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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.      Home login  
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 rainbowcolors
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 1
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Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
One person I've been in touch on-and-off with makes plans and then cancels at the last minute or doesn't show up. He has done it three times. It could be for his entertainment. If this is true, why would someone take the *time* to play with a person by calling them and messaging them?

Another guy whom I was supposed to meet today at 12pm cancelled twelve minutes before our agreed meeting time. There is a part of me that wants to make plans with this individual again and cancel on him twelve minutes before meeting.

Why stand someone up over and over? Personally, I would feel like a schmuck!
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 2
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Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 11:37:35 AM
Ummm, personally, I would feel like a Schmuck if I kept setting myself up for being treated that way. But you seem to like it, because guy A has done it three times now, and your working yourself up to the second time with guy B.

What is it that you find so appealing about it?
 fall-blossom
Joined: 3/22/2012
Msg: 3
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 11:52:11 AM
For the first guy all contact should be cut off. For the second guy, how would the op know she would get cancelled on at the last minute? I think it's fair to give people the benefit of the doubt when meeting, but if they cancel another meet & greet shouldn't be set up again.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 4
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 11:56:14 AM

Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.


Because you let him.

What is it you're getting out of this anyway? Must be something, otherwise you wouldn't keep doing it.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 5
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 11:56:41 AM
Don't stoop down and play games with people. You know how it made you feel so why lower your standards of behavior just to be spiteful ?

I tend to give people a second change if they cancel once because sometimes things do come up but if someone repeatedly did this, then no, I would feel that they either weren't interested in meeting or that they have lots of other things going on and aren't really available to date.

But - I would never arrange to meet someone with the full intention of cancelling just to teach them a lesson.
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 11:58:07 AM
OP: Are you KIDDING?

Q: How many times can I be disrespected?

A: As many times as I allow.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 7
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 12:04:00 PM
^^^ That.

(messages this short may not be posted)
 dopaminemademe
Joined: 5/27/2012
Msg: 8
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 12:08:20 PM
I agree with the other posters...if a guy stood me up twice...he doesn't get a 3rd time
 Cgirl1980
Joined: 10/25/2011
Msg: 9
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Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 12:25:28 PM
Fool me once... Shame on you!

Fool me twice...shame on me!

But a third time?!
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 10
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Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 12:49:08 PM
I allow one "error" if the reason is acceptable. A second disqualifies them completely, unless there is advance notice of cancellation and a specific time rescheduled. This has always been a good policy for me.
 InMyOwnTime25
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 11
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 12:55:46 PM
The one who's bailed three times is someone you shouldn't talk to anymore. He's probably not doing it for his own entertainment, he's probably either a chicken about meeting girls off here, too disorganized to manage his own schedule, or dating too many people at once.

I'd maybe give the second guy one more chance if I'd really liked talking to him online, since he only bailed once and it seems like some of your anger at the first guy might have been transferred to him. But yeah, never talk to that first jerk again.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 12
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Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 1:00:58 PM
Im surprised you are angry at the guy who actually cancelled on you rather than standing you up.
You do realize that guy did NOT stand you up right?
Not to say he shouldnt have done it earlier.. but lets not forget we all have lives afterall and things really do come up from time to time.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 13
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 4:25:34 PM

One person I've been in touch on-and-off with makes plans and then cancels at the last minute or doesn't show up. He has done it three times. It could be for his entertainment. If this is true, why would someone take the *time* to play with a person by calling them and messaging them?


three times is too many, you should adopt the 1 time f*&^ it rule. Yeah you may forget the wrong person maybe there was an emergency, but screw it.
 CJinCentralPa
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 14
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Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 4:34:31 PM
Yeah....probably better for you to adopt a "two strikes and your out" policy.

Don't let it get you down...move onward and upward.
 GodsChild750
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 15
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 4:44:58 PM
Why do you continuously allow him to do that to u?
 AspenJack
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 16
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Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 5:02:04 PM
Why stand someone up over and over? Personally, I would feel like a schmuck!

How many times does it take before you recognize a pattern?
So, you’d feel like a schmuck! What’s it matter whether he/she does or doesn’t?
 dearsavannah
Joined: 5/19/2012
Msg: 17
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 5:42:28 PM
Three time? You let somebody do that to you THREE TIMES?

I wouldn't stand somebody up unless it was a legitimate problem that needed attention right then. And how often do those occur? Not three times in a row, I can tell you that.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 18
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 6:08:49 PM
It would only happen once to me. Dont lower yourself to retaliate. They are probably married, not who they say they are and it is up to you not to agree to keep meeting them, no one is that desperate. Have you spoken on the phone and webcammed? You dont even know who they really are. Forget them. Plenty more fish in this big sea.
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 19
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 6:09:47 PM
Things happen, people get cold feet, something comes up, their wife won't let them out of the house-- all sorts of things.

I always ring and confirm, as I do not like being stood up.
Yes I have had men say to me when I ring them and say. "I am here at the table near the door" that they won't be there. Despite saying the day or a few hours before that they would be there.
So pick somewhere so if he does not show you can still have your coffee, or whatever and enjoy yourself.

Men are complex creatures.
I will never understand them.
I love them but never understand them.

Good luck and don't let the Ba5stards get you down. :)

With luck we will all find a man who is true to his word.
They must be out there somewhere
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 20
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Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 6:53:16 PM
Guy #1: The fact that you let it happen three times is your fault, not his.

Guy #2: If you don't want to meet someone because he cancelled your date, then don't meet him. Deliberately making plans only in order to do the same to him just makes you a bitter, vindictive b****. Do you want that? Besides, how do you know he even wants to make plans again?
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 21
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Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 7:56:30 PM
Cancelling at the last minute is one thing - just not showing up is inexcusable, there wouldn't be even a 'second chance' in that case.

Cancelling, well... that depends, obviously I might give a second chance if it was for a good reason, I'm not gonna hold it against someone if they got in a car accident or had to rush a family member to the hospital, or even if work dumped a pile of crap on them at the last minute. Sh*t happens on occasion. That being said, those in general aren't 'common' occurrences that would happen twice in a short period of time (ie, for the second meeting time too), except possibly the 'work excuse', which if it happened twice would make me wonder if they even have time to date. Either way, the second time would probably be the end of it unless it was a 100% solid believable 'excuse'.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 22
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 9:08:45 PM
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.

So... What does it take for you to learn?
 SmartSarcasticSweet
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 23
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 9:14:56 PM
The only advice I can offer is that people treat you how you teach them to treat you. If you excuse this behaviour the first time and even give them the opportunity to do it again, they will use that opportunity at their will. The first time someone does this to you, cut your losses and erase them from your life. Don't talk with them, don't listen to their ridiculous excuses, don't **** at them, just let it go and move on.
 BlaqThawt
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 24
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 9:15:10 PM
Had this happen to me 3 times in a row.

1st Time: It was a Blackout on the Block and her block was the only one that went out

2nd time: she "Claimed to be in the neighborhood and call me" Only to make a promise to call and return later on in the evening... NEVER HAPPENED but given a promising phone call and told that it would be "made-up to me by the next morning"

3rd TIME (and Honestly I was being more than flexible allowing the third curve ball to just land perfectly past me and leave egg on my face.)

I received a call early in the morning. 7am to be exact because upon the 2nd date i was told she was going to the gym and she had time to talk on the phone. so at arround 10am we're having a great chit-chat, she has to get off the phone because she is pulling into the gym. Now on average, patrons entering any gym that are at the novice level only are there for about 2-3 hours at best. I didnt hear a phone call, so at 12:30 i text and get a response; "Oh im just entering this ab class" SHE MUST HAVE BEEN IN THERE TIL IT CLOSED BECAUSE I NEVER HEARD SO MUCH AS A PHONE CALL, OR GOT 1 TEXT For an update. AND SHE PROMISED A SIT-DOWN BREAKFAST so we can have a lil grub & face time.

So, i conveniently erased her number, sent her a text the following morning and let her know to kick rocks. ITS NOT WORTH THE HEADACHE TRUST ME!!!!
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 25
Getting stood up multiple times...by the same person.
Posted: 6/2/2012 9:27:24 PM
OP:(not seeing your profile) if by any chance you're a scientist, I could understand your rechallenge and triple-blind studyin' ways.
If you're not, maybe you should consider it, bc you have just gotten absolute proof on the experiment.
On the other hand, if you're more into ...lets say...politics...just for a sec we'll resurrect Nancy Reagan for her famous three words (can't see your age, but that was: 'Just say No'.
If you're older than that, though I don't know who sang it bc it was before MY time, try the lyric 'these boots were made for walkin...'.
So, OP, .... the key is integration here!
Plug your lovelife in to fuel your career aspirations
-and BTW, if you yourself are a songwriter, my apologies about mentioning the other lyric first, all due respect and hope it tops the charts! Sorry you're hurtin, but learn ,grow, and expand beyond this sister!
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