|Nursing HomePage 1 of 1 |
|Three mischievous old Grandmas were |
sitting on a bench outside the nursing
home when an old Grandpa walked by.
One of the Grandmas yelled out,
'Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how
old you are!'
The old fellow said, 'There is no way you
can guess that, you silly old fools.'
One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure
we can! Just drop your pants and
undershorts and we can tell your
Embarrassed, but anxious
to prove they couldn't do it,
he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn
around a couple of times and then jump
up and down several times. Determined
to prove them wrong, he did it. Then they
all piped up and said, 'You're 94 years
Standing with his pants down around
his ankles, the old gent asked, 'How in
the world did you guess my age?'
Slapping their knees and grinning from
ear to ear, the three old ladies happily
yelled in unison - - -
'We were at your birthday party yesterday.'
Posted: 6/11/2012 11:12:13 PM
|So those same little old ladies were enjoying the sun on day when a flasher did his thing right in front of them. The first one had a stroke. The second one had a stroke.|
The third didn't. Her arms were to short and she couldn't reach.
Posted: 6/12/2012 10:34:32 AM
|1. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. |
2. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
3. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
4. Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)
5. After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
Posted: 6/17/2012 11:51:06 PM
|Bravo! I like that one! |
Posted: 6/19/2012 8:26:19 PM
|One day this preacher went to visit an old man in the nursing home. He had a fine visitation with him, sharing stories and such. At one point the old man, noticing the preacher looking longinly at a small bowl of raisins sitting by the old man's bed, indcated that the preacher help himself.|
The preacher did just that, thanking the old man for the offer. To which the old man replied, "Oh, it's no bother, I don't like the raisins, I just suck the chocolate off." !!!!
Posted: 6/20/2012 9:41:41 PM
|So in reply to concerns about prescribing Viagra in the nursing home under her care, the doctor said,|
"I understand your concerns about promiscuity amongst our seniors, but I find Viagra keeps the old fellas from falling out of bed."
Posted: 12/5/2012 10:54:05 PM
|Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' |
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
Posted: 12/6/2012 1:27:34 PM
|Every afternoon at the nursing home an elderly woman would go and visit her love interest. They would sit for hours in front of the tv with one another,with her hand resting on his manhood. |
One day she showed up at their regular time only to find he wasn't there. Fearing the worst she contacted the floor's nurse wondering what had become of him. The nurse explained that he was fine but she had seen him in the prescence of another woman.
The next day the woman confronted her love interest and questioned him about this other woman. She wondered how he could leave her after all the intimate afternoons spent together with her hand on his thing.
Name me one thing she has that I don't she asked?
Her looked at her and answered....Parkinsons....
Posted: 12/6/2012 3:51:49 PM
|LOL...Hilarious jokes...High five!|
You all made my evening, thanks.....still laughing...lol