| | Ok guys, am I a snob?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | Something very flattering happened at work on my day off. A gentleman came in asking about opening a new account (I work at a bank) he then asked our new account agent about me and gave her his phone number and said that we would like for me to call him. Reminded me of middle school. lol He is about my age, 50ish, but he lives with a roommate. Why does this bother me? I feel awful that it does. I mean, I never thought of myself as a snob. I don't own my own home. I rent an apartment. When I lived in Cameroon, I slept in clay houses when we visited the village. I just feel that a man at that age should have his own place. Ok everyone, I'm ready for the attitude adjustment. :) | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/7/2012 5:54:54 PM | | No you don't sound at all like a snob, you do however sound materialistic...might be different if you owned your own home but still...so the guy doesn't want to live on his own, wants to save a bit of cash for a trip or retirement and has a roommate. Doesn't mean he is there forever...Sounds more like you are worried about your judge mental friends | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/7/2012 5:56:38 PM | | it bothers you because, being a woman, you instinctively seek - first and foremost - a man of means. Then only after a man has means, then do the other attributes come into play, such as looks, personality, etc. You are not a snob. You are a woman. | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/7/2012 5:59:28 PM | | no your not a snob.I totally agree with you and it would bother me too. At least for me,I want a man thats settled. Owning a home dosen't make one better than the other.I think its just a preference.Like not owning a car,or having a job. | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/7/2012 6:00:25 PM | Welllllll, ya work at his bank. Check his account and see what's in it. You may change your mind about him????? I honestly don't know what you are,but I don't find your "thinking" very appealing.
Does that help????? | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/7/2012 6:02:23 PM | | OP: Do you actually know anything about him? There are people who live with other people for a variety of reasons" some for financial reasons, some because they like the social/friendship aspect, other grew up in large families and are used to living with others. Perhaps you need to have more information before you jump to conclusions. | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/7/2012 6:09:54 PM | | Thanks everyone, especially Walts, I agree with you. I don't find my "thinking" appealing either. That is why I wanted the "attitude adjustment". He actually does not bank there. He had come in previously with a friend that's a customer. Also, if I were in a situation, where I lived with a roommate, I wouldn't want him to judge me. | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/7/2012 6:41:41 PM | | no your not a snob, but you looked at it wrong..you shouldnt be upset he has room mates but more upset he acted like a middle school boy and gave someone else his number for you, he should have acted like a man and talked to you directly and asked for your number. | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:34:46 PM |
No you don't sound at all like a snob, you do however sound materialistic...
You . . . m e a n . . . l i k e . . . a . . . m a t e r i a l i s t i c . . . snob?  | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:47:24 PM | | you have your own place and seek the same. What's wrong with that? Don't make excuses for a guy-you immigrated from Cameroon, have a job and a place of your own-and him? | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:55:09 PM | Is he good looking enough for you to overcome him living with a roommate?
Thats what it comes down too....
if he was "hott" it would be "cute" to you that he had a roommate...
if he is just "ok" then it bothers you...
get it? | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:21:51 PM | | Maybe he lives with a roommate because he gets lonely on his own. It doesn't mean he has little money. I lived on my own for a few years during university but I moved back to my Mom's partly because I was lonely. | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/8/2012 4:22:15 AM | Asking if you are a snob, is the same as asking if you are shallow (a popular antic here recently).
It's the wrong question. Asking for a label, doesn't help you make better decisions. In fact, many labels such as snob and shallow, are really designed to plaster an insult poster over the face of a complex situation, so everyone can walk away feeling better about themselves (thus proving that those doing the labeling are superior to the people they decided not to bother to understand).
In this particular case, you can use your reaction to learn about yourself, by exploring why you are so convinced that no grown man with a roommate could possibly be "good" for you. You might well be right, but you would gain by knowing in detail, what assumptions you are making and adding to the sparse facts, in order to draw that conclusion.
As others have said, especially in these difficult times, there are likely to be more and more situations where children move back home, and where perfectly mature and responsible adults are forced to add "roommates" or become them, in order to survive. If hard times continue, especially of those who want us all to simply accept that this is the way of things have their way, you will see more and more "roommate" situations out there, and the ideal of the independent home owning individual will become rare. | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/8/2012 4:23:50 AM | There is no reason why your preferences for a mate should bother you or make you feel awful. Those of us that know what we want have better relationships. If you just date anyone who asks, then you end up being disappointed. I'd be a little leery wondering why he can't do things on his own. He has a room mate & he has someone do the asking out on a date for him. Doesn't sound very independent to me.
As for people implying you are a materialistic snob, pffft. There is always the few that can't wait to point their finger & tell others how imperfect they are, pffft again.
As for not owning his own home, this would bother me too. That's three strikes against him. He'd have to have a really great personality before I'd call him.
No you don't need an attitude adjustment, you want what you want & it should be of no ones concern but yours. | |
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pasmal
| | Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 15 | |
| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/8/2012 5:00:40 AM | You can do or act anyway you like. It seems preemptive.
One reason I don't have women friends much--they have all these reqs we should be twins.
Or if I am friends with them, they are always comparing -jealous, imitating/ being critical, or sneering, as the case may be.
If you demand everyone be at "your level" it probably is a form of snobbery and the danger in that..is one day you could have a roomie for ex. (and have stones thrown at you) / insert any other condition you recoil at...
I think snobbery is based on fear, ignorance and intolerance (not being the superlative chosen people snobs think they are) vs simply accepting other points of view/ possibly examining them, not necessarily choosing them.
To be compassionate isn't really a choice--often it's thrust upon us when we have to walk in someone else's shoes, then we "get" it.
The value in it, is a gentler, kinder, more aware/ understanding interaction with others, and I for one would feel less disheartened by that world vs the one where it seems the loudest are the most wretchedly imposing on others,
casually cruel, ignorant.
So op I wouldn't say you need to consider this man you don't know. You could decide ahead of knowing him, he is not your type. He may not be. I don't get the "in your head calculations".
IME, even if the guy isn't my type, just the encounter can help clarify my position on any number of things, just meeting someone can be interesting, unless they are toxic. Even that can teach you how to deal with a bad situation. | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/8/2012 5:31:53 AM | | The irony is the man may have a roomate because he owns the home and is helping someone else out.... Having a room mate doesnt automatically mean someone cant take care of themselves. Some people actuallly just enjoy having another human living in the same home. | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/8/2012 8:29:22 AM | The roommate part does not bother me......many own their own homes but have a roommate......but.....what does bother me much, is that he had to hand his number to someone else to hand to you, and then have you call him.....now that is high school all the way.
Being 50 does not mean that you are independent, mature, and financially secure, in fact, I hang and date many 50's and most of them are not financially secure, which I think makes me more attractive to them.....go figure....lol The whole point here is that this man should have walked up to you and handed his card to you, and said if you were single and interested, he would like to know you better, and then walked away. Now doing that, he has balled up and did his side of this and the "ball" is in your court to decide if you are going to do yours.
cd | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/8/2012 8:30:47 AM | Better specifically state you're seeking someone with a minimum of $50K that they're underwater on a mortgage then...
THAT would be more attractive, would it? Someone with a potential load of debt, but has all the materialistic window trimmings? Go for it.
Are there a lot of businesses where management encourages the employees to flirt with and date their customer base? Maybe he was just trying to be discreet and did so for YOUR benefit because you were at work. Labeling him immature for that I find jumping the gun as well. ASK HIM about it. See what he says. Sheesh. | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/8/2012 8:44:57 AM | well who really knows
you give very little information, is he broke, does he travel, and so on
at 50, he might be out of a marriage, kids on their way, and finds it more practical
in any case at all
you are not a snob
you have no reason that could place you in that category
but you are materialistic , in a very nasty way at that! | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/8/2012 8:53:45 AM |
The roommate part does not bother me......many own their own homes but have a roommate......but.....what does bother me much, is that he had to hand his number to someone else to hand to you, and then have you call him.....now that is high school all the way.
He met her in the bank, with a friend who banks there. He knows to find her in the bank. He came in, looking for her. She wasn’t there. Somebody asks if he needs help. He can:
1) Say NO and leave quickly, looking like maybe he was casing the place, or;
2) He can be totally upfront, state his purpose in letting the lady know of his interest. She might remember him. But, even if not, she will be looking for him to return.
You would suggest, maybe, he spend time watching the bank for her to leave, still looking like he’s casing the place, and when she comes out he can ”stalk” her, looking for the perfect opportunity to approach her.
Yeah, that would be REAL cool!
Sometimes, I think y’all just look for problems and trouble. | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/8/2012 8:55:08 AM |
Ok guys, am I a snob?
Not necessarily.
Could be you are simply not attracted to him.
Your hindbrain knows he wouldn't make good kids or whatever.
His body ratios are all wrong to you.
Whatever you took in with your senses seeing him, since he's made some (no matter how childish) advances towards you indicating a romantic mating interest.
Plus he seems to be a coward.
It's not like he asked your daddy for your hand, he handed a note to your manager or just some other guy you work with.
And then you are simply trying to translate that into things your conscious mind can point to, appreciate, accept, socially acceptable means to say "no, I am not attracted to you, I see no point in any relationship with you."
Unless you were attracted to him when you saw him, so called him, and found out he is 50ish, lives with a roommate, etc..
Could be you are worried the roommate is his ex.
Could be you just don't want to date or get into a relationship so are looking for reasons to preempt it.
Just because you choose to not date him, or you automatically "feel" wrong or uncertain about him because he doesn't own his own place doesn't mean that is actually the reason why you are rejecting him. It could be the simplest and easiest thing to reject him by, or the first thing that popped into your head.
I had a friend that was poor. So he would buy food that was on sale. Once he bought a case of spinach, he really liked spinach, and ate nothing but that for a week. Then he went out drinking and drank nothing but jagermeister.
He came home and got really really sick. Explosive spinach vomit everywhere he had to clean up.
From that day forward he couldn't look at spinach without wanting to vomit.
He never had a problem looking at jagermeister or drinking, although he never went out drinking again, never drank jagermeister again (at least for the next 6 years I knew him).
Bringing up spinach makes him feel sick, but he says he doesn't even remember that night.
IMO it's kind of like that.
You associate several different things together, and then one thing pops out because it is the easiest to point to, but you don't necessarily know why, and it might not really be related to the cause of it popping up.
But it depends on if you have a habit of it or not.
I mean the last 6 guys you dated or refused to date did you stop or never start dating them for the same reason?
Then you might be a "snob."
But if it's really just this one instance then I would say it's based on something else. | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/8/2012 9:23:22 AM | | No, I dont' think you're being a snob. Did you find out why he is living in such a situation at his age. Is he recently divorced, recently laid off? | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/8/2012 10:16:50 AM | Not a snob, but if you had a roommate and expected that a gentleman didn't, then I would say that there's something skewed with your standards.
Personally, I consider this to be a preference, and unlike what another poster said, it does not make you materialistic or a gold-digger. | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/8/2012 10:57:48 AM | funny, on other threads, your posts are positive and telling others not to judge or worry about differences.... practice what you preach ;-)
.
and I do not think you're a snob or materialistic. | |
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| Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/8/2012 11:47:49 AM | | Just creep his bank account and find out what he's worth. | |
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