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 Soulmate..
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 1
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Dating over 55Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
What do women over 55 want? Many women do not complete the "Needs Test" in their profiles. Why? I am nervous and confused about sexuality in older women and I would like some help. I recently met a woman on line that seemed like a perfect fit. i made a clumsy attempt at asking her about her views on sexuality and it was goodbye Soulmate. Somebody please tell me how it works!
 OzzGirl22
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 2
Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 9:47:44 AM
How many dates had you been on together?

It is a good idea to not start the sex talk until you have been on a few dates and things are leaning in that direction.
Bringing it up too early will raise some red flags and make it look like that is all you are interested in. (not that there is anything wrong with that)
 Soulmate..
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 3
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 9:53:27 AM
Yeah, I know that now. I said "I am interested in a flirty, sexy woman" as a response to her introduction. It didn't work very well. Blah!
 Soulmate..
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 4
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 9:54:43 AM
I don't know if I know how to do that.
 toronto_gal2012
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 5
Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 9:55:46 AM
If you want flirty sexy women post a profile in "intimate encounters"
 Soulmate..
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 6
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 9:59:44 AM
Well, that is not exactly what I had in mind. I am not looking for an intimate encounter. I am looking for a nice long term relationship with a woman that is on the same page that I am on. I am simply not very tactful sometimes.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 7
Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:02:15 AM

I said "I am interested in a flirty, sexy woman" as a response to her introduction.


Good grief Op....
STOP with sexual innuendos with a woman (stranger!) that you dont even know yet!
= classless and clueless.
The topic should crop up very naturally in the process of getting to know each other over a period of time and i dont mean months and months........
Engage her mind and everything else will follow IF it's meant to be
 SONNI100
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 8
Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:04:29 AM
Yeah, those sexual remarks with a complete stranger will usually get you nowhere...
 ThusSpokeZarathustra
Joined: 4/24/2012
Msg: 9
Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:05:56 AM

If you want flirty sexy women post a profile in "intimate encounters"

Unfortunately you will run up against a lot of people who conflate these two things.
I suppose that using the same logic would mean that women who are not seeking intimate encounters are not flirty or sexy.
 Soulmate..
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 10
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:07:16 AM
Yeah, Yeah I know that! It was a one time mistake. But I am looking for guidance into the wants and needs of women over 55 years old. Not a critique of my one stupid question. I know it was classless and clueless. That is why I posted this thread.
 Soulmate..
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 11
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:11:42 AM
Thanks, but my answer is not there either.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 12
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:13:35 AM
Ahaha, I guessed that you're a Sagittarius the second I read your posts.

You won't get an answer to your question here, because not all 55 year old women have the same wants and needs. You're just going to have to bite the bullet and get to know people individually. There are no short cuts.
 Deleted1a2b3c4d5e
Joined: 10/24/2011
Msg: 13
Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:15:31 AM

What do women over 55 want?



My guess ( again this is just my stab in the dark here) is that an older woman, around the age bracket you discuss, will probably be concerned with

- How healthy a man is around your age ( stated at 62)
- How financially secure you are ( or not) and that status of your available health insurance
- How good you look to them/How capable you are potentially for sex
- How close to them you are located geographically

I would say practically, most women around your age bracket would be concerned if they dated an older man, and in a couple of years, were in a situation where his health deteriorated and they felt compelled to take care of him ( It's not as simple as getting up and leaving. If she's spent a few years with you, you get sick and she dumps you, her entire social network will turn on her and ostracize her. ) I think at a certain age, most women have foregone some of the issues on looks ( not that you are an ugly fellow, but I'm a guy, I can't really honestly comment on how I think women will perceive your looks) and look more to fitness and health and how financially viable you are.

The more money you have, the less likely they will be burdened to take care of you. Also the more money you have, the more opportunity they will potentially have to travel with you or have outdoor activities. And, grim as it sounds, sorry to say it, many women will not commit IMHO to an older man unless there is a backside with an upside in his will. If you are dying and had nothing to give, a lot more women would leave you sick in a hospital than if you had a five million dollar estate and insurance policy combo. I'm sorry, that's grim, but again I'm trying to look at this through the eyes of an older woman considering a 62 year old man. The average male lifespan is 72-73 IIRC. Essentially any non casual relationship might be asking a woman to invest in th rest of your life, or hers as well. I'm not saying that will make it impossible, but I am saying how attractive your situation is will probably change some of the parameters.

Something to consider is that

- Lots of women in your age bracket, like you, did not grow up in the Internet era or a timeline when PCs were common and affordable for personal use. While there are many elderly folk who have become adept with the times and technology, there are many who are not. What I'm saying is online dating might not be the most advantageous way to date. While I wouldn't remove your profile, I would consider that it's possible online dating could be served beset as a supplement to more face to face interactions.

- The density of women in your age bracket in your location will determine some of your choices. There are simply places in the US where there are more elderly women common and probably available. While you might not be served to outright move, if you have the means and resources to routinely travel to higher density areas might be a good move for you.

- I think, how do I put this, many women in that bracket might be concerned with how well you still or do function for certain things. I don't think it's something women ask, but to be fair, as men age, sometimes it's an issue. And to be fair , all men on this site, including me, as we age, will have to face these questions and considerations. I don't think a full medical disclosure is needed, but I think a very subtle discussion of your functionality in your profile would clear up a lot of unspoken questions by women in your age bracket.

I took a brief look at your profile, I think the photo of you active and on the beach is great. If I were you, I'd use all 8 of your free photo slots that POF gives you to show yourself in active type photos displaying your health and vigor. And again, I think your text profile mentioning your financial stability, your good health, if you have it, your resources to manage your health and if you have the ability to travel, would all be pluses for you.

You seem like a good decent fellow, and I'm sure the culture shock of how dating works today compared to when you started maybe 40 years ago is a bit of a thing to adjust to right now. In basic terms, most women, of any age, want to know what is in it for them. What is the upside for dating you. What are the answers you have for common questions and doubts and complications for men in your situation/age bracket. My suggestion is to highlight your strengths to the points I mention and to counter any the common questions most women are going to ask, either directly or indirectly to you. The "game" has not changed sir, it simply has gotten more fierce.

Good luck to you, sir, I'm sure that many of the younger guys on here, including me, hope to look as vibrant and active as you do in your photos when we reach your age. I tried very hard to just be as honest with you as I could. Happy fishing.
 Soulmate..
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 14
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:15:56 AM
You are probably correct. I don't think Freud found an answer either.
 Soulmate..
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 15
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:20:36 AM
Holy Cow! You make some valid points in your book.
 Sierrasman
Joined: 7/20/2009
Msg: 16
Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:22:39 AM
Women over 55 enjoy, and desire sex, just like everyone does. But they just don't want to be a another notch on some jerk's bedpost. Decent men may not realize just how much women have to put up with from aggressive guys who come on strong sexually. They may want a man to take more time getting to know her before starting talk about sex, so she feels like he's really interested in HER and not just a romp in the sack. It sounds like maybe it was just a little too much too soon for her. But don't worry about it. If she was your soulmate, she wouldn't be gone! :-)
 Soulmate..
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 17
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:28:21 AM
Hmmm. I have burned up several months trying to deal with women on websites and the one outstanding problem is proximity. I live in a rural area. My question was "What do women over 55 want?" I already know (I knew the risk when sent it) it was stupid and tactless. I am hoping some women will pound their keyboards and tell me what is up!
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 18
Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:32:24 AM
I recently met a woman on line that seemed like a perfect fit.


Did you actually meet her in real life and have a few dates in order to get any idea of whether or not she was a perfect fit. I think maybe you are rushing things a bit. Bringing sex into the discussion is not going to fly with many women before you meet in person ( or on the first meet ) unless they are interested in a quick romp.

I suggest you try to find out what women over 55 want on an individual basis rather than trying to form some sort of consensus of opinion. If you want a quick all encompassing answer ( even thought it's just for fun ) you could just go with the line from the Rolling Stones song Some Girls " American girls want everything in the world you could possibly imagine"
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 19
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:36:33 AM
MountHeartbreak (see ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^) said it well. These would be the things that I, as a 58 year old woman are looking for in a male LTR.
 Soulmate..
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 20
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:44:29 AM
Ok, enough of what I should not have done. I know that. I knew as I typed it. I can talk the talk, walk the walk, and write like a poet if I so desire. The problem for me, at my age, is that I do not have a great deal of choices or resources for meeting older women. Maybe the grocery store. I already know everybody that goes into the grocery store. On line dating for me goes like this: Meet someone, exchange some emails, try to arrange schedules and finally meet a month later after driving for an hour or more. Back to the drawing board. It aint easy my friend.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 21
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:49:10 AM

MountHeartbreak (see ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^) said it well.

Yes he did! Very insightful for such a young man. Whoever catches him is going to be one very lucky woman. I wish more guys had a clue...
 Soulmate..
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 22
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:52:57 AM
Hmmm, A match made in heaven.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 23
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:54:27 AM
Op. I would assume that any women that is over 55 and is physically active will also enjoy sex. If they are on PoF, it's even more likely they will enjoy sex. Could be she will have doubts about you and find a way to ask.

For me, I go on a date to enjoy an activity I like with a women. Worse case, I still like the activity even if we don't hit it off. Chemistry and is harder to determine online, sexual compatibility almost impossible.

Don't sweat it so much, it isn't a lifetime commitment, just a date.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 24
Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:02:44 AM
^^^ Have you read the Celibacy thread, or the thread about Living Together. SOME women over 55 and on POF will enjoy sex while SOME couldn't give a rat's azz.

I am not offended by someone asking me my thought on sex or sexuality, I think a healthy sex life is important. But asking those type of questions are all in the timing...too early is too early, give it some time and let the meet/date part start to blossom or show potential first.

And OP, most women in the 55 age range would like a healthy, respectful and fruitful relationship with a man. And yup, some just want dinner and a movie. You can't guess what they want, you have to ask - and you should know what it is YOU seek.

Good luck.
 Soulmate..
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 25
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Dating over 55
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:08:20 AM
Wow! Thanks for a good reply from the proverbial "horses mouth". That is the type of feed back I am looking for. Now we are getting somewhere.
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