| | Young single pops in a tough placePage 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | | So, after a long time of being a weekend father i got sick of it and went for full custody. long story short i got my son. i am 24 years old now and feel completely torn. I go to university for civil engineer (non traditional obviously) and am surrounded by beautiful educated women, beautiful educated women that have no interest in a single father. So i get to thinking about the other side of the fence. perhaps a women without an education but a decent job. Ive found the majority of women that have kids around my age are typically not doing so well or are unstable. it may be a stereotype and i apologize but i have done the pure chaos lifestyle and want nothing to do with it. i fear that as a single father i will be single in a state that i have no family or many friends in. my son is my priority dont misunderstand, but sometimes its nice to share a moment or two with a women, i guess im asking for peoples thoughts, or just needed to get that out. haha | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/3/2012 6:38:16 PM | You have other options that will make you more appealing to the women you seek...
its called a full time nanny.
This way you get to have your son, have his needs met, be availbale for dating and not put any pressure on a woman to parent or be involved with your responsibility. This should not be a problem for you when you get out of school and start working as a full time nanny does not cost a lot of money.
The position is not one requiring a great deal of education or pay.
Add in a housekeeper and you will be much more attractive to many more women.
perhaps a women without an education but a decent job
she will have no interest unless she also has kids so your going to end up
helping her with hers.. will cost as much or more than to stay single and hire a nanny and housekeeper. | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/3/2012 6:51:46 PM | So....because woman that are well educated don't want anything to do with a man that is gettin his education and has a child, you're thinking of trying to date woman that have a good job but not educated?
Well....you shound somewhat shallow. All I can say is welcome to the world of most woman, whom are working a full time job, going to school part-time and taking care of their children.
I thank God, that I'm not in this situation, for my kids father and I both care for our children. But for the woman that are out there with what I just describe, some are not giving a damn about a man right now.
So...since you have full custody of your son....focus on him and your education, by a blow up doll and take care of your son. You're 24, their are woman a little older doing what you're doing.
Hats of to you for fighting for him, but you appear to be focusing on the non issues right now. When it's time for you to really have a relationship with a woman, it won't matter where she came from, what type of education she has or does not have.
You may not be finding anyone right now, cause it's just not time. | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/3/2012 6:52:56 PM | Not about money, its about how one chooses to spend it...
and I agree you sound shallow. You are also now in the same situation as a lot of single mothers.
Plus.. you smoke... none of these things in your favor of capturing the heart
of some beauty in college working on her degree and future... she will want a man
to have kids with that are theirs alone.
Tough spot for sure. In 18 to 21 years you will be free to start over again and live just for you !!!
Been there, lived it, know it well........
what does not kill you, will make you stronger ! | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/3/2012 7:08:34 PM | | its not my intention to come off as shallow. Its important to have a career or a productive means of income? am i mistaken ? But i agree with everything you had said, my focus should be on him and my work. Thanks | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/3/2012 7:57:18 PM | my advice:
Continue working on you. Continue your education. Volunteer on things around your school or elsewhere.
You are young, way young, you have the rest of your life. Do NOT rush. Be selective.
Your son needs you, because he has no one else to protect and care for him.
Work on your schooling first. Income second.
Work on keeping him in a safe environment, food in his belly and kid things to do.
Don't pick one for education, pick one that is right for you and your child.
If you succeed in doing this, everything else will fall into place.
I am not saying don't make friends, don't search for someone to date, but make YOU a priority, not an option.
Good luck!! | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/3/2012 10:58:07 PM | | Unfortunately, I think you are at a very ard age to be a single dad and trying to find a relationship. Girls your age are either focused on themselves and their education/career and do not want a child, or single moms struggling to keep food on the table because the maturity isn't there. Finish school, get a job, and wait it out a few years. By then you will be searching a whole different pond... one more understanding of single parents. | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/4/2012 9:14:21 AM | | Finish your schooling and then worry about finding a worthy partner. You can date casually and not involve your child at all. | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/5/2012 8:39:42 AM | HMMMMM !!
Be a father first..then your education...then after those two are in line and on their path in a good way..then date and find a women ....
sadly u have picked to do things in a diffrent way...normally...Education, then a women, then marriage, then kids....you have picked your path, you have to deal with it...dont crying, dont weep....
if you focus on the kid and then the education the woman will come....stop rushing things... | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/7/2012 9:49:32 AM | | Thank you, and its true i gotta quit my complaining. everyone has a very valid point and i will follow the advice given. Thanks again | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:55:25 PM | | I have to say that I do understand your situation.I am older and my children ages range from 20 down to age 13. My wife walked out almost 2 years ago and I have had a terrible time trying to find time to date or anyone that wants a guy with 6 kids. I have learned to focus my time on my children as they are the most important part of my life. My work comes second and I do know that there will always be someone out there somewhere for me. I do understand that it is lonely at times and we all want someone special to share our time with. My best advice is just keep on focusing on what is really important to you. | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/7/2012 9:05:26 PM | Get it out!!! I applaud you more men should stop complaining about the poor standards of their child's mother nad simply go for full custody of their child- especially if they feel she isn't caring properly for their children.
I am around your age, a single parent, doing alright for myself but yes it is hard getting back into dating when you're a full-time parent/student (I am also both). Get out and have some fun ask about a good sitter someone who will be around for awhile so your son will grow to know and care for them in your absence. Parents need time away from their kids or they go stir crazy. Kudos for being honest not many parents are. | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/11/2012 6:14:31 PM | | i was a little more passive and lacked a few details of his mother and her abilities as a parent. i understand that kids need both parents in there life and agree to the fullest but when a parent is endangering there own life with drugs and has a child near/around them than it is the other parents responsibility to step in and care for the child. She needs to get better and i do allow her to see him, because of the fact that she is putting forth effort getting better. But it needed to be done and i always swore that no matter what i amounted to in this life, an absent father would not be one of them over my dead body! yes so far i have been hearing a lot of folks mentioning that focus on him and my studies and everything else will fall into place and that is my plan and what i have been doing. it is lonely at times there is no doubt about it and i did wine a little bit but being a good father is what matters most to me. | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/11/2012 7:38:39 PM | Well presumably women of your age who are parents are in the same boat, struggling through college just trying to make ends meet until they can get the education they need to get the well paying job. Most likely childfree singles are not raking in the dough while in college either.
You sound a lot like many of the jobs I applied for while in college.. "Need experience to get the job, need the job to get the experience." Can't do them both at once.
Your choices are in front of you. Choose whichever one works best for ya. Just make sure it doesn't' compromise your goals and what you need to do for your child.
Oh and i'm not putting you down.. i'm just blunt. lol. | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/14/2012 7:05:59 AM | | I'm in a similar boat. My daughter's mother left 2 years ago and while she comes to see her, I pay for everything for my daughter and take care of her. I have family support and they watch her when I need them to. I work full time and have a great job. I have my own place. I think women actually shy away from the fact that I am a single father though. | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/14/2012 8:09:39 AM | | I always find it funny that everything is either black or white. If a woman doesn't want to date you because they dont want kids then they are shallow. If you don't want to date ppl your age that have kids because they are struggling that makes you look like you think you are better then them. Everyone once they are forced to grow up as a down point esp. when they are doing it alone doesn't matter if they are 16 or 56. Smh unreal | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/17/2012 4:21:24 PM | | Yeah, I hasuffocate struggled and worked my ass off to get heading in a better direction because that's what I wanted and I'm shallow because I expect a mother of close age to want things o life and doesn't sit in there filthy house and collect off the state? I refuse to go backwards, only forwards. Yes, I have expectations but never consider myself better than anyone. A woman w a decent job or working on a education is shallow? Lol. If I wanted a woman who sits in my paid house and does nothing all day than I'd wait till I graduate college and buy a mail order ride, except she'd be a trophy wife rather than average! Smh to you | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/19/2012 8:22:53 AM | | I am in the same exact boat as you. However, I do not judge men who are single fathers the way you do about single mothers. I accept that the only way to truly know someone is to take time, not to judge right off the bat. I am the only mother in my friendship circle and none of them want to 'settle' down, they want to focus on their careers, partying and all that good stuff. Although I am a single mom I am the same way only my priorities are as follows - my daughter, working, and schooling. I am only on here to meet new people because I know it isn't rational for me to be looking for a boyfriend when I have so much other things to focus on. | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/19/2012 9:36:06 AM | | thanks maggie, and i can relate a lot to what you said. my circle of friends is the same way. ill do as you said and not be so quick to draw conclusions. i appreciate you taking the time to write. and .... GO PATS!!! :P | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/19/2012 2:29:03 PM | | its crap on here. many people are shallow idiots and the so called women, well thats if you can call them that! | |
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| Young single pops in a tough place
Posted: 6/19/2012 7:37:13 PM | | So you think a hard working mother is the settlement? It is my opinion you stay completely away for these women, before you hurt them and damage your son's outlook on women. | |
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