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 bettyloubobbysue
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 1
Guy calls but doesn't ask to see mePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
What is going on with a guy who calls, every week or two, but doesn't ask to spend time with me? He tells me he is scared and doesn't want to get too close. We have met before and gone out a couple of times, and I think we are both attracted to each other. I just don't understand why he doesn't want to move the relationship forward. I feel like we are getting to know each other and building intimacy, but it feels false because we don't spend time together. What is going on here? Is he just keeping me on the back burner as an option?
 missy_jj
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 2
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Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:25:03 AM
you may or may not be a back burner... there's no way of knowing that for sure. no point turning that one round in your brain.

he says he's scared.. he may well be. but regardless of the emotions/thoughts that drive this avoidance of getting close to you, it doesn't sound like the pace is right for you (understandable!). you have charge of whether you sit and wait and accept this ridiculously low level of 'intimacy'. if you want physical face to face contact, go out there and get it... it might need to be with somebody else tho :)
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 3
Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:29:37 AM
I feel like we are getting to know each other and building intimacy, but it feels false because we don't spend time together. What is going on here? Is he just keeping me on the back burner as an option?

That dance of who is more interested at first, requires a delicate balance or one partner may feel somewhat neglected
( you now), or sometimes smothered (as you may come on here to complain about him IF he calls you every day and requests to go out all the time).

Commonly when one person makes ANY such excuses ( afraid of "getting too close") it is the old trying to keep you as an option while having another person (s) as their priority focused "relationship"...
Is he a non-smoker? Smokers ARE a deal-breaker for me, for any involvement more than one date or so.


We have met before and gone out a couple of times, and I think we are both attracted to each other. I just don't understand why he doesn't want to move the relationship forward

Just maybe he can't afford more of those expensive dinners out?
Have you called him and invited him for a home-cooked dinner IN? Or are you accustomed to always being taken OUT to expensive restaurants?
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 4
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Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:31:52 AM
If he is flaking on you move on.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 5
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Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:33:34 AM
Not saying you should,but you seem to have a voice in the matter and yet, it looks like you don't want to use it either. Something wrong with you taking a step or two?????? Or, are you "scared" too????
 bettyloubobbysue
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 6
Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:47:37 AM
I told him that I liked speaking with him and that I liked him. He said he knew that. I told him that it feels weird to me that we don't see each other or spend any time together. He said that he didn't want to lead me on. I told him that I was feeling led on and that I didn't want to hear his excuses (he is not ready for a relationship, he can't give me what I want, etc.) and then I told him not to call me any more. I was feeling hurt, scared, and I was trying to protect myself.
 bettyloubobbysue
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 7
Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:52:29 AM
I know he is not married, and he has told me he is not married. Maybe I am naive, but I chose to believe him.
 bettyloubobbysue
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 8
Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:58:05 AM
Exactly. I am hoping to meet someone that I feel an attaction and connection with, who feels the same with me, and actually wants to spend some time with me. I am just new to this whole dating thing and a little scared myself and inexperienced.
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 9
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Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 9:15:12 AM
why does it matter what he is doing??? he isn't meeting your needs for a relationship... move on... I am going to guess that he has a lot of other "things" going on...

I just had this conversation with a male friend of mine.... women tell you with words what they want and how they feel... men tell you with actions.... his actions are that he isn't interested in anything real with you....
 meowkatt2012
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 10
Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 9:15:59 AM
I was still kind of am in a similar thing
But we texted all day & night. I don't know how he did his work but he'd do it at same time. He really is scared to let me in. Has a wall around him. I've known him a year & he's finally telling me things he should have last year. I'm seeing others and he knows. Lately he's been letting me in his life more & more but its baby steps. So if it happens for us ill be happy but I'm still looking for a relationship because I'm not gonna sit home waiting. But see if ur guy will admit or talk abt the reason. Maybe he is scared
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 11
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Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 9:24:59 AM
Don't invest anymore thought into him. Put HIM on the back burner. Next time he calls say you do not have time to chat because you have plans, then politely hang up. Eventually he will either get the hint and stop calling or make a move. But right now he is just a complete waste of your time.
Don't allow a flake to put your happiness on hold.
 TC2u
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 12
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Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 9:35:14 AM
"He said that he didn't want to lead me on."

To me, that says it all right there. Time to go shopping, again.
 KillmeNowPlease
Joined: 5/25/2012
Msg: 13
Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 10:00:03 AM
iiCeii wrote:
women tell you with words what they want and how they feel... men tell you with actions.... his actions are that he isn't interested in anything real with you....


Exactly-Actions scream louder than words!

I'll repeat what I wrote on another thread-when a man is interested, NOTHING will keep him from being in contact with you and being with you.

In my opinion based upon my personal experiences over a long period of time, many people use these sites for entertainment, when they are bored, lonely, etc.-Same thing with phone calls for some, they only keep you on a list and whenever your name comes to the top of the list-you get a call or text. You have CONTROL over if you respond or don't and how you respond. Hope this helps!
 organicquestionmark
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 14
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Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 10:39:17 AM
These forums sometimes make me feel like a complete and total moron.

I read a post......that makes NO sense to me......but then read responses that make NO sense to me.......which makes me wonder......

What am I missing?

OP: You're 55!! F I F T Y - F I V E!!!

Really? You've been out with this guy (at least twice).....he won't see you again.....and.........you start a forum post?

help!

 missy_jj
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 15
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Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 11:03:17 AM
well done for telling him and good luck with your next one!
 barky bark
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 16
Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 11:05:30 AM
my mom used to say; "shit or get off the pot".

hell him that.
 nacnud42
Joined: 11/15/2010
Msg: 17
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Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 11:19:00 AM
Hi this guy might have been hurt very badly, like myself it takes time to get that trust back, yes it might be ok to meet and talk, but its another thing to gain someones trust, put the brakes on and slow down you might be going at 90mph but hes only doing 10mph, meet socially on his level of acceptance, ask what makes him tick, what he wants to do, let him be a man again, then who knows... good luck
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 18
Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 11:24:58 AM
He tells me he is scared and doesn't want to get too close.
--------------------------------
He's being a wuss, real men step up to the plate.
 fillyphilly
Joined: 5/12/2012
Msg: 19
Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 11:42:49 AM
Men do it too. If you like having a phone friend and it's not bad if you're also dating real live men, then continue. If you want something more, don't try and figure out why he's doing what he's doing, just move on.
 shy2anne
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 20
Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/9/2012 12:19:42 PM
i agree with TC2u.
he said "doesn't want to lead you on". to what? a real relationship? he doesn't want to lead you into thinking you might have something with him and then disappoint you because he'll have to end it?
that really is half a sentence there.
sounds like he's married or pursuing something else in the meantime.
in any case, it's impossible to get close to someone who "doesn't want to get too close".
sorry, but it sounds like he is not that into you (calls every week or two?) but doesn't have the strength of character to tell you.
 bettyloubobbysue
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 21
Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:07:59 AM
Spot on advice, Carol Ann. Lesson learned. :)


 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 22
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Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:17:24 AM
Ha ha... reverse trend. Typically it's the woman putting the man in the friend zone. My guess is your on two different pages in life. You feel intimacy is being built & I'm sure he feels it's more so trust. Lay down the law next time he calls of what your looking for. If he's not interested in romance then move on & end the friendship.
 _mr_brown
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 23
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Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:40:07 AM
This guy is probably seeing other women on the side. If a guy really likes a girl he won't make up excuses not to see her.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 24
Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/10/2012 10:00:30 AM
UGH I have been there, why I ever listened to his lame excuses now boggles my brain. It doesn't matter what the reasoning is, it's not enough for you, period. Just let him know and move on to someone who is ready for what you want.

He's being a wuss, real men step up to the plate.
Exactly.
 providence2006
Joined: 9/11/2006
Msg: 25
Guy calls but doesn't ask to see me
Posted: 6/10/2012 10:20:36 AM

What is going on with a guy who calls, every week or two, but doesn't ask to spend time with me? He tells me he is scared and doesn't want to get too close. We have met before and gone out a couple of times, and I think we are both attracted to each other. I just don't understand why he doesn't want to move the relationship forward. I feel like we are getting to know each other and building intimacy, but it feels false because we don't spend time together. What is going on here? Is he just keeping me on the back burner as an option?


Ack I just had a deja vu moment reading this! Imagine continuing on like this and you falling in love...what would things look like down the road when he says those words to you? It's really important that you listen to what he's saying. Don't be afraid to put it on the table and express what you're needing and ultimately looking for. If he's not willing to go there with you then be prepared to take action...sooner than later.
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