much so, however.
The single worst part of my wifes' condition: she NEVER recovered from a bout of negativism about me, and apologized or took back anything she had said or done. That may be an essential part of distinguishing between true bipolar, and mere "mood swings."
I have "mood swings," most people do. Bipolar is much different. It used to be called "multiple personality disorder, " and those people sometimes literally didn't know each other existed.
But I would caution you too, that as with all psychological designations, Bipolar can be applied because it's a "fad." For sure, anyone who gets such a designation is royally screwed up, but since (as I mentioned before) there is no certain biological test that can confirm it, all you can really go by in deciding how involved you want to be with the person, is how they deal with you and with life.
The most important reason why I will never take on an officially bipolar person again, is that the most common trait they have is, that they take NO personal responsibility for their actions. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 5:05:53 AM | | Igor,everytime i come on these forums i always see your posts on everything!!! not critisising tho,you always nmake a lot of sense,even helped me out too:) | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 5:34:59 AM | I think it makes a difference what kind of bipolar he has too, how severe it is, and if he is being treated for it.
My best friend (since I was 14!) has bipolar, but his was the kind thats mostly characterized by depressive episodes (which would make him suicidal). When he was manic, he would just be the life of the party. He's had decent long term relationships (including now), and while they were pretty rocky at times, maybe no more than anyone else,s have been. He is also a lovely person and wonderful friend. He is NEVER violent.
He's just started taking mood stabilisers, and has been a lot more evenly-keeled since then.
So I guess, its probably not something thats going to make a relationship easier, but at the same time, its not necessarily dooming it either. Everyone you meet is going to have problems, and I guess you have to give it a go before you know whether they are insurmountable or not. For now, as long as you were having fun, I would say to go for it. No point anticipating problems before they occur, yeah? | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 5:35:36 AM | | seemsmynameistaken ... I dated and married a woman that had bi-polar. I can tell you honestly that being on the correct medicine does make a difference on a person's behavior. My personal experience is that if I had to go back and redo it again (except for my son being born as a result of the marriage) ... I would not want to relive the time that I spent with her. At times, it was a nightmare and a living torment. There were multiple suicide attempts and erratic and irrational behavior. Things like wanting to shave her head with a razor blade, walking barefoot and coat-less during a snow storm, and walking the roads late at night. Also, the mood swings can be overbearing. It was really emotional and mentally draining to watch someone that you care about suffering and knowing that you can't do anything about it and then having the way that you are being treated adding to the mental and emotional anguish. That being said, with the proper medicine and the willingness of the individual to actually take the medicine properly, bi-polar can be treated and the person can live a more normal life. In fact, my ex-wife's therapist or psychiatrist (I can't remember which) had bi-polar and she was married with children and having a successful career. I would never suggest that you not give someone a chance, who knows, maybe he is one that can function well with the proper medicine and other things that a person can do to better their lives. If you choose that path, do proceed with caution and take things slowly and see how the person behaves in time as time will give you a better indication of the person and their capabilities. As for the friends comment, I personally don't think too much attention should be placed into a simple statement. It could simply be the person's interpretation of friendship. Perhaps the person may have a deeper meaning of friendship and have acquaintances instead of friends. There are some that feel that friends have a deep, connected bond that is lacking from associate or acquaintance relationships. Good luck with your decision. If you have any questions or anything, feel free to Email me privately and I will give you my honest experience dating and being married to a person that had bi-polar that could not be medically treated. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 5:50:26 AM | Igor, I usually agree with you (and am pretty much in awe of your assessments), but on this, I can't:
Bipolar is much different. It used to be called "multiple personality disorder, " and those people sometimes literally didn't know each other existed.
Vide:
Sometimes people confuse three mental disorders, only one of which could be referred to as “common” within the population — bipolar disorder (also known as manic-depression), schizophrenia, and multiple personality disorder (also known by its clinical name, dissociative identity disorder). This confusion has largely resulted from the common use of some of these names in popular media, and as short-hand by people referring to someone who is grappling with a mental health issue. The disorders, however, have little in common other than the fact that many who have them are still stigmatized by society.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-differences-between-bipolar-disorder-schizophrenia-and-multiple-personality-disorder/all/1/ | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 5:50:43 AM | | My ex is also bi polar. All of the people on here that are telling you to give him a chance probably have never delt with a bi polar person before. My ex also had no friends. He was prone to violent outbursts and he would turn on anybody for the silliest things. Just like another poster said its like walking on egg shells. I will never date another person with that condition ever again. They were the worst years of my life. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 5:55:29 AM | | I should add that my ex refused any type of treatment so I dont know how a medicated bi polar person is but after everything he put me through I wouldn't even give a medicated Guy a chance. Not worth the "torture" I could possibly go through if he were to miss a dose. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 6:52:09 AM |
i met a guy who seemed really nice, funny and intelligent but then he mentioned he had bi polar and had no friends. He said all the people he thought were friends had used him for money etc. im not usually a judgmental person but im wondering if i should be worried about this. What do you think? is it fair to judge him as damaged goods and not date him again even though we had an awesome time laughing a lot?
If you had so much fun I would continue seeing him as a friend. I know that overall bipolar illness manifests differently in different people. I know that a person having bipolar is not the end of the world, it can be lived with; however, I had the worst of the worst experiences being married to a man with bipolar. He also was very intelligent. I am widowed but I do feel our marraige would have been destined to divorce by now, mainly because I would have had enough of his shenanigans, and unstability. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 7:08:05 AM | | I should also say that my late husband, was fanatically religious. I foolishly mistakenly took it for love of God, which was important to me. He would take it to extremes and stop taking his medication. He just never seemed to learn that he needed it to be stable. It wasn't until I walked in on him and over heard a conversation he was having with a fellow patient while in the hospital(one of the many many yearly hospital stays he had). He said he loved the high feeling he gets when he is off the meds......he also abused street drugs. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 7:29:26 AM |
is it fair to judge him as damaged goods
No.
if i should be worried about this. What do you think?
Depends on a lot of things.
Depends on how severe his bi polar issue is.
For one thing if you have lots of friends, and he has none, it's going to get in the way of learning to communicate effectively.
You have two highly different perspectives on relationships based on experience, so you will approach it differently.
we had an awesome time laughing a lot?
More than likely all you would do is keep him around for entertainment purposes and stick him in a friend slot, maybe paying him with pseudo dating for a while to keep him around until he knows his place.
And more than likely he would want more and more of your attention to make up for his lack of other social contact.
Potentially showering you with lots of bs to make you feel good to keep you entertained and sticking around.
Although that would depend on the type of guy he is and why he doesn't have any friends. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 8:04:26 AM | | you're already worried OP. He brought up the issue to you, the ball is in YOUR court. What do YOU think? if you see yourself getting along well with him, continue seeing the guy, if not go your separate ways. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 8:55:05 AM | I agree with DearSavannah.
I tell people sometimes I'm crazy and that I don't have any friends too! Mostly as a joke though, but there are some truths to it.... lol
The crazy part is purely subjective and the friends part?
I went through a very rough patch in my life where I got really sick.... The people I thought were my friends, vanished, so it made me re evaluate lots in my life.... One of it is that it made me realize who I would like to stay close with, and who I rather burn bridges with. My very big extended family, who stuck by me through thick and thin, is all I need. We're all very close and very often hang out together as very good friends do... But they're not my friends; they're my family.
Do I have any friends left? Yes, in reality, I do, and the few I do, I can count on one hand, however with time, it has wedged huge distances between us. Ie. I haven't seen my BFF in 8 months, and I won't see him for another two years. Why? He's in Africa right now, serving the peace Corp.
So a lot of times? I simply just tell people I have no friends. :)
If you're having a great time with him... Give it a go... Bi polar people, when they really REALLY like you in the beginning, will give you their world anyways, so at least you can get a few months of bliss.. Maybe it'll be worth it. :smile: | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:19:04 AM | | I think you should go out with him again, just don't jump into a relationship quickly, see more of what he's like first. He could be totally fine, it sounds like you just don't know him that well yet. | |
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| he said he has bi polar and no friends
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:39:26 AM | | I would have more of a concern with the fact that this man told you he was bipolar. If it has been professionally diagnosed then you do have a lot of learning to do! It is a chemical imbalance in the brain characterized by mood swings. It requires treatment with medications. Often the medications have unpleasant side affects that result in non-compliance. Non compliance results in instability. Often people that suffer from mental illness also self medicate with alcohol or illegal drugs to ease the emotional pain. Poly substance abuse is very common among the mentally ill population. Sometimes a person can be very diligent about taking his or her medications and still have an exacerbation and require a change of medications or even hospitalizations. The mood swings can consist of mania which can result in sexual inappropriateness, delusions of grandeur, not sleeping for days and racing thoughts to name a few. Depression is on the other spectrum and can be severe with the individual not getting out of bed, not eating, social isolation, poor hygiene habits and suicidal thoughts. Dealing with bipolar is a supreme challenge. The person that is bipolar can be irrational, out of touch with reality and aggressive.Do your own research and then make the decesion if that is something that you think you can handle in your life. | |
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