| | single pregnant motherPage 1 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | I need to ask am i undateable??
I was with my ex for 6 years, we had everthing shared, house pets, money etc: We decided to have a child who is now 3. We then chose together to have another back in december. Anyway, i fell pregnant, we i thought were both excited, i got to 8 weeks pregnant and all of a sudden to my knowledge he ran. He said he couldnt deal with it etc, etc:
i am obviously going ahead with the pregnancy because its what i/we wanted.
What the hell do i do now? i mean i know im a good mother and able to bring my children up alone, but the companionship side of it? Am i undateable because im pregnant????? | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 5/30/2012 11:50:22 PM | | I personally see nothing wrong with dating someone that is pregnant. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 5/30/2012 11:52:29 PM | " because it's what i/we wanted." Hmmmmmm from you own statement...its not we..it's a U....
and furthermore, a child NEEDS both parents...a kid needs a mom and dad...they really do!
what do u do?? take care of your kids....you have decided to be a parent so be a parent....be the best parent you can be.
most men dont want to raise a child that is not theirs or deal with the drama that comes with it..so be ready for that..
Yes some men will date you cuss your prego...good luck with that...
I would say, set aside your needs and wants and focus on the little ones...they do come first. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 5/31/2012 2:47:40 AM | | Are you really -that- anxious to get back into the dating game? At least wait until the kid is born. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 5/31/2012 3:39:24 AM | What you do, is step back from dating for a while.
You have massive changes ahead of you. A period of adjusting to a new child, being a single parent, and having a toddler too. Sometimes as parents, our own wants and wishes, go on the back burner. Just from a financial stand point, you have some serious expenses coming your way in the next few months and dating simply isn't high on the priority list.
Hormone changes will affect your judgement and emotional stability. This in turn will affect your ability to make wise dating choices. You will feel vulnerable at times and as a result of that, might latch onto the wrong person, who normally, you would instantly recognize as a poor choice.
I understand that you need a night out just as much as the rest of us but for now, you would be wiser to surround yourself with people you know have your best interests at heart. Make those evenings off times with friends and family who will be supportive of you during this transitional time. People where you don't need to be concerned about any ulterior motive. And figure out how you are going to make this situation work as a sole parent.
I sincerely wish you luck. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 5/31/2012 4:58:44 AM | I'd have to wonder if you just didn’t bother to think this through, or whether you weren't self-indulgent to the point of gross negligence especially in light of your current situation. With one in the oven and a recently departed ex, you obviously have lots of significant unfinished business. Did you ever stop to think about the longer-term consequences of your behavior, or do you merely see everything around you in terms of whatever you wanted next?... I find it very hard to believe, in the face of normal motherly instincts and a woman saying her daughter is "her world", that anyone could be that nonchalant. So it must be that you just didn’t think more carefully about this. Do you REALLY think this is an appropriate time to be inviting strange men into your life? On the flip side, what kinds of strange men do you think would not hesitate to overlook everything that's unbefitting to date someone in your circumstance?
However. You certainly aren't undateable because you're pregnant. As a matter of fact, there are a whole bunch of guys out there who would *love* to date you just for the chance to bang a pregnant woman and some of them actually troll here for it. You could easily become some guy's fetish and sexual novelty, with hints of a possibly dangerous unknown (is daddy completely MIA or not??) lingering just in the background. Exciting stuff, it would be like the sexual equivalent of bungee jumping. Let's see now, would all that pounding strike the top of the baby’s head harder, or just yours on the headboard hon?? I certainly wouldn't feel so sorry for you because you'd both be consenting adults and you'd be getting something out of it you both wanted, but I’d sure as heck pity your helpless children. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 5/31/2012 5:12:58 AM | I have seen many many women who are pregnant who date. I even knew a man who
would seek out pregnant women ! I asked him why? do you have a fetish? He said:
" no fetish.... it's because I can't knock them up"
If you do not have the time and money you need to manage your life with a new baby coming,. the doctors
appointments, the things you will need, etc... do not date because this is not a time to become dependent on a man who you really do not know, who may leave you as soon as your deliver.
What you do now is deliver a baby, start court process to aquire child support, get your life straightened out and see if you have the time and desire to date.
You will have companionship in the form of 2 kids. That is garenteeed. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 5/31/2012 6:06:20 AM | | You will find men who will date a pregnant woman they are few and far between. If you do he is a keeper. But right now I think your main priority should be to be a mom to your babies and stop worrying about your social life. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 5/31/2012 7:12:17 AM | If you are still in your first trimester (or even second) you can get an abortion.
That would be your best option at this point. You already have one so that is enough. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:21:24 AM | Your dating options are likely to be determined by your physical appeal to men ( i.e. are you pretty to most men) and your relative age ( younger women usually have more options than older women, I said usually, that's not true in every case, but I would say it's true in most cases) With kids, the other factor is how well can you take care of your children on your own financially. This is more of a long term question than a short term question. If you need help to take care of those kids financially, your dating options will probably decrease.
Right now, what will be held against you by society in general and many men, is their perception of your judgment ( I mean that with no offense to you, just trying to be honest here) A lot of people will see getting pregnant again by someone who didn't work out with you before and they ran out on you as a sign of your bad judgment.
The older a woman gets, the harder it generally gets for her to date. So my advice to you is to use your youth while you have it. Work on forming a career for yourself, because men come and go in people's dating lives, but at least you know you can support your two kids that way. A career with options. This is a benefit of youth. The mind is still young and fresh to learn and apply skills. Going back to school is easier than if you get older.
Also focus on dating on what's important for the long term stability of your children. This is something I don't think a lot of women want to hear. But I think you'd be better off picking a guy who is kind to you, won't beat you, is willing to accept raising your two kids to help you with that, and is very financially stable. Usually guys like this are a little older ( maybe early 30s in your country to have built a working career) and many just aren't very good looking to be honest. There are plenty of guys who will accept your situation, the reason they will is if you are prettier than any girl they could have gotten otherwise. These are guys who know if you had no kids and were completely single, they'd have no shot with you. The reason they are still available themselves is most of the time, they just aren't very good looking.
I wouldn't start trying to date while pregnant, because I think that opens up a ton of issues with guys who seek out situations like that, which probably won't help you. But I think after you have the child, a little bit of time to sort things out, I think you have to make the most of your youth. The longer you wait, the longer you hold out for a certain kind of guy ( as most guys your age then , around 24-25, won't want to date a single mom with two kids, most will want to go out and be young and fun in their 20s) , the worse your options get over time. You will have more options at 25 than you will at 30. You will have more options at 30 than you do at 35. This is just how society works, our society is very punishing to women about their age.
My opinion, just mine, is you are young and pretty enough now to get a not so good looking guy with a really really good job. If that offends you, there are single moms out there who aren't pretty and not young and their options are much less than yours probably. But I'm not sure you are pretty enough to have a kid, be pregnant now, and not have a full time established career to land a great looking guy with money that all the other girls want to date. A guy like that has lots of options, he's likely not to going to pick a single mom over a single childless girl if he has a choice. ( There are reasons single moms are single, many of them, and stay single, unfortunately)
I don't think you are undateable while pregnant, but think about the kind of guys that it would draw. Guys with savior complexes or fetish type guys or guys who have just no other options, not a great recipe for your emotional health. Probably better to focus on taking care of yourself and your child.
But once you have the kid, realize the clock is ticking. Your youth won't last forever. Your best chance at best options won't last forever. Something to think about. Good luck. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:30:17 AM | | i decided to leave my boyfriend at 12 weeks pregnant and im glad i did.... i love being a single parent! my best advice is to wait to do any dating until after you have the baby. being a single mom is not easy but its better than trying to find someone while you are pregnant. emotions are high and it might not work to your advantage.... i hope the best for you! | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:32:06 AM | | and i understnad where you are coming from about keeping the baby. if its what you want then thats all that matters! | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 5/31/2012 11:00:01 AM | If I was a man dating a woman pregnant with someone else child would be freaky.
Imagine if people stop you and your date and ask are you both excited etc? How awkward.
Also when you become a single mom for the first time, not to mention being pregnant on your second, it a big change a drastic one even. My son is 4 and I find it hard to date and I had him from day one on my own. You are going to find just doing daily tasks hard being a single mother then add your classes, doctors appointments shopping for prams clothes etc you probably wont have time to date. Remember first time round you had your ex and NO kids. Just concentrate on getting through the next months with help of family.
Good luck OP and congratulations.
Smexi
ps dont pay attention to anyone telling you to have an abortion. you made the right decision for you. It will hard but worth it, you already know this from your first child | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 5/31/2012 1:00:03 PM | You have been in a relationship for six years, even if you weren't pregnant you don't need to be dating anybody.
You already have a child, you know that being a mother to a newborn is not going to be easy, your emotions are all over the place with the hormones, you need to focus on caring for your 3-year-old and the newborn and wait until you have some stability in your life so you can find a decent guy instead of any guy who isn't bothered by your pregnancy.
As others have noted, pregnant you are much more likely to attract users and pervs than someone of quality you would wish to bring into your life. Suck it up and don't act like it's the end of the world and you cannot handle that.
You're already a mother you should recognize that you don't have the luxury of being selfish and stupid. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 5/31/2012 1:28:05 PM | Twenty-two, pregnant (with already one child) and wanting to date.
Hmmmmm......
Why?
What the hell do i do now?
You stop and think.
How is this situation going to impact your children?
Do you have enough money to take care of these two children?
Do you have an education so you can supply the proper upbringing for them?
You see ... there are so many things to think about.
The last one should be ... can I find a boyfriend. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 6/1/2012 1:26:02 AM |
I need to ask am i undateable??
Am i undateable because im pregnant?????
YES.
Your first priorities should be your HEALTH , the unborn child , your 3 year old etc. Why do you need to date and bring
strange men around when you are the most vulnerable ? ? Dating should be the last thing on your todo list until that child is born and your situation is stable . Pregnancy isn't a cakewalk and your health could always turn for the worst. Don't stress yourself with dating . What you need is good friends and a support structure to help you along your way. In time when the kid is born and all is well, I'm sure dating won't be a problem . | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 6/1/2012 2:30:23 AM | I strongly suggest waiting until, at the minimum, you are past your post-partum phase.
You are going to undergo severe hormone fluctuations, & hormones can make a woman b a crazzzzy biotch, lol.
There are men who may find pregnancy attractive, but will they stick around as a husband/father after the baby is born?
You dont want to be vulnerable to men who are not right.
You will be getting very little sleep, going through body changes, dealing with hormone changes, & tending to a newborn around he clock once baby arrives. Even married couples take a hit to the sex life & intimate adult time when a baby is born into the family.
You are probably thinking "i know all this, i have had a kid already", but seriously, having 2 or more kids is a a whole different ballgame than just one. Because you have to tend to a newborn AND care for the older child/ren at the same time. You wont have the luxury of napping while baby naps, because you will need that time to give undivided attention to the older child. You still have to drive the older kids to school, make breakfast & dinners interact with them, play with them, teach them, raise them, supervise them, all while having a newbie in your arms or on the breast, & the older kids dont give a hoot if you have only gotten 2 hour of sleep in 2 days with a colicky newborn, they still need Mommys time & attention too. First time you go to a PTA meeting & doze off while breastfeeding in front of the principal, you will know what i mean, lol.
Good luck with your new addition, stay away from guys until the dust is settled, & you are in a comfortable established routine with the kids, you wont have time for them. You will be lucky to squeeze in a shower. Love & romance will come when it is time. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 6/1/2012 3:18:51 AM | Congratulations !
You now have a guaranteed state income and a free house for the rest of your life because of the way the UK benefits system works.
Nontheless you are still very naive
You have gotten yourself pregnant and tied down before you hit your 20's.
Despite enjoying one of the best FREE education systems in the world, you appear to have no career or significant qualifications and effectively followed your base instincts to ride the beef sausage and have children before you were barely out of childhood yourself.
You have predictably made a poor decision on a suitable partner/husband.
Your question and predicament suggests a high level of intellectual immaturity and precious little intelligence.
At the very least you have done no significant research, even on these forums, into the information you seek and on top of it you are pregnant and seemingly concerning yourself with getting into another relationship right now.
You have heard this all before and chose to ignore it.
What else are you going to choose to ignore to protect your ego ?
You should be seriously considering an abortion and making every effort to secure your child's fathers involvement in your child's life.
Gain some qualifications, quality work experience or expanding this ironing business .
Good luck.
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 6/1/2012 7:46:26 AM | Un-dateable? To most smart men, yes.
A pregnancy by a man that you have been with since you were 16 would indicate that you are very in-experienced as a dater and also have a load of unfinished business with this guy. What if he decides to come back? Is he 100% out of your life forever? That is unlikely since you already have a 3 year old together. Will the new man have to deal with a crazy ex or have to worry about him re-entering your life?
Expecting a woman to get her financial, personal and emotional affairs in order before she actively looks for a new relationship is hardly asking too much of her. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 6/1/2012 8:40:21 PM | | Why would any sane guy want to date a pregnant woman? that to me sounds silly, unless she is super hot other than that I cant see it. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 6/1/2012 9:19:00 PM | | Oh, he's obsessed with guys who want to date preggos. Always upsets him for some weird reason. Just ignore him. He's stirring the sh*t tonight. People should date who they want. Nobody else's business. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 6/1/2012 9:20:00 PM | I dont date guys so youre sh1t of out luck Dude, and Im not lookin to date a pregnant chick
you can if you want and knock your self out. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 6/6/2012 10:21:19 PM | I don't have a problem dating a woman that is pregnant or has kids. Personally, I'd rather date a woman who has custody of her kids so I know that she actually cares for her kids. If I meet a woman and find out she doesn't have custody, its a straight red flag in my opinion. It says alot for a man to get custody.
As far as why I don't mind dating a pregnant woman? I like to think that because they are pregnant, they aren't gonna be playing games so if there is a connection with that person, then theres a better chance of a long term commitment. I understand that not everyone is so happy go lucky bring on the kids tho so.. I may be a rare exception. | |
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| single pregnant mother
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:59:27 AM | Honestly, that would turn any man off.
As a woman and a mom, I would wait until you have the baby and things are a little more settled.
Dont rush...concentrate on your children. Its already going to b hard enough that their father ran off..be ther for them and stop thinking about yourself and your needs. | |
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