| | ready to give up.Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I'm really trying, but read to just call the whole thing off!! about 3 out of the 15 guys I've met seemed like a good match for me.
guy#1, lied to me. found out he was still messaging women on pof after we had been dating for over a year (he's the one who said we were exclusive, not me)
guy#2, widower, couldn't seem to find time to meet me face to face more than once. talked constantly on the phone, for over two month period, but couldn't find time between his son and his business to actually DATE.
guy #3, can't figure this one out at all. will not make a firm plan for an actual DATE. there's never a plan. he'll call late in the evening and ask if i want to meet him then. I met him twice this way, but I like to have a plan.
he's called at 10:30 or 11:00 and I don't answer, usuall cause I'm asleep or it's just too late to talk. I've sent him text message early in the day on weekends and he doesn't respond to them until 10:00 at night! I know he looks at his phone before then.
and NO he defintely isn't married. seriously, I don't ask for much , just something that makes sense | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/3/2012 4:45:04 PM | stop trying so hard
Stop developing feelings for men you do not know well. Learn to date without
getting emotionally attached. Do not assume anything and do not date exclusively until
the right one shows up.
learn to date better, sounds like you have wasted a lot of time.
Maybe you need to learn to laugh at some of these guys ?
they sound ridiculous !
maybe too.. stop taking any of that personally, I'm sure they would treat any other woman the same.. if she let them.
try laughing at them when they act like clowns... it will relive a lot of stress and put things into perspective for you.... | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/3/2012 4:52:37 PM | welcome to the non fun world of dating..
well guy number 1 sounds typical some always think the grass will be greener on the other side till they get there an realize how lonely they now are an that grass is dead an dried up..
guy number 2 sounds like he really wasnt a widower at all perhaps he was only wishing his wife had died..2 months is ridiculous even the president can find sometime to spend..
guy number 3 is full of s hit yes he knows what time it is an that you have called or texted earlier in the day..he may not be married but he definatly dont sound like hes completly single either an plus the golden rule is he's calling you an tryna see you at booty call hours.. | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/3/2012 4:57:52 PM | | It takes patience to do online dating. Hang in there and just do not take things seriously. | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/3/2012 5:07:52 PM | I can appreciate how difficult it all is. My friends use to ask me with great enthusiasm hows the 'dating thing' going, now they say 'should I ask"! I've worked in war-zones that were easier to navigate than on-line dating. I'm driven by some crazy notion that the absurdity can't last.
I'm not sure if you are open to feedback though. I think not having a picture really puts you at a disadvantage, so it may account for why you have more problematic men. Also, your profile is both negative, and not very descriptive of you or what you want, again, I think men who are discerning would pass your profile by.
While I do think some of this on-line stuff is just serendipity, I also think the greater the effort the likelier the return.
Good luck! | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/3/2012 5:17:42 PM |
I've worked in war-zones that were easier to navigate than on-line dating. I'm driven by some crazy notion that the absurdity can't last.
ah ..but last it does ..! | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/3/2012 5:25:47 PM | your post put a smile on my face, at least I am not alone. Thanks for the comments on my profile, I do agree with them. I didn't invest a lot in it, mainly because I was on here a while ago and deleted my old profile, thinking I met "the one" and was kind of not really into doing it all again...
yet ...here I am.
Good luck to you also! | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/3/2012 5:51:50 PM | | If feel your pain. Dating sucks! It seems like everyone is so afraid to actually meet. Oh they'll chat you up and down forever if you let them but the minute you suggest actually meeting in person. Forget it. I think it's because they don't really look like their photos. My friend read somewhere that the average online dating photo is 5-10 years old. I know it sounds cynical but think about it. | |
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Dmaj7
| | Joined: 5/13/2012
Msg: 9 | |
| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/3/2012 6:22:16 PM | | I wouldn't give up. I would seriously consider taking a break though. Just accept the time isn't know. Go out with friends, concentrate on yourself and being happy. Then try again later. Dating can be very tough and frustrating. It only makes sense to take a break from time to time. Works wonders for me. The stress dissipates immediately when you consciously decide that there is more to life out there than just dating and pursuing etc. | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/3/2012 7:35:10 PM | Ahhhh ... sounds like your looking for normal.
Stand in line. | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/4/2012 4:44:43 AM | I'm really trying,
Really trying *what*, dating duds? Because it sounds like 3 for 3 on that front.
There is no "really trying" when it comes to dating, there are just a bunch of very simple decisions.... Am I interested enough to answer this person's email; YES move on NO stop. Do I like this person enough to actually meet them; YES move on NO stop. Last but not least, do I like this person enough to meet them a 2nd time; YES move on NO stop. How hard can that be??
You could stop "really trying" and just be a lil' more selective or at least, be more open ended. You could stop really trying in the sense of anticipating the next guy you meet will lead to a hopeful conclusion based on whatever it is that you want from another person. That way, when it doesn't work out it won't really matter. Realistically, the most likely outcome by far anyway is that you two aren't going to be a good match... statistically speaking. So in the end all of your "really trying" is just tilting at windmills, and you are ready to give up... *nothing*.
Of course you could end up with fewer dates by being more selective, or you could end up having more one-date wonders by being more open ended about things, but were you after quantity or quality? | |
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WRXCar
| | Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 13 | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/5/2012 7:39:46 AM | | OP a great majority say one thing and do the opposite! Don't take this the wrong way, but i am glad to see a post like yours. Nice to know I am not alone in this b.s. And it gets difficult after a time, wherein one begins to think gee, am I not attractive enough, do I say/do the wrong things? I know we shouldn't think this way, but eventually it is inevitable. Thus, I will pull back and take a break from it all. | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/5/2012 7:50:06 AM |
kind of not really into doing it all again...
That's kind of the *point* isn't it? You really *aren't* trying, eh? Not really.
Much better results when you do. Try, that is.
Good luck! | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/5/2012 8:02:44 AM | key: take it all LIGHTLY !
--work in the meets, dates, when it fits into your world, relax.
--go on about life, the things you love, places & people you want to see.
--enjoy the meets as another book to open, explore, teach you something about the world and life/OR just read the cover & close it up. :)
--I don't hang my life on this stuff, just hold the hope of meeting my own special love while I keep on LIVIN' ! :)
--AND, oh yeah, take a break from it when you need to. :)
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/5/2012 8:13:57 AM | You're not putting your efforts where it counts. Your profile is not going to attract a quality man because it does not show you as a quality woman.
Guy #1, sounds like he was probably bad luck. We all get some of those. But guys #2 and 3 are obvious time wasters. So, they're on you.
If you want a better quality man, say no to the other ones. The time you save doing that you can spend going on more first dates. If you have a good time, he treats you well, and asks you out again, making his interest obvious, go out with him again. If not, don't.
Always ask yourself whether your association with him makes you happy today. No unhappy journey ever led to a happy outcome.
Don't fall in love until you've been happy with him for a few months. | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/5/2012 8:45:59 AM | let it happen..your trying to hard....
post pics of your self on your profile does help. Also goto profile review...that will help as well...
sad to say its a numbers game..
good luck | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/5/2012 9:27:12 AM | Damn woman.....You have met 15 guys and considered three to be viable at first? You are doing better than most do on here, and many, like me, have not met 15 in years, so I applaud your efforts!
I eliminate most, and I mean most, before I ever meet them, and those I do meet, I have no illusions of anything other than hopefully another good friend. It is....."hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and enjoy what you get", attitude and that goes for on line, and in real places. Think about it......How many people do you meet each and every day in the real world, and what happens......they come and go and out of 15 you may meet in a week, or month, maybe one will be viable enough to get to know better.
Your expectations far exceed your real goal, and life is to short to sweat the small stuff, so take this site like you should take real life and be surprised when that one just might show up that has all you are looking for, and then hope that they feel the same about you.
cd | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/5/2012 9:45:47 AM | ^^^^ c-deacon
I eliminate most, and I mean most, before I ever meet them, and those I do meet, I have no illusions of anything other than hopefully another good friend. It is....."hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and enjoy what you get", attitude and that goes for on line, and in real places.
Bingo!
If a man is interested, nothing will stop him from communicating with you and being in your presence! Adopt this attitude, make it your mantra-repeat it to yourself as often as needed!  Like Nike ads- they just do it!
All others are wannabees, fakes, flakes etc and rather than look at their behavior(s) as negative, see it as they have already shown you who they are and saved you time, effort and energy. | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/5/2012 9:55:15 AM |
Damn woman.....You have met 15 guys and considered three to be viable at first? You are doing better than most do on here, and many, like me, have not met 15 in years, so I applaud your efforts!
Ditto. Unless you count guys like the one I've just quoted who is viable and far -- very far --- far away. . .
And I've been here off and on for going on 3 years! | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/5/2012 10:52:34 AM | Ah distance.....the ever present equalizer!!......shakes head!
Thank you for that thought thought "Ready"......it is what it is and what we have to consider, deal with, and decide upon.....just like most things worth having!!
OT.....Never give up, just offer what you seek, and be ready to show it, prove it, and accept the results!
cd | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/5/2012 1:15:03 PM | Another perspective... perhaps it's you and not them.
Look at yourself, what does make a man be attracted to you?
Are you boring, honest, do you take care of yourself?.... Work on it.
Please, I do not mean to offend anyone... | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/5/2012 1:50:44 PM |
learn to date better, sounds like you have wasted a lot of time.
Maybe you need to learn to laugh at some of these guys ?
they sound ridiculous !
Boy do I ever agree with this.. I have some rules of my own and about to share them
Rule 1: do not spend much time talking on the phone to them.. Let them know that upright that you would much prefer talking face to face.. Surprised they look much older in person at least you save both of you a whole lot of time this way..
Rule 2: Boy did she ever go wrong running out late at night at the drop of a hat.. Never agree to meet them on short notice or late in the evening..
Rule3: Learn to laugh a lot instead of cry.. | |
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| ready to give up.
Posted: 6/5/2012 2:01:51 PM |
If a man is interested, nothing will stop him from communicating with you and being in your presence! Adopt this attitude, make it your mantra-repeat it to yourself as often as needed!
Absolutely. If you've given a guy a clear signal that he has permission to approach, talk, date or whatever,and he likes you, then neither rain, sleet, snow nor dark of night will keep him away. He could attend his mother's funeral in the morning, have a root canal in the afternoon and STILL want to see you in the evening. | |
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