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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > would you marry a widow or widower if....      Home login  
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 Poster_boy
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 1
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would you marry a widow or widower if....Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
with the understanding that dating a widow is different than marring one, would you marry a widow orwidower if they chose to be buried with their late spouse? what are some of the issues that would prevent you from marrying a window or widower? qa widow or widower do you find it more comfortable dating a widow or widowe? if so, why?.
 barky bark
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 2
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/2/2012 7:01:13 AM
No issues would prevent me from marrying a widower, or anyone for that matter, if I felt that woman was the right one for me.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 3
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/2/2012 7:18:47 AM
The biggest reason for divorce in 2nd and most other marriages ( but especcially 2nd marriages)
the kids from
another marriage.

I would pass on a widower if they had minor or adult children who had any of the following:
bad (cocky or arrogent) attitudes verbally directed at the widower or his choices and life, sense of entitlement,
had been spoiled and coddled and expect more baby treatment, are lazy or irresponsible, prone to temper tantrums.
If the widower also allows his kids ( no matter what age) to disrespect him, has weak boundries

well... you can forget it.

Same would go with the relationship he has with his aging parents and siblings. Plenty of older mommas boys around feeling like they have to kiss ass to get an inheiritance from elderly parents.
Lots of other things too
that are all of maladjustment or unresolved personal issues.. but kids are at the top of the list
as to how they are are were raised and act.

Where he is to be buried is not on the list.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 4
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/2/2012 7:46:13 AM
What does "qa widow or widower " mean? Is that Latin, or a typo? I didn't find an online explanatory reference.

Anyway, "widow" and "widower" are externally applied labels, attached to real live human beings. So first of all, I take issue with talking about them as though they are magically a different species, simply because their mate died, as opposed to "normal" people who's relatives or friends may have died. It riles me up that such folks suffer additional prejudice, simply because they've been through deeper pain than others have been. It smacks of superstitious nonsense.

As to my own thinking: I see no difference between someone who is fixated on a living ex-mate, and someone who is fixated on a dead one, from a functional-relationship point of view. In either case, the new "mate" has to tolerate being in a conceptual threesome all the time. I'm not thus enticed, myself. I'm too egocentric I guess, I want to be the only guy she wants to sleep with.

Right now, what would prevent me from marrying one, is that I haven't got my divorce in hand yet, and the fact that I am averse to remarrying at all, for the time being. But I would have no problems associating with one of "them" in every other manner available.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 5
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/2/2012 7:55:24 AM
Well OP, at least that person already has a burial plot already picked out and hopefully paid for. You can look at it that way.


what are some of the issues that would prevent you from marrying a window or widower?

The only issue I have is I'm not going to marry ANYone.

(wouldn't marry a window either, lol)
 Itsgr82bfree
Joined: 10/18/2010
Msg: 6
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/2/2012 9:00:18 AM
I would have no issues marrying a widow, and I hope no woman (widowed or otherwise) would have issues marrying me either. As for who is buried where, and with whom, makes no difference to me. It's more important to concentrate on life.
 fillyphilly
Joined: 5/12/2012
Msg: 7
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/2/2012 9:05:42 AM
Why does it matter where someone's buried? As long as they were no longer grieving and ready to accept someone new in their lives of course. I've found divorced and widowed men my age to be far more normal than never marrieds.
 Poster_boy
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 8
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/2/2012 9:25:25 AM
Please forgove the typos...smartphones are hard to type on with fat fingers.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 9
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/2/2012 9:29:19 AM
Blending families is such a huge challenge no matter who you date. Honestly, what is the point is labeling someone as more or less based desirable to date based on the circumstance of how they became single?

Level the playing field, please. If people are living in the present and you are as well, all of the rest of it can be worked out, even adult children who behave like brats:)
 BountyHunterMike
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 10
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/2/2012 9:47:59 AM
Good question....
as for me I will never remarry again..but to me it does not matter wher she is buried....due to the fact I will be cremated....my kids will have my ashes and they can do whatever they want with them!
 Neonmusic
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 11
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/2/2012 11:45:35 AM
My mom died at 40. My father had his name put on the gravestone also. He subsquently married 4 more times; I think looking for a carbon copy of mom which he never did find. He was married to the last wife for 4 months when he died. She brought him back to Indiana where he was buried with my mom.

I am a widow also and had my name put the gravestone. I have been dating someone for about 3 months who has proposed marriage. I haven't accepted because I'm not ready for that final step and I think I need to know more about him even though we met a year ago. I don't think he would have a problem though if I did asked to be buried next to my second husband.
 charlieusn
Joined: 10/27/2010
Msg: 12
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/2/2012 12:53:32 PM
Well being a widower myself, I wouldn't have a problem being with a widow. I'm like alot of other folks here, not really looking to get married but do want some type of LTR. All my funeral stuff is prepaid and prearranged., so no that wouldn't bother me in the least.
 vanityfair55
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 13
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/2/2012 5:07:08 PM
Wouldn't bother me,if I wanted to remarry(which I doubt that would ever happen!) And who cares where someone wants to be buried!
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 14
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/2/2012 9:36:02 PM

if they chose to be buried with their late spouse?

Ehmmm... Usually people get buried AFTER they are dead, in which case who cares where they lay.
It is not like they go off to sleep with their late spouses, right?
Plus they might have bought the plot a while ago, and they don't want to waste a nice piece of real estate, just to keep you company after death.

I only care where they lay as long as they are alive.
 beatlesmom
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 15
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/4/2012 8:31:45 AM
im about to make a long term commitment and move in with widower in a retirement community in the western part of the state. right now im getting minimal alimony from my ex till 2015. my so.n is afraid i can lose it.anyone know judi
 aboutgettingby
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 16
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/4/2012 8:50:42 AM
Marry a widow, sure why not, I can't see how there would be any difference from someone that is divorced or never married.

I'm a widower and i can honestly say I have never thought about where I would be burried, I purchased a cremation plot that automatically has two places for urns, but holy cow, planning where you are going to be burried, time to start doing things amoung the living.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 17
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/4/2012 9:16:27 AM
As long as they have their own house, car, financial security, etc., what difference does it make to me if they also own their own burial plot?

This is a non issue for me, and and as far as I am concerned, we enter life alone, and leave it the same way.....it is what happens between those two times that matter.

cd
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 18
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/4/2012 10:51:38 AM
Well. Considering that my deceased husband chose to be cremated, that I have zero intention of remarriage, that I am an atheist who believes the only thing I'll leave behind after death will be (hopefully) kindness, caring, and integrity in the minds/hearts of the living whose lives i've touched, and that this entire post could be applicable to any divorced person as well. . . .

I guess I shouldn't even be butting into this thread.

Never mind.
 sinsnsecrets
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 19
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/4/2012 11:46:35 AM
I won't even date a widower. Marrying one would not be up for debate.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 20
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/4/2012 2:02:18 PM
reading the above post by sinsnsecrets ... "I won't even date a widower."

I just smiled and thought ... "more for ME!"

as for where he's planning to lie when he's dead ... that's one less chore for me ...

of course, on the flip side, I don't actually intend to do the whole going-t0-the-courthouse-to-get-a-license-and-then-to-a-church-to-be-married thing ... I can see a committed love relationship ... but ... not a paper trap ... no thanks ... separate but equal all the way!
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 21
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/4/2012 7:21:28 PM
If I were to find a new life partner, I wouldn't care whether he was single, divorced or widowed - although of the three, I might prefer a widower.

I don't know if I'd ever actually get married again, because I don't want to lose the railroad retirement benefits I'll get as a railroader's widow - God knows my Social Security won't be worth squat by then!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 22
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/5/2012 8:26:56 AM
I've made arrangements wit ma kid to bury my ashes next to my garden, under a redbud. As it happens, the ashes of the man I've loved most, up til now, are already buried there. Along with the cat he most loved. I have a cat who'll join them, likely before I do. Any subsequent mate is welcome there, or is free to choose otherwise. With or without cat. Or dog. (Ya. It's legal in WV to buried on your own land; with or without coffin. Ashes, also not a problem.)

I have a friend who chose not to be buried next to her husband, because he was buried next to his family whom she hated. Instead, she's buried next to the husband of a woman who his disliked him so much, she refused to be buried next to him, and donated the plot. . . .

Jeepers.
 ripper444413
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 23
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/5/2012 8:53:20 AM
yes i would if we loved each other,
 stargazin53
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 24
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/5/2012 8:53:30 AM
^^^ Ah, Woobs...such sweet symbolism in your garden. :)
That last part just cracked me up.....LOL, jeepers is right.
My boys already know the plan, which is: when Mom begins to get into the "fade" it's time to take her for a loooong walk in the Alaskan wilderness and sort of let me drift behind the tribe & get "lost" :) Timing is everything---LOL.

Oh, and the OP: Marry? I dunno. :) Have as much fun and joy as our hearts could conjure up? Oh heck yeah....pre-arranged plots are just a part of his story. :)
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 25
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/5/2012 6:52:01 PM
I personally would think there are many advantages to marrying a widow/widower...(s)he knows how to be a lifelong mate, knows what a blessing marriage can be, is not afraid of commitment, etc.

Burial plans can change and forward thinking couples are buying 3 plots these days...one for each of them and one for the survivor's 2nd spouse. If there is no second spouse, the plot could be used by another family member or sold as part of the estate.

Widow/widower warning signs though...(s)he will not let you change the furniture, calls you by the ex-spouse's name, is being accused of causing 1st spouse's death....umm, yeah....not so good.
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